


DoomStuck

by Phantomdust149



Category: Doom (Video Games), Homestuck
Genre: Blood and Gore, Darker and More Serious John Egbert, Demons, Different Classpect, Different Mythological Role, Doom Alternate Universe, Extremely Religious Jane Crocker, F/M, Hell, Hope, John Egbert and Jade Harley are not Siblings, Rage, The Crucible (Doom), The Doom Slayer is not Doomguy (Flynn Taggart), The Titan (Doom), Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:42:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 153,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22151245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantomdust149/pseuds/Phantomdust149
Summary: What if John Egbert was a perfect paradox clone of the Doom Slayer rather then the ectobiological son of Jack Harly and Jane Egbert, and had a personality that was roughly similar to the Doom Slayer's? Well, things naturally become a lot more difficult for John then they would be otherwise as Skaia is forced to compensate for a perfect clone of the Doom Slayer in place of an average Human.
Comments: 29
Kudos: 57





	1. Entering the game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, just thought I'd let you know a few things before we get to the actual story. The first chapter is likely going to be the longest chapter in the story and will generally follow the same or at least a similar series of events as the original story, but the next chapters should be shorter and will diverge from the original more then it does in this chapter. The story will mainly focus on John since the rest of the characters will mostly go through and do the same things as they did in the original Homestuck. I'm sorry if you wanted to see the other characters' perspectives but that would be a lot of copying and pasting with VERY minimal changes here and there. I might include other character's perspectives occasionally, if there is a significant enough difference between this story and Homestuck and it's important to the plot or I decide I want to, but generally speaking I will not. Anyways, I think that's enough for now. I hope you enjoy what I wrote!

" _They are rage, brutal without mercy, but you, little one? One day you will be worse..._ "

— An Elemental Wraith upon discovering an abandoned infant at the site of an unexplainable meteor impact upon Argent D'Nur millions of years before the creation of the first human civilization on Earth. Said infant would later grow up to become the leader of the Night Sentinels and after the fall of Argent D'Nur would forever become known as the Doom Slayer during his endless one man genocide against the forces of Hell.

[Earth April 13, 2009]

A young boy stood alone in his room. His muscles were abnormally large for one his age due to following a strict self imposed training regimen and even when happy or perfectly calm he had an eerie dangerous air about him that tended to make others his age and even many adults instinctively attempt to avoid him. He had short black hair, eyes as orange as molten magma, and his face almost always looked somewhat serious. He wore a plain army green short sleeve shirt, simple blue jeans which were tucked into his heavy polished black military style boots, as well as a pair of glasses on his naturally grim face. His name was John Egbert and today was his birthday. As a result there were a number cakes scattered about his room.

He had a variety of interests. He particularly enjoyed action movies quite a bit, though he did sometimes enjoy really terrible movies as well. He liked to program computers, though he wasn't very good at it. He also liked mechanics quite a bit and unlike programming he was actually pretty good at it, he had once even convinced his father to let him fix up an old broken chainsaw he had been going to throw away and had modified it to have larger and more aggressive teeth he designed specifically for ripping through flesh and bone — though it was currently hanging up on his wall for display since there was no fuel in it and he wasn't allowed to actually use it. He absolutely loved the occult or demonology to be more specific and was an aspiring amateur demon hunter, failing that though he decided he might just join the military or something when he was older. He also liked playing games some times, especially first person shooters.

He walked over to his drawer looking for his fake arms. Not seeing them, he grimaced as he remembered they were in his demonology/comedy chest. Walking over to his demonology chest he moved the cake off the top of it and set it on his bed opened it up and looked inside. Spotting his fake arms, he picked them up and captchalogued them in his sylladex. He sometimes used them to pull half-hearted antics that he didn't really find very funny or enjoyable in an attempt to keep with the Egbert family traditions of jokes and pranksterism and to connect with his father who had a strange fondness for harlequins. Though he did try his best to keep it to himself so as to not upset his father John absolutely hated both pranks and harlequins, granted he didn't hate them any where near as much as he utterly despised demons with every fiber of his being but he still didn't like them.

He decided to go through the rest of the chest's contents. Inside he kept an array of "humorous" and occult artifacts. Each one of his occult artifacts was a devastating weapon in the hands of a skilled demon hunter, while on the other hand his "humorous" artifacts were just kind of lame and annoying no matter who used them. Unfortunately, he was not a skilled demon hunter and he hoped he would never be a real prankster of any sort.

Among the artifacts were: two fake arms [currently captchalogued in his sylladex], one pair of solid iron shackles [which he personally inscribed with hundreds of tiny occult runes and symbols so he could effectively restrain demons], one large knife [which he also inscribed with hundreds of tiny occult runes to kill demons], one heavy solid steel helmet with a bullet proof glass visor modeled after the helmet of his favorite badass demon slaying video game character, Flynn Taggart or "Doomguy" as he was often called [the inside of which John had filled with occult runes to protect his mind from demonic possession], one pair of begal puss glasses, several smoke pellets, one copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text Of Magical Frivolity And Practical Japery, and one abridged copy of "A Guide To The Demons Of Hell And How To Slaughter Them" by the world famous demon hunter D.S. Argent [easily equal in size to Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text], and one copy of Harry Anderson's "Wise Guy", by Mike Caveney from when John's father had somehow confused his interest in the occult and demonology with an interest in stage magic.

Thinking some of this stuff may come in handy at some point, he decided to take the smoke pellets with him just to be safe. If he ran into his father at some point, as much as he hated it, he knew he might need to do a prank of some sort and decided that a bit of harmless smoke could potentially work depending on how he went about using it. After storing them in his Sylladex he only had two empty captchalogue cards remaining. Deciding he should probably take something to defend himself with as well, he also captchalogued his demon killing knife and it was immediately transferred to his Strife Deck in his Strife Portfolio which consisted of two Strife Specbi, one allocated to BladeKind Abstratus while the other was currently blank.

He frowned slightly as he looked at his sylladex. It's fetch modus was currently dictated by a stack data structure which had always frustrated him to no end because of just how inconvenient it was. He was never great with data structures and found the concept both puzzling and irritating. He just hoped to advance to a more practical fetch modi for his sylladex when he had a little more experience.

He walked over to the long thin box next to the door of his room before removing the note that was taped to it. He detected the distinct smell of aftershaves and colognes coming from the note, which immediately told him it was from his dad. It read: "Happy birthday son. I know you have been asking for one of these for a long time and you've already proven yourself to have enough Mangrit that I believe I can finally trust you with one. Now you must always remember the four rules of gun safety: 1. Always treat it as if it is loaded 2. Never point it at something you are not willing to destroy 3. Keep your finger off the trigger until the sights are on target and you have made the decision to shoot. 4. Always be sure of your target and what's behind it. I sincerely hope you realize just how big of a responsibility a weapon like this is and you never abuse it. That being said, you are a very mature young boy John and I know you will be responsible with it. I am so proud of you."

John's eyes widened excitedly as he read the note, "No way..." he muttered to himself, with a smile stretching across his normally grim face. Setting the note down on his dresser, he grabbed the present and opened it. Inside was a small .12 gauge sawed off double barrel shotgun, and next to it was a rolled up poster. There was no ammo, unfortunately, but that was fine since it wasn't like he could just shoot it in his back yard or something since they had neighbors. Maybe if he was lucky he could convince his dad to take him to a gun range later or something so he could try it out, but for now he was absolutely ecstatic to even have one in the first place. He had been trying to convince his father to get him a sawed off shotgun for years and it had finally happened! He had so many ideas for modifications he could make to it that he could hardly wait to take it to the utility room and start tinkering with it as soon as possible.

In particular he was currently thinking of trying to engrave some occult runes on it so it could hurt demons and add an awesome grappling hook attachment to the bottom of the barrels, but he would have to do that later. For now he just captchalogued the shotgun and took the rolled up poster out of the box. He was somewhat surprised when the poster fell apart as he picked it up, turning out to be two new posters rather then just one. He captchalogued them as well and his fake arms were immediately pushed out of his deck as it ran out of space. He scowled at the fake arms in frustration but after a moment he just sighed and relaxed. Perhaps it was for the best since they were probably completely useless anyway. But he realized he shouldn't do that again unless he wanted to drop his smoke pellets and suffer the consequences.

He had the sudden urge to start speaking in tongues while scrawling a pentagram and all sorts of occult runes on the floor in the middle of his room in his own blood in order to open a portal to Hell. Shaking his head to clear his mind he clenched his fists, gritted his teeth, and furiously growled under his breath, "Get out of my head you fucking bastards!" Forcing back the hellish influence out of shear force of will and absolute undiluted hatred to the best of his abilities he quickly rushed over to his demonology/comedy chest and threw on his anti demonic possession helmet. The demonic influence vanished almost immediately and he sighed in relief. "Fucking demons...", he muttered to himself. They were always trying to pull crap like this on him — which was one of many reasons for his mind numbing, earth shattering, apocalyptic hatred for demons and anything demonic — but they wouldn't be getting their disgusting blood-thirsty claws on John Egbert's mind today, nor any other day for that matter!

Still, he was getting a lot better at resisting their influence on his own. Pretty soon he wouldn't even need to use his helmet at all! Well, technically he didn't need it anyways. He had resisted demonic possession for years before he ever even got it or filled it with runes, but it helped him out immensely as resisting demonic possession on his own was really hard and always took a lot out of him.

Once he was sure the possession attempt had passed, he took the helmet off and put it back in the chest. ' _Now what was I doing again...?_ ' he thought to himself, slightly dazed from being forced to resist demonic possession. "Oh, right the posters! I still need to find some way to hang these up." He thought to himself for a moment about how to go about doing so before remembering the tape that had previously attached his dad's note to his present. It would be a crappy hold since the tape had already been used once, but it would work as a temporary solution until he could go down stares and get some fresh tape or a thumb tack or something. Still, he would need some way to cut the tape into two pieces for the different posters. He remembered his knife. Well, it was designed with killing demons in mind but it should be more then capable of cutting a bit of tape as well. After picking up the note and peeling the tape off, he drew his knife from his strife deck. He then carefully cut the tape into two equal pieces and proceeded to combine them with the posters in his sylladex. After finding a couple relatively blank spots on his walls he finally hung the posters up. They were both for two of his favorite movies, one being for "Little Monsters" with Howie Mandel and the other for "Predator" with Arnold Schwarzenegger respectively. When he was done he returned his demon slaying knife to his chest and looked at the calendar next to his window. He had marked two separate dates, his birthday, the 13th of April, and the release date for the highly touted SBURB Beta Launch. It had been three days already. Honestly, it was starting to frustrate him a little.

He considered eating the cake sitting on his dresser just to make a bit of room so he could get the other cake off of his bed but grimaced in distaste. He was starting to get sick of cake as he had been eating it all day. He didn't want to clog his sylladex with it either. Unfortunately, that meant the cake would have to stay put for now.

He heard a notice from his computer. Someone was messaging him.

He pulled up to his computer. This was where he spent most of his time when he wasn't tinkering with his chainsaw in the utility room. He had decorated his desktop with a decent wall paper that he made himself. He was really proud of it. His desktop was also littered with various programming project files. He was so bad at programming sometimes he wondered why he even bothered with it.

His Pesterchum application was flashing. He opened it and saw that only one of his "chums" was logged in and was calling him through Pesterchum's new voice chat feature. John accepted the call.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ghastlyThrasher [GT] at 16:13 --

"Hey. So what sort of insane loot did you rake in today?" Dave inquired curiously.

"I got the sawed off double barrel shot gun I've been wanting, it's so awesome! No ammo though. oh, I also got a Little Monsters poster and a Predator poster. I'm going to watch one or maybe even both of them again today. The "get to the chopper" scene from Predator was so awesome and the apple juice scene from little monsters was sort of funny." John explained with a small smile.

"Nice, dude! After seeing the massive teeth you put on your dads old chainsaw, it should be pretty cool to see what you have planned for that shotgun. No wait, let me guess, you're thinking of adding a flamethrower or chainsaw bayonet to it or something overly brutal like that right?"

John chuckled and shook his head at that. "Nah, but those are some good ideas for me to consider working on later. Making a tiny electric chainsaw bayonet sounds fun. I doubt my dad would let me make a flamethrower though. Right now I'm mainly thinking of adding a compact high velocity grappling hook launcher to the bottom of the barrels. I already have a design for it in mind too and the blades should be able to serve as a sort of bayonet in their own right... Well, as long as it works like I think it will."

"Sounds cool." Dave stated approvingly. "Anyways, did you get the beta yet?"

"Not yet, unfortunately. Did you?"

"Man i got two copies already, but I don't care. I'm not going to play it or anything. The game sounds boring. Did you see how it got slammed in game bro?"

John rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair. "Game bro is a joke and we both know it, dude."

"Yeah... Hey, why don't you go check your mail? Maybe it's there now."

"Alright, I guess." John stated. Ending the call, he stood up and walked over to the window of his room. Looking out over his front yard he saw his punching bag hanging from the tree. It had the faces of different kinds of demons drawn all over it and it had patches in several places from where it tore from when he got a bit carried away while he imagined that he was pummeling actual demons into a bloody pulp with his bare fists. It was always awkward trying to explain to his dad how he actually managed to punch a hole through something that was specifically designed to be punched whenever that happened.

Beside the driveway sat the mailbox and The little red arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called was flipped up! What the hell is that thing called anyway? He did not have time for these semantics. The red flippy-lever thing meant he had new mail. And that meant the beta might be here!

He was about to rush down stairs when he heard a car pull into the drive way. He looked back out the window and frowned slightly. It looked like his dad was back from the grocery store and was going to beat him to the mail. "Damn..." he sighed in mild disappointment.

He decided to check the mail later. If he went down stairs to get it, his dad would likely monopolize hours of his time. He would just have to wait up here in his room for a while. Sometimes he felt like he was doomed to be trapped in this room, in a sense which possibly borders on the titular.

His computer made another noise, letting him know someone was pestering him again. The clockwork of friendship turns ceaselessly, operating the wheels of harassment in perpetuity. Whatever. Dave could just hold his damn horses.

John glanced at D.S. Argent's "A Guide To The Demons Of Hell" and picked the large black and red book up off the ground, wanting to consult with Mr. Argent's bottomless wisdom. However, his arms were already starting to get tired from holding the weight of the massive book. Damn this thing was huge. It could kill a cat if he dropped it. As strong as he was, even he would have to captchalogue it if he was to get very far in reading it. He activated his sylladex and was about to do just that but quickly reconsidered. He wasn't sure he was ready to logjam his other artifacts beneath it just yet. He set the book down and attempted to deactivate his sylladex but instead somehow managed to accidentally captchalogue his fake arms again. He grimaced and slapped a palm against his forehead incredulously, mentally berating himself for the mistake.

He walked over to his computer and set his Pesterchum status down a few rungs to "Bully", not particularly happy that there wasn't a greater variety of status options to choose from. Still, it would just have to work for now. Seeing a program flashing at the bottom of his screen he suddenly remembered that his friend was still pestering him. He shrugged and answered Dave's voice call.

"Well, is it there?" Dave immediately asked. "Please say yes. Maybe you can play it with Rose. She's been pestering me all day about it. She's mackin' on me so hard all the time I'm starting to feel embarrassed for her. I mean, not that I can blame her or anything."

John chuckled and rolled his eyes at that. "Right, right... What lady wouldn't be hopelessly in love with you? I mean, you're just the most attractive guy ever, right?" He inquired sarcastically.

"You know it man." Dave chuckled jokingly. "So, you have it or not?"

"Not yet. My dad has the mail and I guess I have to go get it from him and see if it's there. And I've been busy spending all afternoon fucking around with my stupid sylladex. The damn thing so fucking frustrating!" John explained.

"Oh? What's your modus?"

"Huh?" John asked, his face contorting in confusion.

Dave sighed. "How do you retrieve artifacts from it?"

"Oh. One at a time, I guess. And if I put too much in, something falls out.

"Stack?" Dave asked, bursting into laughter on the other side of the call.

John frowned. "Alright, what's yours then?"

Once he calmed down from his short laughing fit, Dave explained, "Mine? Hash map. My bro taught me a few tricks. He basically knows everything and is awesome.

"What the hell is that?"

"You should probably brush up on your data structures, dude."

"I realize..." John grumbled

"Did you at least allocate your strife specibus?"

"I have two in my Strife Portfolio right now. One is allocated to Bladekind for my demon killing knife, the other is blank since I haven't really bothered with yet."

"You should allocate that one too. It could free up a card for you." Dave told him. "What have you got?"

"I've got my sawed off shotgun, but it's trapped under some stupid fake arms I accidentally captchalogued." John growled in frustration.

"Wow, you really suck at this don't you? Just get rid of the arms and allocate the shotgun to the specibus."

"How?"

"I don't know. Just use them on any old thing and see if it works."

John shrugged at his friend's advice and decided to combine the arms with the first thing he saw, which just so happened to be the cake sitting on his bed. Seeing the arms sticking out of the top of the cake, he regretted his decision almost immediately and mentally berated himself for doing something so stupid on an impulse. Still, it freed up a slot and he could access his shotgun again. He quickly checked the back of his strife specibus for the kind abstratus he had in mind for it and selected "shotgun". His sawed off shotgun was immediately moved over from his captchalogue deck to his strife deck. He decided to report his success to his friend.

"Done." John stated.

"Shotgunkind?"

"Yup."

"Okay, that will be the permanent allocation for your specibus." Dave explained. "I guess i should have mentioned that..."

John scowled slightly. "Yeah, that would have been nice to know before hand. I told you I don't have any ammo for this thing."

"Yeah, sorry about that. Anyways, hope you like shotguns dude!"

John sighed and scratched the back of his head. "I guess it's fine... There are worse weapons and I can't imagine it's going to be all that relevant for the moment. Well, I'll talk to you later, dude." With that he closed the voice call again.

Now that he had some space in his sylladex he decided he should probably put it to use. Getting up he captchalogued D.S. Argent's giant book. Ordinarily this ridiculous book would be way too heavy to carry around in any practical way, even for him. So in this one respect he would willingly admit that the cards offered some convenience.

Thinking about what Dave said about the article in "GameBro" about SBURB, he picked his copy of the magazine up off his desk and flipped to the page where they reviewed the game. He was disappointed but not even remotely surprised to see their "review", if it could even be called that, was absolute bullshit. The reviewer never even played the stupid game for fuck sake! He decided to captchalogue it in case he needed something that burned easily, because burning was all this garbage was good for.

He considered making a disguise out of his anti possession helmet and begal puss glasses but quickly dismissed the idea. His dad wasn't an idiot, there was no possible way such a shitty and all around stupid disguise would even remotely fool him for even a second. Still, there was already one attempt at possession today so it couldn't hurt to at least wear his helmet just to be safe. He captchalogued it and put it on. Unfortunately this took up a card but at least while it was equipped it was temporarily removed from the deck which freed up the card beneath it. Still, he shouldn't have captchalogued it in the first place since he could have just put it on normally and left the card free for other stuff he might need to pick up.

He exited his room into the hallway, ignoring the stupid pictures of comedians and harlequins on the walls and went down the stairs. He was immediately surprised to see a huge present sitting in the middle of the living room but his curiosity was rudely interrupted as the smell of baking filled his nose. He realized that his dad must be cooking even more in the kitchen and groaned in disgust.

He was so sick of cake that it had gotten to the point where he was starting to suspect Betty Crocker herself was a demon. No, he knew she was a demon! Only one of the most evil creatures in existence could ever concoct such a vile and cruel torture as these endless damned cakes! She was a demon and she was using her damned baking empire to gain power and brainwash people into being her devoted cultists so they could open a massive portal to hell in order to bring forth an army of demons conquer the Earth. She had to be! There was no other possible explanation! As such, he made a silent vow that he would one day stop her and her cultists evil plans before they could ever succeed, even if he was forced to endure this hell that was an endless barrage of cake.

With that thought in mind, he walked past the giant present and over to the fireplace. There was a fire burning inside even though it was April and it wasn't all that chilly outside, as there always was at pretty much all times. Seeing this as a golden opportunity, he threw the "GameBro" magazine inside the fire. Unfortunately it didn't burn nearly quickly as he hoped. A piece fell out of the fire, but John quickly grabbed it and threw it back in.

With a sigh he looked up at the sacred urn containing his departed Nana's ashes sitting on the mantel of the fireplace in front of her portrait. He didn't even know how she died since his father never really felt like talking about it. He reached up and tried to grab the sacred urn to get a better look at it but clumsily mishandled it and ended up knocking it over. He grimaced at the mess. He was having absolutely terrible luck today. With that in mind in retrospect, upon mulling cinematic tropes regarding ash-filled urns, this outcome was a virtual certainty. He should have known better. He had to clean this up before his dad saw it.

He quickly captchalogued the ashes and proceeded to combine them with the urn. Fortunately, most of it was put back in the urn but now it was now a total mess. He should have just taken the time to go get a broom and dust pan. It would have been a lot tidier.

With that done, he turned his attention to the large gift sitting in the middle of the room. The note attached to the it read, "Champ. You can do anything if you put your mind to it. I believe in you." Curious about what it was, he decided to open it. When he was done a life sized armless harlequin doll with floppy legs sat in the middle of the floor. John frowned at the harlequin doll and propped it up on the couch. He could only wonder why his dad thought he wanted anything to do with harlequins. After staring at it for a moment its lack of arms reminded him of the fake arms he had upstairs in his room which gave him a weird idea.

He went back upstairs, pulled the arms out of the cake and captchalogued them when his computer began making noise again. He sat down at his computer and checked his Pesterchum account. Another of his friends was trying to start a voice call with him. He accepted the call.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT} began pestering ghastlyThrasher [GT] at 16:26 --

"I understand you have recently come into possession of the beta release of "The Game of the Year", as featured in respectable periodicals such as GameBro Magazine." Rose's voice stated through his computer as the call opened.

"Not quite. I still haven't checked the mail. My dad has it. I still need to go get it from him, so be right back." John replied through his helmet.

"John." Rose said, disapprovingly.

"Yeah?" He asked, wondering what he did wrong.

"You're wearing that helmet of yours right now, aren't you? You're talking to me right now while wearing a ridiculous anti demon helmet." John could practically hear Rose crossing her arms in disappointment on the other side of the call.

"Yeah I am, and it's not ridiculous, it's cool!" He shot back.

Rose sighed. "Alright, well, why don't you just go get the game from your father?

"Fine... Wish me luck, I guess." John huffed.

"Good luck." Rose stated before closing the voice call.

John went back down stairs and walked up to the harlequin doll. This was a weird and extremely goofy idea but he was curious. He estimated that there should be just enough frosting on the fake arms to serve as an adequate adhesive. So he attempted to attach the arms to the doll and, much to his surprise, they actually stuck rather then just falling off like he kind of expected them too since frosting wasn't exactly the best replacement for glue or something to that effect.

With that out of the way and out of his head, he decided to go look for his dad so he could retrieve the mail and get his copy of the game. He was probably in the kitchen but John decided to check the study first on the off chance he decided to just leave the mail in there. Walking in he looked at his father's desk and was disappointed to see that the mail wasn't there as he hoped it would be. He was happy to a stray captchalogue card, however, and immediately moved to add it to his sylladex. Unfortunately his finger slipped and he accidentally captchalogued it instead.

"ARGH!!!" He growled in extreme frustration. Clenching his fists and gritting his teeth he tried to take a few deep breaths in order to calm down. Once he was confident that he wasn't going to smash his sylladex to pieces for being a completely worthless piece of shit, he walked over to the piano in the corner of the study and on a whim decided to play a short haunting refrain. Playing the piano always helped him calm his nerves.

Having calmed down quite a bit, John decided to exhaust all possibilities before plunging into an encounter with his dad. As such he left the house and checked the mail only to find the mailbox predictably empty. Closing the mailbox, he listened to the slight breeze as he got the feeling that today was going to be a long day.

Walking over to the car, he looked inside. He didn't see any mail, but he did see a green package with something that looked like a slip of paper underneath. Could these items have come in the mail? He didn't see anything else that's usually in the mail, like bills and coupons. Maybe his dad forgot to take this stuff inside.

He walked over to the kitchen window and tried to look inside, but he couldn't see a whole lot. It seems his dad has been doing so much baking, the glass has steamed up. God he is so weird. But he could see what's on the table just beside the window. It looks like the mail is there! Included among it is a red package, some bills, his dad's PDA, and an envelope that appears to be suspiciously labeled with the SBURB logo. Unfortunately, the window was locked so he couldn't sneak through and grab them.

Finally deciding to just get this entire ordeal over with, John went back inside and marched into the kitchen. Hearing John enter his dad turned around, holding a huge cake with exactly thirteen unlit candles on the top. John unequipped his helmet. His dad wielded a dreaded artifact of confection and stood between John and the mail. There was only one way to settle this.

>STRIFE!

John attempted to >AGGRIEVE by using his demon killing knife to slash at the cake but his dad lifted up the cake before his knife could damage it.

His dad then took out a lighter and lit the candles on the cake before trying to give John the giant cake.

John immediately attempted to >ABJURE and refused to take the cake, stating he had too much cake today already!

He tried to dodge past his father to rush over and grab the mail but the pesky guardian blocked his path! It seemed he was going to have to engineer some sort of distraction if he wanted to get by.

His father pulled out yet another artifact of confection! The man was absolutely ruthless.

Knowing he was about to have a pie thrown in his face, John put his helmet back on and braced for impact.

His father threw the pie but the Anti Demon Aegis absorbed the brunt of the treat. It looked like his dad would enjoy the prankster's gambit in this exchange, as he almost always did.

John captchalogued the pie tin and unequipped his helmet. Everything in his Sylladex was pushed back a card and the smoke pellets were ejected from the deck. Yes! This could be just the distraction he was... The smoke pellets didn't go off disappointing John greatly.

Knowing he couldn't win this encounter John decided to >ACCEDE and reluctantly took the cake his father was trying to give him.

"When two great forces oppose each other, the victory will go to the one that knows how to yield." -Oscar Wilde

Wise words by a man who likely could resist everything but temptation.

The cake forced D.S. Argent's "A Guide To The Demons of Hell And How To Slaughter Them" out of John's Sylladex and it landed on the smoke pellets, causing them to go off and fill the room with harmless smoke.

' _Argent you beautiful bastard. Now's my chance!_ ' John thought to himself as he decided to >ABSCOND while his dad was busy placating the smoke detector. He quickly snuck over to the table. Seeing his dad's PDA he decided to snag it. Maybe later he could switch the background with something "funny" to prank his father for once rather then being the one who got pranked like he usually was. Stupid family tradition... Besides, it may come in handy later.

As he took the PDA, his spare captchalogue card was forced out of his Sylladex, and consequently integrated with the deck. Now he had five cards to work with.

Seeing the red package was addressed to him, he captchalogued it and the envelope with the SBURB logo beneath it. His helmet was forced out of his sylladex. He quickly picked it back up and put it back on, being careful not to captchalogue it this time so it wouldn't take up space in his sylladex, before rushing out of the kitchen.

Back in the living room he was slightly disappointed to see that one of the fake arms had fallen off the harlequin doll and into yet another cake that was sitting on the couch next to it. Thinking he might have thought of a way to free up a space in his sylladex, he captchalogued the cake on the couch, expelling the pie tin from the bottom card. He then attempted to merge the two cakes to make a double decker cake, thus freeing up a single card that he could use. At least that was the plan. It turned out, however, that instead he merged the two cakes on opposite ends of his Sylladex across all five cards. As a result, every thing in his Sylladex was smushed between the cakes. "What the hell? WHY?! What dumb son of a bitch designed this stupid fucking thing?! ARGH!!!" He raged as he grew completely fed up with this idiotic storage system.

He retreated upstairs and marched straight for the bathroom. He was going to need something to clean up the mess he was about to make by dissecting the cake. He glanced at the door to his dad's room on the right as he turned left in the hall and went into the bathroom. That door to his dad's room was always locked and John was forbidden from ever entering. His dad had his secrets.

Once inside the bathroom, he could see the back yard from the window. The jewels in its crown were the swing set and the spring-mounted pogo-ride. Both had provided him with years of joy and had been responsible for more then one painful injury and even the occasional broken bone. They were awesome. The same, however, could not be said for this stupid fucking sylladex bullshit which only ever seemed to bring him misery and suffering. ' _Fuck who ever the fuck invented these fucking things!_ ' John thought to himself glaring at his sylladex. Anyone who made something this evil has to be a demon in disguise, just like Betty Crocker! He decided right then and there that he needed to find out who invented the sylladex so he could put a stop to their evil schemes for world domination just like had vowed to stop Betty Crocker.

Setting the cake on the ground he proceeded to use his demon hunting knife to carve the PDA, envelope, and package out of it, set them on the counter and took the towel off the rack to clean off the extracted goods and his knife. With that done he retrieved his items, forcing the manhandled cake out of his sylladex and into the toilet. And just like that, his sylladex was full again. He reeeaaally fucking hated this damn thing.

Heading back to his room with his stuff, and a towel since he couldn't just get rid of it for some fucking reason, he heard his Pesterchum notification going off on his computer. Sitting down at his desk, after switching his Pesterchum status to "Rancorous" he checked his chat messages.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghastlyThrasher [GT] at 16:34 --

GG: hi happy birthday john!!!!! <3

GG: helloooooo??

GG: ok i will talk to you later!!! :D

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ghastlyThrasher [GT] at 16:56 --

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ghastlyThrasher [GT] at 16:40 --

TG: hey GG is looking for you why are you even so popular all of a sudden

TG: is today some sort of special occasion or something

TG: did you do something to curry favor with ladies

TG: did you break your leg on a puppy or some shit

TG: dude what are you doing

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! --

GT: i single handedly stopped a massive demonic invasion of earth and closed a massive portal to hell by killing a massive demon by shooting rockets into its brain.

GT: now i am famous, and everyone wants to talk to me a lot.

TG: no stop

TG: just no

TG: doom 2 is a cool game i guess but your unironic obsession with demon hunting is still an unsavory thing to behold

GT: hey, i can easily be just as ironic as you.

GT: what about what i sent you for your birthday?

TG: no those are awesome

GT: what? no, they're stupid, which was the joke. the IRONIC joke. get it?

GT: wait...

GT: you're actually wearing them, aren't you?

TG: im wearing them ironically

TG: because theyre awesome

TG: the fact that theyre ironic makes them awesome

TG: and vice versa

TG: are you taking notes on how to be cool?? jesus get a fucking pen

GT: oh yeah sure, i've got a pen right here. *holds up middle finger*

TG: right back at you

TG: anyways, speaking of which

TG: did you get the mail

GT: it was a major fucking struggle but yeah i did.

TG: did there happen to be a package there

GT: yeah, there's a big red one.

TG: you should probably open it

GT: i would, but it's trapped under the sburb beta, so i will probably have to open it after i install the beta. fucking piece of shit sylladex...

TG: oh man the beta came

GT: yup. wanna play it?

TG: haha no way

GT: why?

TG: it sounds so HELLS of boring just get TT to play it she is all about that

GT: where'd she go?

TG: her internet is blinking in and out i guess

TG: probably be back online soon

TG: oh and christ in a sidecar are you still using the stack modus???

TG: no wonder your mood is "rancorous"

TG: seriously dude

TG: you need to BONE UP on your data structures that shit is just ridiculous

GT: i've been struggling with this stupid mother fucking sylladex all fucking day and it's pissing me the fuck off! so yeah that's probably a good idea. thanks, Dave. i'll go do that now.

John closed Pesterchum and began installing the SBURB beta. Almost as soon as he put the disc into his computer a window popped up on his screen saying "Waiting for server to establish connection...". Not really knowing what that meant he decided to deal with it later. Going over to his closet he looked over his array of computer programming guides. Taking out his copy of "Data Structures For Assholes" he looked at the cover and saw it came with a free Fetch Modus in the back. He had no idea how a Fetch Modus worked but at least it sounded a lot better then his stupid fucking Stack Modus and he wouldn't have to go to the trouble of reading this large, boring, and rather ornery book. Turning to the back inside cover he pulled the Fetch Modus out of the plastic sleeve it was stored in and was immediately disappointed to see that it was just the reverse of his stupid Stack Modus. It was dictated by the logic of a queue data structure, operating on a "First In, First Out" method, rather than a "First In, Last Out" method like his Stack Modus.

This modus didn't strike him as a significant upgrade to his previous one. In fact, it almost seems more inconvenient. Still, he figured he might as well give it a chance though after the terrible luck he's had with his Stack Modus. As he switched to the Fetch Modus, he couldn't help but wonder if it was possible to switch back to his Stack Modus. He didn't even remember if he ever had a physical card for the Stack Modus. ' _I guess I'll just have to deal with this one for the moment._ ' he thought to himself.

Now he just needed to open Dave's gift. Unfortunately it was on the opposite end of his Sylladex so he couldn't access it without picking up more worthless crap. Looking over at the cake on his dresser gave him a brilliant idea. He had finally found a use for all these stupid loitering pastries: dead weight. He captchalogued the two cakes on his dresser and on his bed. Grabbing something out of his demonology/comedy chest at random he captchalogued his copy of "Wise Guy" by Mike Caveney, causing the towel to be ejected from his sylladex and land on his head. He angerly ripped the towel off of his head bunched it up into a tight ball and threw it as hard as he could across the room. Next he captchalogued his rune covered solid iron shackles, expelling his father's PDA like a bullet. It busted through his window and landed out in the front yard. "DAMN IT!" John raged. He punched his wall as hard as he could out of shear frustration and his fist went all the way through and out the other side, leaving a massive splintered hole in his wall that was currently filled by his arm. Growing even more annoyed, john pulled his arm free and glared at the small scrapes and lacerations that were covered his fist and forearm. Fortunately they were all pretty much superficial so he wouldn't need to bandage his arm or get any stitches, but that didn't make it any less irritating. He picked the balled up towel up off the floor, unbunched it, and used it to wipe the dust and the small amount of blood off of his hand and arm.

At least he could finally access Dave's gift. Unfortunately, it was taped shut. His finger slipped and he captchalogued the towel again causing Dave's gift to be ejected from his sylladex and hit him in the head. Without thinking he re-captchalogued the red box causing a cake to be ejected from his sylladex, which he just barely managed to dodge. Now he needed to get the stupid box BACK to the bottom of his sylladex so he could access it. Not knowing what else to do, he captchalogued four shards of glass and quickly jumped for cover as the last cake, his copy of "Wise Guy", his occult iron shackles, and the towel were ejected. Now that his cards were packed with glass, he probably wasn't going to captchalogue anything else any time soon. Still, at some point he was going to have to go get his stuff and his dad's PDA back before he forgot.

Finally able to access both his knife and the red package, he used the blade to cut through the tape and opened the box. Reaching in, he pulled out a dirty looking stuffed rabbit that was much like the one held hostage briefly by Malkovich's Cyrus "The Virus" while taunting hard-luck protagonist Cameron Poe. And strikingly similar to the one scooped up from the soot of a burning Vegas strip by Cage's Poe and offered to his daughter, a gesture symbolic of a tattered exterior surrounding a heart of gold. Poe wasn't much to look at. But he was a good man. But no, it was not merely LIKE that bunny. According to the note of authenticity that came with it, it was the very same bunny! This was so awesome!

With a small smile on his face, under his helmet, he walked back over to his computer to check the status of the SBURB beta. The window now read, "A SBURB host user is attempting to connect with you. Client has established connection with host. Press [ENTER] when ready." The Pesterchum window was also flashing, so he clicked on it to check his messages. Rose was trying to start a voice call with him but had left a couple messages in chat as well.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ghastlyThrasher [GT] at 17:08 --

TT: It looks like you managed to retrieve the beta. Excellent.

TT: I'm going to try to connect.

John accepted the voice call and said, "Fine by me, but I just got the most awesome present! Well... the most awesome next to my new sawed off shotgun, anyways."

"The rabbit?" Rose inquired.

"Yes! It's so cool!" John exclaimed happily.

"I've heard tales of this wretched creature often. Its Homeric legend is practically ensconced in the fold of my personal mythology by now."

John looked at the computer in confusion. "Uh... What?"

Rose chuckled to herself. "Why don't we focus on the matter at hand?"

"Oh, the game. Alright. Um, I don't really know how this works. What am I even looking at here?"

"You're running the client application. I am running the server, so I am the host user. I have established a connection with you. This is sufficient for us to play the game."

"Oh, cool then."

"Why don't we get started?"

John pressed [ENTER] and a fancy loading screen filled his monitor while rather generic sounding music played. When it was over the screen shifted to a black screen displaying SBURB in green text before returning to his desktop, confusing him. Suddenly a cursor in the shape of the SBURB logo appeared in the middle of his room. This startled John who had not been expecting this. He swiveled around in his chair and watched as the cursor hovered over to his demonology/comedy chest and picked it up, revealing a sylladex card that was hidden beneath the chest, before they both vanished seemingly into thin air. He heard a thunk and some scraping sounds coming from the roof above him.

"WHOA!" John exclaimed as all of this happened. Turning back to his computer he asked. "Okay, I'm just going to assume that was you, Rose. So um... What are you doing?"

"Sorry. I'm just getting a feel for the controls." Rose apologized, sounding slightly distracted.

"Er... Is my demonology chest on the roof now?" John asked uncertainly.

"Yes." Rose confirmed.

"Fuck..."

"I will try to be more careful next time." She assured him.

John stood up and walked over to go get the card that had been hidden under his chest. It was apparently the missing card for his Stack Fetch Modus. He quickly reapplied it to his Sylladex. Now he could switch between his stack and queue modus any time he wanted. That certainly would have come in handy earlier!

He heard his dad's car pulling out of the driveway. He was probably leaving again to go get more baking supplies. John was relieved to have the house to himself again, even if it was only for a few minutes. He just hoped his dad wouldn't notice his demonology chest on the roof. Or all the shit his sylladex launched out his window, for that matter.

Suddenly having an idea John walked over to his computer and asked, "Hey, Rose, do you think you could do me a favor? Could you grab all that stuff outside my broken window and bring it in for me? I would really appreciate it."

"I'll give it a shot." She responded casually.

John smiled under his helmet. "Thanks!"

Rose was silent for a moment but eventually said, "No luck. It appears to be out of range. I'm guessing it is too far away from you, the "player"."

John sighed in disappointment. "Damn it..."

The SBURB cursor appeared again and hovered towards John. He immediately started trying to avoid it. After Rose finally seemed to get tired of trying to chase him through his room, the cursor instead hovered over towards the dirty stuffed rabbit sitting on his bed and picked it up. It then dropped it back into the box it arrived in. John smirked and chuckled slightly at the reference.

The cursor then disappeared again and after a moment the corner of his room suddenly expanded. A moment later a giant Lathe suddenly appeared inside the newly expanded area. John walked over and examined it curiously. he had no idea what this thing was for or why Rose put it here, but it certainly looked cool.

He heard Rose talking and went back over to his computer so he could hear her better.

"It seems expanding the dimensions of your room cost us some "Build Grist", but deploying the lathe did not appear to incur any expense. It looks like certain objects are freebies, probably to help you set up the game." She explained sounding somewhat intrigued.

"Alright... Well, what do they do?" John asked, looking back over his shoulder towards the lathe that was now sitting in his room.

"I think it's up to you to find out. All I can do is drop stuff in your house, and move it around, apparently."

"How do i move stuff around or are you the only one that's able to?"

"I don't think you can as the client. You will need to install the server application. You should have received both in separate envelopes. I am running both on my computer right now." She informed him.

John squinted and shook his head in confusion. "What?"

"Did you get another envelope in the mail?"

"No."

"Once you install the server and establish a connection, I'm sure you will be able to manipulate my environment in the same manner. Are you sure you didn't get it?"

"Oh shit, I just remembered... I think it might be in my dad's car, but he just left to go buy more baking supplies. Damn..." John said, slightly disapointed by this.

"Well now that your room is bigger, why don't you move to the far corner? It will extend the range of the cursor, and I can reach the items. Which... you threw out the window for some reason?" She said in a slightly concerned tone.

"Ok, if you think that will work." John shrugged.

"What have you been doing in here all afternoon, anyway? Your room is an absolute wreck..."

"Ugh, I was fighting my retarded fucking sylladex! This thing is complete demonic garbage!" John growled in frustration. Taking a deep breath to calm down he asked, "Anyways, what modus do you use?"

"Oh, I like to use trees."

John grimaced at that. "Yikes. That sounds really fucking awkward."

"It's not exceptionally practical." Rose admitted. "But I think they are elegant."

"Well it can't be any worse then mine, I guess." John huffed as he started walking over to the corner of his room as Rose told him to. After a moment his copy of "Wise Guy" and his dad's PDA appeared on the ground in the middle of the expanded part of his room. He walked over and picked up his dad's PDA, switching back to his Stack Modus so it was readily accessible. The interface was oddly sterile. There weren't any weird harlequin wall papers like he had been expecting. The Serious Business application was open. It would appear that his dad uses it to keep tabs on various acquaintances... his fellow street performers, maybe? John found this strange but didn't dwell on it. Thinking it might be useful, he proceeded to install Pesterchum on the PDA. Just as he finished installing it and was logging into his account, he felt the ground shake twice.

Not sure what was going on, he went over to his computer while he finished logging into his Pesterchum account on his PDA and asked, "Rose, why is the floor shaking? Are you dropping more stuff in my house?"

"Yes. Two more large gizmos." She confirmed, once again sounding somewhat distracted.

"That's fine, I guess. Just try to make sure they aren't in the way and please try not to break anything if you can avoid it. My evil fucking Sylladex does enough of that on its own." John stated as he finally finished logging into his Pesterchum account on the PDA and switched the voice call from his computer to the PDA. "So, what's with all these big contraptions anyways?"

"If I had to guess, they appear to facilitate a sort of system involving punch card-based alchemy." Rose responded, sounding fascinated.

"Okay... To what end? I mean, what are we even supposed to be doing in this game?" He asked while walking out of his room and into the hall.

"That remains to be seen. Maybe you should go investigate?" Rose suggested.

"Fair enough." John shrugged as he walked out onto the balcony. "So, I'm at the balcony right now. Oh, and I'm talking to you through my dad's PDA, by the way."

"The one you threw into the yard?" Rose inquired.

"No. The one my Sylladex launched like a fucking bullet out the window. I'm telling you this thing is fucking possessed!"

"What were you doing with it in the first place? I am not sensing a lot of regard for the personal property of others. Is this how your pent-up frustration with your father manifests itself?" Rose asked in the tone she always used when trying to psychoanalyze people.

"What? No. I take all that out on my punching bag in the front yard. Those were all accidents caused by my evil fucking Sylladex. Please stop trying to psychoanalyze me." John politely requested.

"Your bathroom is a mess. Did you do that too?"

John frowned and took a deep breath. "Rose... This isn't cool. Please stop."

"There's a cake in the toilet." She stated, sounding extremely confused.

"Yeah. Like I said, my Sylladex is an evil possessed piece of shit! Your point?" He growled in annoyance.

"I'm tempted to clean it up for you."

"You know what? Fine by me. If that will satisfy your OCD then who am I to stop you? You can go right ahead!" John stated, crossing his arms. "Anyway..." He muttered to himself, shaking his head. "While you do that, I'm going to have a look at this enormous platform thing you put on the balcony."

Looking around the entire thing, he couldn't find any controls or anything else that looked particularly important. Once he exhausted all other possibilities, he considered just standing on it but having had more then a few accidents with machinery he knew little to nothing about in the past when he first started getting into mechanics, he quickly thought better of it. The last thing he needed was to risk losing a limb or something, especially when his dad wasn't there to drive him to the hospital if he did infact lose a limb.

Suddenly he heard a loud noise from inside the house causing him to spin around and raise his fists on reflex. "Whoops." Rose's voice said through the PDA.

Slightly worried by this John asked, "What happened? What as that noise? Should I go investigate? Is someone breaking in? Is it Demons?! Do I need to get ready for a fight?!"

"No, I have it under control. I just made a simple mistake, but I'm dealing with it. No one is breaking in, demonic in nature or otherwise, so you aren't going to have to fight anyone. Just calm down, John." She responded placatingly.

John lowered his fists and frowned, slightly disappointed that he wasn't going to get to beat any demons into a bloody pulp, and headed back inside to investigate anyways. He headed straight for the bathroom since that's where he thought he heard the noise come from. Walking inside he was immediately greeted by a giant hole in the ground where the toilet use to be and a busted pipe spraying water. Looking down through it, he saw into the Utility Room where a sledge hammer was leaning against the wall and an unused strife specibus was laying on the ground next to it. Clenching his fists and gritting his teeth, John closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to force himself to calm down. "Rose..." He said in a dangerously calm voice. "Please tell me exactly what I'm looking at here."

"I think I can patch it up. Just give me a little space. Why don't you go have a look at the Cruxtruder?" Rose suggested.

Calming down significantly after hearing that she should be able to fix it, John huffed and rubbed the sides of his head in an attempt to ease the headache starting to form in his skull. "Fine... What the hell is a cruxtruder and where can I find it?"

"It's the thing I put in your living room. I don't know what it does."

Nodding John dropped down through the hole, estimating that this was a much faster way to get to his living room then by simply using the stairs. Landing on a washing machine, he climbed down and picked up the unused Strife Specibus and added it to his Strife Portfolio, deciding to allocate a Kind Abstrata to it later, and was about to captchalogue the sledgehammer when his Pesterchum notification went off on his Dad's PDA. Muting the voice call with Rose, he checked his messages.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghastlyThrasher [GT] at 17:25 --

GG: john did you get my package??

GT: oh hey, Jade!

GT: no, not yet.

GG: darn! are you sure? it was in a green box.....

GT: oh!

GT: yeah actually, but it is in my dad's car and he's at the store.

GT: he should be back soon, though.

GG: great!!! so what are you up to today?

GT: you mean other then fighting with my evil fucking sylladex? mainly this sburb stuff.

GT: Rose is currently wrecking my house.

GG: lol!

GG: whats sburb??

GT: oh, it is this game.

GT: it's ok i guess. i'm still figuring it out.

GG: whoa what was that?????

GT: what was what? are you alright?

GG: there was a loud noise outside my house!!

GG: it sounded like an explosion!!!!

GT: holy shit, are you serious?!

GG: i will go outside and look....

GT: alright but just be careful, ok?

GG: i will! :)

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ghastlyThrasher [GT] at 17:28 --

Unmuting his call with Rose, John finally captchalogued the sledgehammer, causing a shard of glass to be ejected from his sylladex, and made his way to the living room. As soon as he walked in he immediately spotted the machine Rose was talking about sitting in front of his front door. Grimacing and slapping a palm against his forehead, John walked over to the Cruxtruder and growled, "Rose, you do realize you put this thing in front of the front door right?"

"There's a front door there?" Rose asked, sounding somewhat surprised.

John's eye twitched. "Yes, and this thing is currently completely blocking it!" He snapped, trying his best not to sound too angry since she apparently didn't realize this when she put it there.

"Oh, I didn't see it. I just thought it fit nicely into that groove."

John shook his head in exasperation. "Fine... I get it... So, do you at least know what I'm supposed to do with this thing?" He waited for a moment but she didn't respond. "Hello? Rose? What are you doing up there now?"

There was another loud noise and he heard Rose say, "Oh fuck."

John grit his teeth and tried to ignore it, fully realizing that more of his house was probably being destroyed. Instead he attempted to turn the wheel on the Cruxtruder. When he did something seemed to be pushing up from underneath the lid but he wasn't strong enough to make the lid come off.

Suddenly he heard a loud BANG from behind him. Whirling around he saw his bathtub laying at the top of the stairs with another part of the bathroom floor broken off underneath it. "ROSE! What the fuck?! Why the hell is my fucking bathtub laying on the stairs?!" He growled furiously.

"Sorry." She said through the PDA after reestablishing her internet connection. "I keep losing the wireless signal. Must be the weather. I would look for a stronger signal in another part of the house, but I'd rather not risk an encounter with my mother. I battled through her cloud of gin and derision once already this evening."

John grimaced and said, "Fine. Look, Rose, I'm trying my best to be reasonable and to not get too mad since you're my friend and I know you didn't mean to break anything, plus it would be somewhat hypocritical of me if I did. Just... earlier you said you could fix this stuff, so I would really appreciate it if you did."

"Alright, John. I'll try my best." She said apologetically.

"Thank you." He stated before dragging a small table he could use as a step stool over to the Cruxtruder and climbing on top. Taking out the sledgehammer he had captchalogued earlier, he raised it over his head and swung it down towards the cap of the Cruxtruder as hard as he could in an attempt to knock it loose. As soon as the hammer impacted the cap there was a bright flash of nightmarish purple light causing John to jump off the table he was using as a step stool, put away his sledgehammer, and take out his empty shotgun in preparation for a fight. The cap launched off the Cruxtruder and landed perfectly on the table John had been standing on and a strange flashing purple orb floated up out of the now opened Cruxtruder as a timer began counting down on the Cruxtruder itself.

The orb didn't look like any demon John was familiar with causing him relax a bit. Not sensing any immediate danger he put his sawed off shotgun away and asked, "What is this thing? Also, what is that clock counting down to?"

"I've been looking at the GameFAQ walkthroughs to figure some of this stuff out. Hold on while I read further." Rose told him.

"Okay." He stated, not taking his eyes off the strange floating orb.

"All of these walkthroughs are extremely short. None progress much further than this point."

"Hm... It is a new game." John shrugged, not sure what to make of that information.

"True. Now that the lid is off, you will need to extrude some "Cruxite"." Rose explained.

John walked up to it and turned the wheel again. A large purple cylinder popped out and landed perfectly in the center of the Cruxtruder's cap which John then captchalogued.

"I feel like we should be hurrying. That countdown is making me nervous." Rose stated through the PDA, still able to talk to him through the voice call even though John could not directly access it while it was trapped under the Cruxite in his Sylladex. "It looks like you are going to need this card too." Suddenly what looked like a captchalogue card full of holes with a picture depicting a nightmarish purple demonic skull that resembled the severed head of a Baalgar demon, which were supposed to be extinct according to John's demonology book, appeared in the middle of the floor between the doors to the kitchen and study. John captchalogued it, launching a shard of glass from his sylladex which cut part of the harlequin doll's hat off. Deciding he may as well get rid of all the glass in his sylladex which would also allow him to access his dad's PDA again in case he needed to, he captchalogued two of his father's fanciful harlequin statues ejecting the final two glass shards one of which cut through the side of the harlequin doll where one of the fake arms he had attached to it had fallen off while the other sliced through one of its eyes.

The entire time he had done this, the floating purple orb had followed him around and was emitting noise that sounded like static. "This orb thing keeps following me around and hissing at me. " He stated, starting to become annoyed with it.

"That is probably the "Kernelsprite". It apparently needs to be "prototyped". Twice, actually. Whatever the hell that means. These walkthroughs are horrendously written." She explained, sounding vaguely frustrated herself.

"Alright. Well, you're the one with the cursor so just do whatever you think is necessary. Also, please remember to fix my bathroom."

The cursor appeared and picked up the maimed harlequin before dragging it over and dropping it into the Kernelsprite. It now looked like a floating harlequin head that was missing an eye with a floating arm. It was no longer emitting static but had started emitting a dial up tone instead. "I still can't understand this thing." John stated, scowling at the noises it was making.

"That was only "Tier One Prototyping". There is still another tier to the prototyping process. Which for all we know merely advances this entity through increasingly esoteric states of linguistics." Rose informed him.

"We don't have time for this, the clock is ticking. I'm going upstairs to the thing on the balcony."

"The alchemiter?" She inquired.

John rolled his eyes as he started walking up the stairs. "Yeah, sure. The alchemy-whatever."

"Try to learn the lingo." Rose chided.

The Kernelsprite followed him upstairs he attempted to ignore it as he looked for a slot on the alchemiter where he could use the prepunched card. Unsuccessful, he captchalogued the telescope from its tripod to push the cruxite to the last card so he could access it. Unfortunately this jettisoned the PDA into the yard, over the neighbor's fence. John frowned and cursed mentally but set the cruxite down on the weird pattern on the alchemiter's small pedestal. Suddenly the large mechanical arm moved and began to scan the cruxite dowel with a laser.

He set the alchemiter to cast three perfectly generic objects for some reason, expending a total of six units of build grist. Three green cubes appeared in the center of the alchemiter. Unfortunately they appeared to be completely useless. ' _What a waste!_ ' He thought to himself. Then, out of the corner of his eye he noticed something in the sky.

The Kernelsprite started acting particularly agitated about whatever it was, which worried John. As such he used the telescope to inspect the sky. "Oh FUCK!" He exclaimed as he saw a giant meteorite heading straight for him. He immediately turned and began sprinting as fast as he could back inside to his room. He immediately sat back down at his computer and opened up his Pesterchum messages in basic chat.

TT: I'm working on the bathroom.

TT: But we are running low on Build Grist.

GT: that's great, thank you, but there's more important shit going on, like the fact there's a fucking meteor heading right for my house!!!

TT: I see.

TT: Do you suppose it has anything to do with the game?

GT: i don't fucking know! what do i do?!

TT: I think it's very likely.

TT: The walkthroughs vaguely suggest an impending threat before they end.

TT: The already poorly constructed sentences become even more curt and ambiguous.

TT: As if written hastily and with a sense of alarm.

TT: Actually, their dedication to updating the walkthrough under such circumstances is admirable.

GT: sorry, but could you get to the point!? i don't have a lot of time here!

TT: If the meteor is a game construct, I think the only thing to do is to proceed, and try to solve the dilemma on the game's terms.

TT: Try using the lathe.

TT: It says you can use the card on it, but isn't more specific than that.

GT: ok i'll do that.

TT: Really, it is a labor to read this drivel.

TT: If I read any more my brain will need to be spoon-fed from a jar.

TT: While it blows spit bubbles in a highchair.

TT: I think I will write my own walkthrough.

TT: That is, after we make sure you don't die.

  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ghastlyThrasher [GT] at 17:34 --

TG: i heard you got the box

TG: i hope you appreciate my heroic fatherly perseverance in getting it to you

TG: in my rough and tumble dirty wifebeaterly sort of way

TG: also i hope you appreciate how many no-talent douches had their mitts on that bunny before you

TG: its like a grubby baton in some huge douchebag marathon

TG: hey where are you

GT: yeah, the bunny was cool, but i don't have time to talk. i'm playing sburb and absolutely everything is going to hell!

GT: Rose is breaking everything in my house.

TG: dude i told you to steer clear of that game

TG: and for that matter you should probably wash your hands of flighty broads and their snarky horseshit altogether

GT: and now there's a meteor AN ACTUAL FUCKING METEOR IN THE GOD DAMN SKY THAT'S HEADING RIGHT THE FUCK FOR ME!!!!!!!!

TG: oh man

TG: how big is it

GT: all I know is that it's big enough to fucking kill me!

GT: look, i gotta go! we'll talk later if i am still alive!

With that John rushed over to the lathe and slipped the prepunched card inside the slot. The tool arm deployed a configuration of chisels. Now he just needed something to lathe. He remembered the cruxite dowel he left on the alchemiter and rushed out of his room, cursing his lack of foresight. He completely ignored his dad who was currently puzzling over the bathtub in his hallway as he sprinted for the balcony and retrieved the cruxite dowel before sprinting back to his room. He hurriedly clamped the cruxite into the lathe and activated it. The tool arm lowered and the dowel was shaped in a matter of moments. John retrieved the freshly carved cruxite totem and rushed back to his computer to message Rose.

GT: alright, i used the lathe to make this purple thing.

GT: now i take it back to the alchemiter again, right?

GT: hello?!

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is no longer connected! --

GT: SHIT!

He rushed to his door and tried to open it but it wouldn't budge. "Damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!" He cursed trying his best to bust down his door and failing. His eyes turned to the overly aggressive looking chainsaw hanging on his wall. He immediately rushed over and pulled it off the hooks that were holding it up and quickly allocated the chainsawkind abstratus to the unused Strife Specibus he had found earlier and his chainsaw was immediately moved to his strife deck. He then rushed over to his bed, reached underneath and grabbed the small canister of gasoline he kept hidden from his dad. Normally he wouldn't do this and especially not when his dad was home since he technically wasn't allowed to use his chainsaw, but right now he didn't give a shit if he got in trouble or not. He quickly opened the fuel tank of his chainsaw and unscrewed the top of the gasoline canister before dumping it in. It took half the gasoline canister to completely fill up the chainsaw's fuel tank. 

Once it's tank was full, John closed them both back up, captchalogued the gasoline canister, and immediately rushed towards the door. With a loud roar reminiscent of an angry beast the brutal chainsaw came to life in John's hands and he began using it's overly large and aggressive teeth to cut the door to his room to pieces. In a matter of moments the door had fallen apart and John put the chainsaw away before rushing to the balcony as fast as he could and after knocking the perfectly generic objects off of the alchemiter he put the totem on the pedestal. The mechanical arm of the alchemiter scanned the totem and suddenly two nightmarish purple figures appeared in the middle of the platform.

One of the figures was a giant Baalgar demon that appeared to be doubled over in pain. The second figure was what looked to be a man wearing some sort of strange futuristic looking armor whom John immediately felt an odd unexplainable kinship with. The armored man grabbed the demon by its horns, twisted its neck until it broke, then proceeded to rip its head completely off its shoulders. He then turned and casually tossed the head to John and gave him a small nod before both he and the body of the demon vanished leaving only the severed head behind which rapidly decayed into a large demonic skull that was a similar nightmarish purple as the two figures had been.

The skull was huge and it was really heavy even by John's standards, actually having made him stumble back and nearly fall over when he was forced to catch it. He set the massive purple skull on the ground instinctively raised his foot and smashed it under his heavy boot with as much strength, hate, and anger as he could muster, just as he would do to absolutely anything demonic. As the bottom of his boot made contact with it, the demonic skull shattered like glass and in a flash of purple light everything changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you guys think? Did I get the mix between John and the Doom Slayer's personalities right? If I didn't please let me know what you think I could have done to improve. Criticism is welcome as the only way I can improve is if I know what I'm doing wrong! Also, I'm stuck deciding what John's Mythological Role should be in this story, because he is very clearly NOT going to be the Heir of Breath. I'm thinking his aspect has to be Rage because of Doom Slayer's personality but I was also considering Doom (for obvious reasons) and, oddly enough, Life even though one may not typically associate that aspect with the Doom Slayer (you'll understand why I was considering Life in a moment).
> 
> For his Class I think the only ones that would suit him would be an Heir like John was in the cannon version of Homestuck, possibly a Lord because the John being a perfect clone of the Doom Slayer would screw up their session even more and the things John would have to deal with on his land/planet/hellscape would be significantly harder as a result and Skaia may make him one to compensate for this (*Spoilers but not really* As a fairly serious example of how difficult things are going to get for him, one of the things he's going to have to face on his planet is going to be the Titan or at least a paradox clone or a game/Skaia generated copy of the Titan that the Doom Slayer killed in Hell), or a Prince because his combat ability would be significantly higher then the cannon version of John and a destructive class like Prince would probably suit him pretty well.
> 
> Specifically I'm considering making him: an Heir of Rage, a Lord of Rage, a Lord of Doom, a Prince of Doom, or a Prince of Life (since the Doom Slayer is really REALLY good at destroying Life). Right now I'm leaning towards making him an Heir of Rage (maybe a Lord), thus the purple coloration to John's Kernelsprite and Cruxite Dowels, but what do you guys think? Would it be a good idea to make him a Lord or a Prince instead and is Rage good or does another Aspect suit him better? Let me know your opinions on the matter, because I'm genuinely curious and uncertain at the moment and am willing to change his Mythological Role based on the feedback I get.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> Edit: A crap ton of minor fixes. Mainly the spacing between paragraphs or sentences this time.


	2. The End Of The World

As soon as John smashed the purple demonic skull under his boot, everything changed. The sky turned a bloody shade of crimson streaked with massive pillars of thick pitch black smoke that replaced any natural clouds. The gut churning stench of rot, death, blood, and burning flesh filled the air to the point it was almost suffocating. Tortured shrieks of hellish agony and fear, bestial roars of pure, unadulterated, primal rage, the sounds of frenzied brutal combat between monstrosities gone absolutely berserk to the point of complete and utter insanity, the sounds of the loud ground shaking footsteps of a frenzied immortal demonic titan easily the size of a mountain crushing, ripping apart, or incinerating everything it came across, and many more sounds of inhuman brutality, violence, fear, and insanity seemed to come from every possible direction. The rest of John's neighborhood had completely disappeared and his house appeared to be sitting on top of massive pillars of jagged stone above a hellish war torn landscape teaming with armies of monstrous creatures attempting to slaughter each other.

Suddenly the Kernel of the Kernel Sprite divided and the two halves went their separate ways, leaving behind the Sprite portion. What was left of the Sprite then underwent a mysterious transformation turning into something resembling a floating purple harlequin ghost with only one arm and a missing eye. 

> BOY

John heard something whisper in the periphery of his awareness. If it weren't for the fact that he had been forced to fight off demonic possession his entire life he would never have noticed it and even if he did he would have simply dismissed it as his imagination or by thinking he was going crazy. As it was though, he heard something speaking in his mind which shouldn't have even been possible since he was wearing his anti possession helmet. John scowled and drew his demon killing knife from his Strife Deck. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" He shouted brandishing his knife in a highly aggressive stance, ready to slaughter whatever was invading his mind.

> YOU THERE. BOY.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD AND SHOW YOURSELF, DAMN YOU! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR DAMNED SPINE OUT AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH IT YOU DEMONIC BASTARD!" John screamed at the top of his lungs.

> T-TERRIFYING BOY... LISTEN TO ME, BOY.

"FUCK YOU! I'LL NEVER LISTEN TO DEMON SCUM LIKE YOU! GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU BELONG, BETTER YET I'LL SEND YOU THERE MY SELF!" John seethed, slashing and stabbing his knife furiously at the air around him in hopes of hitting whatever invisible demon was currently assaulting his mind.

(His name is John, you nincompoop.)

> TERRIFYING BOY WHO IS JOHN. DO AS I SAY.

"DIE, DEMON! SHOW YOUR SELF AND FUCKING DIE, DAMN YOU!" John raged growing increasingly more furious at his lack of success in hitting whatever was invading his mind. His vision was sarting to gain a red tint as rage began to engulf his mind entirely.

(What would you like 'TERRIFYING BOY WHO IS JOHN' to do?)

> I... I BELIEVE I HAVE MADE A MISTAKE... I-I AM SORRY, JOHN BOY. I WILL NEVER bother you again.

(Wait, you're not supposed to stop guiding him yet. What are you doing?! Get back here!)

[In an unknown location years from now]

A highly frightened and agitated Wandering Vagabond's finger slipped mid-keystroke and a previously closed compartment opens up, revealing a stash of cans, a book, and a potted plant. The Wandering Vagabond, however, was too frightened to notice this at the moment and as soon as he stopped typing immediately retreated to a corner of the room before curling up into a shivering ball on the ground.

His entire body was trembling in an unnatural primal fear that he didn't understand. He hadn't heard a word John had said, but he saw the boy growing increasingly furious the more he typed to him for some reason and the angrier he became the scarier he became. He had no idea what he did to make the boy so angry or why the boy scared him so much. All he knew was that the he didn't want to type any more commands to the terrifying John boy on the screen ever again. 

[Back in the present at John's house]

"YEAH, YOU BETTER RUN YOU DEMON BASTARD!" John shouted furiously, still brandishing his demon slaying knife. Taking a few deep breaths, he began to calm down. No longer in a blind rage he wondered where his dad was and if he was okay. Had he been teleported to this place along with John and the house? Did John even want him to be? Whatever this place was, it seemed just as bad if not a lot worse then just sitting around waiting to be killed by a giant space rock.

John turned his head and watched as the mountain sized demonic titan off in the distance conjured up a giant fireball easily the size of a professional football stadium above its head in an instant before slamming it into the ground with an earth shaking roar of unbridled rage unleashing a massive tidal wave of pure hell fire that rapidly spread out in every direction across the ground for miles until it eventually crashed up against the jagged stone pillars John's house now sat on, which seemed to be just as tall as the demonic titan itself. The roar of the massive demonic flames drowned out all other sound and the immense heat stung John's exposed skin despite the fact he was a fairly large distance from the flames. When it was over and the hell fire finally faded a few moments later, everything up to the middle of the stone pillar the house sat on was glowing red and parts had even started to melt from the heat, the same could be said for most of the landscape that had been burned by the demonic fire.

' _This place is definitely way worse then just waiting for the meteor to kill us._ ' John thought to himself with a grim expression under his helmet. He decided he needed to find his dad ASAP and immediately rushed inside and quickly began moving from room to room as he searched through the entire house. The only evidence of his father or his whereabouts that he was able to find was a tipped over mixing bowl and a used stirring spoon on the floor of the kitchen which was a cake batter covered wreck which suggested one of two things. Either his dad had left on his own in a hurry or there had been a struggle and he had been taken against his will. Not knowing which, the only thing John could do was be content in the knowledge that his dad was alive, at least for now, and if whoever took him went to all the trouble to kidnap him like this instead of killing him outright that fact probably wasn't going to change any time soon.

It was then he noticed what looked like an arrow that had been intentionally smeared on the ground in the spilled cake batter, pointing towards the utility room and a spotty trail of cake batter that lead into it. Thinking his dad had done this during the struggle in an attempt to show him something or to lead him to something, John followed the arrow and the trail into the utility room with his chainsaw drawn and ready to use in case he had to fight something. Following the trail with his eyes he spotted a large glob of cake batter splattered against the cabinets on the opposite side of the room from the table he always used when tinkering with his chainsaw or whenever he was working on mechanics in general as if it had been slung against it as well as another small crude cake batter arrow that had been smeared on the wall by the back door pointing towards the cabinets. Curious, John waled over to the cabinets and opened them up. Inside he spotted a bunch of junk that was currently useless to him, a few random tools, another large present slightly bigger then John's torso, and a large metal ammo box with a padlock on the front.

John's eyes widened as he understood that this was what his dad was trying to show him. Other then a single full magazine that was always loaded in the small nine millimeter pistol that his dad kept locked in his room for emergencies, there was no other guns or ammo in the house. That meant his dad actually had bought ammo for the Sawed off Shotgun he had given John and had just stored it here for safe keeping, likely having intended to take John to a shooting range later to try out his new gun. If John had to guess, his father had lead him to find the ammo box because he wanted John to be able to defend himself as best as possible from whatever had kidnapped him, possibly as well as to give him that present next to the ammo box.

First and foremost, John grabbed the ammo box and set it down on the ground in front of him before taking out the Sledgehammer at the bottom of his sylladex. He then used the heavy sledgehammer to bust the padlock off of the locked ammo box since he had no idea where the key was. Once the lock was broken, John tossed the hammer off to the side and opened up the Ammo box. Inside he found multiple boxes of shells for his sawed off shotgun, half of which where 00 buckshot rounds while the rest were slug rounds. Smiling viciously, John captchalogued the ammo box and it was immediately combined with his shotgun in his strife specibus the card for which now had an option to toggle between ammo types and an automatic reload option that was pre-selected by default which meant he could essentially use his shotgun as if it were semi-automatic.

His smile faltered slightly as he realized something and he looked at the half-empty gas canister in his sylladex. He wondered why that hadn't been automatically combined with his chainsaw in his strife specibus since it was technically it's fuel or "ammo", so to speak. Was it because it could technically still be used for other things? Curiously he attempted to manually combine it with his modified chainsaw in his Strife Deck and unexpectedly it actually worked. He assumed that since it was fuel instead of actual ammo his Sylladex didn't know how to categorize it on its own, leaving it for him to decide on his own. Which, if true, was actually somewhat convenient under normal circumstances, if slightly frustrating given the current situation.

Rolling his eyes at the discovery, John then turned and grabbed the large present next and was confused by its weight. Opening it up he gasped in surprise as he saw a piece of heavy green plastic armor which like his anti-possession helmet was modeled after the armor worn by his favorite demon slaying video game character, Flynn Taggart or "Doomguy". It was unfortunate that it wasn't made of steel like his helmet or at the very least bullet proof ceramic rather then plastic, which meant it was more of a costume then actually functional armor, but John absolutely loved it either way! He quickly removed his helmet and set it down on the ground next to him, put on his new plastic green armor, and finally put his helmet back on and switched from his Chainsaw to his Sawed off Shotgun which was currently loaded with buckshot rounds. "Thanks dad... I really hope you're alright..." He muttered to himself with his eyes watering slightly under his helmet.

Hearing a noise from the bathroom directly above him, John immediately looked up with his shot gun raised and ready to fire, only to finally notice that the floor of the bathroom was fixed. Still suspicious John kept his weapon raised and ready to fire as he made his way out of the utility room and back upstairs. Seeing that the bathtub was no longer blocking half of the ruined door to his room, he assumed Rose's internet was back up and she had moved it for him. As such he immediately rushed back into his room and sat back down at his computer. Seeing he had new Pesterchum chat messages, he quickly opened them up and began typing.

TT: I'm back.

TT: John?

TT: Are you there?

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum! --

GT: holy shit, i'm glad you're alright and that your internet's back up!

GT: the meteor didn't kill me so i'm not dead just yet, but i may be really fucking soon!

TT: I know.

TT: I've been watching you for about a minute now.

TT: You should have answered me sooner.

TT: Also, what do you mean by you might be dead soon?

GT: look outside.

TT: Oh.

TT: That's not good.

TT: Oh, that's really not good!

TT: Is that a giant demon?!

GT: unlikely, but... um... maaaaybe????

GT: it looks a lot like the Titan shown in my demonology book, which was a nearly unstoppable giant demon with almost godlike power, which this thing also seems to have... but it can't actually be THE Titan because there was the only ever one of its kind and according to my book it was destroyed in Hell millions of years ago.

GT: so i have no fucking idea what that thing is or where the hell i even am right now.

TT: I don't know that either. But I've determined your neighborhood was destroyed by the meteor. Wherever you were transported, it saved you from the impact.

TT: I've been reading reports in the news. Over the last few days, there have been many smaller meteor collisions with people's homes around the world.

TT: And they seem to be getting bigger. Yours was the biggest they've identified so far.

GT: damn!

GT: alright, assuming this is somehow all the game's doing, then does that mean we're supposed to save the world?

TT: Perhaps.

GT: then we need to work fast and figure this game out!

TT: Yes, but wait.

TT: We should retrieve your PDA. Yet again.

TT: It will help to keep tabs on each other while you investigate.

TT: I think I can get you closer to it, if I can replenish our grist supply somewhat.

TT: There may be a way to recycle some that we already used.

GT: understood.

John got up and made his way out of his room and to the balcony. As he passed by the alchemiter, on a whim he decided to captchalogue the totem he used to create that demon and the strange armored man earlier. He then watched as the green cursor went over to the three perfectly generic objects that he had knocked off onto the ground earlier and made each of them disappear one by one. After a moment a large plank appeared from the balcony in the direction of the PDA. John sprinted to the end of the plank and was about to jump down to get the PDA when he saw the cursor appear again, pick up the PDA and drag it up to him. Shrugging he picked it up and looked at the screen which was displaying the Serious Business app. Apparently he wasn't the only one looking for his father after the disaster. Closing that and opening up Pesterchum, John saw Rose was trying to start a voice call with him and immediately accepted.

"Alright, now that you have the PDA again there are a few more things we should try. Like prototyping the Kernelsprite again, if possible. We should hurry. My laptop battery won't last forever." Rose stated as soon as the call opened up, sounding somewhat rushed.

"Understood. Heading back inside." John stated as he began sprinting back across the plank. He hurried back into the house and rushed downstairs into the Kitchen. John saw the green cursor appear and pick up the box of Betty Crocker's cake mix. "Oh fuck... You're going to use that?" John groaned in disgust.

"We have to hurry along. I'm running low on battery power." Rose hissed in frustration.

John huffed in irritation and shook his head. "Fine, I guess. Let's just get this over with. But if this thing turns into an evil pastry demon from this, I'm killing it."

He heard Rose sigh in exasperation on the other side of the voice call. Holding the box of cake mix the cursor moved over to the Sprite to prototype it with the box, but it kept dodging out of the way. Eventually Rose seemed to become frustrated gave up on that idea, dropping the cake mix on the ground. The cursor then moved over to John's abridged copy of D.S. Argent's "A Guide To The Demons Of Hell And How To Slaughter them" and picked it up. "Hell yeah! Now we're talking!" John exclaimed excitedly.

"See if you can distract it. I'll try to sneak up on it." Rose whispered through the PDA.

John shrugged and started flailing his arms around and shouting, "Hey, floating purple clown ghost thing, over here! There's another fucking meteor coming! What the hell do I do now?!" The harlequin sprite seemed to be distracted by this and hearing that seemed to be growing extremely agitated again. Meanwhile, the cursor slowly carried John's Demonology book up behind it and was about to connect when the sprite turned around and spotted it and bolted out of the room entirely. Rose dropped the massive tome and the entire house rattled under the astonishing girth of the book.

Following the Sprite out of the Kitchen, John found the Sacred Urn toppled again and cursed under his breath. That was definitely not his fault this time! Unfortunately, the Sprite was nowhere to be found. "Where the hell did he go?!" John growled in frustration.

"I can't find it anywhere in the house." Rose stated, sounding equally frustrated. "No time to worry about it. The next thing we should do is get your server copy of the game from the car. You need to connect to my client, so I can repeat your steps and presumably join you, wherever you are. We should do this quickly, before my house burns down."

"What the hell? There's a fire?!" John exclaimed as he ran to the front door, suddenly very worried for his friend's well being.

"There will be soon."

"Then we need to fucking hurry. So just move this thing already!" He stated urgently, kicking the cruxtruder that was blocking the door.

"It looks like it requires a lot of grist to move. I don't have enough to relocate the door, either." Rose explained.

"How much do you have?"

"Zero."

"Shit. Okay, I guess that means I'll have to jump to the car from the ledge you made earlier." John shrugged not knowing what else he could possibly do.

"That sounds incredibly dangerous. I have a better idea. Meet me upstairs." Rose stated.

John nodded and was about to head upstairs, but paused as he thought he heard something behind him. It was faint, but he could have sworn it sounded like a small lighthearted chuckle. He whirled around with his shotgun raised and ready to blow someone's head off in a spray of blood and gore, but he didn't see anything. He thought he caught a glimpse of something for a moment but it disappeared before he could get a good look at whatever it was. Now on high alert, he rushed back up the stairs but kept his shotgun raised. As he reached the top of the stairs his PDA began acting up, so he checked his messages.

TG: hey bro check it out im working on some new rhymes

GT: dude, i don't have time for your nerdy raps!

TG: come on this is hells of ill just listen

GT: it sounds like you don't even believe me that i was about to get blown up!

GT: but i really was, but now i'm in some weird hell-like realm that sburb sent me to or something and my dad's been fucking kidnapped.

GT: and now on top of that i think i might be being haunted by my dead grandma!

TG: huh

TG: for real

GT: yeah, it's true but i'll talk to you later about it!

TG: i think i could drop some sick rhymes about all this

GT: man, see i just don't think all the rapping stuff is really as cool as you think it is.

TG: no thisll be dope check it

GT: no, i have to go! bye!

John put the PDA away and continued rushing out to the balcony. Once he finally got there Rose said, "I'm lifting the car up to the balcony. Once it is up, retrieve the game. Then I'll put it back down on the driveway."

"Alright. The door is locked so I'm going to have to bust a window to get them, but this is important so whatever. I'll stay out of the way, just try not to drop the car on my head or something when you move it." John responded, sticking as close to the door of the balcony as possible.

He watched as the green cursor and the car began to lift up over the edge of the railing and was about to say something when the cursor disappeared and the car fell. Hearing the sound of pavement and stone breaking, he rushed over to the ledge and watched as the car fell off into the world below. "She must've lost connection again, or maybe her battery finally died. Damn it!" Pulling out his PDA he checked to see if she was really gone and saw that she was indeed offline. Dave was still pestering him of course, but it seemed that Jade had logged in as well and was trying to start a voice call with him this time. He accepted the call.

"Im back!" Jade greeted as the call opened.

"Hey, Jade." John greeted, relieved to see that she was still alive.

"I went to investigate the explosion I heard."

"Was it a meteor?" John asked seriously.

"Yes!" Jade exclaimed excitedly. "How did you know?"

"It's long story." John sighed leaning up against the railing of the balcony. "Anyway, are you ok? Did it blow up your yard or start a fire or anything? You didn't get hurt at all did you?"

"No i am fine! It landed a pretty good ways from my house and I went to look at it. It's pretty big! But Bec doesn't want me to go near it so I came home. He seems to think its dangerous!

"Well it is a giant burning space rock so he's probably right!"

"Anyway what have you been up to, John? Oh! Did you get my package yet?" Jade inquired curiously.

"Er... Yeah, I was trying to get it, but Rose lost connection and dropped my car off a giant fucking cliff and the package was in the car. Sorry..." John said apologetically, scratching the back of his neck.

"Oh no!" She gasped.

"Hm... I guess I should start at the beginning. First, a meteor blew up my neighborhood."

"That's terrible, John! I'm so sorry!"

"Don't worry about it. I made it out fine. And my house did too... well, sort of." John shrugged taking out his demon killing knife and checking the edge to see if it needed to be sharpened. "That game I was telling you about, sburb, which I was playing with Rose, sort of transported me somewhere at the last minute. The down side is, now I'm trapped here and it's a literal fucking hellscape, my dad's been kidnapped, and I just lost the car and my copy of the game in the pit and I think I have to save the world from the apocalypse. Heck, I'll even prove I am where I say I am. Just listen to this, these are the noises I'm hearing up here on the balcony from the ground below the giant stone pillar the house is sitting on."

He put away his knife took out his PDA and held it out over the railing, making sure he had a good grip on it so he wouldn't drop it, and stayed as quiet as possible so Jade could hear the hellish ambient noises of this place better. After a moment he put his PDA away and asked, "See what I mean? You heard that shit right? I have no idea what's down there but none of it sounds good."

Jade was silent for a moment but eventually said, "Y-yeah, I definitely heard all that... Well... It sounds really crazy and kind of scary but... it also sounds kind of exciting! I don't know, John, maybe this is your destiny? If anyone can save the world, I think it's probably you!" She sounded encouraging and fairly confident in her claim.

"What? You really think so?" John asked, surprised that anyone would have so much faith in him.

"Yes!" She assured him sounding as though she genuinely meant it.

"Well... thank you." John said, his face heating up as he blushed slightly under his helmet, unsure how to react to this. "I... I really appreciate your confidence in me."

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and refocused on the matters at hand. "Anyways, unfortunately, it's not really that simple. I was about to connect to Rose to help transport her and save her from meteors and fire. But she lost battery power or something and I lost the mother fucking game disc. So I think i have to get TG to use his copy to save her, but that jackass won't shut up and stop rapping!"

Jade giggled on the other side of the call. "He's so silly!"

"Yeah. Well, I should talk to him about it, so be right back."

John ended the call switched over to talk to Dave in chat, ignoring his stupid rapping and began typing furiously.

GT: stop rapping for a second you insufferable prick!

GT: I have something important to talk to you about.

TG: whats up

GT: rose is in serious danger and she needs help. i was going to connect to her with sburb but i lost my copy!

TG: ok

GT: also she lost battery power. if she can get back up and running, she'll need someone with the game to get her out of there before her house burns down.

GT: so you need to use your copy of the game to help her!

TG: my copy?

TG: thats going to be tough

GT: why?

TG: i lost it

TG: its a stupid story and id rather not talk about it

TG: shit be embarrassing yo

GT: i thought you said you had two?

TG: well yeah

TG: one is my brothers copy

GT: get his then!

TG: alright

TG: but hes not gonna be happy about that

GT: whatever.

GT: also you might want to read rose's walkthrough to get up to speed on this.

TG: oh man

GT: what?

TG: nothing really

TG: look all im saying is the girl tends to lay it on kinda thick you know?

John rolled his eyes and made his way back to his room. Not knowing what else to do, he sat on the edge of his bed and waited with his shotgun in hand. After awhile his Pesterchum notification went off on his PDA again.

TG: alright

TG: im out of my room now looking for my bros game

GT: good!

GT: there is no sign of rose yet. i really hope she's alright.

TG: well if she comes back ill be ready

TG: you better know what youre talking about cause this could get ugly

TG: brought my phone and i also took my awesome katana with me in case things get too hot to handle

TG: and they always do

GT: you mean that cheap piece of shit you have on your wall?

TG: FU

TG: its sharp and its awesome and its a sword

TG: end of story

GT: whatever, I don't really care.

GT: good luck with your bro, I guess.

Hearing something off to his side he looked and saw a creepy looking monster with a black carapace and sharp teeth wearing a ridiculous colorful harlequin outfit standing at the foot of his bed that looked like it was about to lung at him. John immediately jumped up off his bed and blasted its head clean off of its shoulders in a spray of blood and gore. Almost immediately afterwards it exploded into these strange things that looked sort of like fruit gushers and a single blue cube. John touched each of the strange objects and they each vanished.

His completely flawless victory also allowed him to scale the first two Achievement Rungs on his Echeladder. He was now a Neophyte Demon Slayer and his Echeladder rewarded his triumphant ascent with 125 Boondollars, which were stored in his Ceramic Porkhollow. Additionally, climbing the rungs boosted his Gel Viscosity and Cache Limit.

On the ground he noticed the monster had dropped its Strife Specibus which had apparently not yet been allocated. Picking it up, he added it to his Strife Portfolio.

Dave had started pestering him again, but John didn't have time to deal with his nonsense at the moment, so he just ignored him. Something was amiss in his room, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what it could be. He looked around for a moment before he noticed his door was intact and was slightly ajar. Hadn't he cut his door apart with his chainsaw to escape earlier? Suspicious, he raised his shotgun and decided to investigate. Pulling the door open with one hand while holding his shotgun at the ready with his other hand, a water bucket fell of his door and onto his head. John scowled furiously at the realization that someone was apparently fucking with him.

"Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!" He heard a voice laugh from behind him. Tearing the bucket off of his head and throwing it to the ground as hard as he could, he whipped around and was about to force whatever was behind him to swallow both barrels of his shotgun before pulling the trigger and blasting their body apart when he saw the floating purple ghost of his dead grandmother mixed with the Harlequin Sprite that had run away earlier. Blinking in shock, John slowly lowered his weapon and asked, "Um... Nanna?"

"Yes, dear?" She responded with a jovial smile.

"Please don't do that... I almost killed you or uh... your ghost, I guess?" John trailed off unsure of what to think of this. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts he continued, "Anyway, are you really my dead nanna or is this some sort of sick demonic illusion?"

"Of course, John! I have come back to help you on your journey through The Medium and beyond! I am delighted to see what a fine young man you have turned out to be. Just like your father! Though, please do try to avoid shooting your poor old nanna, I may be a ghost mixed with a kernelsprite but I can still be killed if I'm damaged enough. You really need to relax, dear!" The ghost of his grandmother explained with a slight chuckle.

John lowered his head and walked over to the ruined window of his room and looked out at the war torn hellscape that was being torn apart by the massive demonic Titan. "Sorry, nanna... Normally I wouldn't have such an extreme reaction but with everything that's going on I'm just a bit on edge right now... I sincerely doubt it but I have to ask, have you seen dad anywhere?"

Nanna shook her head and with a grave look said, "Your father was kidnapped!"

John sighed and muttered, "Yeah, I'd assumed as much..."

Nanna nodded sadly and continued, "When you crossed over to The Medium, he was apprehended by the very forces of darkness which your presence here has awakened."

John turned to face her again. "What is this "Medium" thing you keep mentioning?"

"It is where we are now! A realm that is a ring of pure void, dividing light and darkness. It turns in the thick of The Incipisphere, a place untouched by the flow of time in your universe." She informed him.

John gave her a confused look. "So... What? We're inside a computer or something?"

"A computer? Why, what is that, dear? Some new fangled contraption, like the horseless auto-boxcar?" She said with an equally confused look.

"It's... uh... Fuck... That thing over there on my desk. That's a computer." John stated, pointing over at his computer.

"Hoo hoo hoo! Of course I know what a computer is, John! I was just pulling your leg! Hoo hoo hoo!" His dead grandma laughed. John remained silent, unamused by this but not wanting to upset his grandmother. 

"No, John. You are not inside a computer or software or anything like that! Try not to be so linear, dear. The software that brought you here was merely a mechanism that served as a gateway! Its routines in a way served to invoke this realm's instance, yet it stands independently of any physical machine, and somewhat paradoxically, always has!" She happily explained.

"Okay, I think I get it. So what do I actually need to be doing here?" John inquired, since his grandmother seemed to know so much about this place.

"I think it would be best if we started with the big picture!" She stated before she began to explain everything she could or would to him.

John remained completely silent the entire time she spoke. When she finished he finally asked, "Then what's the point?"

"That remains for you to find out, dear! For you see, the journey you are about to take is The Ultimate Riddle! For now, your objective is to proceed towards Skaia, and pass through The First Gate situated directly above your house, not even terribly far! The Gates will become progressively more difficult to reach, so you had better be prepared to sharpen your adventuring skills!" 

"How am I supposed to get up there?" John inquired

"You build!" Nanna exclaimed.

"Makes sense, I guess." John shrugged. "So, in this particular case, the battle of good and evil is irrelevant. That's completely idiotic but whatever. What we really need to do is build the house to get to these gates, and then I can save my dad."

"Yes, John!" Nanna stated happily.

John nodded slightly and continued, "And doing all this will save the Earth from destruction."

"Oh no, I'm afraid not!" The ghost of his grandmother stated matter-of-factly, causing John's thoughts to grind to a screeching halt. "Your planet is done for, dear! There is nothing you can do about that!"

"What...?" John asked numbly, his brain still trying to process what he was hearing. The thought that Earth, his home, and all the people on it was doomed and there was nothing he could do about it triggered something dark inside of him that he never even knew existed until now. Almost like an instinct that he couldn't fully comprehend. It didn't make any sense to him.

"Your purpose is so much more important than saving that silly old planet, though!" She happily exclaimed.

John didn't hear her, he couldn't hear anything, he couldn't even move. He was far too overwhelmed by the feelings he was currently experiencing to do anything but stand there as what his dead grandmother said repeated over and over again in his mind as if it were on loop. His planet was done for and there was nothing he could do about it.

"John? What's wrong? You don't look very happy." Nanna observed with a concerned look. 

John remained dead silent and unmoving. His planet was done for and there was nothing he could do about it.

Nanna frowned. "You're such a good boy John, and I hate to see you upset. If something is bothering you, you know you are always welcome to talk to me about it."

John didn't react. His planet was done for and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Hm... Ah! I know what I can do to help cheer you up! I am going to go bake you some cookies."

John continued standing there as his grandmother's ghost floated through a wall leaving behind a bunch of purple slime as she did, an unholy cocktail of the most intense feelings of failure, self blame, despair, grief, rage, and pure blood lust he had ever felt in his life brewing in his head as the words continued to repeat in his mind. His world was done for and there was nothing he could do about it. His world was done for and there was nothing he could do about it. His world was done for and there was nothing he could do about it.

After about a minute he finally started recovering from his shock and regaining his senses but the feelings weren't going away. If anything they were only getting worse. Still, he had no idea how it was possible but he somehow managed to himself under control instead of going berserk and destroying everything around him despite the fact he was currently experiencing almost inhuman levels of rage and aggression and it was slowly getting worse.

This somehow managed to bump him up a few more rungs on his echeladder. He was now a Junior Slayer Fledgling and his echeladder fearfully rewarded him with 541 boon dollars, giving him a total of 666 (a fact which just infuriated him even more). His Gel viscosity and cache limit also increased.

Feeling something light and hollow smacking against his head. Grabbing it and turning his head he saw Rose's green cursor thing trying to move the Red Box Dave sent him with his stuffed bunny from "Con Air" still inside. It was only then he really noticed his PDA was going off. Taking it out he saw Rose was trying to start a voice call with him again. Against his better judgement with how unbelievably furious he currently was, John accepted the call.

As soon as he did the green cursor dropped the box with the stuffed bunny back on his bed and Rose immediately asked, "Have you finally snapped out of it? We should probably discuss what your grandmother told you, agreed?"

"There's nothing to discuss... She was pretty clear. It's the end of the world and there's nothing we can do to stop it, the human race is doomed, over six billion people are going to die for no reason no matter what we do, and if we want to continue progressing through this game, for whatever reason, we have to start building up to the first gate. The rest is completely irrelevant." He stated, not raising his voice in the slightest as he looked around for any more of those harlequin monsters hiding in his room that he could eviscerate with his bear hands. Not seeing any he scowled under his helmet and walked over towards his busted window.

"Um... Okay... John, are you feeling alright?" Rose inquired sounding somewhat concerned.

"No." John bluntly stated, still not raising his voice. Seeing more of the monsters out in his front yard John raised his shotgun, switched to the slug rounds for extra range and accuracy, aimed as best he could and fired one barrel at a time at each and every one of them he saw. The slug completely shattered the already broken window and tore the monsters tiny bodies apart with ease causing them to practically explode into showers of blood, gore, and limbs before erupting into more of those weird gusher looking things. Unfortunately this did not help him or make him feel any better.

"Do you wish to speak with me about it?"

"Wouldn't help. Doesn't matter. Just... frustrated." He lied, hoping she would just drop it.

"Your unusually curt sentences do nothing inspire confidence in this assertion but I won't press you for the moment. Just know that I am here should you feel the urge to confide in someone."

"Thank you, Rose. I'll keep that in mind. I may take you up on that later, but... not now." John stated trying to avoid being too clipped in his sentences.

"Of course." She said understandingly. "Anyways, you should know I just put the shale you collected to use and finally deployed the Punch Designix. It's in your study. I can only drop it though. You'll have to be the one to mess around with it and see what it does."

John grunted in acknowledgement and began making his way towards the door.

"Also, I should probably warn you that your house and yard are completely infested with monsters now. Try to be careful." She informed him.

"Good..." He growled to himself. Not wanting to waste any ammo if he didn't have to and really needing to take his frustrations out on something, he put away his shotgun, cracked his knuckles, and took out his demon killing knife before opening the door and heading straight for the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, it was a lot of fun to write!
> 
> As for John's Classpect, we currently have one vote for him to be a Lord of Rage. As of right now there's still only two chapters so I can easily go back and change a few things still if you guys think this version of John should be a different Mythological Role then Lord or Heir of Rage. So if you have an opinion on the matter you can still either let me know in the comments or, if you don't want to leave a comment, you can just vote here https://strawpoll.com/w7sbbd7k
> 
> I probably should have done a straw pole thing in the first chapter to make it easier to vote to begin with, but I'm still getting use to this website and I didn't want to risk leaving a link before I reviewed the site rules again. Sorry about that.
> 
> Anyways. Once again, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much if not more then I enjoyed writing it! I hope you all have a nice day/night!
> 
> Edit: fixed a bit of minor formatting stuff like italics and underlining.  
> Edit#2: more minor fixes.


	3. Perpetual Rage

John exited his room, demon killing knife in hand, and spotted two of the inky black harlequin monsters standing at the top of the stairs. One was wielding one of John's dad's harlequin busts as if it were a weapon while the other was wielding the fire poker from beside the fire place. John immediately rushed towards them, kicked the one wielding the bust of the harlequin in the knee, breaking its leg and causing it to bend backwards at an unnatural angle. The monster screamed in agony dropping the bust on the ground and clutching at its ruined leg while the other one appeared shocked by this brutal display and took a clumsy swing with his fire poker at John.

John grabbed the fire poker before it could hit him, punched the monster in the face, and tore it out of the monsters hands before impaling it through the chest with its own weapon. The point of the fire poker broke through the monsters hard black carapace, tore through its insides, and busted through its back now thoroughly covered in blood. Putting his foot on its chest John forcefully tore it back through the creature, which was now spurting blood from its mouth. The hooked point of the fire poker did even more damage as it was pulled back through ripping out a large chunk of bloody meat and possibly pieces of organs. The creature finally exploded into more of the gusher looking things. John remembered Rose saying something about "shale" and just assumed that these things must have been what she was talking about.

Dropping the fire poker John then used his now free hand and grabbed the one that was still howling in agony on the ground from its ruined knee by the shirt and jammed his demon killing knife into its throat. "Shut up." John coldly demanded of the monster which was now gurgling as it choked on its own blood unable to scream as it had been a moment ago. John tore his knife back out and threw the still living creature down into the living room below, knowing it was going to die eventually either from blood loss or from suffocating on its own blood.

The body hit another of the creatures down below in the living room which John now saw was absolutely filled with the things, and was covered in cruxite dowels from the creatures messing with the Cruxtruder. John counted nine of the creatures in total, and all of them were now staring at him in terror. Seeing that actually made John smirk despite the almost superhuman combination of negative emotions he was currently experiencing, taking a bit of pleasure in the knowledge that these monsters were afraid of him. Deciding to have a bit of fun with this he put his knife away, took out his chainsaw, and activated it. Seeing the viscous weapon and its massive razor sharp rotating teeth and hearing the roar it made, the already scared creatures fear shot up even further, the one the monster John stabbed in the throat had landed on had even passed out.

Smiling wickedly John raised his chainsaw and rushed towards the closest one, which just so happened to be standing lower on the stairs. Pulling the throttle and revving the engine — which was larger, heavier, more powerful, and slightly louder then a standard chainsaw's engine as John had replaced the original and modified its current engine quite a bit in his spare time — the massive teeth sped up and the chainsaw roared furiously in John's hands as he swung it towards the monster on the stairs. In a panic the creature raised its arms in an attempt to defend itself but this proved to be futile as the chainsaw's teeth bit into its carapace, ripping through its flesh and bone with ease and sending a massive spray of blood and gore across the living room, some even landing on the other monsters, like a scene out of a horror movie. The chainsaw cut through its forearms in a matter of moments before continuing on to its neck, quickly beheading it.

Letting its decapitated body fall over and erupt into more "Shale" or whatever it was called, John rushed to the next one which was lower on the stairs and plunged his chainsaw into its guts eviscerating it as the large teeth of the chainsaw ripped through its organs and tore them out of its body. John started lifting the chainsaw and started cutting straight up through its torso in an attempt to partially bisect it, but it erupted into shale before he could get up past its chest.

At this point, the rest of the monsters were trying to scramble over and push past each other to get to the kitchen in an attempt to escape, but John wasn't having any of that. Having had his fun with the chainsaw he put it away again and switched back to his knife before sprinting to the kitchen door, blocking the creatures only exit. Now cornered and scared out of their minds, the remaining harlequin monsters panicked and grabbed whatever they thought they could use as weapons, a few even fighting over some of the more dangerous objects such as the remaining tools next to the fireplace. While they did this, John bolted forwards and began brutally slaughtering them one after the other. Some of the ones with tools from the fireplace actually managed to put up somewhat of a fight, managing to land one or two hits on John, giving him a bruise or two, before he disemboweled them with his knife or ripped their limbs off and beat them to death with their own severed appendages, until there was only one left.

It stood there in the middle of the living room — which now looked like a mixture of a war zone and a slaughter house from all the ruined or knocked over furniture and all the blood covering it — holding an ash shovel from next to the fireplace, trembling in fear as John, who was now absolutely drenched in the blood of the monsters he slaughtered, slowly approached it with his bloody demon killing knife at the ready.

The trembling monster suddenly got a confused look on its face and started hastily mumbling to itself. Seeing this John paused for a moment wondering what it was doing but quickly dismissed this strange sudden behavior as it having gone insane from fear. Suddenly a hopeful look appeared on its face and it began muttering to itself in what sounded like desperation, nodding its head frantically as if it had just agreed to something. 

Suddenly John got thrown backwards by some unseen force, hitting the wall on the other side of the living room. His fake plastic armor did nothing to dampen the impact, but fortunately his anti-possession helmet which was actually made from steel and had some padding protected his head and kept him from being knocked unconscious or from getting a concussion. Groaning in pain, John got up off the ground and dusted himself off before picking his demon killing knife back up off the ground. Looking around the living room in an attempt to see what hit him, John saw the little black harlequin monster was now floating in the air above a burning demonic pentagram on the ground that had not been there before. Its eyes were glowing like flash lights with a demonic red light as what looked like tiny red sparks of hellish electricity flowed over and through its body, which was started to jerk unnaturally while it bent and contorted in unnatural and seemingly painful ways as its body started violently twisting, splitting apart, breaking, and morphing into something else entirely, something much worse, something evil, something... demonic.

Realization hit John like a freight train going at full speed as he watched this unfold before him. He knew exactly what this was. He had read about it in D.S. Argent's "A Guide To The Demons Of Hell And How To Slaughter Them". The little bastard had to have made a fucking deal with demons and traded his soul away in a desperate hope of surviving this fight with John. Even its weapon was being effected and was being warped and twisted into what looked like some sort of large demonic battle ax. Too bad for it, John knew exactly how to deal with demons and anything demonic... Well... Sort of... He was still new to Demon Hunting but he knew enough to defend himself at the very least. The important thing was that he had to put a stop to this before it could fully transform.

Putting away his demon killing knife he took out his shotgun, switched to his 00 Buckshot rounds, rushed forwards to reduce the spread and fired at nearly point blank range, blasting off half of its torso. However, the transformation didn't stop and the little bastard didn't die like John had expected it too. Instead, the transformation changed to include the damage and even weaponize it as the creatures ruined bones and organs shifted, rearranged themselves, broke even further apart, fused together in disgusting and unnatural ways, and grew until the thing had a single long skeletal arm that had started burning with hellfire. Its body grew significantly, its harlequin outfit tore apart until it was nothing but scraps that were hanging off of it, massive spikes erupted from its back along its spine, its face elongated and was warped into a nightmarish inky black visage and its teeth became razor sharp fangs, its muscles grew significantly until its carapace could no longer contain them and it split open in numerous different locations, two large curved demonic horns sprouted from its skull, its good hand elongated and turned into massive razor sharp claws. Before John could fire another shot, the transformation was completed and it fell back to the ground. Grabbing its shovel turned massive demonic battle ax with its claw, the now possessed and demonic monster roared in hellish fury and rushed towards John with its weapon raised.

Deciding he might need a bit extra firepower for this one, John switched from his buckshot back to his slug rounds and began sprinting towards the creature while opening fire. The slug rounds blasted holes through the demonic creature's body, but it barely seemed to notice as it swung its ax down in an attempt to chop John in half. John jumped forwards and to the side to dodge the attack and drew his demon killing knife, holding it in his off hand with his sawed off shotgun in his right hand, and stabbed the demonic monster in the back, narrowly missing the base of the spine which he had been aiming for. The wound began smoking and burning away from contact with the blade of John's knife causing the monster shrieked in pain and back hand him with its burning skeletal arm, knocking John back a few feet.

John coughed violently and struggled to breath as a few of his ribs broke and pierced one of his lungs but forced himself to stand out of shear force of spite. He was NOT going to let a demonic abomination like this kill him, damn it! His already superhuman rage grew even further until it blocked out the pain of his broken ribs and John could only think of one thing. Slaughtering that possessed son of a bitch! Snarling furiously John raised his shotgun and fired as the monster began conjuring up a ball of hellfire the size of a beach ball with its skeletal arm.

The slug rounds blasted through the shoulder of its skeletal arm but did nothing to dissuade it. Suddenly a refrigerator appeared above the monster and crashed down on top of its head staggering it and causing the fireball to dissipate before it could throw it. Turning to the refrigerator that landed on its head the monster raised its ax and cleaved it in half before turning back to John and roaring furiously, only to find John already in front of it and jumping up towards it's face with his demon killing knife held out to the side as he prepared to slash at it. Putting away his shotgun, John grabbed one of the possessed monster's horns and slashed its eyes so it could no longer see before climbing around towards its back as it dropped its ax and tried to grab him with its good arm. Having successfully evaded being grabbed by the monster, John placed the blade of his knife against the front of its neck and used all of his body weight as he cut its throat open before stabbing it in the back repeatedly, every wound made by the knife smoked and burned away causing the monster to flail and gurgle in pain choking on its own tainted oily black blood as it desperately trying to grab John or shake him off. Eventually its attempts started becoming weaker and weaker until it finally collapsed.

Even after it collapsed however, John continued stabbing and slashing away at it until it eventually exploded into more of the things that looked like gushers, which were absolutely littering the living room at this point, and leaving behind a single glass sphere with what looked like a shard of something floating inside that was surrounded by a strange reddish energy. However, the gusher looking things the possessed monster turned into didn't look like those the other monsters turned into when they died. For one thing there was a lot more of them and many were a lot bigger then the normal ones, for another thing they were all glowing red and had small red sparks of something that looked sort of like electricity flowing around them just like the possessed monster did while it was transforming. With the battle now over, John took off his helmet doubled over and began wheezing and coughing up blood which had started to fill his punctured lung. 

John launched up his Echeladder to a new rung: Youthful Exorcist and earned 1285 boondollars. His grist limit, gel viscosity, and mangrit all increased. Unfortunately none of this did anything to help him at the moment.

"John? Are you alright, dear? I heard..." Nannasprite started only to trail off as she floated into the living room only to find it destroyed and covered in blood while John was doubled over coughing up blood, while also drenched in blood. "O-oh my goodness! What happened in here?!" She exclaimed rushing over to John. He tried to respond to her but he could only get out a strangled wheeze and ended up coughing up more blood. Something that looked like a purple laser shot out of her one good eye and John was surround by a purple aura. John felt his lungs clearing up, his bones repairing themselves, his bruises disappearing, and his pain vanishing. He watched as the blood covering him disappeared and his fake plastic armor, which had been severely damaged and mangled in the fight, fixed itself until it looked brand new. When John was completely healed and was no longer covered in blood the laser vanished and Nanna sprite held out a cookie for John.

Deciding to set aside his hatred of baked goods and Betty Crocker for the moment after what he just went through, John accepted the cookie. "Thanks for healing me. I might have suffocated if you hadn't." He stated somewhat gratefully, still experiencing the same strange phenomenon where he was experiencing almost superhuman levels of rage, aggression, and other negative emotions from the fact the Earth was doomed and there was nothing he could do about it but still had complete control over himself and all his actions, and it didn't seem to be getting any better or going away at all. He somehow got the feeling that this was a permanent thing he would just have to deal with forever now. 

Nannasprite smiled and said, "Oh, it's no trouble, dear! We can't have you dying now can we?" She chuckled slightly at that sounding more nervous and concerned then actually amused, but doing her best to put up a jovial front. "Now could you tell me what happened in here?"

After quickly devouring the cookie and putting his helmet back on John nodded. "Yeah, sure. I slaughtered a bunch of these tiny harlequin bastards, but right as I was about to finish off the last one some fucking demon, probably sensing easily manipulated prey, contacted the bastard and the idiot sold its soul to said demon got turned into a giant possessed abomination. It only landed a single hit and that was enough to break my ribs and puncture one of my lungs. It probably would've incinerated me if Rose hadn't dropped the refrigerator on its head. I don't think I could've beaten it if she hadn't distracted it like that."

The concerned look on Nannasprite's face only got worse as he talked. "That is not good... Demons... I saw what it looks like outside but I never would've thought... Hm... John, demonic possession is not supposed to be a part of this "game", if you wish to call it that. The fact that demons really exist at all is troubling enough on its own. But the fact they are here and that they can make even your weakest enemies as strong as you say is extremely concerning. You need to be very careful from here on out." Her concerned look was replaced by a happier more joking expression."Anyway, dear, you should probably collect all this grist! You're certainly going to need it! Now, if you need me, I'll be in the kitchen baking you some more cookies! Hoo hoo hoo!" With that she floated back into the kitchen.

' _Grist? Huh. So that's what this stuff is. Maybe "shale" is just a different type of grist or something then._ ' John thought to himself. With a shrug he did as she had asked and collected all the grist in the room and on the stairs. Finally he got to the little glass ball full of the strange red energy and touched it, expecting it to just disappear like the rest of the grist, but it didn't. It felt solid, like an actual object. Curious, John picked it up and examined it. It felt strangely warm in his hand. He was about to captchalogue it but suddenly remembered the PDA. Taking out the PDA he unmuted his voice call with Rose, then proceeded to captchalogue the strange glass ball, forcing one of the small harlequin statues out of his deck. According to his Sylladex it was something called an Argent cell.

With a shrug John finally made his way into the study where Rose said she dropped the Punch Designix. Seeing two more Shale Imps, John scowled and drew his demon killing knife. This time he knew to kill them immediately before they could make any deals if he saw either of them muttering to themselves. He rushed forwards and closest one's legs out from under it before stabbing it in the chest while it was still in the air. It exploded into grist as soon as it hit the ground. Standing up, John turned and was about to kill the next one when he noticed the large metal safe that was normally in the study was missing. He heard loud crashing and breaking noises from above them before the shale imp was suddenly crushed underneath the missing safe, which had now broken open.

"Just thought I would help out a little." Rose's voice stated through John's captchalogued PDA.

"Thanks." John stated simply. At this point he couldn't care less if his house was destroyed a little. Putting his knife away he collected all the grist in the room. When he was done, he walked up to the Punch Designix and started examining it. Seeing an inscription he assumed to be a set of visual instructions, John took out his first accessible captchalogue card, which contained the Argent Cell he got from the possessed Shale Imp, and flipped it to look at the back. He saw a Captcha Code on the back. Curious he took out his demon killing knife card from his Strife Specibus and looked at the back. It also had a code on the back.

Knowing that if he needed it for whatever reason he could get the Argent Cell back with the totem lathe and alchemiter if what he was about to do worked like he thought it would, based on the name Punch Designix, John entered the Captcha Code that was on the back of the captchalogue card into the keyboard. The red light on the Punch Designix switched off and a green light began blinking. Taking this to mean it was ready to use, John inserted the Captchalogue card with his Argent Cell into the slot. There was a clicking sound as the card was punched, and John pulled the card back out. The only difference was the fact that it was now full of tiny square holes just like the card he used to make the totem to get the purple demon skull that he had crushed earlier.

He then entered the code for his demon slaying knife and punched it's card as well, before repeating the process with his shotgun and chainsaw. He knew this meant he could only use his hands if he saw any more of the Shale Imps around, at least until he could replicate new weapons, but he estimated it was for the best since his shotgun and chainsaw cards also contained gasoline and ammo and he really needed a way to get more of both since he didn't have much of either at the moment. If that meant he had to replicate extra weapons that he didn't need to get more gasoline and ammo, so be it. That just meant he would have spares just in case anything happened to the weapons he was using at any given moment.

Curious, he mashed the keyboard to generate a random code. He ended up entering "dskjhsdk" and the keyboard stopped him after eight character, leading him to assume that was the maximum length for a code. The green light turned on, signaling it was ready for a card. Deciding he didn't really care about the Harlequin Statue that was still at the bottom of his sylladex, he switched his modus and inserted that card into the machine. Hearing a click as the card was punched, he took it back out and set it off to the side, unfortunately burning another card in the process. His deck was starting to get really small. He scowled at that and mentally berated himself for not thinking this through a little better.

John's PDA went off, letting him know he had gotten new chat messages on Pesterchum. Taking out the PDA he checked his messages.

TG: PUPPETS

TG: AWESOME

TG: THATS REALLY ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] changed his mood to RANCOROUS --

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" John muttered to himself in frustrated confusion.

"John, I'm about to throw a bath tub through your wall. Watch out." Rose's voice warned through the PDA.

Eyes widening in surprise, John put the PDA away and jumped backwards to avoid being hit by the flying bathroom fixture as it crashed through the wall of the study with the window and went on to crash through the opposite wall into the utility room. More grist was scattered throughout the room, which John proceeded to collect. With that done he walked over to the broken wall where there use to be a window and looked outside. "You do realize that if you would've just told me there was a monster on the other side of this wall I could've just shot it and saved us both the trouble." John grumbled.

"Well, yes, but this way I was also able to make a shortcut upstairs. I thought it would be a good idea to get up there and try the cards as soon as possible." Rose responded.

John rolled his eyes. "Fair enough... Wait, are these shitty stairs this so called "shortcut"? Why are they so narrow?"

"Stairs cost a lot of grist and while you've done a good job collecting grist and expanding your cache limit, I'm trying to save up for now. Keep doing what you have been and we won't have to be so economical in the future." She explained.

"Then undo this, if you can, and try making a ramp instead of stairs."

The green cursor appeared and made the overly narrow stairs disappear. It then made a slightly less narrow ramp. "Huh. That actually costs about as much as making a normal platform. I guess it makes sense seeing as it is just an inclined platform." Rose muttered thoughtfully.

John nodded and turned to look at the safe. Inside were a bunch of newspaper clippings and two rather hefty tomes. If John had to guess, he would say it was a fair bet that these books comprised at least half the weight of the safe. One was an unabridged copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text Of Magical Frivolity And Practical Japery that was even larger then John's copy and looked really old. Thinking it might be useful if he needed something really heavy for whatever reason at some point later on, John Captchalogued it causing the telescope to be ejected from his sylladex and be launched outside to the edge of the cliff.

John pulled out the next book in the safe and looked at the front. It was the Shaving Almanac. His dad really, _really_ liked shaving for some reason which, like his love of harlequins, was something John would never understand. I mean, there was being clean shaven, then there was shaving as a sort of hobby. It was really weird. Deeming it useless, John put it back in the safe. He decided not to even bother with the newspaper clippings. 

Seeing a note taped to the wall where the Safe use to be, John turned and read it. It said: " _Son. If you are reading this, it means you are now strong enough to lift the safe. You are now a man. As such, you are entitled to what is inside. I know you will take this responsibility seriously. I am so proud of you._ "

John frowned slightly, now feeling a bit curious. Turning back to the safe he attempted to lift it up. He struggled a bit at first but eventually succeeded. Granted the unabridged copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text was no longer inside and the door was broken off but he still did it. Feeling a bit of satisfaction along side the perpetual rage and aggression he now always felt, John smirked and threw the broken safe out through the hole in the wall. It landed on the edge of the cliff but didn't fall off.

Dusting his hands off, John looked down and saw an empty captchalogue card on the ground that appeared to have been trapped underneath the safe earlier. Picking it up he looked at the code on the back. The code turned out to be just a bunch of zeros. He captchalogued the empty captchalogue card and walked over to the Punch Designix. Entering the code on the keyboard, he was about to punch the captchalogued captchalogue card when Rose interrupted him. "Wait, John, before you punch that. If you first took note of the code, then removed the card from the card, you could just punch the blank one. Then you only have to burn one instead of two."

John nodded at that. "You're right. Good idea." Looking on the back of the card, the code was exactly the same. So, John shrugged removed the blank card from his sylladex and punched it as Rose had suggested. He then captchaloged the punched card and quickly made his way up the ramp Rose had made for him and went straight to his room. As soon as he got there, he saw his ghost bed sheets had been stolen. He frowned but continued on to the totem lathe and cruxite dowels which Rose had brought up for him. Putting in a cruxite dowel, John inserted the card for the Argent Cell before repeating the process with the other cards and dowels, including the blank captchalogue card he had punched. The green cursor appeared and selected each of the totems causing each of them to disappear one after the other. After a moment a bunch of blank captchalogue cards appeared in front of him.

"Did you just make all of these?" John asked as he looked at the stack of cards.

"Yes." Rose confirmed.

"Thank you." John said as he captchalogued the stack of cards. Realizing he was going to have to cycle everything in his sylladex to get them to the bottom, he captchalogued his copy of Harry Anderson's "Wise Guy", by Mike Caveney, ejecting his PDA which he managed to catch before it hit a wall and re-captchalogued ejecting the old unabridged copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting text which cracked the wall it hit but fortunately failed to break all the way through. He re-captchalogued that as well and the cards were finally flushed into his sylladex.

Having just punched a bunch of cards and seeing the stage magic book in his sylladex reminded him of something. Switching his Modus, he took the book and flipped through it until he found what he had been looking for. The Hole In The Ace trick, pertaining to punching holes in cards and making them "disappear". That gave him an idea. Picking up two of the cards off the ground, specifically the card for his demon slaying knife and the card for the Argent Cell, he over lapped the two, causing them to mask each other's hole patterns. He then put both in the totem lathe and carved another totem using the new combined hole pattern and repeated the process with all his other weapons, combining them all with the Argent Cell just to see what would happen. He then took the three new totems out to the Alchemiter.

When he got out side he saw that Rose had made a bunch of demon slaying knifes for some reason and spotted a Shale Imp holding an Argent Cell. Grabbing one of the knifes, he rushed over to it and plunged the knife into its gut before tearing his knife back out and plunging it into the Shale Imp's chest, causing it to explode into grist. Catching the Argent Cell before it could hit the ground, still not knowing what to do with it, John captchalogued it. Then he proceeded to knock all of the knifes off of the alchemiter and collect all the grist.

With all that done, he finally replaced the totem on the Alchemiter with the first of the new combination totems he just made and a large strange looking sword appeared in the middle of the platform. John Captchalogued it and it was immediately moved to his Strife Deck. Apparently it was called a "Night Sentinel Sword" and even though he didn't see any runes on it he could somehow tell it would be extremely effective at killing demons. It took 80 build grist, 70 shale, and 50 of something called Argent Energy to make.

He tried the next totem, which he made by combining his sawed off shotgun with an Argent Cell, and a futuristic looking gun appeared in the middle of the platform surrounded by Argent Cells. John captchalogued it and the Argent Cells and they were both moved to his strife deck. Apparently it was called the Plasma Rifle and the ammo had turned into Argent Cells which it apparently used as energy. Suddenly something clicked in John's brain and he realized the connection between the Argent Energy grist he had and the Argent Cells which apparently worked a lot like batteries. Either way, the Plasma Rifle cost less then the Night Sentinel Sword to make, except in terms of Argent Energy which it required 100 units of to make. Thus after allocating the empty Strife Specibus he got from the first Shale Imp he killed in his room earlier to the Riflekind Abstratus, he captchalogued the Plasma Rifle and it was immediately moved to his Strife Deck. He had to manually assign the Argent Cells to it just like he had to manually assign the Gasoline Canister to his Chainsaw earlier.

Using the last combined totem, something like a chainsaw appeared on the platform along side another Argent Cell instead of a gasoline canister. It didn't have a visible fuel tank or engine, instead it had a small squarish metal container with a protective door that was currently open revealing a slot with another Argent Cell. It had an energy meter on the side instead of a gas gauge. It had an on and off button and a safety switch instead of a starter cord to turn it on, and another switch to reverse the rotation of the chain. It also had a metal protective covering over the end of the blade that was closest to the handles, likely for the safety of the user. The blade still looked mostly the same with its overly large and aggressive teeth, except the chain part was hidden underneath and thus was protected by the metal sides of the guide bar which was slightly larger then it was previously. Picking up the chainsaw and closing the protective door over the slot for the Argent Cell the first thing John really noticed was just how much lighter it was without its engine or fuel tank. Its lighter weight would actually make it quite a bit easier to use. Just like with his Plasma Rifle he had to manually combine the Argent Cells with the Chainsaw. Now having tried all three totems, he drew his new Night Sentinel Sword and gave it a few test swings and came to the conclusion that he absolutely loved it.

Finally, he replicated his Sawed off Double barrel Shotgun a few times in order to make more Ammo for it. He collected all of the ammo he made but only took a single shotgun. However, he did take a moment to gather up the extra shotguns he made, put them all into a pile on top of the Alchemiter, took out his Plasma Rifle, and began firing at the pile to destroy all of the guns so the Shale Imps couldn't use them if they got their thieving little claws on them. This also let him learn a few things about his newest gun. For example it was apparently fully automatic, there was a lot less recoil then he had been anticipating though there was still a little recoil, and it fired little blue balls of super heated plasma that detonated with small explosions on impact. The Shotguns didn't last long under the assault and quickly began to melt. However, for fear of damaging the Alchemiter, John only kept shooting until the barrels were all destroyed and unusable, stopping before they could melt completely or weld themselves to the Alchemiter. He then picked each of the ruined guns up one by one and threw them all off the side of the cliff.

"What did you do?" Rose's voice asked from his PDA, which was trapped underneath the unabridged copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text.

"I combined the cards in the lathe with the card for the Argent Cell and the totems made these new weapons." John explained, suddenly getting an idea and rushing downstairs to find his demonology book.

"I see. That was a really good idea, John. Nice work."

"Thanks. I got the idea from a book on stage magic." John explained as he rushed into the kitchen, ignoring the massive stacks of cookies. Seeing his abridged demonology book on the ground where he left it he captchalogued it, rushed back to the study, found the code on the back of the card, typed it into the Punch Designix and punched the card. He then repeated the process for the unabridged copy Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text. Taking off his helmet and plastic armor he captchalogued them and repeated the process for them too before rushing back upstairs and into his room. Combining the unabridged copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text and John's abridged copy of D.S. Argent's "A Guide To The Demons Of Hell And How To Slaughter them" in the lath he made a new totem before combining his anti demonic possession helmet and his fake plastic armor and repeating the process, and finally making a totem for both his anti possession helmet and the unabridged Colonel Sassacre's Daunting text on their own.

He rushed back out to the alchemiter and made: an unabridged copy of D.S. Argent's "A Guide To The Demons Of Hell And How To Slaughter Them" which looked a lot more sinister then the simple black and red abridged copy, a painted green steel version of his fake plastic armor his dad had got him with runes inside that John believed were meant to defend against demonic magic, another anti possession helmet, and another old unabridged copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text. John put on his helmet and new armor. He decided to leave the books by the Alchemiter for now, since he was confident that even if the Shale Imps wanted to steal either of them they wouldn't be strong enough to lift them. Though he did make a mental note to read the new demonology book as soon as possible.

"Alright, I guess I should start climbing now, right?" He asked, walking over to the stairs that up to the roof.

"Yes. The sooner we can get you up to the first gate the better." Rose agreed with him.

"Has Dave connected with you yet?" John inquired, very concerned for her safety. The world was ending, but if he could help anyone he at least wanted his friends to survive. If they died too he felt like he might lose this strange state of control and would simply lose himself and go berserk from the seemingly perpetual rage and aggression he was experiencing. The other negative emotions he felt upon hearing the world was doomed and there was nothing he could do about it were still there but the super human rage and aggression had out grew them and were the main things he felt at this point.

Rose sighed in frustration. "No. I have no idea what the hell Dave is up to, or if he's any closer to recovering the game. There's some stuff I'd like to try, in case he doesn't come through."

Hearing that John gritted his teeth and growled to himself as he climbed up the stairs. When he reached the top he started looking around and spotted several Shale Imps in the front yard. Taking out his new Plasma Rifle aimed and started firing. The bright blue plasma rounds annihilated the Shale Imps with ease, vaporizing holes in them and causing micro explosions upon impact. Hearing something behind him, he saw another Shale Imp had snuck past him and was standing up on the platform with him. Snarling under his helmet, John put away his Plasma Rifle and drew his Night Sentinel Sword, before sprinting over and decapitating the Shale Imp with a single swing.

Almost as soon as he did, his PDA started going off. Taking it out, he saw Jade was trying to start another voice call. He switched from pestering Rose to Jade and accepted the call.

"Hey!" Jade greeted as the voice call opened up.

"Hi, Jade." John stated as he collected the grist dropped by the Shale Imp he had just decapitated.

"How is your adventure going, John?" She inquired curiously.

He sighed to himself. "Depends on how you look at it I guess... I'm making progress and Rose finally reconnected, so she's helping me."

"That's good!"

"Yeah, that was the good news. I wasn't finished though... The world's fucked. Apparently there's absolutely nothing we can do to save it. So, I have no idea what the hell point of this fucking game is. Also, I haven't told Rose this yet even though she offered to listen since I feel like she would just psychoanalyze me, but I'm fucking angry. Not the normal kind of angry either. I'm more angry then I believe should even be humanly possible and its not going away, but for some reason I have complete control over myself. It's really fucking weird." John explained sitting down in the middle of the giant platform on the roof of his house.

"Hmmm..." Jade hummed to herself in thought for a moment. "Well I think whatever the point is, it must be pretty important. Um... I really don't know how to help with your rage since your situation sounds a bit unique, but um... If you have control over yourself then it shouldn't be a problem, right? I mean anger isn't necessarily a bad thing as long as you control it. Anyways, just don't lose hope, John, I think it will all turn out for the best as long as you can stay calm... Just keep listening to your grandmother's advice!"

"I guess... Wait a minute. I never mentioned Nanna to you before." John said, starting to become extremely suspicious.

"Oh uhhh........ I don't know, didn't you?" Jade stated, clearly trying to deflect.

"No. No I really didn't... Jade, how do you know about that?" John asked, crossing his arms with a small scowl forming on his face under his helmet. He really didn't like being lied to especially by his friends.

"Er... Well... You see... um..." Jade struggled on the other side of the call. Finally she sighed and said, "Oh fine, you caught me, I'll just say this for now. I want to explain lots of things to you... some things that I know. I'm just... waiting!"

"For?" John asked simply, wanting to give Jade the benefit of the doubt since she was his friend.

"Oh! John! I forgot I was messaging you about that meteor that fell near my house!"

John scowl deepened at the abrupt change of subject. "Alright... What about it?"

"Oh boy... Well... It turns out I was confused about it... Really confused! See I guess I fell asleep for awhile and..." She trailed off. "...and I lost track of time! That happens!"

John's scowl became a look of frustration and confusion. He could tell she was hiding something, but he didn't know what. But... what the hell did sleeping or losing track of time have to do with anything? "Okay... What exactly does this have to do with the meteor?"

"Well... it's hard to explain! But... I know what it is now! And now I know everything is going to be okay!"

"What is it then? Or are you "waiting" to tell me that too?"

"Oh gosh, John. I really want to tell you all this stuff! But I cant yet. I really think you need to wake up first!"

John's expression became even more confused. "What?"

"Well okay, not literally. Well okay, maybe KINDA literally!"

John took a deep breath and gritted his teeth. "Jade. Could you please stop being so damn cryptic? It's not funny."

Jade giggled on the other side of the voice call and said, "Anyway, time for you to go John. I think you have some company! Give 'em hell!" With that she ended the voice call.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ghastlyThrasher [GT] at ??:?? --

Now confused and extremely on edge, John drew his Shotgun and switched to the 00 buckshot rounds. Then he saw and heard something huge climbing up the house.

Quickly taking out his PDA he was about to unmute his call with Rose and ask her why she wasn't dropping something on that thing when he noticed she was offline again. "Damn it." he muttered to himself, putting the PDA away as a massive inky black hand appeared over the ledge of the platform, holding the now empty safe John had thrown through the broken wall earlier. Not sure if he was ready to fight another giant enemy after that possessed Shale Imp earlier, John sprinted across the roof and over to the ladder leading up to the highest point, which happened to be a raised platform Rose had made. Before he got there, however, he noticed his Demonology/comedy chest on the roof. Slowing down, he checked it only to find it empty, for the most part. The only thing left inside was his newer copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text, and even that was presumably only because it was too heavy for the Shale Imps to lift and thus too heavy for them to steal. A massive inky black hand slammed down on the roof next to him, prompting him to keep moving. He quickly rushed up the ladder only to find another Shale Imp which he quickly blasted with both barrels of his Shotgun. The over sized steel pellets ripped the monster to pieces with ease.

With that no longer being an issue, John peeked over the edge. Unfortunately he estimated it was too long of a distance for him to jump down to his yard, not to mention the hellscape below. It seemed he was cornered up here. Hey, weren't his Iron Shackles dangling from that tree branch earlier? Damned Shale Imps. First his bed sheets now his Iron Shackles? He sort of appreciated that they stole any cheesy comedy crap left in his Demonology/Comedy chest, save for his copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting text, but he was going to have to make them pay for stealing his other stuff.

Hearing something behind him he turned around and saw two giant inky black harlequin monsters with massive tusks. One had the now empty metal safe covering its fist like makeshift brass knuckles while the other was wielding his punching bag. John cracked his neck and rolled his shoulders. "Alright then... You wanna go? THEN LET'S GO!" He shouted in rage. He raised his shotgun and prepared to pull the trigger but paused and looked behind the two harlequin monsters when he heard something else climbing up the house. The monsters also turned to look, seemingly just as confused as John was. Two more figures shot up from the roof below them and landed on the side of the harlequin monsters opposite of John.

The harlequin monsters moved to attack them but the figures jumped towards them and started brutally mauling them. The two harlequin monsters didn't stand a chance and erupted into grist in a matter of seconds. It was only then John got a good look at the two new figures and what he saw actually scared him a little. Standing before him were two massive, extremely muscular, eyeless demons. "Hell Knights..." John muttered to himself. However, there was something off about these ones. They didn't look like the picture in his Demonology book. It took him a moment but he finally realized what it was. They looked under developed. They were not as tall as they should be, their muscles weren't quite as large as they should be, their hides and natural armor didn't look quite as thick or tough as they should. To him, this all suggested they weren't fully grown yet, which was a good thing for him since it meant he had a better chance of surviving since they wouldn't be as strong or hard to kill as an adult and their magic wouldn't be nearly as powerful thus he was confident his armor could effectively negate it. However since he did not have any practical experience hunting any demons whatsoever other then killing that one possessed Shale Imp earlier, he knew he was still pretty much screwed.

Putting away his shotgun John drew his Night Sentinel Sword. As he did, the two Knights of Hell started running towards him, intent on tearing him limb from limb. Not knowing what else to do, John followed their example and sprinted towards them with his sword raised hoping he would get lucky and manage to gut one of them.

One got slightly ahead of the other and swung its massive hell fire covered fist at John who dodged to the side and tried to stab it in the chest with his sword only to be stopped as the second Hell Knight caught up and slammed a fist into his stomach with enough force that it threw him backwards and bent his armor, though fortunately his armor did negate the Demon's hell fire as John anticipated it would. Tearing off his helmet and dropping it, John puked from having been hit so hard in the stomach. Ignoring the pain, he wiped his mouth, stood back up as fast as he could, and sprinted back towards them again with his sword at the ready, this time being sure to keep an eye on both of them at the same time. One raised a claw and was either going to try to disembowel him or try to grab him while the other had their fist raised again. John dodged to the side of the one that had its fist raised, since that seemed less dangerous then being disemboweled or grabbed, and swung his sword. This time he actually managed to land a hit, slicing the demon across the side. Unfortunately his strike was fairly clumsy and did not cut very deep. Still, the demon roared in a mixture of pain and rage as it elbowed John in the side.

John heard a snap and felt the bones in his upper right arm and shoulder completely shatter under the force of the impact before he was thrown to a different side of the massive platform. Unable to hold onto his sword with his right arm broken, John dropped it, picked it up with his left hand, and used it to help himself stand back up. He couldn't win this and he knew it. Unfortunately Rose was offline and unable to drop anything on these bastards, which meant he was cornered and had no choice but to fight. Snearing furiously, he growled at the demons, "I'm going to die here but fuck it, I DON'T _FUCKING_ CARE! I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE I BRING AT LEAST ONE OF YOU SONS OF BITCHES DOWN WITH ME! SO COME ON, BRING IT YOU UGLY BASTARDS!"

The Hell Knights both roared back at him angerly, apparently accepting his challenge, and ran towards him even faster and more aggressively then before, both of their hands blazing with hell fire that he knew would do little to nothing to him.

Switching to his Plasma Rifle, John raised it with his left hand and fired. It was more difficult and unwieldy to aim, but the bright blue spheres actually seemed to hurt them as the super heated plasma burned through their bodies with ease and caused micro explosions as bits of their bodies were vaporized leaving large bloody wounds. Suddenly having an idea, John began sprinting around them while firing at them with his Plasma Rifle. He then realized where he went wrong. He should have never tried to engage these bastards in melee combat like a moron, he should have stayed at range so they couldn't get close enough to use their only serious advantage against him, their overwhelming physical strength. This new tactic of his actually worked pretty well... for a while. Eventually the two Hell Knights caught on to what he was doing, spread out, and started running towards him from different directions in an attempt to flank and corner him. "So that's how we're gonna do this?" John snarled to himself before putting away his Plasma Rifle, drawing his shotgun, and sprinting straight towards one of them, firing his shotgun as he moved.

The Hell Knight clasped its claws together, raised its fists over its head and swung downwards in an attempt to crush John. He tried to jump to the side to avoid the strike but was a bit too late and the bones in one of his legs were completely crushed by the attack which also created a massive shock wave of hellish energy that did nothing due to John's armor protecting him against Demonic Magic. Growling in rage, John thrust the barrels of his shotgun as close to the Hell Knight's face as possible before pulling the trigger and firing both barrels into its face at nearly point blank range. The steel 00 buckshot tore through its head and completely obliterated its eyeless skull in a spray of blood, bone, ruined flesh, and brain matter. "HA! I told you I was going to kill at least one of you fuckers!" John exclaimed as the now headless body fell over and burst into flames. This demon did not leave behind an argent cell like the possessed Shale Imp he killed earlier had nor did it erupt into grist like any of the other monsters John had killed thus far had, all that it left behind was a pile of useless ash.

John forced himself up and turned around as best he could with his broken leg and was about to raise his shotgun to fire again, when he saw the second Hell Knight was almost directly on top of him. A massive fist slammed into his face shattering his glasses and knocking them off of his face entirely, knocking out a few of his teeth, crushing his jaw and a few other bones in the side of his face, knocking him back to the ground, and causing him to lose his grip on the shotgun which slid away from him. A massive claw grabbed him by the back of the head, lifted him up, and slammed him face first back into the ground, repeatedly. The Hell Knight could have just crushed John's skull into a bloody red paste with a single slam into the ground or just by clenching its hand around his skull, so immense was its physical strength, but it seemed to intentionally avoid doing so as it appeared to take a sadistic delight in causing John pain and suffering, likely intending to drag out his death as demons often did to their victims, especially ones they hated or found annoying.

When it finally seemed to grow bored of slamming him into the ground it lifted him back up by his head a final time. In a daze and likely having a severe concussion if that ungodly headache and the ringing in his ears was anything to go by, John drew his sword with his left hand and clumsily tried to stab the Hell Knight, unable to even see where he was aiming the sword as his eyes were both swollen shut and bleeding severely from being cut by the shattered glass of his glasses. Something smacked his left arm with enough force that it not only knocked the sword out of his hand but also broke the bones in his arm and hand. He tried kicking the demon with his good leg but it did absolutely nothing. Suddenly the claw released his head and dropped him but before he could hit the ground a massive fist slammed into his chest, crushing his steel armor as if it were little more then a tin can, breaking all of his ribs, and sending him flying a lot further then any of the previous attacks he had endured. In fact, it sent him flying so far that it sent him off the platform they had been fighting on entirely.

' _I'm dying..._ ' John realized as he flew through the air. However, even now, his inhuman rage and aggression weren't subsiding in the least. It seemed like that really was a permanent thing he would have to deal with, even dying as he currently was and possibly even after he was dead. In fact his rage and aggression were growing worse again. He wanted revenge. He swore to himself that when he finally died he was going to go straight to Hell and he would make the demon that killed him pay even if he had to slaughter every other demon in Hell just to find it.

Suddenly John felt his mangled body land on something soft. Then he felt his wounds rapidly healing and his armor fixing itself. In a matter of seconds he was perfectly fine. Getting up, he saw he was sitting on his bed which was glowing purple and floating in the air with Nannasprite floating near by. Realizing she must have saved him John looked at her and nodded gratefully before running and jumping off his bed and back onto the platform with the Hell Knight. Only having his chainsaw and Plasma Rifle left, John drew his chainsaw and activated it. As the chainsaw roared to life in his hands he raised the weapon and started sprinting towards the demon.

The Hell Knight roared furiously, likely upset John had survived and ran towards him, angrier then ever. The demon raised its blazing fist to punch him and John swung his chainsaw into its arm to stop the strike. The over sized teeth bit deep into its flesh and bone with ease, sending a spray of blood and chunks of flesh and bone flying everywhere as the chainsaw tore through the demon's arm in a matter of moments. The demon roared in agony as its large muscular limb was severed and fell to the ground. In retaliation it raised its other hand and scratched at John before he could react. Its demonic claws rended through John's armor with ease and leaving large terrible wounds across his chest that immediately started bleeding profusely as it had cut deep into his muscle and even clipped his bones.

Both combatants ignored their new wounds prepared to attack again, John raising his chainsaw while the demon raised its remaining fist again. Still infuriated by the fact the Hell Knight had nearly killed him and still wanting revenge, this time John took the initiative, ignored the enraged punch the demon was throwing at him, and swung his chainsaw into its side. It roared in pain and its swing missed John as its body instinctively recoiled as the massive teeth of John's chainsaw quickly bit deep into its flesh. The chainsaw quickly cut through flesh and bone while the demon could only stand there and roar in agony, unable to move from the intense pain of the vicious saw blade cutting through it, spraying blood and chunks of flesh and bone everywhere. Finally the chainsaw came out the other side of the demon's body which promptly fell apart having been cut completely in half. After a moment the bisected demon finally stopped struggling and its body burst into flames leaving behind another pile of ash and, unlike its counterpart, an Argent Cell.

Deciding he wanted nothing to do with this particular demon's Argent Cell, John crushed the glass orb under his boot. Suddenly a ton of strange red energy erupted from the broken glass orb and scattered in every direction. However, while the vast majority of it dissipated into a tiny bit of the red energy seemed to arc up and around John's body like electricity. John paused for a moment and observed the strange phenomenon. After a moment it finally stopped. Not feeling and different or anything wrong, John just shrugged it off and dismissed it as irrelevant.

Turning off his chainsaw John raised it above his head triumphantly with one arm, and with the other he high fived Nannasprite's hand which had floated up next to him separately from her body which was still a ways behind him. He then put his chainsaw away, let his arm fall limp to his side, fell to his knees, and slumped tiredly from a mixture of exhaustion from the fight and blood loss. Nannasprite floated up behind him and healed him again. "Thanks." He muttered to her. With the demon dead his rage fell back down to the baseline it was at before the fight, which meant he was still impossibly angry just slightly less so.

John skyrocketed up his Echeladder to the noble rung of Night Sentinel Squire. He was rewarded with 24,986 Boondollars and his Cache Limit, Gel Viscosity, and Mangrit all increased. His Cache Limit was now more then enough to accommodate all the grist dropped by the two harlequin monsters the demons had killed.

His PDA went off so he took it out and saw Rose was trying to message him. He stared at the screen in confusion for a moment, shocked that he was able to read the words so clearly. He had always been slightly far sighted and needed his glasses to be able to read so this was new, but certainly not unwelcome. His eyesight still wasn't perfect as the text was still slightly blurry but with a little effort he was still able to read without his glasses which he saw as a huge improvement on his previous situation. Especially after this fight with his glasses breaking and the shards cutting his face, eyes, and eye lids as they had since the fact he no longer really even needed to wear glasses meant he wouldn't be in danger of having that happen again if he got into any more fights like this one. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he accepted the call.

"Good work, John! I only managed to witness the end of the fight but that thing appeared to be quite tough." Rose congratulated as the voice call opened.

"Well they beat me within a quarter of an inch of my life, so yeah Hell Knights are definitely pretty tough. Anyways, I'm glad you're back and that you sound alright." John stated, standing up and starting to walk around the platform to collect his Anti Possession helmet, Night Sentinel Sword, and Sawed Off Shotgun none of which had been knocked off the platform, fortunately enough. His Night Sentinel Sword, however, had been close to falling off as it hung halfway off the edge of the platform. While he did this, Nannasprite floated off somewhere.

"Well, only for the moment. I'll have to leave again shortly. It looks like there's another large meteor headed for my present location." 

"Dave connected with you?" John asked as he put his helmet back on.

"Not yet. I'll explain later. But I think I've determined that activating the timer in the game is not directly responsible for summoning a meteor to your location. The countdown seems merely to exist as a kind of warning to the player. As well as a strange coincidence." She explained.

John ground his teeth a bit upon hearing that Dave hadn't connected with her yet. What the fuck was he doing?! Did he not realize they had a fucking time limit?! "Son of a bitch... Can you think of anything I can do to help? Anything at all? You three are all going to die like everybody else on Earth if we don't do something, damn it!" John growled furiously.

"Sorry, John, but I don't believe there is anything you can do at the moment but wait, try to survive, and hope for the best. Now, I have to go." She told him.

John clenched his fists and looked at the ground, feeling lost and helpless and hating that he felt that way. "Alright. I guess I'll talk to you later then. Try your best to stay alive.

"I will, you don't have to worry about that. Oh and try not to waste too much of that grist while I'm gone." With that Rose ended the voice call.

Not knowing what else to do, John gathered up all the grist that was scattered everywhere. He collected 2260 pieces of Build Grist, 1040 pieces of Shale, 490 drops of Tar, and 350 drops of Mercury. He still had 591 Argent Energy left over from the Possessed Shale Imp he had killed earlier. Looking over the edge of the platform he saw even more grist littered all over the rest of the roof. One of the giant purple Shale grist things was even jammed in the hole on the lower platform.

He started towards the ladder down to the roof to go collect the grist below when Nannasprite floated up in front of him carrying the two massive unabridged books he had left by the alchemiter in her telekinetic grip. "John, don't forget your books! This one is your birthright! You ought to give it a read when you have a moment. Particularly the first several pages!" She said floating the old unabridged copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text over to him and setting it on the ground in front of him. 

"And since it's pretty clear you're going to have to fight even more demons, which is something I have no knowledge about and can't really help you with, this book should be quite useful as well! I actually skimmed through a few pages myself and I must say, I'm not very eager to let you battle these beasts... They are nothing like the Underlings players are normally supposed to face. From what I could gather from what little I read of this book they are far more dangerous and are extremely cruel and sadistic. So you had best be on your guard at all times, John." She said very seriously as she levitated his unabridged copy of his Demonology book over to him and set it on the ground next to the unabridged Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text.

John captchalogued his Demonology book first and the old Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text second. "Alright Nanna, I'll read them both when I find the time. Thank you." He said before continuing on down the ladder. Once he reached the roof, he collected all the Grist he could find before finally reaching the large piece of Shale that was stuck in the hole in the roof. John took a moment to mentally prepare himself for all the stupid Harlequins he knew he was bound to see in his father's room, before he took a deep breath and jumped down the hole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so... Uh... This chapter turned out to be a lot longer then I anticipated. Over 11 thousand words... Oops... When I said the first chapter was going to be the longest I really meant it, guys. Technically the first chapter still is the longest at over 12 thousand words, but man did this one get close. (Unless notes like this count towards the word count in which case I screwed up pretty majorly in that department). Sorry about that. I guess I got a bit carried away while writing this one. I'll try my best to avoid letting this kind of thing happen again in the future.
> 
> Anyway, as of writing these notes there is one vote for John being an Heir of Rage and three for him being a Lord of Rage. No votes for anything else. Sooo, I guess that means he's gonna be a Lord like our big green antagonist (if you know who I mean). Cool! Should be fun to see how they stack up to each other then. And don't worry, I'm going to do my best to make his life on his world an absolute HELL, whether he's a Lord or not. It's NOT gonna be a cakewalk for him. Gotta make him work and struggle to earn all that Rage God power or its no fun after all, even if he's a Paradox clone of the Doom Slayer. I'm going to try my best to keep it interesting. (Voting is over by the way. It's getting to the point I'd have to edit too much and change too much of what I'm planning. Sorry to anyone who didn't get a chance to vote.)
> 
> Speaking of being a clone of the Doom Slayer, I hope you guys don't mind making him not need glasses anymore after being exposed to a bit of Argent Energy. I know Lore wise the Doom Slayer needs the praetor suit to absorb Argent Energy, but my thought process on that is that it only works on him because his body can naturally handle said energy or he would probably killed by such a process like most other people who are exposed to that energy. Plus if you look through his visor in some of the art and stuff he doesn't really have glasses and I kinda needed an explanation for that difference with John being a perfect paradox clone of him and all... Sooo... Yeah... Argent Energy seemed like a plausible solution to me.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Edit: Fixed a few errors I noticed while re-reading the chapter, and made a few minor improvements to certain bits of dialogue.
> 
> Also, a bit of information I intended to but forgot to add in my notes earlier. Nannasprite would have taken John's newer copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text from his Demonology chest and combined it with the old unabridged copy in the Alchemiter to make a new unabridged copy, because reasons.
> 
> Edit#2: Fixed an error in the thing where John was collecting Grist after killing the juvenile Hell Knights.


	4. (HORAV) The Hell Of Rage And Violence [Edited]

Landing on his father's bed, the first thing that struck John was just how bland the room was. There were no harlequins anywhere. Seeing his father's briefcase sitting next to him on the bed, John decided to snoop a little, though he felt sort of bad about it. He was somewhat surprised to see a bunch of boring, and now sort of useless, business documents and spreadsheets. Suddenly realization struck him. His father was just an ordinary business man, not a comedian or anything to that effect as John had always assumed. But... If his dad was just a business man with rather bland interests, judging by his fairly bland room, then what the hell was with all the stupid pranks and jokes John had been forced to endure all these years and what was with all the awful harlequins all over the house? This didn't make any sense whatsoever.

Getting up off the bed John spotted a few unopened Birthday Presents which his dad hadn't gotten around to giving him yet sitting in the corner of the room. John decided he might as well open them. Choosing one at random he picked it up and opened it. Inside was a Modus Control Deck. That alone put a smile on his face despite his perpetual inhuman anger just due to how much more convenient it would make his sylladex by allowing him to combine his Queue and Stack modi. He immediately ripped the box open and retrieved the Modus Control Deck. As he did, twelve more Captchalogue cards fell out of the box along with an Array Fetch modus.

Seeing this, the first thing he did was flush all of the extra cards into his deck. Next he equipped his new Array Fetch Modus. Apparently it allowed him to store and retrieve any item from any card at any time. Upon learning this, John blinked in awe, looked at his other two fetch modi and the Modus Control Deck, and then proceeded to tear the cards for his Stack and Queue fetch modi to pieces before stomping on the remains. Fuck those demonic pieces of shit. They had caused him _way_ too many problems and he never wanted to fucking deal with that bullshit again, and with his new Array Modus he would never have to. Technically having his new Array Modus also meant he no longer really needed his Modus Control Deck any more, but whatever. It was a gift so he was going to take it anyways. He was just happy to finally be able to pick up and use anything he wanted at any time he wanted without having to wage a full scale war with his fucking Sylladex to do so.

Next he unwrapped the smallest present. Inside was a box of Fruit Gushers. Cool, at least he'd have snacks in this fucking demon infested hellscape.

Finally he opened the largest present. Inside was a fancy suit and tie. Eh, not really his style but he'd take it. Mainly just to see what he could make by combining it with stuff. He captchalogued the suit and tie and picked up the gushers intent on captchaloguing them too when he spotted something on the box. In the top left corner of the box was a red spoon with the words "Betty Crocker" written on it. John snarled furiously at that. ' _THE EVIL PASTRY DEMON HAS HER GNARLED BLOOD THIRSTY CLAWS IN EVERYTHING!_ ' John mentally raged, punching a hole straight through the wall that was closest to him. Now extremely frustrated, John captchalogued his gushers and started marching out of the room.

Feeling slightly sentimental he also captchalogued one of his Dad's hats on the way out. He was worried that if he didn't take it the shale imps would steal all his Dad's stuff and he wouldn't have anything to remember him by if something went wrong and he was killed by whoever kidnapped him. He wanted to believe his dad was alive and would stay that way indefinitely, but in bad situations he always tried his best to expect the worst so he would never be caught off guard when something inevitably went wrong and would be pleasantly surprised in the remote chance that things ever truly went in his favor.

Even so, he could only hope it wasn't the Demons that infested this place that had his father because if it was then there was a 100% guarantee that they would kill him at some point and they would take their time doing it. They would savor his screams of agony and revel in his prolonged suffering as they slowly tortured him to death over the course of hours if not days depending on the demon in question.

Summoners and Archviles were by far the worst of all the low to upper-mid ranking demons in that sense. His old abridged copy of his now unabridged Demonology book said Summoners and Archviles sometimes took between weeks and months to finally kill their victims, and were sometimes even faster or slower then that depending entirely on how much they were enjoying torturing their victim and how long it took to completely shatter the victim's mind and leave them in a permanently catatonic state. During that time they used their magic to keep them alive long past the point where they should have died, to inflict physical pain, and to create illusions to torture their victims mentally as well.

When the victim finally lost their mind and went insane from the physical and mental pain the Summoner or Archvile would finally hang the victim by a noose made of their own entrails, burn them alive, or throw them to the imps to be eaten alive. Generally by the time you could actually find their victims the only thing you could do to help them was giving them a relatively merciful end to their suffering, likely via a bullet to the head. And it was for these reasons dread filled John at the thought that his father might be in the clutches of a Summoner or Archvile more than almost any other type of Demon.

He shook his head to clear his mind of those dark thoughts and took a few minutes to go outside and collect the grist from all the Shale Imps he had shot while on the roof, killing a few more Shale Imps along the way. Heading back inside he punched a few more cards, planning to make a bunch of awesome new stuff. This time, however, he made sure not to destroy any items and instead just looked at the codes of a few things and punched them on blank cards. He wasn't stupid enough to waste all of his grist since he knew they would need that to build up to the first gate, but he wanted to see if he could make anything else that could potentially be useful to him or that might at the very least increase his chances of survival. He knew damn well that he was going to need all the help he could get. When he had all his cards punched, he used the Cruxtruder to make more Cruxite Dowels and then made his way back up to his room.

Almost as soon as he opened the door and walked into his room, his unnatural rage shot to new heights he never thought would be achievable as he saw his movie posters defaced with poorly drawn images of harlequins and lame insults. Seeing his posters ruined, John felt his eye twitch. He decided then that the next time he saw another Shale Imp, he was going to make their death as slow and painful as possible for this malicious act of grotesque vandalism. Scowling furiously under his helmet and, not wanting it to be stolen or defaced by the little bastards like his other stuff, he captchalogued the rabbit from "Con Air'' that Dave had gotten him for his birthday, which by some miracle was still in its box and hadn't been stolen yet. He then made his way over to the totem lathe and started combining cards and making new totems. As he finished and was about to captchalogue them all and head up to the Alchemiter, his PDA went off. Taking it out, he saw Rose was back online and was requesting a voice call which, as always, he accepted.

"That's quite a Totem Collection. What are you planning?" Rose inquired as the call opened up.

Captchaloguing all the Cruxite Dowels and turning to exit his room John shrugged and said, "Just making some things. More importantly, are you alright? Hasn't your house been on fire for a few hours now?"

"No, that was the nearby forest, which up until quite recently would have been described as "on fire". But you may be excited to learn that just as recently, my house finally notched that achievement." She explained, sounding far too nonchalant for her current situation.

"Are you serious? Damn it! Where the hell is Dave?!" John growled in frustration.

"Oh, then I suppose it's safe to assume you don't know either. I was about to ask you the same thing." Rose sighed, sounding equally frustrated. "Well, either way, I'm going to start putting this grist to use too. Let's be sparing with the frivolous knickknack breeding and focus on getting you up to the gate, okay?"

John rolled his eyes at that. "I'm not stupid, Rose. I'm only planning to make a few things that I think might be useful and that should help keep me alive, which is actually really damn important since those Hell Knights were able to tear through my armor like it was made of tissue paper. Besides, I think we'll have plenty. I've been going around killing Shale Imps all over the house and now it's covered in grist since I wasn't able to store all of it... Serves the little bastards right for ruining my damn posters." He added as an afterthought.

"Which posters?" Rose asked, sounding genuinely confused.

Clenching his fists he growled, "Rose, is your computer screen busted or something? The movie posters in my room, damn it! They're all fucking ruined!"

"John..." She said, sounding a bit concerned.

"What?" He growled in frustration.

"Are you suggesting that imps are responsible for defacing your movie posters?"

"No, I'm suggesting these fucking Shale Imps are responsible for defacing them! As much as I would love to blame them, I know Imps had absolutely nothing to do with it. Demons wouldn't bother vandalizing my stuff like this unless it was to draw corrupt pentagrams or other demonic runes or symbols on them."

John could almost hear Rose face palm on the other side of the call. "Ugh, John, you're missing the point! Your posters have looked like that ever since I first saw your room. The moment we started playing this game. I thought you had defaced them ironically to mock your father's interests."

"Rose, you know I don't do that passive aggressive bullshit. If I have a problem with someone I'm either going to keep it to myself since it's not really that important or I'm damn well going to say it to their face! There is no middle ground! For example, right now I really don't appreciate this joke you're making! I did not ruin my own fucking posters!"

They continued lightly arguing about this for a few minutes as Rose quickly built upwards and moved the alchemiter up to the platform where John had fought the Hell Knights earlier. After climbing up the ladder John said, "Now, while I make some stuff up here, could you please keep an eye out for Shale Imps? If you see any, just let me know where they are so I can go and skin them alive for trashing my posters."

"I keep telling you the posters were always like that."

"And I keep telling you that joke ISN'T FUCKING FUNNY!"

"Here, look in chat." She told him.

Scowling, John took out his PDA and clicked the links Rose had left him in the chat messages. One was a screenshot of him talking to Nannasprite, while the other was a screenshot of him standing there in a daze after learning that the world was done for, and there was nothing he could do to stop it (which was a fact he still hadn't gotten over yet, and felt like he might not ever get over). Both pictures looked like they were from the walkthrough she was making, judging by the text beneath them. John stared at them in confusion. "What? How the fuck...? Did you photoshop these?!" He demanded, not understanding how this was even possible.

"John, I don't even have photoshop. Furthermore, even if I had the motive for such a bizarre and pointless deception, where would I find the time?"

John opened his mouth to retort but was unable to come up with any valid arguments, thus he was forced to relent. "Good point, I guess... But it still doesn't make any sense. This implies that I drew them a while ago without even realizing it and couldn't see them until now. What would that even mean?"

"It looks like you were in your father's room recently."

"Yeah."

"And how did it make you feel to discover what was in there?" She inquired curiously.

John sighed and sat on the edge of the Alchemiter. "I realize you're probably trying to psychoanalyze me right now but, whatever. You saw what's in there, it's boring and there's not much to see."

"John, I'm not trying to psychoanalyze you. Right now, I'm just trying to be a friend. Anyways, it doesn't matter if it's boring. What matters is how seeing it affected you. I think it clearly has in some way."

"Alright... I don't know, at first I had to mentally prepare myself to go in and find more of his stupid harlequins, because I fucking hate them. But, when I didn't see any, I was a bit confused and was really surprised. I guess I realized he doesn't really like Harlequins and stuff."

"Is it fair to say this changed your perception of your father?"

"I guess so."

"Is it such a stretch to conclude it changed your perception of other things as well?"

"I don't know. Maybe not. I need to think about this." He muttered standing back up. "Anyways, enough of this crap. I guess this means I might be crazy or whatever but what else is new? We still have shit to do and we're running out of time. Since we can't save the world we still need to get you, Dave, and Jade in here with me." He stated as he put a totem on the Alchemiter and created a weirdly futuristic looking Night Sentinel helmet which sort of looked like one of the helmets worn by ancient knights by having combined his Anti Possession helmet with an Argent Cell. "Well... Hopefully not literally _with_ me since this place is a nightmarish hellscape full of demons and it'll be hard enough for just me to survive here on my own let alone all four of us together, but you get the point." He said as he took off his helmet and put on the one he just made. He was surprised to find that the helmet really was pretty futuristic, having a heads up display controlled by thought and everything. 

"I'm pleased to see you are taking this so well, John, though I wouldn't use the term "crazy". But I suppose I can at least agree with your assessment of the situation all the same. I would prefer not to meet a fiery demise today, nor does it seem as though being sent to the infernal nether realm in which you are presently located would be much of an improvement on any of our respective situations."

"Glad you agree..." He muttered back. He quickly installed Pesterchum into the futuristic helmet, logged in, switched his voice call with Rose over to that. Hearing the platforms above him shift he looked up and saw it sway ominously. "Uh... Rose? What the hell are you doing, by the way? This thing doesn't seem very stable."

"I'm trying to spread the upward construction around so there is a more substantial foundation for later on. But I'm starting to wonder if it will be strong enough. I think you're right about it's stability. It's kind of starting to wobble a little. I don't think brick chimneys were meant to serve this architectural purpose."

"Yeah, no shit!" He exclaimed as he climbed down the ladder, wanting to keep using the alchemiter but not wanting to be on these platforms when they finally came crumbling down.

"I might have to adopt a different building strategy. Stick to more load-bearing walls, and blockier shapes, especially since grist has been easier to come by lately."

"Agreed, but should you even be bothering with this right now? You have to be running out of time, right?"

"Correct." She confirmed, still sounding way too calm for someone who was about to be killed by a meteor.

"DAMN IT, STRIDER!" He shouted furiously as he rushed down to the balcony. Seeing another Shale Imp, he drew his chainsaw and cut its legs off before plunging the blade into its stomach until it exploded into more grist for him to collect. John then watched as the green cursor slowly lowered the alchemiter back down to its original place on the deck, likely so she could rework her building project above. He was completely fine with this, since it would save him quite a bit of time getting to the designix, the lathe, and back.

Walking up to the Alchemiter he then continued on to make a set of Anti Demonic Magic Armored Pants, Gauntlets, and Boots, by having combined his Doom Torso Armor with his pants, his boots, and a pair of gloves he found in the utility room. He then rushed back downstairs, killed a few more Shale Imps, got the codes for the armor he just made, punched more cards, rushed back up to the totem lathe, combined all of the new armor, including his Steel Doom Armor, with Argent Cells in hopes of turning them into more of this awesome Night Sentinel gear, then rushed back to the alchemiter.

His assumption turned out to be correct and he did in fact end up creating a full suit of Night Sentinel Armor. Taking off his helmet and his Doom Armor, he put on the new futuristic knight armor, then put his helmet back on and was surprised to hear it seal together. Apparently this armor was air tight. The Heads Up Display inside the helmet also changed to include a blue bar that represented his vital signs with a smaller green bar just above it to represent his armor integrity both in the bottom left corner. Both bars were currently full.

Happy with the armor he made, he replicated a bunch of Ammo for his Sawed Off Shotgun and a few Argent Cells for his Chainsaw and Plasma Rifle.

Next he put another totem he had already made on the alchemiter. This one was a bit of an experiment. He made it via a combination of his Night Sentinel Sword and an Argent Cell but this time he put the Argent Cell in the opposite position from where he normally had it in the Lathe when combining it with things because he wanted to see what would happen. What appeared in the middle of the platform was not what he had been expecting. Instead of another awesome sword, it just looked like a bladeless hilt with a strange but oddly familiar rune in the center. Even weirder was the fact that it cost him hundreds of Argent Energy to make, reducing his already limited supply quite drastically until it was only in the double digits.

Walking over to it and picking it up, John's mind was suddenly bombarded by information. After a moment it stopped and he was left with a bit of a headache, but it was nothing too major. More importantly, he now knew exactly what this thing was and how it worked. Much like his helmet's H.U.D. this weapon, as it was indeed a weapon, was controlled by thought. Mentally ordering it to activate, the cross guard opened up and a massive translucent bluish silver blade of pure energy shot out of the hilt. It had three pointed serrations near the handle on either side of the blade, a flared almost pickaxe-like tip, and it was covered in strange runes he didn't recognize but somehow knew were about him or... someone a lot like him? He couldn't tell which. Either way, he instinctively knew this blade was far more dangerous of a weapon then his Night Sentinel Sword and that he needed to be extremely careful with it. He captchaloged the Lesser Crucible Blade and it was immediately moved to his Strife Deck.

Next he combined his current Chainsaw with his old Demon Slaying Knife and his Night Sentinel Sword and made the Demon Slayer's Chain Sword. It looked like a combination of a chainsaw and a sword that was covered in occult runes meant to hurt Demons. This used up all but one unit of his remaining Argent Energy. Picking it up, he noticed that it was actually a lot lighter then it looked. He smiled wickedly under his helmet as he examined it. He knew he was going to have a lot of fun with this thing. He captchaloged it and it was moved to his Strife Deck under his Chainsaw Strife Specibus. Apparently it was still considered more chainsaw then sword, which he found somewhat interesting.

Next he combined his gushers with some of the purple slime left on the wall in his room. This made a box of Hellacious Purple Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers (With Ghostly Healing Properties!) This was actually extremely convenient and would help him immensely with keeping himself alive when fighting demons, though it sounded completely disgusting.

Then he combined all of his Night Sentinel armor into one captchalogue card, got the code, took it all back out of his sylladex, put it all back on, punched another card, and combined his Night Sentinel armor with his computer. This made the Sentinel-top Computer, which seemed like it was just a laptop shaped sort of like the upper body of his Night Sentinel armor. Though there were a number of oddities about it. It had cost him his only remaining unit of Argent Energy to make, it seemed to use an operating system that was a lot different than any other operating system he had ever seen though it wasn't that difficult to figure out how to use, it seemed to connect with his armor the moment he touched it which allowed him to manipulate it via thought like his helmet's H.U.D., and while it did have a disc tray and several USB ports it didn't appear to have any visible way to charge it or replace its battery. Thinking it may be smart to have a portable computer with him on the off chance he ever got off this giant stone pillar and was able to find his dad's car with his copy of the server disc, John Captchalogued it.

He also picked up a few of the Demon Slaying Knifes Rose had replicated a ton of earlier that were still scattered everywhere, just to be safe. One never knew when they would lose their weapons so it was always smart to have back up. Plus knives were just really useful tools to have in general.

Finally he looked up and saw Rose had built up the house quite a bit and estimated he should finally be able to reach The First Gate. He also noticed the house was now absolutely crawling with Shale Imps and the larger Harlequin Monsters with tusks that he still didn't know the name of. Sneering at the monsters crawling all over his house, John drew his Lesser Crucible Blade in his left hand, really wanting to test it out, and his Shotgun, which was still set to shoot Buckshot, in his right hand. He then began sprinting full speed up the house slaughtering numerous Shale Imps every time he pulled the trigger of his shotgun, and slicing through whatever was left with his Crucible Blade as if they were nothing. The larger ones with tusks put up slightly more of a fight but were nothing compared to the Hell Knights he fought earlier and were still butchered by him in a matter of seconds.

Eventually he switched out his Lesser Crucible Blade for his Demon Slayer's Chain Sword, deciding he wanted to test it out, and it worked extremely well. It didn't cut through his enemies almost instantly like his Lesser Crucible Blade but it still absolutely _brutalized_ whatever he hit and struck terror into the hearts of his enemies as they watched him saw their comrades apart in a massive spray of blood and gore. This was especially true when the blood and gore of their allies he cut apart landed on them. The only downside was that it actually scared a few of the monsters enough that they started muttering to themselves as demons tried to use their fear to force them into making deals with them, forcing John to blast their heads off before they could be possessed.

It took him awhile to find his way through the maze that was the additions Rose had made to his house as well as to clear every last one of the monsters both inside and outside and collect all the grist, but he eventually reached the very top and saw that he had been wrong. Rose hadn't built the house up quite enough for him to reach The First Gate, meaning he needed to find an alternative way up. Seeing a few of the larger monsters with tusks up on the platform at the very top of the house gave him an idea. He slaughtered all of the Shale Imps and all of the larger monsters but one. He then jumped up on the last remaining one and started using his Demon Slaying Knives to climb up it's body until he reached the top of its head. He then put his knives away, drew his Sawed Off Shotgun, and jumped as hard as he could off the giant harlequin monster's head towards The First Gate while blasting the monster's skull open with both barrels of his Shotgun just to make sure it died too. When he finally touched The First Gate everything changed again.

Suddenly John found himself standing in one of the very few designated "Safe Zones" on the surface of the Hell Of Rage And Violence which demons tended to avoid for fear of being slaughtered by the inhabitants and where demonic magic did not work at all, which Skaia had actually deemed a necessity to ensure the survival of the Consorts that lived there. Though he did not yet know any of this yet. From his perspective he simply suddenly found himself standing somewhere in the middle of the hellscape he saw from the giant stone pillar his house was sitting on. There was a lot of rocks, dirt, a few large pools of blood scattered about here and there, a few ruins of what appeared to have once been buildings [a couple of which were still on fire], there were a couple huge piles of burning corpses that belonged to dozens if not hundreds of demons of all shapes and sizes that for some reason hadn't turned to ash upon being killed like the Hell Knights John had fought earlier had, and a few alien looking things that he could only assume were plants, but not much else. John's helmet filtered the air he breathed but the stench of this place was still many times worse down here then it had been back at his house, it was so bad it actually made John gag a little.

" _John, hello! Can you hear me?_ " He suddenly heard his grandmother's voice say, though he couldn't tell where it was coming from and he couldn't see her anywhere.

Wanting to believe it really was his grandmother and not a demonic illusion John responded, "Yeah, Nanna. Where are you?" While he said that he still readied his Demon Slayer's Chain Sword and his Sawed Off Shotgun just to be safe since he didn't even remotely trust anything in this place even for a second. Now that he was on the ground below his house, he suddenly felt extremely paranoid. And from his perspective he had very good reason to be given the fact he had been attacked and very nearly killed by two Hell Knights earlier in the safety of his own home, and was now away from the safety of his own home and was suddenly and unexpectedly standing in the middle of what he believed was their territory. Every large rock, every shadow, every sound could be a demon just waiting for an opportunity to tear his guts out.

" _I am still in the house, dear! I'm afraid I cannot accompany you on your journey. But, I can talk to you like this, if you ever need me to provide a puzzling half-answer to one of your questions!_ "

John shook his head in exasperation. Yup, this was definitely his grandma that was talking to him. "Alright, I guess... Thanks, Nanna."

" _You should begin exploring and talking to the locals! They will be able to provide you with some new insight into your quest, and may illuminate some matters on which I have remained coy to this point! HOO HOO!_ "

"The locals? You mean the demons? Wait, you want me to talk to demons?!" John exclaimed, once again uncertain if he was talking to his grandmother or not.

" _No, John, I don't want you to talk to demons, in fact I would very much prefer it if you could avoid those beasts entirely! But demons aren't the only thing that lives on the surface of this world! Just keep an eye out and if you see something only attack it if you know it's either a Demon or an Underling like the Shale Imps, you'll see what I mean soon enough._ "

"Okay... I'll try to keep that in mind." He grumbled, not happy that he couldn't just shoot anything that moved since that would make it more difficult to defend himself. Still, he knew she was probably right so he was going to listen to her advice either way.

[In an unknown location years from now]

A Wandering Vagrant showed a Peregrine Mendicant a terminal in the computer room displaying John, who he attempted to communicate with using the keypad of said terminal. To be perfectly honest, he was still absolutely terrified of the boy and he still didn't know why, but he wanted to impress her somehow and this terminal was the only thing he could think of that he could show her. The Wandering Vagrant remembered how angry John had gotten when he typed anything to him, and he assumed that was partially because he had been so rude to the boy. After reading that book he had even intended to type to John again in order to apologize, but every time he tried he got too scared and decided not to. As such he warned his alabaster friend that while she was welcome to say hi to him using the human keypad communication system if she wanted to, that she should try to be careful because John gets angry really easily. 

She decided it was probably better not to bother John and instead took note of the Wandering Vagrant's nice chalk drawings and paid him a compliment. He was somewhat mystified by the fact she was more impressed by his silly drawings than his amazing technology.

[Back in the present on the surface of the Hell Of Rage And Violence]

Once he finished speaking to his grandma John set off exploring this new area and quickly spotted a group of the creature's his grandma called "underlings", but other then a few they all looked somewhat different than the ones he had seen before. Some looked like the Shale Imps he killed before, others looked like what would happen if the Shale Imps he killed were mixed with cats, some even looked like what would happen if they were mixed with both a squid and a cat. Some wore the same harlequin outfits he had seen before, others wore what looked like a sleeveless grey suit over their harlequin outfits, and a few wore pink fantasy princess garb. Some were inky black like the Shale Imps he killed before, others were grey, and a few were even blue. Not wanting to bother wasting any ammo or Argent Energy on these weaklings, John put his Shotgun and Lesser Crucible Blade away and instead drew his Night Sentinel Sword.

He slaughtered them all fairly quickly but as he did, he noticed the three different types each dropped different types of grist. The black ones dropped Shale, the grey ones dropped mercury, and the blue ones dropped a new type of grist called cobalt. So he decided to call them Shale, Mercury, and Cobalt Imps respectively in order to differentiate them from each other and Underling Imps to differentiate them as a whole from actual Imps.

He continued exploring and every so often he would come across another group of Underling Imps and sometimes even the larger ones with tusks, which he simply decided to call ogres for the sake of simplicity. Strangely, however, he did not see any demons whatsoever. After a while he crawled up over a hill and saw the giant stone pillar in the distance and could even see his house sitting at the very top. With his face scrunching in confusion he asked, "Nanna, are you there? I'm looking at the house from below right now. What gives? Why did the gate send me down here?"

" _All the gates do, John. To ascend, each time you must first descend!_ " Nannasprite explained.

"Okay, so what's even my objective down here? I mean, I've killed a ton of underlings but what am I supposed to be doing?" He asked, having wandered around but being at a complete loss as to what he was supposed to accomplish down here.

" _You need to find the next gate. It is hidden somewhere in this_ _Hell_ _._ " She did not sound particularly happy about this fact.

"Okay, I guess that's something to work with at least. Thanks, Nanna. I'll start looking."

" _It's no trouble, dear. Contact me again if you need anything else!_ "

John turned to start walking away when he noticed something off to the side. There was what looked like a person wearing armor and somehow carrying a sword at their hip that were both very similar to his own armor and sword, standing next to some strange roughly rectangular futuristic mailbox looking thing. Could this have been one of the Locals his grandmother had mentioned?

Curious, John put away his weapons and cautiously approached this person, ready to draw his Lesser Crucible Blade from his strife deck at a moment's notice should this turn out to be another hostile creature like the Underlings or an actual demon. They didn't seem to notice his approach or perhaps they did notice him and just didn't care, John couldn't tell which. Stopping a few feet away from them so he could have time to react if they attacked him, in an attempt to get the person's(?) attention John said, "Hello?"

The person's body jerked as if they were startled and their head whipped around to look at John, their hand reaching for their sword. John was about to draw and activate his own weapon when he noticed them freeze upon seeing him. "A child? How...? Well then… Alright, boy, I’m going to ask you a few questions and you're going to answer them. Understood?” He stated in a deadly serious tone that very clearly stated that he wasn’t going to take “no” as an answer.

John shrugged, annoyed by the implied threat but otherwise having no reason to object. “Fine by me. I’ll answer your questions as long as you answer a few of my own.”

“Very well, I suppose that is acceptable… Well, as long as you don’t ask anything that could potentially put my people in danger. First, you're wearing the armor of one of our fully fledged Knights. Not that of our most elite knights, to be sure, but a knight all the same. Where did you get it, let alone a suit so small as to fit your diminutive stature? Also, where are you from and how did you get here? There are only a handful of children within any of the four settlements and those few are all either much younger or much older than you are so I know for a fact that you are most definitely not of Sentinel blood.”

His stance suddenly became significantly more aggressive and threatening, his hand tightened around the handle of his sword, and his tone shifted to one of complete and utter hatred and cold fury. “That is, unless you’re the son of one of those Wraiths damned _heretics_ that work with these disgusting beasts,” he motioned towards a nearby pile of burning demon corpses. “and still worship the accursed traitorous Khan Maykr and her vile ilk...”

John sneered in a mixture of indignant rage and disgust under his helmet. “How fucking dare you even suggest that I would _ever_ work with demons!” John growled taking an aggressive step closer to who he now assumed was a Night Sentinel based on what the man said about “Sentinel blood” and the fact that he was wearing armor that closely resembled John’s own Night Sentinel armor. “I absolutely fucking _hate_ demons. Hell, I have no idea who or _what_ this “Khan Maykr” thing even _is_ , though based on how you talk about it I would assume it’s some sort of demon that I’ve never heard of. My old abridged Demonology book never mentioned anything called that and I haven’t exactly had the fucking time to read through my new unabridged version with all the bullshit that’s been going on lately.”

“Besides, if I were… ugh… working… with… grr... these _fucking_ _demons_ ,” He struggled to say through his gritted teeth, his already mind-shatteringly immense rage and hatred shooting to whole new heights he previously thought entirely impossible at the mere _thought_ of him working with demons let alone having to actually _say_ the words _verbally_. It was actually to the point that it was actually starting to strain his seemingly unnatural control over himself. Still he managed to keep himself under control and continued, “then I would have attacked you while your back was turned rather than trying to talk to you! Not to mention the fact I would probably look demonic like anyone who gets corrupted by them, so you can _FUCK OFF_! Do I look demonic or possessed to you?!” With that he reached up and removed his helmet, with a hiss of air as his surprisingly still intact helmet unsealed itself from his ruined armor.

As soon as he took off his helmet where as the gut wrenching stench of this place previously just made him gag a little, it now filled his senses to the point it made him legitimately nauseous. It was hard to believe _anything_ could actually live down here at all with how bad the stench of blood, death, and rotting and burning flesh was. Still, other than a quick grimace, through sheer force of rage and spite he forced himself to not puke on the spot in complete defiance of his body and glared furiously at the Night Sentinel in front of him.

The Night Sentinel raised a hand placatingly and said, “Calm down, boy. Your point has been more than made… By the Wraiths, not only do the demons you kill turn to ash but you even look exactly like… but no, that’s impossible…” He trailed off, seemingly lost in thought.

“What’s impossible?” John asked in confusion, finally getting sick of the awful smell and putting his helmet back on.

“Nothing. Never you mind, boy. It’s not important. Now, you still have yet to actually answer either of my questions.”

John scowled under his helmet. “Grrrr… Whatever. To answer your first question, I don’t know, I just made this stuff by combining stuff using my alchemiter at home. As for your second question, I got sent down here after going through a gate thing in the sky above my house, which you can see right up there.” He pointed at the massive stone pillar looming in the distance. The man turned his head and looked for a moment before turning back to John who continued on, "Anyways, after all the demonic crap I had to deal with in my house and seeing that walking mountain of a demon stomping around burning everything I sort of assumed the surface of this place would be absolutely fucking crawling with demons too, but I haven't seen a single one since I got here. Honestly, it's sort of creepy. So, what gives?"

The man stared silently at John for a moment, seemingly thinking to himself. Finally he said, "Well, boy, this place is one of the four Safe Zones, as those of us who are left tend to call them. Demonic magic doesn't work inside the Safe Zones so they effectively belong to us, and the Demons know better than to attack us in our own territory. Well, they used to anyways... Now, what sort of "demonic crap" did you have to contend with before your arrival here, if you don't mind me asking?"

John shrugged and explained his experiences with the Possessed Shale Imp and the two Hell Knights he killed, while trying to be as brief as possible. Even so, he still made sure to give credit to Rose and Nannasprite for helping him and how they helped him, since he would have died without their assistance in both fights. Upon the Night Sentinel mentioning that John claimed to have weapons but appeared unarmed, John drew his Demon Slayer's Chain Sword and his Sawed Off Shotgun from his Strife Specibus.

John shrugged and explained his experiences with the Possessed Shale Imp and the two Hell Knights he killed, while trying to be as brief as possible. Even so, he still made sure to give credit to Rose and Nannasprite for helping him and how they helped him, since he would have died without their assistance in both fights. Upon the Night Sentinel mentioning that John claimed to have weapons but appeared unarmed, John drew his Demon Slayer's Chain Sword and his Sawed Off Shotgun from his Strife Specibus.

"The fact you managed to kill even a single juvenile Hell Knight let alone two at your age is quite impressive, even if you had some assistance. I would say, while that isn't enough to become a fully fledged Knight on its own, you have earned the right to continue wearing that armor as long as you require, at least in my opinion. After all, with how young you are and with your rather odd choice of weaponry no one is going to mistake you for a real Night Sentinel. However, you could join us and with a bit of training and experience you could become a Knight and truly earn the right to wear our armor. While we do not normally accept outsiders into our ranks since you are still a child I believe an exception could potentially be made. Plus, with our numbers dwindling as they are we could really use any fresh blood we can get, especially if that fresh blood is a youth as naturally gifted in the art of demon slaying as yourself." The Night Sentinel offered, somewhat hopefully.

John was silent for a moment as he considered it. Joining an order of professional demon slayers sounded fucking awesome to him, but... He sighed and shook his head. "Sorry. Maybe later if the offer’s still open at that point, but right now I need to find and rescue my Dad and my friends still sort of need me, I think. One question though, why are your numbers shrinking if you all live in these so-called "Safe Zones" and you're all professional Demon Slayers? I mean, shouldn't it be the demons who are dying off?"

The man chuckled and shook his head. "I understand. The sooner the better, of course, but not to worry, boy, my offer will stand for quite some time. And that is a rather complicated matter. Since it seems rather clear that you are not from this world, I believe a bit of context is necessary so I shall tell you a tale. The tale of the fall of Argent D'Nur, the imprisonment of the Elemental Wraiths, and the destruction of the true Night Sentinels."

He began to tell John the origins of the Night Sentinels and their people, the Argenta. How they were warriors that protected a group of three god-like creatures known as the Elemental Wraiths. How they eventually encountered beings known as the “Maykrs” and began worshiping them as they had worshiped the Wraiths for eons. How one day the demons suddenly invaded their world without warning. How they waged war with the demons for years until a meteor that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere suddenly crashed into the planet. How the Wraiths went to investigate the meteor and found an abandoned infant in the crater.

He explained that the Wraiths saw something special in the boy and had the Night Sentinels raise him until he was old enough to hold a weapon then the Wraiths once again took him and began personally training him as a weapon to be used against the demons. The boy eventually grew up to be one of the greatest warriors the Night Sentinels had ever seen, fighting the demons with a brutality and an intense rage and burning hatred that none could ever hope to match. How a being known as the Seraphim blessed this warrior without the consent of the Khan Makyr. How this warrior then took the Crucible in hand and Wraith Fire leapt from the blade as it would only for a true Sentinel warrior king.

He then explained how the discovery of a strange energy called “essence” — which was later discovered to be the literal souls of the Night Sentinels who fell in battle against the demons — led the Khan Maykr to betray the Argenta by making a deal with the Demons in return for a constant supply of this essence. How when the Night Sentinels learned of this it led to a split amongst their ranks, dividing them into two factions. Those who were loyal to the Wraiths and those who were loyal to the Khan Makyr.

How this divide led to a bloody civil war between the two factions. How the Loyalist Night Sentinels who still served the Wraiths were deceived and betrayed by the priests of the Order Deag, and how they were later betrayed by one of their own leaders after he was also deceived by the Priests. How these betrayals led to the Wraiths being cursed and imprisoned by the Priests while they slept and led to the fall of Argent D’Nur and the complete destruction of the Loyalists. And finally he explained how their heroic warrior King, unfathomably enraged by the fall of Argent D’Nur and the destruction of the Loyalists, waged a one man genocide against the forces of Hell and eventually became known as the “Doom Slayer”.

"However the demons were, as always, very clever beasts and managed to come up with new ways to trick him on a handful of occasions. Typically this only resulted in him being sent through time and space and ending up in another realm for a decade or so before eventually managing to make his way back to Hell, thus it was fairly trivial. However, a few centuries ago, after defeating the Titan the Doom Slayer was tricked twice more. The first time he ended up in another plane in the distant future for about sixty to seventy years or so, giving the demon priests of the Blood Temples time to lay yet another trap to capture him. When he returned, blinded by his fervor, he was lured into the Blood Keep and the Hell priests brought the temple down upon his head before entombing him in a cursed sarcophagus kept upon the world that was once known as Argent D'Nur with the mark of the Doom Slayer burned upon his crypt as a warning to all of Hell as to what lay within."

"A few thousand if not millions of years later, which is to say roughly two hundred years ago, a strange being known as a "denizen" by the name of "Yaldabaoth" appeared within the corrupted remains of what was once Argent D'Nur, though is now known only as the Hell Of Rage And Violence. It's arrival somehow cut off all forms of communication or contact between the traitors and Urdak, the home of the accursed Maykrs, which crippled the traitors chain of command for a few decades until the Hell Priests eventually managed to stabilize it again by taking complete control over the traitors for themselves. Yaldabaoth then created the four Safe Zones, resurrected a few thousand members of the Loyalist Night Sentinels who had died fighting the traitors and demons, myself included, in order for us to rebuild and continue to wage war against them once more."

"Having little choice we made settlements in the Safe Zones, as those were the only locations where it was safe for us to do so. We eventually managed to rebuild to an extent but having died once already and with our home under control of the traitors, half the world corrupted by demons, and with the Wraiths and The Slayer all having been imprisoned our spirits had been crushed. A few of us remained hopeful and set out to go find the Doom Slayer's Crypt in order to free him so he could once more lead us to victory against the demons in order to free the Wraiths from their imprisonment, Slay the Titan once more, and reclaim our world from the traitors and the forces of Hell... None of them ever returned... At least not in one piece, and those that did return died from their wounds soon after. The rest of us now only wish to survive and have lost the will to fight unless it is to defend ourselves when the demons enter the Safe Zones."

"Then, a little over a decade ago when someone or something called the "Lord" showed up and some bastards called "Agents" from a nearby planet by the name of "Derse", which somehow isn't bound to Hell as this world is, came and asked Yaldabaoth to commission these foul underlings. He did so, then we were betrayed by yet another god-like being we once viewed as benevolent, just as the Khan Maykr had betrayed us before him. Once Yaldabaoth finished making the Underlings, which are nothing but a pest, Yaldabaoth then resurrected the Titan the Doom Slayer had killed eons ago, drove it insane with rage, somehow made it's now infinite rage heal it instantly no matter how grievous the wound, and ensured that even if it _was_ somehow killed it's endless rage would just resurrect it once again not even so much as a moment later. Then it used powerful magic to bind the Titan to guard both The Well where the Elemental Wraiths are imprisoned as well as The Crypt of The Doom Slayer. Though this seems to have only partially worked and as such that monster is still able to rampage around to an extent as it patrols between them and has been wreaking havoc everywhere it goes. We have tried building powerful weapons to kill it or at the very least imprison it so it is no longer a constant looming threat but none of them have worked."

"Then Yaldabaoth cast another spell and drove half of all the other demons in this world insane with rage as well, though this time it fortunately did not make them invincible as it had made the Titan. As such over half the demons here became little more than unpredictable beasts that attack any living thing they can see regardless of what it is, including other demons. This has led to a drastic increase in demonic incursions upon our settlements for three main reasons. The first reason is fairly obvious as the berserk demons do not care if they are killed and will attack anything, including us, with little to no concern for their own well being. The second is that the remaining "sane" demons — if any demon can truly be considered sane — simply attempt to flee the berserk ones and our Safe Zones are simply in their way. The third is that the other demons and the traitors both often intentionally lure the berserk ones to our Safe Zones to use the berserkers as a tool to kill us all since they can not do it on their own.”

"Then after making Hell even worse for us, Yaldabaoth apparently got tired and decided to go to sleep, as it has been ever since. The Agents from Derse also made a deal with the traitors to provide them assistance in their war against another world called Prospit, and vise versa Agents from Prospit came to what remains of us Loyalists to offer some support in return for what limited assistance we could provide them in their war effort against Derse. We mainly provide them with weapons and technology but we have also sent them what very few warriors we could. So, combine all of this with the fact that new children are very rarely ever born due to our current circumstances and you can see why recently our population has been in a slow but fairly steady state of decline. Recently we have been trying to dig tunnels underneath the Safe Zones for the civilian population — those of us who are either physically incapable of or have renounced their titles as Knights and outright refuse to fight the demons — to move into. But it has been a slow process and I fear we may not get it done in time before we are all killed again. And since it is now effectively suicide to travel between Safe Zones even to deliver food and basic supplies to other settlements that are in need of them — whereas before it was just very difficult — we have even been forced to create these Parcel Pyxis devices. They're essentially teleporters connected to a teleportation network of sorts we now use to send supplies to and from other Safe Zones. Unfortunately, due to how new the system is it is extremely unreliable and inefficient. Oddly enough, however, there does seem to be a little bit of a culture forming around them."

"Personally, I don't really understand why others like them so much but I think they have turned it into something of a game akin to gambling for whatever reason. If there is something someone wants, they chisel it on a Minitablet and drop it in. It is then sent to a random Parcel Pyxis somewhere in a random Safe Zone, because of how unreliable the system is. It's impossible to know who will receive it but if one encounters a Minitablet and possesses what is chiseled on it, it is considered only polite to drop it in the Pyxis. Similarly, if one encounters a Parcel Pyxis that has a prize in it already, they are considered obligated to keep the prize for themselves. We have started making more reliable Parcel Pyxis so we can at the very least choose which Safe Zone we wish to send food and supplies to now, but for some reason many people enjoy the old unreliable ones quite a bit and are very insistent upon keeping them. This is one of the newer models." He said, motioning to the rectangular mailbox looking device next to him. It was fairly large (likely so a lot of supplies could be delivered through it at once), there was a strange green light emitting from the cracks around the door, it looked like it had extremely significant armor and it seemed to be designed to be difficult if not almost impossible to destroy, and it was painted pure white.

John frowned furiously under his helmet. Hearing the story of the fall of Argent D'Nur struck some sort of cord within him and made him even more impossibly angry then he already was and made his hatred for demons grow even worse, though he didn't even remotely understand why this was. He also hated the fact another group of humans or humanoids was being destroyed. Even if he couldn't do anything to save Earth or prevent his people from dying off, he had the urge to do something to help these people at the very least. He couldn't care less about their mail system though. He had no idea why this guy was even mentioning it but decided to humor the ancient warrior by letting him talk. "Is there any way to get rid of the demons and fix all of this?" John asked in a deadly serious tone.

The Night Sentinel sighed and shrugged. "To be perfectly honest, I am unsure... The only way I can see our situation improving at all is if The Doom Slayer and/or the Elemental Wraiths were somehow freed from their imprisonment by someone, but freeing either one would be impossible. The location of The Crypt of The Doom Slayer is fairly well known and is extremely easy to find as it is a rather large and ostentatious structure, by demonic standards, with a giant mark of the Slayer carved on the front of the building. However, it is also possibly the single most heavily fortified and defended location on this entire planet and now it even has that unkillable monster guarding it so trying to break in would be suicide. As for the Wraiths, The Well where they are imprisoned is not a large or ostentatious structure but it is just as easy if not even easier to find as all one has to do is follow the three pillars of light shooting up into the sky off to the south. Unfortunately, it is just as well defended as The Crypt of The Doom Slayer. In some ways it may even be _more_ well defended."

"So to have even the smallest chance of success someone would likely need to to kill Yaldabaoth to undo the spell he cast to grant the Titan invincibility. However that would likely also undo the spell he cast to create the Safe Zones which would leave us vulnerable to attacks by the demons who would be more organized again as the spell Yaldabaoth cast to drive half of them insane with rage would also be undone, meaning we would be in even more danger then we are right now. Then someone would have to kill the Titan and fight through the hordes of Demons guarding either The Well or the Doom Slayer's Crypt in order to get to either The Wraiths or The Slayer's Sarcophagus and find a way to free one of them. But the only warrior who would be capable of such a feat is The Doom Slayer himself and he's one of the people that needs to be freed in the first place. So as I said, it is simply impossible."

John gritted his teeth and scowled at that remark. He hated the fact that these people had given up, that they would just sit back and do nothing while they were being destroyed. He believed they should be fighting the demons in an attempt to free the Wraiths or the Slayer or to reclaim their world, at the very least. Even if it was pointless at least they would be doing something. He hated the fact they thought it was impossible to win. He hated everything about this! He could not accept the Night Sentinel's words, he outright _REFUSED_ to accept them! There HAD TO be a way to free the Wraiths and the Slayer, as well as a way to kill the Titan and unbind this planet from Hell and he was damn well going to find out how. First, however, he needed to find his dad and find a way to save his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished it! Yes! This chapter was a bit of a pain to write, honestly. I had to go back and rewrite a bunch of little things over and over again and I was never able to get this chapter exactly right. It's sort of frustrating but where's the fun in writing if there isn't a bit of a challenge every now and then?
> 
> That being said, I'm not really sure how I feel about this chapter. I mean, I'm honestly uncertain if I even want to post it in it's current state. It is a bit exposition heavy near the end, unfortunately, but I couldn't find a way around that and that's not really the issue, I think. But other then that I don't know what it is about it, I just get the feeling that there's something "off" with this chapter. It feels sort of... awkward or crude, maybe? I feel like I could have done so much better with it (and not just in terms of my admittedly rather awful punctuation, which I am trying to work on). Eh, I don't know... Anyways, what do you guys think? What do you see that's wrong with this chapter that I should try to improve upon? Constructive criticism is always welcome! Without it I won't know how to improve.
> 
> Oh and also, what do you guys think of John's planetary quest? Kill the now completely invincible (and insane) Titan, free the Wraiths, free the Doom Slayer, purge the world of demons, and find a way to separate the world from Hell. Does it make sense for a Lord of Rage, is it difficult enough for a Lord of Rage, is it too easy and does it need to be even more difficult because he's a Lord of Rage, does it need to have even more of a focus on rage then I have already made it have? What if anything should I have done differently? Tell me your thoughts!
> 
> Anyways, awkwardly written or not, thank you all for reading this story and I hope you all enjoyed this chapter either way!
> 
> Edit #1: Fixed stuff I missed while editing this chapter before uploading it.  
> I am now also considering rewriting John's interaction with the Night Sentinel to spread the exposition out a bit. That will inevitably make the chapter longer then it currently is, but that's way better then leaving it in its current state permanently. If I can find a way to rewrite it in a way that isn't hopefully isn't as awkward as it's currently written I will upload that version later.
> 
> Edit #2: Unfortunately, I still couldn't figure out a good way to fix the exposition... I'm not happy about that... It's sort of embarrassing. Anyways, I changed a few details about this chapter and included the new lore Doom Eternal introduced to the best of my abilities. Here's a link to Doom Eternal's Codex for the Night Sentinels for anyone who may not be familiar with Doom's lore and is interested in learning more about it: (https://doom.fandom.com/wiki/Codex/Story_Of_The_Sentinels) Just remove the parenthesis around the link. Also, this story portrays a slightly altered version of Doom's Lore. It's generally the same but there are a few fairly significant differences.
> 
> Edit #3: So, updating the chapter to include the lore from Doom Eternal ruined all the underlining. I think I fixed it, but there may be a few things that should be underlined that I missed. If there is, sorry about that.


	5. Rage Grows

John walked away from the Night Sentinel and started walking in a random direction. Seeing another of those Parcel Pyxis things from earlier — this one being smaller than the one he saw before and being dark grey instead of a white — he remembered what the Night Sentinel had said about them treating it as a sort of game. With a shrug he decided to open it and saw a mini tablet with a picture of what looked like one of his dad’s hats on it. This immediately caused his already bad mood to plummet.

Taking his Dad’s hat out of his Sylladex he looked at it. What if his dad had managed to escape whoever had kidnapped him and it was him who chiseled this Minitablet? He doubted it. Still, he put the hat into the Parcel Pyxis and closed the door. There was a soft whine of electronics and flash of green light that seeped out from the edges of the door as the Parcel Pyxis activated and sent the hat to who knew where. He knew his father hadn’t actually carved that tablet — he couldn’t have — and it was pretty much impossible that the hat would ever get to him, but that didn’t mean John couldn’t pretend otherwise.

Seeing yet another dark grey Parcel Pyxis teleporter thing just a relatively short distance from the last one he walked over to it. Opening up this one he found an uncarved minitablet, which he decided to captchalogue in case he ever had a use for it later.

Continuing on, he encountered a surprisingly large number of Underling Imps who were stronger than pretty much any of the others he had encountered up to that point. They actually put up somewhat of a fight and managed to damage his armor a bit before he killed them. It wasn’t anything too serious but it was still unsettling. As such, he decided to ask his Nannasprite about it. “Nanna, there are more Underling Imps than ever down here and they seem to be getting stronger.” He reported, hoping she could actually hear him and he wasn’t just talking to himself like a psychopath.

“ _Yes dear, there are plenty of imps up here too. I had to start giving them cookies because I baked too many. I hope you don’t mind!_ ” Nannasprite responded.

John scowled in confusion at the fact she was giving them cookies. “What? Why would you…? You know what? Nevermind. That’s really not important right now. Do what you want, I guess. I’m not going to stop you. Anyways, I probably should have mentioned this earlier but they also look different then they did up at the house earlier.”

“ _That is because a new prototyping has taken place._ ”

“What?”

“ _Your pretty young friend has joined you in the_ _Medium_ _!”_

“Rose is here?! Where is she?! She isn’t anywhere down here right?!” John demanded, now extremely worried about the safety of his friend. If she was somewhere in this hellscape he absolutely _had_ to get to her before the demons did!

“ _(Oh, settle down, all of you. There are more than enough cookies to go around.)_ ”

“Nanna! Damn it, this is really fucking important! Where the hell is Rose!?” John demanded. A few moments passed with no response. “Nanna?” He asked. Hearing no response he cursed furiously and slammed an armored fist into a nearby boulder, causing a series of huge cracks to form in the giant rock from the sheer force of the impact.

Deciding he had to find that next portal as soon as physically possible John began sprinting in the direction he had been heading before he encountered this last group of Imps, hoping this was the correct way to go. It wasn’t long until John reached what appeared to be a carved path of some sort and decided to follow it thinking it may lead him somewhere important. He sprinted up the path until he started running out of breath. Okay, maybe sprinting like that hadn’t been the best idea, he probably should have paced himself a bit better.

Since he needed to rest for a moment until he recovered he decided to pull up Pesterchum on his helmet’s H.U.D. and sent a message to Rose.

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

GT: rose?

GT: are you there?

GT: i went through the gate and nanna said you might be here too.

GT: are you here in this demon infested hellscape with me or are you somewhere else?

GT: seriously, if you’re here then let me know ASAP.

Almost as soon as he sent the last message he saw that Jade was trying to set up a voice call with him and immediately answered it.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

“John, hi!” Jade greeted cheerfully.

“Hey Jade. I went through this portal thing above my house and it sent me to the surface of this planet. Anyways, have you talked to Rose? I’ve tried messaging her but she won’t answer.” John responded, significantly less cheerful than Jade.

“No, I haven't talked to her yet but I'd like to soon. I've got a lot of catching up to do with all of you! Sorry I've been so scarce I've just been so busy running around like crazy and looking after my dog and stuff all day! I think he just locked me in my room actually.”

“Well he’s probably just looking after you, inconvenient as it may be.” John shrugged.

“Yeah, he can be a bit of a handful sometimes. Oh, hey John can you hold on? I have to talk to Dave and start playing this game with him.”

“Oh? What game?”

“Sburb! Duh, what else?” Jade stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

John frowned in confusion under his helmet. “What? I thought you didn't even know what Sburb was!”

“Oh jeez. I was asleep when I said that silly! Of course I know what it is!”

“Alright, I guess. Where did you even get it?”

“From the ruins. It's Dave's copy.” Jade stated.

John groaned internally. “That doesn’t even make sense!”

“I know, right?!” She giggled to herself. “Oh! That reminds me. Since I’m setting the game up with Dave to be his server you’re going to need to do the same thing for me.”

John grimaced at that. “Uh... I think that’s going to be a problem... I sort of lost my copy of the server disk...”

“From where you're standing can you see the place your dad’s car would have fallen?”

John looked around for a moment before spotting something way off in the distance. “I think so. It'll take me awhile to get there though, this place is huge.”

“You should go there and get your copy of the server and set up with me… Oh and also get your package!”

“Wait, I know I told you the package was in the car but I never said the game was in there too. How did you know that? Unless, of course, this is more stuff you have to “wait” to tell me.” John growled slightly in irritation.

Jade sighed and said, “John, I realize that I may know lots of things but I'm really serious when I say that it's no more information than what you have access to. You just don't realize it yet. Anyway we can talk more about it soon… I won't have to be so coy with you anymore because I'm pretty sure most of the stuff that was supposed to happen has already happened. I couldn't tell you about it because it would have messed it up!”

John scowled in frustration under his helmet. “Fine… I’ll let this go for now but I expect answers later. Oh, and before you go, I have a captcha code for you that I think you might need. I’ll type it in chat so you can access it later.”

GT: d6m6n6

GT: pages: 537, 666, and 719

“It’s a code for an abridged copy of "a guide to the demons of hell and how to slaughter them", along with pages containing anti demon, anti demonic possession, and anti demonic magic runes respectively. I won’t waste too much of your time with a lengthy explanation, especially since I’m pretty sure you already know, but right now I’m apparently on a planet called the “Hell of Rage and Violence”, and it is actually a part of literal Hell and is full of demons. Because of this, I’m honestly a little worried that you guys might be in danger of getting possessed or being attacked by possessed underlings. So when you have the time, please inscribe those runes into some weapons, pretty much anything you can attach to your head, and whatever else you can. While not perfect, those runes should help protect you to some extent and _will_ keep you from being possessed. Also, since you’re already talking to him right now, could you please pass that code and the page numbers over to Dave as well?”

“Thanks, John! I’ll try to get to all of that as soon as I can! In the meantime, just give me a few minutes while I set up this game! Oh, and say hi to the knights for me!” Jade said before ending the voice call.

As soon as the call ended, however, John almost immediately received another notification. This one in particular caused his endless rage to spike dramatically. One of those damn internet trolls that constantly harassed him and his friends was sending him a message. His stance became highly aggressive, his face contorted into an expression of pure unadulterated rage and utter hatred under his helmet, and his armored hands curled stiffly as if he were attempting to strangle some invisible person to death if not completely rip their throat out.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

CG: HEY JOHN.

CG: CALM THE HELL DOWN.

GT: FUCK YOU!!!!!! THE WORLD IS ENDING SO GO GET KILLED BY A FUCKING METEOR YOU WORTHLESS SACK OF SHIT!!!!!!

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

GT: HOW MANY TIMES AM I GOING TO HAVE TO FUCKING BLOCK YOU?!

GT: you know what? screw this! i am NOT dealing with this bullshit right now!

CG: WAIT.

CG: JOHN, DON’T YOU DARE TAKE THAT STUPID HELMET OFF!

CG: I’M NOT HERE TO TROLL YOU THIS TIME!

GT: first, how the fuck do you know I’m wearing a helmet?! second, oh yeah, like i’m going to believe that!

GT: i’m not a fucking idiot, you worthless piece of shit!

CG: WE HAVE THE ENTIRE CONTINUUM OF YOUR EXISTENCE TO CHOOSE FROM WHEN CONTACTING YOU.

CG: THIS HAS BEEN EXPLAINED TO YOU SO OFTEN IT WOULD MAKE ME SICK TO MY HUMAN STOMACH IF I HAD ONE OF YOUR HUMAN STOMACHS.

GT: ok, this time i'll actually believe that you aren't human.

GT: because if you were then you’d be more worried about the motherfucking apocalypse then infuriating strangers on the internet.

GT: but that just means I can fucking kill you without having to worry about any legal or moral issues that would otherwise be involved with murdering a human being.

GT: i’ve already killed a bunch of monsters and a couple demons, so I might as well add a few aliens to that list, RIGHT!?

GT: or, you know, i could just throw you and your friends to the demons and let them torture you all to death!

CG: JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN ALREADY! DAMN!

CG: LIKE I SAID BEFORE, I'M NOT HERE TO TROLL YOU THIS TIME!

CG: WE'RE FRIENDS OK?

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

CG: OKAY, ADMITTEDLY MAYBE “FRIENDS” IS TOO STRONG OF A WORD.

CG: “ACQUAINTANCES” IS A BIT MORE ACCURATE.

CG: WHATEVER! THE POINT IS I DON’T COMPLETELY HATE YOU AND YOU DON’T HATE ME QUITE AS MUCH AS YOU DO NOW.

GT: bullshit! if i ever find you and your friends, not only am i going to murder each and every last one of you as slowly and painfully as physically possible

GT: even if i get killed in the process, i am going to try my damnedest to DRIVE YOUR ENTIRE GODDAMN SPECIES TO FUCKING EXTINCTION!!!!!!

GT: i can’t fucking stand how unfair it is that MY species is about to be destroyed and yet a species of bastards like YOU is allowed to continue to fucking exist!!!!!!

CG: SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

CG: CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND GET A FUCKING GRIP, YOU PERPETUALLY ANGRY RABID ASSHOLE!

CG: LOOK, YOU CAN THINK I'M A FUCKING DOUCHE AND MAYBE I AM BUT HERE'S THE FACT, IDIOT.

CG: I'VE ALREADY HAD LOTS OF CONVERSATIONS WITH YOU.

CG: IN THE FUTURE. I MEAN YOUR FUTURE.

CG: I'VE KIND OF BEEN WORKING BACKWARDS HERE FOR A WHILE.

CG: AND IT'S A LITTLE FRUSTRATING.

CG: EVERY TIME I GO FURTHER BACK YOU KNOW LESS AND LESS, AND YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING I SAID BECAUSE IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET.

CG: AND I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF A LOT.

CG: AND I'M GETTING PRETTY FUCKING SICK OF IT.

GT: and you called ME an idiot?! what the fuck did you expect dumb ass?!

CG: WELL IT'S NOT LIKE I MAPPED OUT THIS TROLLING ONSLAUGHT VERY WELL IN ADVANCE.

CG: I MEAN, WHEN YOU TROLL SOMEONE YOU JUST SORT OF DO IT. YOU DON'T START DRAWING FLOWCHARTS AND DIAGRAMS AND STUFF.

GT: wait…

GT: you have something to do with this game, don’t you?!

CG: OH GOD.

CG: NOT AGAIN.

CG: NO, FUCK NO, I AM JUST NOT GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU AGAIN.

CG: YOU'LL GET PLENTY OF DIRT ON ALL THIS FROM ME IN FUTURE CONVERSATIONS.

CG: TEDIOUS CONVERSATIONS.

CG: ONES I'VE ALREADY HAD WITH YOU.

CG: WHERE YOUR RABID GENOCIDAL HATRED FOR US WILL GRADUALLY SUBSIDE.

GT: highly fucking doubtful! now why the hell are you bothering me?! what the hell do you want?!

GT: are you here in the medium, or something?

CG: OK, FINE. YES WE ARE.

GT: like, here in the “Hell of Rage and Violence” or whatever the fuck? if so, i hope you and your friends all get captured by a fucking archvile!

CG: MORE OF THIS NARCISSISM.

CG: YOU ALWAYS THINK EVERYTHING REVOLVES AROUND YOU.

CG: WE HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR ADMITTEDLY FUCKING TERRIFYING HELL PLANET OR ANY OF YOUR FRANKLY SUICIDAL QUESTS.

CG: OR FOR THAT MATTER YOUR ENTIRE GAME SESSION.

CG: YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONES PLAYING THE GAME.

CG: EVERY GROUP OF PLAYERS GETS THEIR OWN DISTINCT, BLANK SLATE SESSION.

CG: AS WILL BE EXPLAINED TO YOU MANY TIMES.

GT: fine, whatever, like i give a fuck. you still didn’t answer my question. what the hell do you want?!

CG: I NEED YOU TO TELL YOUR FRIEND JADE TO TALK TO US.

CG: SHE WON'T ANSWER OUR MESSAGES IN THIS TIMEFRAME.

CG: IT'S IMPORTANT.

GT: yeah, i don't blame her for not answering.

GT: she pretty much can't stand you guys.

GT: neither can I for that matter!

GT: because of all the trolling you did before.

GT: remember that, you son of a bitch?!

CG: OK, OUR BAD ON THAT.

CG: JUST TELL HER WE'RE SORRY.

CG: AND TO GET HER GROSS AND TOTALLY UNATTRACTIVE HUMAN BUTT OFF HER UGLY HUMAN HIGH HORSE AND ANSWER MY MESSAGES.

GT: fuck that and fuck you! i’m not doing shit for you or any of your friends!

GT: i've got to go now and get on with my “frankly suicidal quests”.

GT: never ask me to do anything for you ever again. otherwise when i eventually find you, i’ll make sure you fucking regret it.

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

John closed pesterchum, now in an even worse mood than ever. Suddenly he got yet _another_ message on pesterchum. Checking, he saw it was Rose responding to his earlier message.

TT: I guess one could use those words to describe it.

TT: If armed with a predilection for the inapt.

GT: oh, so you’re in a different world then? good to know. what’s the world you’re in like, if it’s not a hellish wasteland filled with huge piles of burning demon corpses?

TT: If I were to give a brief description then I suppose I would say, it is eerily iridescent.

TT: I certainly don’t see any gruesome mounds of burning hellspawn carcasses, of any significant size or otherwise.

TT: There is an ocean, however.

TT: Also, what do you mean by “world”?

GT: sounds like a nicer place than the “Hell of Rage and Violence”. 

GT: that’s what the world I’m in is called by the way. “the hell of rage and violence”.

GT: according to some “night sentinel” person i met earlier, it used to be a planet called “Argent D’Nur”, or something like that, before it was absorbed by hell.

GT: so apparently it's an entire planet that is actually a part of literal hell. so i think it's safe to assume you’re on a completely separate planet by the way you describe your surroundings.

GT: which is good, since you probably won’t have to fight any actual physical demons.

GT: but demons often attack in other ways than just physically. 

GT: since i’m dealing with demons and the “underlings” on my planet are getting possessed by them, i would assume both you and your underlings are also in some danger of being possessed.

GT: especially since the planet I am on is a part of hell that’s been presumably been dragged out of hell and into our realm, thus allowing demons far greater access to our realm then they ever had before.

GT: so here: d6m6n6

GT: that’s the code for an abridged copy of "A Guide To The Demons Of Hell And How To Slaughter Them".

GT: check page 666 for anti possession runes you can inscribe into some form of headgear, page 537 for runes you can inscribe into weapons in order to hurt demons worse than you would otherwise, and page 719 for runes that you can inscribe into clothes or some form of armor in order to dampen the effects of demonic magic.

GT: i’ve already given jade the code and page numbers and asked her to give them to dave, just to be safe.

TT: Much appreciated, John. 

TT: As you know, creatures of the infernal realms are not exactly my preferred brand of the occult.

TT: I much prefer lengthy tomes on the subject of the zoologically dubious of the more Lovecraftian variety such as the dreaded Horror Terror Fluthlu, Foul Patrician of Misery.

TT: However, creatures of the more demonic variety are your area of expertise and I would much prefer to retain full control over my own mental faculties rather than being a slave to the whims of some unholy entity of malevolent intent.

TT: As such, I shall trust in your judgment in this regard and endeavor to put the resources you have provided me with to good use.

TT: However, might you perchance know of the existence of any runes, symbols, sigils, charms or anything else that could banish unwanted messages deliberately designed to aggravate their recipient in an effort to provoke a reaction from them?

TT: These trolls are really quite bothersome.

GT: ugh… i wish, but no. those don’t exist.

GT: or, well, IF they DO exist then they’re definitely not in my demon slaying book since, you know, they would have absolutely nothing to do with killing demons. sorry.

GT: speaking of trolls, one was just bothering me a while ago.

GT: the bastards say they want to be friends, also they're apparently playing sburb but not the same session as ours or something.

GT: oh also they're moving backwards in time to talk to us.

GT: which is retarded as hell, but what do you expect from fucking morons like them?

TT: Color my curiosity piqued, I guess.

GT: yeah, i guess answer him if you want. or not.

GT: if you do, though, just be aware they’re apparently not even human.

GT: so i highly recommend threatening them with death and extinction.

TT: Wow.

TT: That’s going a bit far don’t you think, John?

GT: considering our species is about to be destroyed by fucking meteors, no i don’t.

GT: why should our species be destroyed when a species of assholes like them gets to continue to exist?!

GT: to hell with that! it's complete and utter bullshit and i will not tolerate it!

GT: be honest with me, rose. this crap HAS to make you absolutely furious too, right?

GT: personally, after helping you guys and finding and saving my dad i fully plan on hunting them down and killing each and every last one of them!

GT: i’m going to make their deaths as agonizing as possible as i tear them limb from limb with my bare hands and proceed to beat them to death with their own severed arms and legs!

GT: i am _more_ than happy to do it all on my own, but i would not object if you and the others wanted to help.

TT: John, that is absolutely psychotic. I am rapidly becoming legitimately concerned for your mental health. 

GT: rose, you know i don’t enjoy being psychoanalyzed.

GT: I’m not possessed and it is extremely unlikely that I ever will be, so there’s nothing to worry about.

TT: I wasn’t finished, John.

TT: I do not doubt that there are indeed no demonic entities exerting their will over yours, you’re far too obsessed with and paranoid about demons to ever allow for that. 

TT: I am, however, starting to worry that being in literal Hell combined with the stress of the unavoidable destruction of earth and your father having been kidnapped compounded on top of that may be having a very negative impact upon you psychologically.

TT: I can’t see you now, so I have no idea what you’re seeing or doing down there on the surface of Horav or how horrible it may be but I am always here if you ever need someone to talk to about anything.

GT: horav?

TT: An acronym for “The Hell of Rage and Violence”.

GT: oooh… yeah i probably should have been able to guess that. oops.

TT: Regardless, as psychotic as what you said is, now that you have pointed it out I can’t help but find myself starting to become quite angry over their continued survival in the face of our species' imminent demise as well. 

TT: Hmph. It really is unfair, isn’t it?

TT: While I had previously only viewed them as a mere nuisance that was to be ignored, I believe I am now legitimately starting to hate them.

TT: Not nearly to the extent that I would wish death or extinction upon them, but enough that I would very much enjoy seeing them suffer.

TT: It is highly unlike me. This is actually rather unsettling, if I am to be perfectly honest.

GT: good. good! let the hate flow through you!

GT: movie quotes aside, even if you don’t hate them nearly as much as i do, i’m glad you at least see my point.

GT: anyways, i should probably get moving. i don’t think it’s a good idea to stay in one place down here for too long, even in a “safe zone” like this.

GT: talk to your troll if you want, though i still highly recommend giving them death threats.

GT: we’ll compare notes later.

TT: Ok.

TT: Bye, John.

He closed the pesterchum window and looked around to see if anything was trying to sneak up on him. Seeing nothing, he decided he was probably alone for the moment. Not safe, definitely not safe, but alone. That was pretty much the best he could really ask for in this place.

Still enraged from having to deal with that Troll earlier he really wanted to kill something in order to blow off some steam. Drawing his Shotgun from his strife deck just to have a weapon in his hands in case he ran into more underlings or maybe even a couple demons, John set off continuing down the path. He continued to run rather than walk. This time, however, he made sure to run at a more sustainable pace rather than full on sprinting as he had been earlier. Due to his strict self imposed daily training regimen he had been following since he was 8 — as that was when he decided he would join the military when he was older if for some reason he couldn’t become a demon hunter — he could easily maintain this speed pretty much indefinitely.

John ran across a bridge over a ravine that appeared to be full of corpses and through a forest of what appeared to be dead trees that were all whispering what sounded like dark prophecies of some sort. However the prophetic trees’ strange demonic voices were all far too quiet and distorted for John to understand, especially with all of them whispering over each other as they were.

Eventually he entered a village that was currently under siege by a group of underlings that were all very clearly possessed like that Shale Imp had been earlier. One was a huge monster with a single blood red eye, a long spike covered tail, a thick leathery copper colored hide, two massive arms with clawed hands that looked like they could crush a giant boulder to dust with ease, and two rows of spikes that ran along the top of its oversized skull. The other two were lizard-like creatures with hides as black as tar, four glowing orange eyes, long distorted bodies that seemed to move and bend in ways that were both unnatural and sickening, huge knife-like claws on the ends of their front limbs that appeared to be designed specifically to rend flesh from bone, unnaturally wide mouths full of large razor sharp teeth that looked like they could bite through steel with ease. Along with them were about eight possessed Underling Imps, though these ones had both arms fully intact, some had dangerously strong spike covered tentacles instead of claws, and only a few carried weapons.

A single Night Sentinel with a sword and shield both of which were made of metal was holding all of the possessed underlings off on his own and appeared to have them all locked in a stalemate. It was almost awe inspiring to witness a single person holding off so many possessed monsters entirely on his own. Stabbing, slashing, and hacking with his sword while blocking and parrying strikes from clubs, axes, and claws or dodging out of the way of attacks from the giant cyclops or the lizard creatures trying to pounce on him and bite him.

Thinking the Night Sentinel could probably use some help to break the stalemate and seeing this as an opportunity to take his aggression out on something John raised his shotgun, switched to slug rounds, and began firing as he rushed towards the Possessed Underlings. The steel slug rounds tore into the Possessed GIclops’ body as John focused all of his shots on it, leaving nasty wounds that leaked tainted black blood. The closest of the two Possessed Basilisks sprang into action first and pounced on him. Pinning him to the ground before he had time to react it began slashing at him furiously with its claws, scratching shallow but slowly growing trenches in the front of his armor.

The moment he regained his bearings, John tried to punch it in its face as hard as he could in an attempt to stun it long enough to get it off of him. However, the Possessed Basilisk stopped slashing at him with its claws and caught the punch by biting his arm. His armor was the only thing that saved him from getting his arm bitten completely off.

John’s vision gained a slight red tint as his unnatural control over his inhuman rage began to slip ever so slightly. Shouting in anger, he kicked the monster in the gut as hard as he could, causing it to go sailing into the air in an arc above him before landing on its back with its teeth still embedded part of the way into the armor covering his arm. Forcing himself to stand up as soon as the Possessed Basilisk was no longer on top of him, he put his shotgun away and grabbed its mouth with his free hand and began forcefully prying its jaws open. When its mouth was open wide enough, he tore his arm out of its mouth tearing out one of its teeth in the process which stayed embedded in his armor.

Ripping the razor sharp tooth out of his armor with his other hand, he flipped it around and began using it to stab the Possessed Basilisk over and over again. He even went so far as to stab the bloody tooth into the struggling monster’s stomach and attempted to use it to gut the Possessed Underling alive. Even still the Possessed Basilisk refused to die and tried to roll over to get him off of it while striking at him with its claws and trying to snap at him with its teeth. These mother fuckers were harder to kill then he thought they’d be!

He was about to try to rip its jaw off but something slammed into his back so hard that it not only stabbed through his armor but it sent him flying into the side of an armored building with enough force he dented its thick metal exterior and cracked a few of his ribs. Picking himself up off the ground he realized the Possessed Giclops had hit him in the back with its spiked tail. The pain of his wounds began to completely disappear as the slight red tint that filled his vision began to grow even darker.

Drawing his Demon Slayer’s Chainsword from his strife deck it roared to life in his hand as he activated it and revved it up before immediately began charging the Underlings with his weapon raised. Both Possessed Basilisks and a couple Possessed Underling Imps tried to circle around him in an attempt to flank him. In response he charged towards the one that was completely unharmed and slashed at it with his Chainsword, forcing it to go on the defensive as it tried to avoid being cut by his weapon. Once he had it focused completely on the blade he caught it off guard by kicking it in the chin, shattering its jaw and stunning it long enough for him to grab it by the tail and swing it as hard as he could into the more heavily wounded Basilisk which was about to pounce on him from behind with enough force that both’s spines broke leaving them paralyzed but still alive somehow.

Aiming for the holes in the back of his armor from where the Giclops hit him with its tail a Possessed Imp stabbed John with a shiny black demonic spear covered in viscous hooks and barbs, which appeared to be made entirely out of solid obsidian. The spear went through John’s back, thankfully missing his spine, and pierced straight through his stomach and out the other side of his body but failed to pierce through the armor plate covering his abdomen. In response, John twisted himself around as much as he could and swung the back of his Chainsword into the haft of the spear causing it to shatter in the middle where he hit it and leaving a large shard sticking out his back. Now free to move as he saw fit, he turned all the way around and swung his chainsword down in a two handed arc going from right to left intending to cut the Possessed Imp in half, feeling the part of the barbed demonic spear that was still stuck in him tearing his flesh as he moved.

The Possessed Imp, not having dropped its now broken spear as it had shattered in such a way that it still retained a dangerously sharp point it could use, grabbed both ends of its shortened spear and raised it in an attempt to deflect the attack. It succeeded but the ultra rapid impacts with the teeth of the chainsword caused it to shatter again leaving it with only two obsidian spikes. John’s unnatural control of his perpetual rage started to slip a little as his super human anger skyrocketed after the Possessed Imp blocked his attack, and his vision grew even darker shade of red.

Roaring in wild fury John stabbed the Possessed Imp through the chest with his chainsword, forcing it through. The Possessed Imp’s wound smoked and burned slowly growing but never cauterizing as the rune covered weapon tore into it’s chest with a constant spray of tainted black blood and chunks of meat and bone. John then forcefully dragged the chainsword down and out through the left side of its torso before kicking it in the knee so hard its leg broke and bent backwards in the wrong direction forcing it off balance. Before it could begin falling to the ground and screaming in agony, however, John jumped up and grabbed it by the tattered remains of the shirt of its previous harlequin outfit and dragged it down forwards before forcing the roaring Chainsword down its throat with enough force that his fist shattered its jaw, which had already only been hanging on by a thread at that point due to the teeth of the chainsword having shredded its mouth and connective tissue. It then exploded into argent energy grist.

With his current target gone, John turned his head to look at the other two Possessed Imps who had diverted their attention away from the Night Sentinel to attack him instead, likely having seen him as an easier target. They now appeared to be regretting their decision quite a bit as they seemed highly intimidated and hesitant to approach let alone attack after having witnessed John’s brutal slaughter of the first one and sensing the invisible aura of pure rage that was now emanating from him. Due to his rage and brutality John reminded the demons possessing the two underlings of the Doom Slayer, and that absolutely terrified them.

Not hesitating for even a second John raised his Chainsword and began sprinting towards the two Possessed Imps. In his berserker frenzy only one thought filled John’s mind repeating over and over again, ‘ _RIP AND TEAR!_ **_RIP AND TEAR! RIP AND TEAR!!!_ **’ Jumping as hard as he could, he jammed his fingers into the eye sockets of one of the Possessed Imps, destroying its eyes in the process and causing it to screech in agony. Using its eye sockets as a hand hold to grip onto and bracing his armored feet against its chest, he then flipped his Chainsword so he was holding it upside down and jammed it into the area where the Possessed Imp’s shoulder and throat met. After sawing it’s neck half way open, John proceeded to rip the Possessed Imp’s head off.

Launching himself off its still struggling body as hard as he could, he flipped the severed head around and stabbed the third Possessed Imp in the face with its horns. One of the horns went through the Possessed Imp’s eye socket and into its brain, killing it. He then jumped off the third Possessed Imp and back onto the ground. Moments later both exploded into Argent Energy Grist one after the other.

Hearing the loud and surprisingly fast footsteps of the Possessed Giclops behind him, John turned and was about to slash at its legs with his Demon Slayer’s Chainsword only for a massive fist to suddenly pound him into the ground. John could feel the broken Obsidian Spear that was still lodged in his back shatter inside him, shredding his muscles and organs causing severe internal bleeding. As the fist lifted up off of him, John struggled trying to force himself up only for the Giclops to grab him and pick him up. He tried to stab at the hand with his Demon Slayer’s Chainsword but the Possessed Giclops quickly grabbed his arm with its free hand and ripped his arm clean off his body, before dropping both his arm and his chainsword to the ground like trash. John’s sense of pain was dulled significantly by his berserker rage, but having his arm ripped off sent waves of hellish agony through his body that his rage did absolutely nothing to dull.

He gritted his teeth in pain, his inhuman rage shot up exponentially to nigh galactic levels, and his vision rapidly became more and more red until pure crimson was the only color his eyes could register, though this somehow didn’t impair his actual vision in the slightest. Before he could do much else, however, the Possessed Giclops grabbed the upper and lower halves of his body with both hands and began to pull. It was trying to rip him in half. The Night Sentinel noticed this and tried moving to help him but he was cut off by the remaining Possessed Imps. They would be unable to reach the Giclops in time to save him.

Suddenly there was a loud **BLAM** as a massive blunderbuss-like rifle sticking out from behind some of the whispering prophetic trees aimed at the Giclops’ single massive eye and fired. There was a spray of tainted black blood from the monster’s eye socket as its eye was obliterated, causing it to drop John and roar in utter agony as it clutched at its now missing eye. There were two more bangs and the crippled Possessed Basilisks erupted into a mixture of Argent Energy grist and drops of Tar grist. For some reason their heads didn’t turn into grist like the rest of their bodies, however.

As he hit the ground, John saw the silhouette of what appeared to be a man carrying both a ridiculously large rifle and a ridiculously large book walking off into the forest of prophetic trees. He didn’t have much time to think on this however as the eyeless Giclops went berserk and began thrashing around wildly, very clearly still trying to kill him. He barely rolled out of the way in time as a massive clawed foot came stomping down right where he had been laying.

Forcing himself up off the ground, John immediately grabbed his helmet with his still functioning hand and there was a hiss of air as he removed it and threw it off to the side. Without his helmet to filter the air for him the stench of this place was still so overpowering it made him nauseous but he persevered, knowing he needed to do something fast before he bled to death. Rushing over to his arm, he grabbed it and forced it back into the bloody stump where it used to be attached to his shoulder, ignoring the pain the agony that washed over him from having a bone forcefully shoved into the wound. Fortunately, while it was extremely loose it didn’t fall out again. Taking his box of Hellacious Purple Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers (With Ghostly Healing Properties!) out of his Sylladex, tore the box open with his teeth, took out one of the pouches inside, put the box back in his Sylladex, and tore the pouch open in much the same way as he opened the box. Not concerned in the slightest about the name or how nasty they may taste given the fact that he was on the verge of death and he damn well knew it, John poured the gushers into his mouth.

However, he didn’t taste a thing as the translucent glowing purple gushers vanished from existence the moment they touched him. Suddenly he could feel his wounds closing, his bones fixing themselves, his arm reattaching. However this process was as far from painless as it could possibly get. He felt the razor sharp shards, splinters, barbs, and hooks of the obsidian spear slowly tearing and slicing through his flesh and organs which quickly knitted back together only to be torn or cut again by more pieces as they were all forced out of the wound in his back before it finally sealed itself shut. It hurt much worse than even having his arm ripped off, but at least he was healed and was no longer in danger of dying of blood loss or from toxins being released into his bloodstream from his stomach and presumably other organs having been shredded. His armor, on the other hand, retained all the damage it had taken during the battle. That was sort of disappointing but he would take what he could get.

Once he was able to feel and move his arm again, John sprinted over to his Demon Slayer’s Chainsword which had landed a ways away from his arm and picked it up off the ground. He then immediately slashed at the rampaging Possessed Giclops’ leg, fully intent on ending this. The blade met an unexpected level of resistance but it still chewed through the monster’s hide, muscle, tendons, and bone all but severing the leg at the knee in a matter of seconds. Once John had sawed all the way through the bone, the monster’s leg gave out from under it as it was no longer able to support its weight. This forced the monster to kneel as its left leg gave out from underneath it causing it to start falling forwards and forcing it to catch itself with its hands.

Dead silent in star shatteringly immense cold rage, John dodged out of the way of another fist coming to crush him and rushed around to the monster’s back. Jumping up and grabbing on to the tattered scraps of its stupid jester outfit John jammed his Demon Slayer’s Chain Sword into the base of its spine as hard as he could. The teeth tore through the flesh and bone and severed the Possessed Giclops’ spine, completely paralyzing it from the waist down. The monster roared in agony and rage as it lost all feeling in both of its legs.

Quickly running up its back towards its head, John switched his Demon Slayer’s Chainsword for his Shotgun. Pressing the twin barrels against the back of the Giclops’ massive skull, John fired both barrels repeatedly until its head was little more than a ruined mess of blood, gore, and brain matter. It then erupted into Argent Energy grist and some other form of grist he didn’t recognize. As soon as its body disappeared out from under him John began falling but managed to successfully land on his feet.

Looking over at the Night Sentinel he saw that almost all of the Possessed Imps had been slaughtered and exploded into grist, except for one that the Night Sentinel was currently in the middle of butchering. Raising his shotgun, John aimed and blasted the Possessed Imp’s head off with a couple of slug rounds, causing it to explode into grist as well. With all the current threats dead John’s vision began to return to normal as he almost immediately began to regain complete control over his impossible rage. However this time his rage did not subside back to its impossible base level, but stayed fixed on the level it had grown when his arm had been ripped off. The other negative emotions he was feeling had also grown proportionally along with it, but his rage was still by far the most intense feeling out of all of them. How he hadn’t been driven completely irrevocably insane by now, he had absolutely no idea.

With the battle now over, he proceeded to collect all of the grist that was scattered across the ground. Almost as soon as he collected the last bit of grist the Night Sentinel approached him and asked, “Are you alright boy? I saw that thing stab you in the back and the giant punch you into the ground before it ripped your arm off… Which I see you have reattached somehow?”

“I’ll live.” John grunted in response, turning to face them. “It’s not the first time I’ve almost been killed by Demons or possessed Underlings, and I have some stuff that heals wounds. Armor’s a little fucked up, but oh well. Nothing I can do about it so I’ll just have to deal with it.”

The Night Sentinel seemed to be a bit caught off guard by both his slightly aggressive tone and his words. “I… I see. Very well. Normally I would ask you who you are and where you got that armor, but one of my brothers already sent a message to everyone informing us of you. I must say, after seeing you fight I have to agree with his decision to allow you to keep the armor, especially seeing as how recklessly you charged in without so much as a moment’s thought about your own safety.” The Night Sentinel’s voice rapidly shifted from concerned into the same scolding tone that a teacher might use when chastising a student who just did something stupid and dangerous. “That was extremely foolish, boy. You could have gotten yourself killed. No, in fact you _would have_ gotten yourself killed if that other individual had not intervened or if you did not have whatever magical item you used to heal your wounds! Have you lost your _mind_?!”

“No, I was thinking you looked like you were in a stalemate and could use some help to turn the battle in your favor! _Sorry_ for trying to _help_ you! Next time I guess I’ll just leave you for dead if you’re so upset about it!” John snapped back, glaring at the Night Sentinel. His head and face still exposed from having thrown his helmet away earlier, as he had been unable to find it while he was collecting the grist.

“No, boy, you are completely missing the point! I appreciate and thank you for coming to assist me, that’s not the problem! What I am unhappy with is _how_ you went about doing it! You charged in blindly with no plan or strategy, gave up the massive advantage your ranged weapon gave you, and took on beings that are far larger and stronger than you with that strange sword despite clearly having no real skill, training, or experience without even thinking! _That’s_ what I’m upset about, you damned fool!” The Night Sentinel growled back at him.

John’s scowl eased up slightly, not entirely but enough to be noticeable. “Fine… Then if you were in my position what would you have done?” He demanded in a slightly less hostile tone.

“I would have stayed at range and used that strange hand cannon of yours to provide support to the more skilled and experienced warrior who was clearly far more suited to close quarters combat! I would have stopped and taken a moment to think and consider a viable strategy well before rushing in! Furthermore, I would have focused more on the weaker possessed creatures that were distracting the more skilled and experienced warrior so he could focus more of his attention on the larger more significant threats, instead of charging the lizards and cyclops by myself as if I had a Wraiths damned _death wish_!” The Night Sentinel all but shouted at John.

“A major part of winning a battle is using your brain and thinking. Your muscles and weapons are just tools, and like tools they are completely useless if not outright dangerous if they are not utilized with wisdom, intelligence, and discipline! The demons will not go easy on you or give you a break just because you are young and inexperienced! No, they will _capitalize_ on that fact! If you make even the _slightest_ mistake in battle they will not hesitate to kill you or if you’re particularly unlucky they won’t kill you but will instead capture you and bring you to Nekravol to _torture_ you until you _wish_ you were dead before they rip out your soul! Remember that well, boy, otherwise you will not survive long enough to find your father or your friends let alone join our order and become a Night Sentinel, and your death will have been meaningless and have achieved absolutely _nothing_!”

John looked down at the ground realizing every word the Night Sentinel had said was correct. He really needed to start being smarter about how he fought, otherwise he was just going to end up getting himself killed.

The Night Sentinel stared at him for a moment with his arms crossed in front of his chest, before sighing and letting them fall to his sides. “Judging by your expression, I believe you have learned your lesson. Here, boy, take this.” The Night Sentinel reached for something on his back before tossing it to John.

John caught it and looked at it. It appeared to be a small glowing green plate of some sort. “What is this?” He asked curiously, holding it up to get a better look at it. It was surprisingly heavy for its size

“Nano-particles held together via an energy field. Just will your armor to connect with it. Once you do, your armor’s automatic repair function will begin using the nano-particles contained within the plate to repair some of the damage it sustained during the battle. I usually carry a few with me just in case I need them.” The Night Sentinel explained.

John did as the Night Sentinel said and almost immediately the plate disintegrated in his hand. He then watched as his armor began repairing the giant tear where his arm had been ripped off, and felt the holes on his back sealing shut. It appeared to prioritize areas that had sustained the greatest amount of damage first, which John found interesting. When it was over John looked back at the Night Sentinel and said, “Thanks. Much appreciated.”

The Night Sentinel merely nodded in response before turning and starting to walk away. After a few more moments the doors to the metal houses began to slide open and people wearing respirators began looking around before cautiously exiting their homes. John took this as his que to leave and immediately started heading back towards the stone pillar off in the distance, where he assumed his Dad’s car would be. As he exited the village and was walking away, however, he heard a voice whisper in his mind.

>John, I am sorry for bothering you as I do not wish to upset you so please do not get angry. I simply have something very important to ask you.

> Might you perhaps have an uncarved tablet you can use?

John’s face contorted into an expression of rage under his helmet as he immediately assumed another demon was trying to manipulate him, especially since he was no longer wearing a helmet with anti-possession properties. However, his wrathful expression slowly shifted to one of complete and utter confusion as he listened to what the strange voice in his mind was saying. No demon would give a shit about making him angry, and why the hell would they care if he had an uncarved tablet?

“Uh… Sure...“ He said cautiously as he took the uncarved minitablet he found earlier out of his Sylladex and looked at it wondering what the fuck this had to do with anything.

> Great! I would like you to carve something on it.

John frowned in surprise as the mysterious voice began describing what he quickly recognized as the cover of his copy of the server disc. It wanted him to carve a picture of the cover of the server disk on the front of the minitablet. Was this particular voice actually trying to help him or was this a weird trap of some sort? He couldn’t tell. Still, his gut was telling him this voice, whatever it was, was not a demon. As such, since something was telling him it wasn’t a demon, he decided he might as well take a risk and just trust it for the moment. If his gut was wrong and this voice ended up betraying him, he supposed he could always just hunt down its source and get revenge later.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have a chisel to carve anything into the stone minitablet. As such — while he knew full well that they weren’t designed for carving stone and doing this would pretty much destroy the blade — he took out one of his spare Demon Slaying Knives and began using it as a makeshift chisel to carve a picture of the server disc into the minitablet to the best of his abilities. Unfortunately, while he could sort of draw he had never really been that great of an artist and that compounded with the fact that he had never carved stone before and that he wasn’t even using the proper tools for this meant that the picture ended up being rather crude and sloppy. It was enough that someone could tell what they were looking at but it most certainly wouldn’t be winning any art awards.

> Wonderful! John, please put the tablet into a pyxis.

Spotting a parcel pyxis nearby, John listened to the voice and placed the tablet inside. There was a soft buzzing noise as the minitablet was teleported to who the fuck knew where. “Alright, anything else?” He growled at the voice in his head. He waited a moment. “Guess not.” He huffed before setting back off towards the stone pillar in search of his dad’s car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the unanticipated hiatus! While not particularly difficult to write, unlike the last one, this chapter took waaay longer to get out then it should have. I really have no viable excuses, especially with quarantine being a thing. My bad.
> 
> I've pretty much given up on chapter 1 being one of if not the longest chapter at this point, if that wasn't already clear. Chapters will be whatever length they end up being, I guess. I'm probably the only one who has any issue with them being particularly long any ways.
> 
> Not much else to say this time. I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> Also be sure to wear a mask when going out in public, use hand sanitizer regularly, and all that! Also, let me give a big thank you to all the essential workers out there doing their best even during this pandemic! These are scary times, so every one please just stay safe!
> 
> Edit #1: fixed a mistake at the beginning of where John first reached the village and saw the possessed underlings attacking it.


	6. The Butterfly Effect In Action

John found his dad’s car at the base of the rock pillar, surrounded by caution tape. He vaguely wondered who bothered to surround it in caution tape before shrugging and deciding it really didn’t matter. Ripping one section of the tape so it was no longer blocking his path, he checked the car and saw that the package and server disc were both missing. Scowling in rage he realized whoever put this tape around his dad’s car must have stolen them. Extremely frustrated, he punched the side of the ruined car so hard that his fist went straight through what was once the door.

Suddenly his dad’s PDA, which he had kept since he saw no point in throwing it out, beeped to let him know he had received a notification from Pesterchum. Someone had sent him a message. He checked and saw it was yet another one of the Trolls.

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

GC: JOHN 1TS M3 4G41N

GT: oh, right. now i remember. you’re that leetspeaking blind one.

GT: go the hell away!

GC: JOHN DONT M4K3 FUN OF MY H4ND1C4P

GT: i don’t give a shit if you’re disabled or not!

GT: when i inevitably find you bastards, and i WILL find you, i am going to slaughter you along with the rest of your friends regardless of your ability to see!

GT: i will flay you alive and burn your still twitching corpse!

GC: WH1L3 1 DO F1ND YOUR USU4AL BR4ND OF OV3RLY V1OL3NT BL4CK ROM FL1RT1NG CUT3 4ND 4 B1T FLATT3R1NG 1 DON'T F33L TH3 S4M3

GC: 4ND B3S1D3S TH1S R34LLY 1SNT TH3 T1ME FOR TH4T

GC: R1GHT NOW 1 4M H3R3 TO H3LP YOU

GT: if you think i’m flirting with you in any capacity, then you’re clinically insane!

GT: i hate you and all your kind in the exact same way that i hate demons! and if you fuckers can really see me at any point in time then you already know damn well what i do to demons!

GT: also, you’re clearly lying about wanting to help me, but even if you weren’t i don’t even want your help!

GT: how about instead you do us all a favor and find a pistol and use it to blast your own brains out! it would save me the trouble of having to kill you myself!

GC: TRY TO D3NY 1T 4LL YOU W4NT JOHN

GC: 1 M4Y B3 BL1ND BUT 1 S33 P4ST 4LL OF YOUR F4LS3 D3N14LS

GC: NOW B3FOR3 YOU K33P THR34T3N1NG 4ND 1NSULT1NG M3

GC: L1ST3N TO M3 4ND DO WH4T 1 S4Y

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] blocked gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

GC: YOU DO R34L1S3 YOU C4N’T R34LLY BLOCK 4NY OF US R1GHT?

GC: TRY1NG TO DO SO 1S NOTH1NG BUT 4N 3FFORT 1N FUT1L1TY

GC: NOW STOP B31NG SO D4MN STUBBORN

GC: 1 4M L3G1T1M4T3LY TRY1NG TO H3LP YOU 1F YOU WOLD JUST L1ST3N TO M3

GT: i don’t fucking believe you, you lying bitch!

GC: COULD YOU PL34S3 STOP TYP1NG FOR 4T L34ST A F3W S3CONDS

GC: FOR SOM3 R34SON YOUR L4V4 OR4NG3 L3TT3RS BOTH SM3LL 4ND T4ST3 L1K3 4 M1XTUR3 OF SULFUR 4ND P41N

GC: 1TS R34LLY D1SGUST1NG

GC: R3G4URDL3SS 1M NOT LY1NG

GC: 1 4CTU4LLY W4NT TO H3LP YOU

GC: 1M MOT1V4T3D BY S3LF 1NT3R3ST

GC: TO H3LP YOU 4DV4NC3 MOR3 QU1CKLY

GC: B3C4US3 1V3 GOT YOUR WHOL3 ADV3NTUR3 R1GHT H3R3 1N FRONT OF M3

GC: 1TS LONG AND BOR1NG

GC: 4ND YOU COULD ST4ND TO SK1P SOM3 ST3PS

GT: you being motivated by self interest is a lot more believable, but how the fuck does helping me benifit you in any way shape or form?

GC: 3W MOR3 SULF3R 4ND P41N GROSS 

GC: S3R1OUSLY WHY COULDN’T YOU H4V3 CHOS3N 4 MOR3 PL3S4NT COLOR TO TYP3 W1TH!?!?!?

GT: i’m not changing my color so shut the fuck up and get over it!

GT: now, as I was saying.

GT: i don't get it.

GT: you can "see" my whole future there, right?

GT: by just like, scrolling around on some computer thing that lets you pick what time to talk to me?

GT: how can you possibly be bored by my “long and boring future” full of violence and demon slaying?

GT: why don't you just scroll around to wherever you want like the rest of your dumbass friends?

GC: OK 1 C4N DO TH4T

GC: 4ND 1 4M

GC: 1 GU3SS WH4T 1 R34LLY M34N 1S

GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO M3SS W1TH YOU

GT: i fucking knew it! you ARE trying to troll me! you don’t really want to help me at all!

GC: 1 M34N M3SS W1TH TH3 T1M3L1N3

GC: MY FR13NDS 4LL TH1NK TH4T YOU C4NT R34LLY CH4NG3 4NYTH1NG

GC: TH4T YOUR T1M3L1NE W3'R3 CH4T-HOPP1NG 4ROUND 1S S3T 1N STON3

GC: NO M4TT3R WH4T W3 S4Y OR WH3N W3 S4Y 1T

GC: 4ND TH3YR3 PROB4BLY R1GHT

GC: BUT 1 DONT C4R3

GC: 1 W4NT TO M3SS W1TH 1T 4ND T4ST3 WH4T H4PP3NS

GC: >:D

GT: that sounds absolutely suicidal.

GT: why the fuck would i willingly do something so blatanly idiotic?

GC: B3C4US3 1T W1LL S4AV3 YOU T1M3

GC: WH1CH W1LL 4LLOW YOU TO S4V3 YOUR FR13NDS 4ND TH4T STR4NG3 HAT W34R1NG 4DULT HUM4N TH4T L1V3S 1N YOUR H1V3 WHO YOU S33M TO C4R3 SO MUCH 4BOUT FOR SOM3 R34SON B3FOR3 4NYTHING B4D H4PP3NS TO TH3M.

GT: by “strange hat wearing adult human” i am going to assume you mean my father.

GT: fine… if they’re in danger and you can help me save them i guess i’ll listen to you... for now.

GT: but as soon as they’re safe, all bets are off. i am still going to hunt you bastards down and murder each and every last one of you.

GT: though if you really do end up helping me save my friends and my dad, then i’ll at least make sure your death is quick and painless, unlike what i’m going to do to the others.

GT: but if you’re lying to me and they end up getting hurt because of you, i am not just going to kill you. noooo… that would be way too easy.

GT: instead, i’ll drag your ass kicking and screaming into Hell and throw you to the demons to let them bring you to the city of Nekravol where you will be subject to the worst tortures imaginable and your soul will eventually be ripped out to be consumed by the demons!

GT: and that’s not a threat, its a fucking promise! so you had better not try to screw me over or i’ll make damn sure that you WILL fucking regret it!

GC: 1 4M W4Y H1GH3R ON MY 3CH3L4DD3R TH4N YOU

GC: SO 4R3 YOU SUR3 YOU W4NT TO G3T YOUR BUTT K1CK3D BY 4 BL1ND CH1CK

GT: who said i would even give you the chance to fight me in the first place? I just said i would drag you kicking and screaming into hell before throwing you to the demons.

GT: you don’t need your arms for that, and without arms it would be a hell of a lot harder to fight now wouldn’t it?

GC: 3V3N SO

GC: HOW DO YOU TH1NK YOU WOULD B3 4BL3 TO R3MOV3 MY 4RMS W1THOUT F1GT1NG M3

GT: do you really want to find out?

GC: UH

GC: MOV1NG ON

GC: L3TS G3T YOU TO TH3 G4T3 F1RST

GC: 1TS NOT F4R

GC: 1 SN1FF3D OUT 4 M4P OF YOUR PL4N3T

GT: you've got a map?

GT: where'd you get it?

GC: JOHN W3 AR3 SO MUCH B3TT3R TH4N YOU IN 3V3RY R3SP3CT 1TS R1D1CULOUS

GT: try telling me that again later when i’m in the middle of slaughtering you and your friends.

GT: now give me the map.

GC: 1TS HUG3

GC: 4ND MOSTLY 1RR3L3V4NT

GC: H3R3 L3T M3 DR4W YOU 4 SM4LL S3CT1ON OF 1T

GC: SHOW1NG YOU WH3R3 TO GO

GT: fine, whatever.

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] sent ghastlyThrasher [GT] the file "GOH3R3JOHN.G1F" --

John opened the file and immediately grimaced at how bad it was. It was nothing but a scribbled mess. Even a goddamn toddler could draw a better map!

GT: this is the worst crap i have ever seen.

GT: what am i even looking at here?

GC: 1TS TH3 B3ST 1 CAN DO

GC: >:[

GT: well it's completely useless.

GT: what's with these colors.

GC: 1 P1CK3D ON3S TH4T SM3LL N1C3

GT: why didn’t you just take a fucking screenshot you fucking dumb ass?!

GT: i thought you narcissistic assholes were supposed to be “oh so superior” to us humans.

GC: SHUT UP MY M4P 1S F1N3

GC: LOOK 1TS NOT 3V3N TH4T F4R 4W4Y

GC: 1LL L34D YOU TO 1T

GC: 1TS 4 B1G BOX

GC: YOU CL1MB 1NS1D3

GC: 1T W1LL T3L3PORT YOU TO TH3 G4T3

GC: 1TS 4 SHORTCUT

GT: you mean you want me to climb inside one of these stupid “Parcel Pyxis” things that the Night Sentinels use to teleport supplies to different settlements?

GT: is that even safe?

GC: Y3S, 1 PROM1S3 1TS P3RF3CTLY S4F3

GC: YOUR 4RMOR W1LL M4K3 1T 4 B1T OF 4 T1GHT SQUEEZE BUT W1THOUT YOUR H3LM3T YOUR3 JUST SM4LL 3NOUGH TO F1T 1NS1D3

GC: L3TS G3T MOV1NG JOHN

GC: 4R3 YOU R34DY TO FUCK UP TH3 T1M3L1N3???

GT: whatever.

John began running in the direction the parcel pyxis was supposed to be in, already questioning his decision to trust this troll.

[Meanwhile in the Land of Light and Rain]

Having taken John’s advice regarding demons, Rose's blond hair now contained a pitch black hairband covered in dozens of purple anti-possession runes, she had a brand new pitch black scarf covered in dozens of purple anti-demonic magic runes wrapped around her throat, and her knitting needles were now pitch black had become slightly longer and sharper than they used to be and were covered in purple anti-demon runes. These precautions had already paid off quite a bit as she had indeed encountered a couple Possessed Underling Imps as John warned her she might and they had saved her from dying a very painful death. She still nearly died, but Jaspersprite had healed her. Still, despite her close brush with death she was rather surprised by just how well these runes really worked.

Other then her new anti-demon items, however, she had also ended up combining the abridged version of “A Guide To The Demons Of Hell And How To Slaughter Them” John had given her the code for with her “Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious” just to see what would happen. She ended up getting a brand new abridged copy of “A Guide To Occult Entities Demonic And Eldritch In Nature And How To Slaughter Them” co-authored by D.S. Argent and H.P. Lovecraft. She had skimmed through it a little and it was really quite the interesting read. It had fascinated her to learn just how similar these so-called “Elder Hell-gods” were to the Horrorterrors that she normally preferred to study, minus the fact that the Elder Hell-gods were always malevolent and pure evil in every sense of the word. However, now that she had learned about them she could only hope that John never had to encounter one of the Hell-gods during his time in HORAV as no amount of preparation, armor, or runes would be able to protect him if he was unfortunate enough to draw their attention.

Currently Rose had just finished stabbing a Lime Ogre into unconsciousness with her new rune covered knitting needles and riding it down a waterfall. Taking her laptop, newest book, and her pillow out of her sylladex she sat down and opened pesterchum. She talked to Dave for a couple minutes before Trolls started bothering them both. They agreed to take a break in their conversation about what to do with the unconscious Lime Ogre to deal with their respective Trolls.

\-- adiosToreador [AT] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

AT: hIIII, sO,

AT: yOU GET BOSSED AROUND BY THE KNIGHT, oK, gIVEN THAT, i HAVE A QUESTION,

TT: Who?

TT: No, never mind. Forget I asked. I legitimately could not possibly care less about anything you or any of your kind have to say to me.

TT: While it is highly unlike me and I do find it rather unsettling, I absolutely hate you and all your kind and refuse to humor you and your friends incessant harassment any further.

TT: Not even in my typical manner of malicious compliance as a form of passive aggressive psychological warfare.

TT: Even typing so much as this incenses me to a degree I find absolutely intolerable.

AT: sO… dOES THAT MEAN YOU WONT HELP ME BY TELLING ME THE EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITIES OF THE KNIGHT?

AT: oR… uHHH… i MEAN, DAVE?

TT: No.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] blocked adiosToreador [AT] --

Rose scowled at her laptop in complete disdain. She had no idea why she suddenly started hating these Trolls so much. After speaking with John earlier it was as if a switch had been flipped inside her brain and she couldn’t help but completely and utterly despise them all to the point she couldn’t stand even _talking_ to any of them. It made absolutely no sense to her. From what she knew about psychology, such a sudden major shift should not have been possible without an equally drastic and likely traumatic event to trigger it in the first place. Yet unless one counted the destruction of Earth and Humanity which hadn’t really mattered to her all that much until John had brought it up, then there had been no such event. It had just happened suddenly and without warning. That scared her. Unfortunately, there was not much she could do about it other than accept it and try to continue on, hoping that no further such sudden unexplainable changes to her personality occurred in the future.

She sat there for a few minutes contemplating what to do next. However, she received another pesterchum notification and this one wasn’t from Dave. It was from the Troll she had become “friends” with a couple months ago. However, it appeared her disdain for the species even extended to the sole member of their kind that she had managed to broker a tentative friendship with. Rose considered just blocking her like she had done to the last Troll. However, upon considering the fact that she had at least said a few words to the last one before blocking him and that she had at one point managed to become friends with this particular Troll, she decided she may as well just grit her teeth and force herself to have a short conversation with her before formally dissolving their so-called “friendship”.

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

GA: Your Dark Spectacled Friend Has Advised Me On A More Effective Method For Trolling You

GA: I Think His Contention Is That This Strategy Will Have The Opposite Of The Intended Effect And Precipitate A Sort Of Bond Between Us That Is Established In Mutual Antagonism

GA: What Do You Think About This

TT: I think he was attempting to sabotage you. However, I fear he has wasted his time as such sabotage is entirely unnecessary.

TT: You see, I already loath you and your entire species.

TT: And no that was not sarcasm, an attempt as passive aggression, or reverse psychology. I legitimately can not stand any of you. 

GA: What? Why? What Could Have Possibly Occurred To Have Altered Your Attitude So Drastically?

TT: To be perfectly honest, I have no idea. It makes no sense to me either.

TT: I was simply speaking with John, he pointed out how unfair it is that our species is currently being driven to extinction while yours gets to survive — which, I might add, is part of the reason why he plans to hunt all of you down and kill you all as painfully as possible —, and as if a switch was flipped I started hating you all.

TT: Not to the extent that John hates you, not even close, but I still can not stand any of you.

TT: Even holding this one conversation for as long as I have without devolving into the use of petty insults and copious amounts of cursing is requiring a great deal of effort and self control.

TT: However, as we were once “friends” I thought it only right to have one final conversation on mostly cordial terms before officially declaring our “friendship” at an end.

GA: I See

GA: It Would Appear That The Lord Is Influencing Your Mind Somehow

TT: I have no idea what you mean by “The Lord”, but given the context of the conversation I believe it is safe to assume you mean John.

TT: Do you honestly believe that John is influencing my mind? How preposterous…

GA: Indeed I Do

GA: Though I Highly Doubt That He Means To Or Even Realizes That He Is Doing It

GA: Regardless This News Is Most Distressing

GA: Can We Please At Least Remain Friends

TT: My apologies but no, I am afraid not.

TT: This conversation is very rapidly using up all of the extremely limited amount of patience I have left for your entire species.

TT: In fact my patience has just ran out. Please do not attempt to contact me again as I fear I will not be nearly so polite next time we speak.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] blocked grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --

[Elsewhere, at some point in the past, present, or future]

Kanaya Maryam stared at the screen of the computer in sadness, her bloodpusher feeling as though it had just been crushed. She sat there for a few minutes uncertain what to do or how to react. Eventually she decided to send a message to the Lord.

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

GA: You Have Officially Destroyed My Friendship With Rose And Any Chances I May Have Had With Her

GA: I Certainly Hope You Are Satisfied

GT: oh, boo hoo! cry me a fucking river!

GT: like i give a shit!

GT: i don’t even know who the fuck you are or what i could have possibly done to ruin anyone’s chances with anything!

GT: besides, if you're upset at me for something i’m pretty damn sure i didn’t even do then why even bother messaging me in the first place?!

GA: I Don’t Know

GA: With Rose Refusing To Talk To Me I Just

GA: I Just Don’t Know What To Do Anymore

GT: how about you grow the fuck up and get over it?!

GT: that, or go and bother someone who actually gives a shit about you and your problems!

GT: now fuck off!

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] blocked grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --

Kanaya growled in a mixture of frustration, sadness, and anger. She decided that she absolutely hated John. She vaguely wondered if John was subconsciously influencing her as she assumed he had done to Rose or if these were her own honest feelings, but at this point she honestly didn’t care either way. Still, he had a point. Maybe she really should try talking to a couple of the others about this.

[HORAV, in the present]

John forced the door of the Parcel Pyxis open and crawled out, deciding that he was never going to do that again. The act of teleporting was fine in and of itself, but these stupid Parcel Pyxis things were a pain in the ass to wedge himself into and to crawl back out of, especially while wearing this bulky as hell armor.

Almost as soon as he finished climbing out of the Parcel Pyxis and got to his feet, his dad’s PDA started going off. Taking it out of his sylladex, he looked at it and saw that troll from earlier was messaging him.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

CG: JOHN WHAT THE WET BAG OF HUMAN HORSE SHIT TO THE FACE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING.

CG: OH MY LORD.

CG: NO WONDER YOU LOSERS ALL FUCK UP THIS GAME SO BAD.

GT: right now i’m listening to the advice of one of your friends, ass wipe!

GT: so if you have a problem with me climbing into and out of small teleporters to use them as shortcuts, you can take your complaints and go fuck yourself you condescending asshole!

CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

GT: GC is apparently bored so she’s trying to “help” me.

GT: i am pretty sure she’s lying and is going to try to betray me at some point, but i’m complying for the moment due to the potential benefit to myself and my friends in the event that she is actually telling the truth after all.

GT: she even gave me a shitty horribly drawn map and apparently that parcel pyxis was supposed to be a shortcut.

CG: WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING.

CG: THIS ISN'T WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT DOING AT ALL.

CG: HOLD ON LET ME ASK HER ABOUT THIS…

GT: whatever.

CG: OK…

CG: NOW SHES JUST OVER THERE GIGGLING AT ME LIKE AN IMBECILE.

CG: WHAT ARE YOU TWO UP TO, WHY ARE YOU IN CAHOOTS NOW?

CG: OW FUCK!!!

CG: OK SHE JUST WALKED OVER AND PUNCHED ME.

CG: AND SAID IT WAS FROM YOU.

GT: yeah, that definitely sounds like something i would do.

GT: i don’t know when i asked her to punch you for me or why, but i can absolutely guarantee that you one hundred percent deserved it.

GT: it pales in comparison to what i’m going to do to all of you myself when i inevitably find you, but still. completely deserved.

CG: I TOLD HER TO STOP THESE SHENANIGANS…

CG: BUT IT SEEMS LIKE WHATEVER SHE WAS DOING WITH YOU SHE ALREADY DID A WHILE AGO.

CG: FROM MY PERSPECTIVE AT LEAST.

GT: i don't know why you guys are doing this to yourselves.

GT: all this annoying idiotic time jackassery you fuck wads are pulling is utterly infuriating.

CG: OK IF YOU TALK TO HER AGAIN WHEN SHE TRIES HATCHING MORE PLANS GIVE HER A MESSAGE INTO THE PAST FOR ME.

GT: ugggh...

CG: TELL HER TO POLISH MY HEAVING BONE BULGE AND SET A TABLE FOR FUCKING TWO ON IT.

CG: ITS FOR OUR CANDLE LIGHT HATE DATE.

GT: you do realize you have effectively resorted to trolling each other through us, right?

GT: also, fuck you, no! 

GT: i told you this last time you asked me to deliver a message for you!

GT: i am NOT going to do shit for you and if you asked me to do something for you again i would make you fucking regret it!

GT: i am NOT your personal messenger or your errand boy, mother fucker!

CG: I THINK THIS CONVERSATION PROBABLY HASN’T HAPPENED YET FROM MY PERSPECTIVE.

CG: ALSO, SCREW YOU! 

CG: YOUR DOING STUFF FOR HER RIGHT NOW, YOU JACKASS! ALL I’M ASKING YOU TO DO IS DELIVER A MESSAGE!

GT: i already told you, i’m doing this to help my friends and my dad. me listening to her is strictly for my own personal benefit, where as i gain nothing from listening to you!

GT: now shut the fuck up and leave me alone!

GT: besides, shouldn’t you be trying and failing to bother jade right about now?

CG: JADE, WHAT WHY WOULD I WANT TO TALK TO HER?

GT: because that's what you said you wanted to do last time you talked to me, fuck if i know!

CG: OH DAMMIT.

CG: ARE YOU SURE?

GT: [link] yeah, i’m pretty damn sure.

CG: NO NO, GOD NO, I AM NOT CLICKING THAT FUCKING LINK! I HATE IT WHEN WE START GOING DOWN THAT ROAD.

CG: OK THIS IS GOING TO REQUIRE FURTHER INVESTIGATION.

CG: I'VE GOT TO GO.

GT: do what you want, i don’t give a fuck.

GT: bit of a warning before you go

GT: next time you talk to me, you might want to tell me to calm down first so i don't just keep blocking you, because i WILL block you.

GT: back then i won't really want to hear from you and will want to kill you and drive your entire species to extinction.

GT: still do, by the way.

CG: OK, I'LL DO THAT.

John was about to put the PDA away again when he received yet another message, this time from the troll that was supposedly trying to “help” him.

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --

GC: ALR1GHT GOOD 

GC: YOU US3D TH3 SHORTCUT

GC: W41T WHO 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG TO NOW

GC: 1S 1T ON3 OF US

GC: 1S 1T M3???

GT: no. it was carcinoGeneticist. 

GC: H4H4H4H4H4

GC: 1 B3T H3 1S CONFUS3D 4ND GRUMPY

GT: yup.

GT: and he apparently has no idea what you're doing, and i honestly doubt that you do either.

GC: 1 H34R H1M OV3R TH3R3 B4NG1NG ON THOS3 K3YS

GC: 1 TH1NK TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG 1S JUST 4 W4Y TO V3NT SOM3 FRUSTR4T1ON

GC: H3 H4S NO PURPOS3 Y3T

GC: NOT L1K3 YOU 4ND M3 JOHN >:D

GT: don’t compare me to you, bitch. we’re not friends.

GT: the only reason i’m listening to you is on the off chance your plan really does end up helping me help my friends and my dad before anything bad can happen to them.

GT: oh, and while i have no idea why i’m bothering to tell you this, he also wanted me to give you a message.

CG: OH >:?

GT: “POLISH MY HEAVING BONE BULGE AND SET A TABLE FOR FUCKING TWO ON IT. ITS FOR OUR CANDLE LIGHT HATE DATE.”

GT: there, copy and pasted. and i already feel degraded from acting as a fucking messenger. ugh...

CG: H4H4H4H4H4

CG: WH1L3 1 4M NOT 3V3N R3MOT3LY SUPR1S3D JUST WOW

GT: yeah, apparently you're also going to punch him at some point.

GC: 1 4M

GC: WH3N

GT: fuck if i know, at some point in the future.

GT: after he whines at you about stuff and you laugh at him.

GC: BUT H3S 4LW4YS WH1N1NG 4BOUT STUFF 4ND 1M 4LW4YS L4UGH1NG 4T H1M

GC: HOW W1LL 1 KNOW?????

GT: he said you said it was from me.

GC: FROM YOU

GC: DO YOU W4NT M3 TO PUNCH H1M JOHN

GT: to be perfectly honest i’d prefer if you killed him, the rest of your friends, then yourself but we both know that’s not going to happen. so i don’t give a shit.

GT: i probably ask you in the future or something, given all the time bullshit you fuckers are constantly pulling.

GC: 1M SUR3 M4NY H1GHLY JUST1F1ABL3 4ND W3LL D3S3RV3D PUNCH3S W1LL B3 THROWN 1N DU3 T1M3

GC: BUT L3TS ST1CK TO TH3 G4M3PL4N FOR NOW

GC: JOHN T4K3 4 LOOK 4T WH3R3 TH3 SHORTCUT TOOK YOU

GC: TURN 4ROUND >:]

With a shrug John turned around and immediately saw a giant castle made of obsidian, which had what looked like a strange swirly scowling face etched into the walls in multiple locations at a huge scale all of which were glowing with a nightmarish purple light. Two giant waterfalls of blood cascaded down one of the sides of the castle on either side of what appeared to be the entrance and into the giant circular ravine surrounding it which was almost completely filled with blood as if it were some sort of gruesome moat. All around it were giant piles of demon corpses, some of which were on fire while others had been left to rot. Along with the piles of corpses was a large field of demon heads impaled on long metal spikes. Finally there were two gigantic robots wielding what appeared to be giant spears with massive tips made of glowing bluish-silver energy that was standing near the castle. Both had their weapons pointed directly at it as if they were prepared to stab anything that tried to leave the castle.

The giant robots didn’t even come up to the knee of the massive demonic titan that was still stomping around off in the distance — which was easily a couple miles tall — but they were both still the size of a small skyscraper so they were still a very impressive sight in their own right.

GT: alright, i’ll admit that’s pretty damn cool, but what the hell am i looking at exactly?

GC: 1TS YOUR D3N1Z3NS P4L4C3

GT: my denizen?

GT: oh, right, you mean “Yaldabaoth”.

GT: i remember this night sentinel guy i met a while back mentioning him.

GC: W3LL WH4T TH1S S3NT1N3L D1DN’T KNOW 1S TH1S

GC: 3V3RY PL4N3T H4S 4 D3N1Z3N

GC: TH4T L1V3S D33P UND3RGROUND

GC: SL33P1NG

GC: 4ND GU4RD1NG 4 HUG3 GR1ST HO4RD

GT: alright… and?

GC: TH3 W4Y DOWN TO 1TS L41R 1S THROUGH TH3 P4L4C3

GT: so let me get this straight you want me to go down there and kill a creature that is effectively a god all on my own.

GT: thus stopping the spells he used to create the safe zones and later to drive the demons insane and to bind the Titan to patrol between the places where the elemental wraiths and the doom slayer are imprisoned

GT: thus putting the loyalist night sentinels in far greater and more immediate danger than they already are.

GT: and all of that is assuming i actually succeed rather than just getting killed instantly by the angry god-like entity i just attacked.

GT: need i even say how fucking stupid that plan is?

GC: OH C4LM DOWN YOU B1G WUSS

GC: 1TS NOT GO1NG TO B3 N34RLY 4S B4D 4S YOUR3 M4K1NG 1T OUT TO B3

GC: YOU S33 WH1L3 ORD1N4R1LY YOUD H4V3 4BSOLUT3LY NO CH4NC3

GC: 4T YOUR M34G3R L3V3L

GC: YOU H4V3 4N 4DV4NT4G3

GC: USU4LLY HOW 1TS SUPPOS3D TO GO 1S

GC: OV3R TH3 COURS3 OF YOUR QU3ST

GC: YOU W1LL W4K3 TH3 D3N1Z3N

GC: 4ND TH3N F1N4LLY YOU GO THROUGH TH3 S3V3NTH G4T3

GC: WH1CH 1S TH3 ONLY W4Y 1NTO TH3 P4L4C3

GC: TH3N YOU GO DOWN 4ND F1GHT TH3 D3N1Z3N

GC: 4ND K1LL 1T

GC: R3L3AS1NG TH3 HO4RD

GT: so what exactly is my advantage here?

GC: YOU WONT BOTH3R W4K1NG 1T

GC: W3 W1LL SK1P R1GHT TO TH3 S3V3NTH G4T3

GC: F1ND 1TS L41R

GC: 4ND K1LL 1T 1N 1TS SL33P

GT: how does this negate any of the rest of the many other horrible effects that will be caused by me killing it? 

GT: also, what’s the point of releasing the grist horde?

CG: W3LL FOR ON3 TH1NG YOUR L3V3L W1LL 1NCR34S3 DR4ST1C4LLY FROM K1LL1NG YOUR D3NEZ1N

CG: TH3OR3T1C4LLY SP34K1NG 1T SHOULD BR1NG YOU 4LL TH3 W4Y UP TO M4X L3V3L

CG: TH4T SHOULD B3 MOR3 TH34N 3NOUGH TH4T 4LL TH3 PROBL3MS YOU L1ST3D SHOULD B3 34SY FOR YOU TO D34L W1TH

CG: 4S FOR TH3 GR1ST HORD3

GC: 1TS FOR TH3 ULT1M4T3 4LCH3MY

GT: what's the ultimate alchemy?

GC: 1TS NOTH1NG FOR YOU TO WORRY 4BOUT NOW

GC: S33 TH4T G4T3 OV3R BY TH3 BROK3N BR1DG3

GC: GO CH3CK 1T OUT

GT: fine, just remember my warning from earlier. if it turns out you're lying and are just trying to screw me over, i am personally dragging you to Hell and am letting the demons take you to Nekravol.

John proceeded down the path to the gate. As he got closer and closer to the castle the stench of blood, death, and decay continued to grow until it made his eyes water from how intense it was. He eventually had to put one of his hands over his mouth and nose just to block out the stench. It didn’t work very well but it did help a little. By the time he reached the end of the path he was dry heaving and desperately wished he still had his vacuum sealed helmet. He _really_ regretted ever having lost it after he threw it off to the side in the middle of that fight earlier. Taking his Dad’s PDA back out of his Sylladex he proceeded to type on it with one hand.

GT: i’m here and SON OF A BITCH it smells awful!

GT: this will take me into the palace and down to the sleeping denizen, right?

GC: NOP3 >:]

GC: TH1S 1S JUST 4 S1MPL3 R3TURN NOD3

GC: TH3R3 4R3 LOTS OF TH3S3 4ROUND

GC: JUST HOP 1N

GC: DONT WORRY 1LL G3T YOU TO TH3 G4T3 SOON 4FT3R TH4T

After taking a couple steps back John proceeded to sprint forwards before launching himself towards the gate. His surroundings changed and he suddenly found himself standing back in his room. Lowering his hand away from his mouth and nose he took a deep breath of fresh clean air. Relatively speaking, at least.

Heading out to the balcony he used the alchemiter to make a brand new Night Sentinel helmet, which he immediately put on. He then made a few more cards for his sylladex and a couple of spare helmets just in case he lost this one too. After having lost his last helmet and the consequences that had for him, he really didn’t want to risk even the smallest chance of ever being without a helmet while down on the surface of HORAV ever again.

After installing pesterchum on his new helmet, John saw that he had new messages.

GC: JOHN S33 TH4T B1G P13C3 OF JUNK TH3R3

GT: the rocket pack?

GC: Y34H C4PTCH4LOGU3 TH4T 4ND S3ND M3 TH3 COD3

GC: 1 GOT TH3 COD3S FOR 4LL TH3 OTH3R 34RTH CR4P STUCK 1NS1D3 1T FROM YOUR FR13NDS

GC: FROM D1FF3R3NT T1M3S

GC: WH3N TH3Y W3R3 F33L1NG COOP3R4T1V3

GC: 1 C4N M4K3 1T WORK FOR YOU >:]

GT: i really don’t think that's how this works but whatever, knock yourself out I guess.

GT: dskjhsdk

GC: TH4NKS

GC: W41T

GC: THOS3 K1ND4 S33M L1K3 R4NDOM K3Y M4SH1NGS

GC: 4R3 YOU M3SS1NG W1TH M3 JOHN >:?

GT: do i LOOK like i’m in the mood to mess with anyone!?

GT: they look random because they are random!

GT: i made this worthless piece of shit by typing a random bulshit code into the holepunch thing!

CG: 4LR1GHT 4LR1GHT 1 G3T 1T

GC: OK B3 B4CK IN L3SS TH4N ON3 S3COND

GC: PCHOOOOO

Seeing Underling Imps starting to surround him John pulled out his shotgun, set it to fire 00 buckshot and began blasting them to bits while simultaneously continuing his conversation over pesterchum.

GT: is that the code? it seems sort of obvious.

GC: Y3S 1T 1S

GC: 4NYW4Y 1F 1T W4S SO OBV1OUS WHY D1DNT YOU GU3SS TH3 COD3?????

GT: because it was way too fucking obvious! 

GT: you don’t just expect a fucking code like this to be a fucking word, you expect it to be a code!

GT: yeah, i’ve seen a couple other codes that are fairly obvious but seriously, what the fuck!?

GT: if i typed in ATOMBOMB, TSARBOMB, BOOOOOOM or something to that effect would I suddenly get an atomic bomb?!

GT: if not, why the fuck is PCHOOOOO a viable code for a fucking rocket pack!?

GT: this is such bullshit!

GC: 1TS R34LLY NOT TH4T B1G OF 4 D34L JOHN

GC: C4LM TH3 FUCK DOWN

GT: grrr… FINE!

GT: i’m going to go make this stupid rocket now.

GT: and see if this dumbass code actually does the trick.

GC: OK JOHN

GC: ONC3 YOU M4K3 1T 1M SUR3 3V3N YOU 4ND YOUR UND3RD3V3LOP3D BON3 NOOK W1LL B3 4BL3 TO F1GUR3 OUT WH4T TO DO

GC: T4LK TO YOU ON TH3 OTH3R S1D3 >:]

Continuing to slaughter Imps all throughout the house, John made the rocket pack, just to see if the code would work. He also combined a full suit of Night Sentinel armor with the rocket pack. The result was a suit of Night Sentinel armor that was painted the same color as the rocket pact with the same flame pattern on the arms and legs with small thrusters built into the back and the bottoms of the boots.

After switching his old Night Sentinel armor for his new Night Sentinel armor with built in thrusters, and once again installing pesterchum into his new bright red helmet, he saw that Dave was trying to start a voice call with him.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

“Alright, I’m in.” Dave stated as soon as John answered the call.

“Alright, that’s good! What are your surroundings like? Where did you end up? I need to know if you’re on HORAV with me or not, so I can come help you if you are.” John asked while drawing his lesser crucible blade and slicing a few nearby underlings to bits just to get a feel for his new armor. There didn’t seem to be an end to the little bastards.

“Well, it's really hot, there’s lava everywhere, and there’s a shit ton of gears and stuff. Does that sound like “HORAV” or whatever?” Dave inquired.

“No, thankfully. HORAV seems to be an almost barren hellscape full of demons, piles demon corpses most of which are on fire while others are just left out to rot, abandoned ruins, a forest of whispering prophetic trees, and has a several miles tall demonic titan stomping around wrecking shit. Oh and it stinks like blood, death, burning flesh, and rotting corpses and there's a constant ambient noise of hellish screams and fighting. If none of that matches your current surroundings, that’s a good thing since it means you are unlikely to be attacked by a physical demon. Demons still might try to possess you, though, and you might be attacked by some possessed underlings.” John explained.

“Yeah, Jade mentioned something about that before sending me this captcha code for your demon slaying book and having me combine some stuff with a couple of pages she told me to rip out of it. This anti-demon stuff is alright. These dumbass runes really aren’t my style but whatever. If they work they work, I guess. Anyways, what are you doing?”

“I just combined my Night Sentinel armor with a rocket pack and created a sweet new set of armor with a new paint job and built in thrusters that I’m about to use to blast off into space, I think. Should be pretty cool.” John told him, sending a mental command to the armor to activate the thrusters and slowly increase the power to let him get used to how they worked before actually taking off. The thrusters activated and he slowly began to lift up off the ground, stumbling a bit mid air and having to brace himself against a wall so as to not fall over and lose control before he eventually learned how to maintain his balance on his own.

“Alright, cool. Hey, John, I need some advice. My kernelsprite which was this brainless feathery asshole with a sword in it turned into this bigger like ghostly feathery asshole with a sword in it. It seems to want me to prototype it again. I’m not sure what to do.” Dave asked him.

“Hm… Have you asked Rose?”

“She’s asleep for some reason.”

John was a bit taken aback by that. “Wow, really? Her? You sure you’re not thinking of Jade instead of Rose?”

“Yeah, I saw her there all tuckered out like she got smacked in the face with a pillowcase full of the snooze wizards beard dander. You know, cause obviously its fuckin prime time for swiping some shuteye about now, like a few hours into her magic stupid quest. Anyways what do you think?”

John shrugged to himself and pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning on for support. “I don’t know, man. It's supposed to be like your ghostly spirit guide or something. Unless you have the remains of a wise old dead grandparent lying around or unless you can convince your bro to be prototyped with it, then I'm not sure what to tell you.”

“Alright, but it seems to be suggesting something here and, uh… I guess I’m kinda weirded out by its suggestion.” Dave muttered uncomfortably.

“I don't know, just do what it says! It knows stuff about the game, so it probably knows better than I do. Look, I gotta go! I’m gonna blast off to the seventh gate, kill a god while it's sleeping, and win the game.” John informed him.

“Ok well it definitely sounds like youre fucking something up over there and trying to kill a god while its asleep sounds like a really dumb idea, but alright later. I hope you know what you’re doing.” Dave said, sounding a bit skeptical of this plan.

“Yup, I’m just as skeptical as you are, but if it works it should be a huge benefit. Supposedly, anyways. I’ll talk to you later.” With that John hung up the call, increased the power of his armor’s thrusters, and took off towards the seventh gate.

[The Hell of Heat and Clockwork, in the future]  
  


Dave brandished his Broken Demon Slayer’s Caledscratch glaring at the Demons and the Possessed and Demonic Underlings in defiance. Springing into action he decapitated the first one, disemboweled the second one, and cut the third one in half. Meanwhile his Calsprite killed a couple of Possessed Ogres with puppet attacks. Dave’s Broken Demon Slayer’s Caledscratch became whole and he killed two Possessed Ogres. Suddenly pure hellfire erupted from the ground beneath him and engulfed his entire body. It hurt… a **_lot_ **. However it was nothing he hadn’t experienced a million times by now, and the anti-demonic magic runes on the inside of his suit mitigated the demonic magic just enough to keep him alive for a few seconds, which was just enough time.

Leaping out of the flames he stabbed the Archvile that was conjuring them through the eye piercing its brain and killing it instantly. A Hell Knight tried to crush him with a punch, but he dodged and stabbed the demon in the base of the skull, severing its brain from its spine and killing it just as instantly. He then proceeded to hack and slash his way through a small horde of Demonic Imps, the rest of the Possessed and Demonic Underlings, another Hell Knight, and a Summoner. All the while he was forced to dodge dozens of fireballs that were being thrown at him, laser-like beams of pure Argent Energy, waves of Hellfire, waves of Argent Energy, and even big globs of lava that some of the demons and underlings scooped up from the ocean of lava below and threw at him simultaneously. He successfully avoided a lot of it, especially with the aid of his limited ability to control time, but many of the demons’ attacks still managed to hit him and leave fairly nasty burns or wounds. Calsprite was forced to heal him multiple times throughout the course of the battle just to keep him alive.

When the last enemy was dead, the area was littered with grist, blood, and demon corpses. Fortunately the Archvile was the only greater demon that had been here this time, otherwise he would have been forced to run. He had already reached maximum level so he knew from past experience that fighting two or _maybe_ three Greater Demons at once was his limit. Fighting any more than that was simply too dangerous for him and was just liable to get him killed. In fact there were even some greater demons that he couldn’t take on at all. For example if there was even a single Marauder then he simply had to run no matter what, even if it was completely alone, as they were simply way too skilled and way too powerful for him to take on, period. Either his bro or John might have been able to hold their own against a demon like a Marauder, assuming they were well equipped enough and knew what they were getting into beforehand, but while Dave _was_ a pretty damn good fighter, especially with all the combat experience he had gained over the past few months, he was still neither his bro nor John.

With all the demons and possessed underlings dead, he proceeded to collect the grist that the Possessed and Demonic Underlings had dropped. As per usual about half of it was Argent Energy Grist, unfortunately, but there were still plenty of other forms of grist mixed in as well. Once he finished collecting all the grist Cal sprite flew down to meet him, much to his distress.

“HAA HAA HEE HEE HOO HOO!” Calsprite laughed.

“Shut up.” Dave ordered the stupid Kernelsprite.

“HOO HOO HAA HAA HEE HEE! HEE HEE HAA HAA HOO HOO!”

“No… Just… God damn it.”

“HEE HEE HEE HEE HAA HAA! HEE HEE HOO HOO HEE HEE!”

“Please… Just once… Shut the hell up.” Dave pleaded, sick and tired of hearing its constant incessant giggling. However, it didn’t stop. “Shut up! Shut! The! Fuck! Up!” It continued laughing regardless of his wishes. “Ugh…”

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

TG: thats it i cant take it anymore

TG: it was such a huge mistake prototyping seppucrow with this useless mindnumbing jackass

TG: im going back

TT: Already?

TG: what do you mean already shit took 4 goddamn months

TG: or something

TG: i dont know im kind of losing track of how long its been with all this time hopping

TT: It just sounds like you're making a rash decision based on temporary aggravation with a laughing puppet.

TT: I thought we planned to progress as far as we could before you went back.

TT: To gather information, and avoid repeating mistakes.

TG: what else is there to know

TG: we lost

TG: can’t finish the game with a dead witch and an insane lord

TT: We don't know Jade is dead for sure.

TG: yeah well she had a big fucking meteor bearing down on her and we never heard from her again

TG: or the trolls for that matter

TG: after they tricked john into skipping way ahead and getting his ass handed to him by the denizen

TG: i guess once they managed to sabotage us they were done with us

TG: or maybe john really did manage to hunt them down and kill them at some point

TG: and since john got put into a week long coma after he somehow managed to kill his denizen he couldn’t get jade in on time so whether shes alive or not shes as good as dead from our perspective

TG: and john cant help us either since he lost his goddamn mind and started killing literally everything in a massive omnicidal rampage after he learned that jade died because he let himself be tricked by the trolls

TG: and since john killed his denizen the demons were able to coordinate and the champion titan’s sanity was restored thus allowing them to drag everything into hell 

TG: so we haven’t even been able to make any real progress for the past two months since the demons are fucking everywhere and a lot of them are way too dangerous or are in way to big of groups to fight head on

TT: Are you sure you're ready?

TT: You'll remember the plan we discussed?

TG: theres not much to remember

TG: i go back and tell john not to be an idiot and get trolled like such a gullible stooge

TG: i dont know what he was thinking

TG: even we couldnt kill one of those things yet

TG: with our higher levels and all our sick gear

TG: how he somehow managed to do so at his low level with his trash gear is beyond me

TG: maybe armor is a bigger advantage than we thought or maybe being a “lord” means hes just an absolute beast in combat compared to us or something

TG: who fucking knows

TT: It still seems hasty to me.

TT: Maybe I'm just not as comfortable with time travel as you.

TG: nah itll be fine dont worry

TT: After you go, what do you think will happen to me?

TT: Will I just cease to exist?

TG: i dont know

TG: i mean your whole timeline will

TG: maybe

TT: Maybe?

TT: Is there a chance it'll continue to exist, and I'll just be here alone forever?

TT: I'm not sure which outcome is more unsettling.

TG: the thing with time travel is

TG: you cant overthink it

TG: just roll with it and see what happens

TG: and above all try not to do anything retarded

TT: What do you think I should do?

TG: try going to sleep

TG: our dream selves kind of operate outside the normal time continuum i think

TG: so if part of you from this timelines going to persist thats probably the way to make it happen

TT: Ok.

TG: and hey you might even be able to help your past dream self wake up sooner without all that fuss you went through

TT: I think the true purpose of this game is to see how many qualifiers we can get to precede the word "self" and still understand what we're talking about.

TG: the true purpose is to make a sprite that doesnt make me want to flog myself raw with my own brain stem

TG: anything else is gravy

TT: If my past self can wake up sooner, maybe I'll be the one to visit you first this time.

TT: I'll fly by and remind you you're already awake and don't know it.

TG: yeah thatd be cool i guess

TG: im gonna go now

TT: Good luck.

Standing up Dave proceeded to use his turntables to head back in time.

[The Land of Heat and Clockwork, in the past]

“Ok well it definitely sounds like you're fucking something up over there and trying to kill a god while its asleep sounds like a really dumb idea, but alright later. I hope you know what you’re doing.” Dave said, feeling extremely skeptical about John’s plan. There was absolutely no way this could possibly end well.

“Yup, I’m just as skeptical as you are, but if it works it should be a huge benefit. Supposedly, anyways. I’ll talk to you later.”

That was right about when Dave felt something strange. “WAIT!” He shouted at John before he could end the voice call.

“What? What’s going on?! Are you in trouble?!” John asked, sounding extremely concerned.

“Not exactly. It's hard to explain. Just don’t go yet. Something’s up.” Dave told him, feeling that it was extremely important he not leave yet.

“Alright I guess...” John said, sounding slightly annoyed.

Suddenly there was a flash of something and another version of himself was now standing in front of him, wearing a rad suit with two turntables floating next to him. “John stop being a tool and get out of that stupid armor right now!” The new version of himself shouted. “If our friendship means anything you’ll listen to me. I’m a future version of Dave, by the way.”

This caught present Dave off guard but he decided to just roll with it. “Yup, this is present Dave and I can 100% confirm that there is in fact another me standing in front of me right now. It's kinda weird.”

“Ugh… More fucking time bullshitery… Welp, I fucking believe you. I mean, I’m believing the trolls when they say they’re pulling time travel bullshit so why wouldn’t I believe my own friend when he says he’s doing the same thing, as improbable as it sounds. Besides, this is far from the weirdest bullshit I’ve experienced today. So, future Dave, let me guess, the troll is lying to me and this is just going to get me killed.” John asked.

This caught future Dave off guard, he had expected past John to be a lot more skeptical and stubborn about all this. “Uh… Yeah, that’s pretty close, but not quite. You do end up killing your denizen but you end up passing out from your wounds and falling into a week long coma. Jade dies because you couldn’t bring her into the game in time. Because you killed your denizen the demons are able to coordinate and the Champion regains its sanity, thus allowing the demons to drag everything into hell and to corrupt Skaia, making the game pretty much unwinnable. Also, when you finally wake up and you learn that Jade died because you trusted a Troll, you end up having a mental breakdown, lose control of yourself, and go on a massive infinite-rage fueled, unstoppable, psychotic, omnicidal murder rampage of epic proportions. After that even the fucking _demons_ were afraid of you and started calling you the “Doom Slayer’s Prodigal Son”, whoever the fuck this “Doom Slayer” guy is.”

“What the fuck?!” Present Dave exclaimed extremely surprised by this.

John gave an impressed whistle. “Wow… I already suspected that bitch was lying to me but damn, that turned out way worse than even my worst expectations. Well, I sure as Hell won't be doing that then. Thanks for telling me, future Dave. You saved me from making what I can only assume would have been the biggest mistake of my life. I really appreciate it.”

“Dude, you sound waaay too calm about this.” Future Dave stated, a bit unsettled by how well past John seemed to be taking this.

“Yeah, I sort of have to agree with future me... What’s up with that?” Present Dave added.

John chuckled at that. However his chuckle was completely devoid of even the smallest most insignificantly minute trace of joy, humor, or anything even remotely positive. It was a cold, harsh, hollow sound that contained nothing but anger, hatred, and such pure unadulterated malice that it sent chills down both Future and Present Dave's spines.

“Oh no. Don’t misunderstand. I am the furthest possible thing from _calm_ . You can not _fathom_ how impossibly angry I am. Hell even _I_ can’t fathom how angry I am. I’m pretty sure the human brain shouldn’t be physically capable of the sheer amount of rage, hate, and other negative emotions that I am experiencing right now. And learning what happened in the future or what would have been the future has only made those negative emotions even stronger. It’s just that for some reason I can’t explain I have this unnatural level of control over myself. That’s the only reason I _seem_ calm right now. So don’t take my current lack of screaming and cursing as me being calm, because I promise you I am most definitely _not_ . It’s just that you’re my friend so I’m not going to take any of my anger out on you, especially after you just stopped me from making such a _huge_ mistake!” John explained in an unsettlingly friendly tone.

“Um… Yeah… Alright, rad. Well… I’m turning this timeline over to past Dave now, and am helping you all stay alive and do this thing the right way this time. So uh… please just stay on the ground.” Future Dave said a little nervously.

“Well, I’m _going_ to use my new armor, but yeah I get it. No skipping ahead. Anyways, I’ll talk to you guys later.” John said before ending the voice call.

With that, Future Dave put all his fancy gear into his sylladex before dumping all the cards in his Sylladex onto the ground for Present Dave before jumping into the incomplete Kernelsprite, prototyping it with himself.

“Hey.” Dave greeted what was once his future self.

“Sup.” Davesprite greeted back.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

TG: dont talk to john anymore

TG: while he wasn’t dumb enough to actually believe you like i was afraid he would be 

TG: hes still an easily manipulated idiot

TG: your plan didnt work

TG: i mean it did

TG: but then suddenly it didnt

TG: so you might as well quit trying

GC: YOU SM3LL L1K3 OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S

TG: what

TG: youre aliens do you even have orange creamsicles

GC: OF COURS3 WH4T K1ND OF 4WFUL C1V1L1Z4T1ON WOULDNT 1NV3NT OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S

GC: NOT ON3 1D W4NT 4NYTH1NG TO DO W1TH

TG: ok pretty far fetched but whatever

TG: no more hijinks from you cause ill make sure they wont work

GC: W3LL OBV1OUSLY 1 KN3W 1T W4SNT GO1NG TO WORK

GC: MY FR13NDS H4V3 B33N T4LK1NG TO JOHN FROM TH3 FUTUR3

GC: YOUR FUTUR3

GC: WH3R3 H3S NOT D34D

GC: SO TH3R3 W4S NO W4Y WH4T 1 D1D W4S GO1NG TO K1LL H1M

GC: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO M3SS W1TH H1M 4ND STUFF

TG: i dont think youre following

TG: while your right and he didn’t die

TG: he passed out from his wounds and fell into a week long coma 

TG: and everything went to LITERAL hell because he killed his denizen

TG: sort of

TG: then i went back in time to stop him

GC: Y34H 1 G3USS3D TH3R3 W4S 4 CH4NC3 SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T M1GHT H4PP3N

GC: W41T WH4T?????

GC: H3 4CTU4LLY K1LL3D H1S D3N1ZEN?????

TG: yup

TG: i still have no idea how he managed it at his level with his gear but yeah he did

TG: and it caused the fucking apocalypse

TG: anyways did you guess that by trolling john to insanity

TG: and making me splinter us off into an alt timeline

TG: that you were basically complicit in making our timeline go the way it was supposed to go all along

TG: where future me is now helping dave and we just keep playing

TG: and our actions ultimately lead to the trouble youre all in now

TG: thus leading you all to troll us incompetently

GC: OH

GC: NO >:[

GC: 1 D1DNT TH1NK OF TH4T

TG: yeah

TG: see

TG: none of you ever thinks anything through

TG: whos in charge of timeline management there

TG: i gotta give him the business

GC: SH3 DO3SNT W4NT TO T4LK TO 4NY OF YOU

GC: 4ND H4S M1SG1V1NGS 4BOUT TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG

GC: NOT 4LL OF US 4R3 TH4T 3NTHUS1AST1C 4BOUT TROLL1NG YOU GUYS

GC: 4ND TH3 ON3S WHO 4R3 SORT OF SUCK 4T 1T >:|

TG: well at least you got john to kill his denizen and cause the apocalypse so i guess youre not totally incompetent like the others

GC: SO JOHN 4CTU4LLY D1D WH4T 1 S41D?

TG: yeah

TG: you told him that by listening to you he would be able to save us and his dad before anything bad happened to us or something like that right

TG: well im pretty sure thats probably the only reason he listened to you at all

TG: theres a pretty good chance that he might play along with what you say

TG: as long as he thinks theres a good enough chance that it could potentially sufficiently benefit himself or his friends and family

TG: or possibly even all humanity if humanity wasn’t about to go extinct

TG: he tries his best to do what he can for himself and those he cares about

TG: as sappy as i make it sound

TG: otherwise he pretty much just does whatever the fuck he wants no matter what anyone says

GC: NOW 1 F33L K1ND4 B4D

GC: 4R3 YOU SUR3 1 C4NT T4LK TO H1M

GC: 3V3N 1F 1TS JUST TO 4POLOG1Z3

GC: WOULD TH4T B3 OK W1TH YOU S1R BR4V3 KN1GHT >:?

TG: um

TG: yeah thats fine i guess but

TG: he is really angry 

TG: like scarily angry so uh

TG: i really wouldn’t recommend it

TG: if you do though

TG: no more coy bullshit antics though

TG: not even like

TG: an idiotic angry winking emote

GC: OR WH4T

GC: YOUR3 GO1NG TO HUNT M3 DOWN THROUGH T1M3 OOOOOH OH NO

GC: >;]

TG: yeah

GC: YOU DO R34L1Z3 1M W4Y H1GH3R ON MY 3CH3L4DD3R TH4N YOU

GC: 3V3N 1F YOU 4R3 FROM TH3 FUTUR3

GC: 4R3 YOU SUR3 YOU W4NT TO G3T YOUR CLOCK3D CL34N3D BY 4 BL1ND CH1CK

TG: nice try but no you really aren’t

TG: i reached maximum level while trying to survive the endless hordes of demons that appeared after they successfully dragged everything into hell and corrupted skaia making the game impossible to win

TG: which only happened because john killed his denizen because of the shit you pulled

GC: OH

TG: but even if that was the case and you really were higher level then me

TG: i just merged with an impaled orange goddamn bird and now i got all these crazy powers

GC: UGH

GC: S3LF PROTOTYP1NG SO DUMB

GC: TH1S 1S WHY YOU 4LL SCR3W UP SO B4D

GC: 4LW4YS B3ND1NG TH3 RUL3S L1K3 TH4T

GC: OH W3LL C4NT STOP YOU NOW SO M1GHT 4S W3LL DROP 1T

GC: H3Y D4V3

TG: what

GC: 1V3 B33N R3S34RCH1NG SOM3 OF YOUR 34RTH SO4P OP3R4S

GC: 1S TH1S YOU

TG: oh jegus fuck no

TG: why would that breathtaking douche remind you of me at all

GC: BUT H3 H4S 4 F13RY P3RSON4LITY

GC: SORT OF BR4SH 4ND 1MP3TUOUS

GC: 4ND 1N YOUR F4C3

GC: L1K3 F1R3 1TS3LF >:D

TG: now i know youre bullshitting me

TG: do i seem like the kind of guy whod accept a magic ring from whoopi goldberg

TG: to awaken some egregious homofantasy for a ripped blue dudes mammoth eco friendly bulge

TG: that guys an asshole and needs to be sealed in a dufflebag and whipped something ungodly with a bamboo chute

GC: WHOS WHOOP1 GOLDB3RG

TG: who cares

GC: OK 1 M4D3 SOM3 MOD1F1C4T1ONS

GC: TH1S 1S SO YOU D4V3 COM3 ON 4DM1T 1T

TG: ahahahahaha

TG: ok yeah that is pretty much fucking spot on

TG: i still kinda hate you after the crap you pulled

TG: but i will admit youre actually a pretty good troll

TG: as long as you dont bug john or cause the apocalypse i guess thats all there is to say on the matter

GC: TH4NKS D4V3

GC: TO B3 F41R

GC: 1M SUR3 3V3RY ON3 OF US W1SH3S W3 THOUGHT OF FUTUR3 S3LF PROTOTYP1NG F1RST

GC: SO

GC: YOUR3 NOT R34LLY 4LL TH4T T3RR1BL3 >;]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I would have written this chapter differently so that it diverged from cannon a bit more but some events here needed to happen for stuff I have planned in the future. Now, I know full well that Lords shouldn't follow orders from others. They should be GIVING the orders to others. So John listening to Terezi and following her advice is honestly a bit unlikely considering he's supposed to be a Lord of Rage, but it was one of the things that was necessary to the future plot so I kind of had to have him listen to her. So! My thought process here is that not all Lords have to be complete evil tyrants like Caliborn was, some should be able to be benevolent. By their very nature a Lord would always be in it for themselves of course, but a benevolent Lord could also care deeply for his subjects and would do everything within his power to do what he thought was best for them and thus by extension what he thinks is best for himself. There are many ways one can be selfish after all. I know it's not perfect and it twists the concept of what a Lord even IS until it gets dangerously close to bordering on Muse territory but that's my logic for John listening to Terezi.
> 
> Though, just a heads up, if I end up deciding that I don't like the way this went and that Davesprite isn't really all that relevant to what I have planned for the future or if I think there really is another way I could write this that still allows Davesprite to be a thing I might come back and change this at some point in the near future. If I do, it will likely happen before I post the next chapter.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter as much if not more then I enjoyed writing it! Feel free to tell me what you think, constructive criticism is more then welcome! In fact it is encouraged! After all, how can I improve if I don't know what I'm doing wrong?
> 
> Also be sure to wear a mask when going out in public, use hand sanitizer regularly, and all that! Also, let me give a big thank you to all the essential workers out there doing their best even during this pandemic! These are scary times, so every one please just stay safe!
> 
> Edit: fixed a few minor issues and typos


	7. Hatred Shifts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Before you start reading, I just have a quick question for all of you. Should John undergo the same process in the Divinity Machine that the Seraphim Samur Maykr put the Doom Slayer through in order to "bless" him? There are more details in the following link. You can vote here: https://strawpoll.com/p6usfo2au
> 
> I would have put this question in the end notes but I decided to put it up here instead in hopes that more of you would see it and vote so I can get a better idea of what you guys want to see since only like a few people voted on the last straw poll I put up. Anyways, that's all I wanted to ask! I hope you enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Edit: the link to the original poll is working again, so I deleted the second poll that I posted as back up. God I hate technical difficulties...

Before John took off he suddenly had an idea that he felt he _needed_ to test out. Landing back on the balcony next to the alchemiter he proceeded to combine the codes for his Hellacious Purple Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers (With Ghostly Healing Properties!) with the code for a few pages of anti demonic runes that he tore out of a spare copy of his unabridged demonology book, which he had just made specifically for this purpose since he didn’t want to damage his main copy. The result was a box of Violent Violet Demonic Genocide Gushers (With **Extremely Aggressive** Demonic Corruption Purging Properties!). He examined the box for a moment before captchaloging it.

He had no idea why he needed these, but his gut was telling him they were _very_ important for some reason and he trusted his instincts. Logically speaking he probably needed them to purge someone or something of demonic corruption but he had no idea what that could possibly be. Something relating to his quest he would assume. Was it the Doom Slayer? No, that wouldn’t make any sense. According to the Night Sentinel John had talked to earlier the Doom Slayer was supposed to be completely immune to demonic corruption. Maybe the Elemental Wraiths then? While that did seem rather likely to him, he still wasn't certain.

Since he had made these he decided that freeing the Wraiths was probably his next major objective. Unfortunately the Well was apparently just as heavily guarded as the Crypt of the Doom Slayer. They were the two most heavily guarded locations in all of Hell, according to that Night Sentinel. Plus there was the insane Demonic Titan who was still patrolling between the Well and the Crypt of the Doom Slayer, guarding them. So while John was significantly stronger than he had been earlier that day after ascending his echeladder, if he was going to attack the Well then he was going to need some significant upgrades to his equipment.

Unfortunately, he had no idea what to combine in the Alchemiter to make his stuff any more powerful than it already was. He could probably build something to combine with his weapons and armor if he really wanted to but he didn’t exactly have the hours to work on building anything particularly great, like the grappling hook launcher attachment he wanted to build for his sawed off shotgun, or the “Meathook” as he had dubbed the design. As such he ultimately just decided to put off assaulting the Well to free the Wraiths until he found better equipment or stuff he could combine with other things to make even better equipment.

While he may have managed to kill his denizen in an alternate timeline, that had presumably been a one on one fight whereas in this case he would be greatly outnumbered by powerful demons if he assaulted the Well _and_ he would likely have to contend with the Titan on top of that. Ultimately it was just too much of a risk to be worth it at the moment.

So instead John decided to try out his new Night Sentinel Rocket Armor and fly around while considering what to do next. After slowly turning on his armor’s thrusters to raise off the ground and fly a little ways away from the house, he then turned them all the way up to full power and took off flying over the Hell of Rage and Violence at very high speeds. He felt like he had to have left the Safe Zone at some point but he had no way of knowing when. Well except for when he eventually began running into flocks of Gargoyles, Cacodemons, Pain Elementals, and Lost Souls. Quite a few of which were tearing eachother apart in horrific bloody brawls in the sky.

He actually had to fight a few of the demons off when they decided to attack him instead of each other. His guns were a lot harder to use while flying, so he was forced to use his Lesser Crucible Blade instead. Oddly enough, it didn’t cut through demons nearly as easily as it had cut through the Underlings. It was only a little more effective against them then his metal Night Sentinel Sword at most. His Demon Slayer’s Chainsword was a bit more effective, but that required energy to use. Plus it was a pain in the ass to use in the air since it had a tendency to yank the demon he hit with it towards him or yank him towards the demon since there was no ground beneath them to offer any significant resistance. This made killing the flying demons a chore, so he just tried to avoid them all as much as he possibly could.

Suddenly his helmet alerted him that he just received a message on Pesterchum. Opening it he looked and saw it was the troll that had lied to him and tricked him into killing his denizen in an alternate timeline. His eyesight immediately turned a shade of red and his face twisted into a furious rabid scowl under his helmet. 

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] sent ghastlyThrasher [GT] the file "HORAVM4P.FL4" --

GT: YOU BITCH!!!

GT: I KNEW YOU WERE FUCKING LYING TO ME!!!

GT: I HOPE YOU LIKE PAIN BECAUSE I FUCKING WARNED YOU WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF IT TURNED OUT YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO SCREW ME OVER!!!

GT: YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY SIGNED YOUR OWN DEATH WARRANT!!!

GC: JOHN PL34S3 C4LM DOWN

GC: 1 HON3STLY H4D NO 1D34 TH1NGS WOULD TURN OUT 4S B4D 4S TH3Y D1D

GT: BULLSHIT!!! YOU’RE JUST LYING AGAIN IN ORDER TO COVER YOUR ASS SINCE YOUR PLAN DIDN’T FUCKING WORK!!!

GC: 1M NOT LY1NG

GC: 1 SW34R 1M B31NG COMPL3T3LY HON3ST TH1S T1M3

GC: MY FR13NDS H4V3 B33N T4LK1NG TO YOU FROM TH3 FUTUR3

GC: SO 1 JUST 4SSUM3D NOTH1NG B4D WOULD H4PP3N

GC: 1 MOST C3RT41NLY D1DNT 3XP3XT YOU TO 4CTU4LLY K1LL YOUR D3N1Z3N

GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU M4Y G3T YOUR BUTT K1CK3D 4 L1TTL3 

GC: BUT YOU WOULD SURV1V3 4ND NOTH1NG 4BOUT YOUR FUTUR3 WOULD CH4NG3

GC: 1 PROM1S3 TH4T 1T W4S M34NT TO B3 4 H4RML3SS PR4NK

GC: SO JOHN PL34S3

GC: G1V3 M3 ON3 OF YOUR HUM4N BR34KS

GC: 1 F33L R34LLY T3RR1BL3 4BOUT 4LMOST C4US1NG THE 4POC4LYPS3 4ND DR1V1NG YOU 1NS41N3

GC: 3V3N THOUGH T3CH1N1C4LLY NON3 OF TH4T 3V3R H4PP3N3D SO 1 DONT KNOW WH4T YOUR3 B1TCH1NG 4BOUT >:[

GT: LIKE I GIVE A FUCK!

GT: IT NEVER HAPPENED SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE IT DID HAPPEN, THUS FORCING DAVE TO TRAVEL BACK IN TIME AND STOP ME!

GT: THIS IS JUST FUEL THROWN ON THE ALREADY RAGING FIRES OF MY HATRED FOR YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING SPECIES!

GC: W41T 

GC: YOUR3 4CTU4LLY S3R1OUS 4BOUT TH4T WHOL3 G3NOC1D3 TH1NG 4R3NT YOU

GC: 1 HON3STLY THOUGHT TH4T W4S 4LL JUST 3X4GG3R4T3D BO4ST1NG

GC: S1NC3 1T SOUND3D SO R3D1CULOUS

GC: SO OTH3R TH3N MY HORR1BL3 PR4NK

GC: WH1CH 1 W1LL R34D1LY 4DM1T GOT W4Y OUT OF H4ND

GC: WHY DO YOU H4T3 US SO MUCH JOHN

GT: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! YOU NEED ME TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU?!

GT: DO YOU NOT HAVE A BRAIN?! IT’S BLATANTLY OBVIOUS WHY I HATE YOU!

GT: YOU FUCKERS HAVE BEEN HARASSING ME AND MY FRIENDS FOR YEARS! 

GT: YOU ACT LIKE YOU’RE SOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN US WHEN REALLY YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A GROUP OF CONDESCENDING ARROGANT ASSHOLES!

GT: YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT OUTRIGHT ANTAGONIZE US FOR NO BETTER REASON THEN YOU’RE FUCKING BORED!

GT: NOT TO MENTION HOW UNFAIR IT IS THAT MY SPECIES IS GOING FUCKING EXTINCT AS WE SPEAK WHEN A SPECIES OF ASSHOLES LIKE YOU IS ALOWED TO CONTINUE TO EXIST!

GT: AND ON TOP OF THAT YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME ABOUT BEING ABLE TO SAVE MY FRIENDS AND MY DAD BEFORE ANYTHING BAD HAPPENED TO THEM, AND WERE THE SOLE CAUSE OF THAT ALTERNATE TIMELINE!

GT: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REASONS TO FEEL ANYTHING BUT COMPLETE AND UTTER HATRED TOWARDS YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE SPECIES!

GC: 1 S33

GC: TH3N 4LLOW M3 TO CL34R UP 4 F3W M1SCONC3PT1ONS FOR YOU

GC: M4YB3 TH4T W1LL H3LP YOU C4LM TH3 H3LL DOWN 4LR34DY

GC: F1RST YOU TOT4LLY KN3W 1 W4S TR1CK1NG YOU

GC: 4ND YOU 3V3N PR3D1CT3D WH4T WOULD H4PP3N 1F YOU K1LL3D YOUR D3N1Z3N

GC: Y3T YOU D3C1D3D TO L1ST3N TO M3 4ND D1D 1T 4NYW4YS

GC: SO WH1LE 1 W1LL 4DM1T TH4T 1 M3SS3D UP H4RD

GC: 4ND 1 4M R34LLY SORRY FOR TH4T

GC: YOUR3 JUST 4S R3SPONS1BL3 FOR WH4T H4PP3N3D 1N TH4T T1M3L1N3 4S 1 4M

GC: S3COND TH3 TW3LV3 OF US 4R3 TH3 ONLY M3MB3RS L3FT OF OUR SP3C13S

GC: JUST L1K3 YOU 4ND YOUR FR13NDS 4R3 TH3 ONLY HUM4NS L3FT

GC: OR YOU W1LL B3 SOON 4NYW4YS

GC: 1N F4CT W3R3 1N JUST 4S MUCH 1F NOT MOR3 1MM3D14T3 D4NG3R OF GO1NG 3XT1NCT TH3N YOUR SP3C13S

GC: B3C4US3 OF M1ST4K3S TH4T YOU 4ND YOUR FR13NDS 4LR34DY M4D3

GC: TH4T H4V3 D1R3CTLY 4FF3CT3D US 1N OUR S3SS1ON

GC: WH1CH 1S WHY CG ST4RT3D TH1S WHOL3 TROLL1NG C4MP41GN 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3

GC: H3 W4S 4NGRY TH4T YOU FOUR DOOM3D US

GC: 4ND H3 W4NT3D TO G3T B4CK 4T YOU FOR 1T

John’s scowl softened slightly. Even after CG told him they were also in the game he honestly hadn’t thought they might be in a similar situation as him and his friends. He was so upset by the destruction of Earth and Humanity that when they tried contacting him earlier that he had just jumped to conclusions and assumed they and their species were perfectly safe. That still didn’t excuse their behavior, not even close, and he still absolutely hated them and wanted to make them pay for all the harassment over the past few years but he supposed the situation at least wasn’t as unfair as he had originally thought. And while it pained him to admit, she _was_ technically correct in saying he was just as at fault as her for that alternate timeline. He already knew it full well and absolutely _despised_ himself for it. He couldn’t believe that he had been so fucking stupid!

Regardless, he still hated them and outright refused to ever forgive them and no matter what he was _going to_ get his revenge on them. Still, if what she was saying were true then he _supposed_ killing them all _might_ be a little extreme. Beating them within an inch of their lives and maiming or dismembering them would probably be sufficient in this case. As for GC, he still wanted to murder her if not drag her to hell and throw her to the demons for what she did, but she _was_ the only one of the Trolls to ever actually legitimately apologize to him or any of his friends for anything ever. While he was unfathomably angry, he was still in control of himself and could think rationally so he wasn’t _completely_ unreasonable. He hated unfairness and in this case murdering them would be pretty damn unfair.

He would have to think about this for a while. Until then he supposed he could probably ease up on them slightly. Not much, of course, but he could at the very least stop threatening to kill them every other sentence. Assuming she wasn’t just lying to him again, anyways.

GT: fine… i still don’t forgive any of you, especially not you specifically, and after all of this is over i am GOING to get my revenge.

GT: however, assuming you’re not just lying again, then i suppose that revenge doesn’t HAVE to involve killing you all, as much as I may want to.

GC: SO DO3S TH1S M34N W3 CAN PUT 4LL TH1S B3H1ND US 4ND JUST B3 FR13NDS

GT: absolutely not!

GT: you bastards burned that bridge a long time ago!

GT: if you mother fuckers ever wanted to be friends then you should have thought about that before you spent years antagonizing us!

GC: J3GUS JOHN

GT: what?

GC: 1 4M 1NVOK1NG TH3 N4M3 OF YOUR 34RTH J3GUS

GC: TO 3XPR3SS FRUSTR4T1ON

GT: that word isn’t a thing but whatever, i don’t give a shit.

GT: what the hell is this stupid file you sent me?

GC: 1T'S YOUR WORLD M4P

GC: W1TH YOUR S3COND G4T3 L4B3L3D

GC: SO YOU C4N GO TH3R3

GT: you can’t be fucking serious…

GT: after all this you just expect me to trust you again?!

GT: FUCK NO!

GT: FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU! FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME!

GT: I AM NEVER TRUSTING YOU ON ANYTHING EVER AGAIN YOU BITCH!

GC: JOHN

GC: W1LL YOU PL34S3 FOLLOW TH3 M4P?????

GC: L3T M3 34RN YOUR TRUST

GC: 1F YOU DONT L1K3 WH4TS ON TH3 OTH3R S1D3 OF TH3 G4T3

GC: YOU C4N JUST TURN 4ROUND!

GT: YOU ALREADY HAD A CHANCE TO EARN MY TRUST AND YOU FUCKING BLEW IT!

GC: LOOK 1 G3T TH4T 1 M3SS3D UP 4ND YOUR3 4NGRY

GC: BUT 1 4M L3G1T1M4T3LY TRY1NG TO 4POLOG1Z3

GC: 4ND B3S1DES GO1NG THROUGH TH3 S3COND G4T3

GC: 1S 4CTU4LLY WH4T YOUR3 SUPPOS3D TO DO N3XT 4NYW4YS

GC: 1F YOU DONT B3L13V3 M3 THEN YOU C4N 3V3N 4SK YOUR SPR1T3 1F YOU W4NT

GT: i can not fucking believe this…

GT: she says that you’re right and that i actually should trust you this time…

GT: ugh… damn it, fine!

GT: i’ll use your stupid fucking map...

John opened the map and was almost immediately surprised to find it worked exactly like google earth. In fact it was literally called “Google HORAV”. As soon as it opened John immediately saw a marker already placed down on the map. Selecting the marker, a text bubble opened up. The text said, ‘ _JOHN H3R3 1S YOUR HOUS3. 1 CROPP3D TH1S WORLD M4P FOR YOU SO YOU C4N F1ND WH3R3 YOU N33D TO GO 34S1LY. FLY NORTH!!! >:] _ ’ Below that was another line of text that said, ‘ _ <\- 4LSO H1 TH1S 1S M3 _’ It was pointing to a picture on the side of the text bubble that was the head of some grey skinned creature with two small orange horns sticking out of its head who was wearing red glasses. That alone pretty much confirmed these guys really were aliens. 

He scrolled the map up towards the North until he saw a second marker. Selecting it, another text box opened up. This one said, ‘ _TH1S 1S TH3 S3COND G4T3! GO 1N H3R3. 1 PROM1S3 YOU WON’T GO 1NS4N3 OR C4US3 TH3 4POC4LYPS3 TH1S T1M3. UNL3SS YOU SCR3W UP HORR1BLY 4LL BY YOURS3LF. >;] _’

John proceeded to start following the map to the second gate but on the way he received yet another notification from Pesterchum. It was from another one of the Trolls. Son of a bitch! Why couldn’t they just leave him the hell alone for five fucking minutes!

CG: I KEEP SCROLLING BACKWARDS THROUGH YOUR ADVENTURE.

CG: TRYING TO PIECE TOGETHER HOW YOU BOTCH THIS UP SO BADLY.

CG: AND I KEEP FINDING THESE STRIKING POCKETS OF FOOLISHNESS.

CG: LIKE WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW.

CG: FLYING AROUND IN YOUR STUPID RED ROCKET ARMOR.

CG: LIKE YOU ARE A NEWBORN HUMAN BABY AND THIS IS JUST ALL A BIG SCHOOLHIVE RUMPUS RESPITE.

GT: it's the fastest means of transportation that is available to me.

GT: if you don’t like it then shut up and get over it, because i couldn’t care less. i never asked you for your opinion.

GT: now, if you’re only contacting me in order to bitch and complain like usual, I have more important shit to deal with.

CG: WHAT? YOU DON’T HAVE ANY MORE STUPID INANE QUESTIONS TO ASK ME ABOUT THE GAME OR HOW BADLY YOU FUCKED EVERYTHING UP?

CG: I’M SHOCKED!

GT: no, i do have questions but i didn’t think you’d be willing to answer, much less tell me the truth even if you did answer.

CG: WELL YOU’VE ALREADY WASTED MY TIME WITH YOUR IDIOTIC QUESTIONS SO GO RIGHT AHEAD AND ASK AWAY, YOU ANGRY DOUCHE!

GT: you’re being weirdly insistent on this but fine. as long as it gets you to shut up and leave me alone faster.

GT: what's the point of the game.

CG: ASK SOMETHING ELSE.

CG: I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT.

CG: IT WAS THIS WHOLE BIG CONVERSATION WE HAD.

GT: SON OF A BITCH! 

GT: DO YOU WANT ME TO ASK YOU QUESTIONS OR NOT, MOTHER FUCKER?!

GC: I DON’T CARE! 

CG: IF YOU’RE GOING TO ASK QUESTIONS AT ALL THEN ASK QUESTIONS I HAVEN’T ALREADY ANSWERED, DAMMIT!

GT: STOP COMPLAINING THIS INSTANT OR I WILL MURDER YOU!

CG: UGH… FINE...

GT: GOOD! where are you now?

CG: IN THE MEDIUM.

CG: A SEPARATE SESSION FROM YOURS.

GT: no no, i know that!

GT: you already told me!

CG: I DID?

GT: yes, in your future!

CG: DAMMIT.

GT: you only have yourself to blame for this! you’re the dumb fuck who’s actively making the conscious decision to be a fucking moron with this time bullshittery!

GT: regardless, what i meant was…

GT: are you in your house right now, or in one of your magical lands, or what?

CG: WE'RE HIDING IN THE VEIL.

CG: WHAT'S LEFT OF IT.

GT: what's the veil?

CG: IT'S A HUGE BELT OF METEORS

CG: ORBITING WAY OUTSIDE SKAIA, BEYOND THE ORBIT OF THE PLANETS

CG: DIVIDING THE MEDIUM FROM THE FURTHEST RING

CG: WHERE DERSE ORBITS.

GT: a night sentinel i met earlier mentioned that “derse” and “prospit” were planets or something.

CG: YES, DERSE IS THE DARK PLANET.

CG: PROSPIT'S THE LIGHT ONE NEAR SKAIA.

GT: hmph. makes sense i guess

GT: ok, so the veil is a bunch of meteors...

GT: what do you mean "what's left of it"?

CG: OK, THERE COMES A TIME WHEN BLACK INEVITABLY BEATS WHITE

CG: ON THE BATTLEFIELD IN THE CENTER OF SKAIA

CG: THE WHITE KING IS CAPTURED OR KILLED OR SOMETHING

CG: THAT'S WHEN THE RECKONING STARTS.

GT: ok...

CG: THE RULERS OF DERSE

CG: THE BLACK KING AND QUEEN

CG: GET THE POWER TO SEND THE VEIL TOWARD SKAIA

CG: TO DESTROY IT

CG: THAT KIND OF STARTS YOUR BIG "COUNTDOWN"

CG: WHEN SHIT GETS SERIOUS.

GT: wait, so skaia is in danger of being destroyed by meteors just like earth? the only difference being that we actually can save it?!

GT: what the hell?! we can save this fucking place but not our own homeworld?! that is absolutely fucking INEXCUSEABLE!

CG: IF THAT UPSETS YOU, THEN YOU’RE REALLY GOING TO HATE THIS.

CG: THE ONLY REASON YOU CAN SAVE SKAIA AT ALL IS BECAUSE

CG: SKAIA ITSELF SORT OF BUYS YOU SOME TIME

CG: BY ACTIVATING ITS DEFENSE PORTALS

CG: TO CATCH SOME OF THE METEORS

CG: WHICH IT INTENTIONALLY DIRECTS TOWARDS YOUR PLANET

CG: THE THREAT GETS BIGGER THE LONGER YOU TAKE THOUGH

CG: SMALLER METEORS COME FIRST AND THEY GET PROGRESSIVELY BIGGER AND BIGGER

CG: AND THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH OF THEM SKAIA CAN ABSORB FOR YOU

CG: SO YOU ONLY HAVE SO MUCH TIME TO KILL THE BLACK QUEEN AND KING

GT: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKING WHAT!?!?!

Almost as soon as he read the part where CG told him Skaia intentionally directed the meteors towards Earth, John immediately came to a stop mid air. His galaxy shattering rage and hatred instantly shot up by several orders of magnitude and his control began to slip until it was all he could do to stay sane. His vision turned bloody crimson, he gritted his teeth so hard that it felt like they would crack under the force, his face twisted into the most furious expression he could physically make underneath his helmet, and a bright nightmarish purple aura reminiscent of intense burning flames began to form around his body. Finally his head slowly turned until he was looking directly at Skaia itself while his body remained dangerously still.

Everything suddenly became ominously quiet. The horrific ambient sounds that normally plagued HORAV had all abruptly ceased as all of the demons across the entire planet — even the ones that had been driven insane by Yaldabaoth’s rage curse — had suddenly stopped fighting and those that were in the area and could see the sky started looking up towards John in abject terror. Even the walking mountain that was the Demonic Titan had halted in its patrolling rampage to stare directly at John, not quite too afraid to move like the other demons but scared nonetheless.

CG: UM….. JOHN?

GT: how do i get there?

CG: WHAT? GET WHERE?

GT: to skaia.

GT: how do i get there? 

GT: tell me.

GT: now.

CG: WHY? SO YOU CAN GO FUCK UP EVEN WORSE THEN YOU ALREADY HAVE? HA! NO!

GT: you don’t seem to understand, i’m not asking i’m giving you an order.

GT: and you will follow that order or you will beg for death.

GT: tell me how to get there, NOW!

CG: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN PLANNING TO DO THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

CG: IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN ACTUALLY STOP THE RECKONING, LET ALONE BY YOURSELF

CG: AND THAT’S JUST IN A NORMAL SESSION, MUCH LESS ONE AS MESSED UP AS YOURS!

CG: BESIDES YOU'RE ALREADY TOO LATE

CG: YOUR RECKONING STARTS MUCH SOONER THAN IT SHOULD HAVE

CG: BECAUSE OF SOME DUMB THINGS YOU'VE DONE

CG: YOU COMPLETELY BLEW IT ALREADY AND YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF WINNING ANYMORE

CG: WHICH ORDINARILY WOULD BE FINE

CG: JUST ANOTHER BUNCH OF LOSERS TO FAIL AT THIS GAME

CG: IT'S WHAT YOU DO LATER THAT CAUSES SO MUCH MORE TROUBLE THAN THAT

CG: AND NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT TOO.

GT: i didn’t ask for your opinion, troll.

GT: TELL ME HOW TO GET THERE THIS INSTANT OR ALL THE MOST HORRIFIC TORTURES OF HELL WILL PALE IN COMPARISON TO WHAT I WILL DO TO YOU!

So lost was John to his rage and so laser focused on his conversation and getting the answers he wanted that he didn’t notice the loud thundering footsteps of the Titan rapidly getting closer to him. Nor did he notice when a giant shadow was cast over him. His tunnel vision-like focus was only broken when the Titan swatted him out of the air like a fly, destroying much of his armor and sending him flying in the direction of the three pillars of light that were shooting up into the sky off in the distance. He hurtled through the air like an asteroid wreathed in purple flames for a solid two or three minutes, unable to stop himself or regain any semblance of control over his extremely rapid descent as his armor’s thrusters were no longer functioning. Finally he smashed into a thick wall made out of solid stone like a bullet and busted all the way through before crashing into the blood soaked ground so hard that he dug a fairly long and deep trench.

As soon as he finally came to a stop he shakily forced himself to stand back up. His helmet’s visor was cracked and malfunctioning, the back and legs of his armor had literally exploded and were on fire as the fuel in the fuel tank and fuel lines had all combusted, he couldn’t breathe because the front of his armor had been crumpled like a tin can and was crushing his chest and lungs, and he was fairly certain that he was bleeding internally and had a few compound fractures. Still, the blazing purple aura hadn’t faded in the slightest and he stared up in defiance at the demonic Titan that was currently charging towards him, apparently still fully intent on continuing to try to kill him.

Realizing that he had a bit of time before it got there since it was currently so far away, John captchalogued his armor just to get it the hell off of him. He then took the box of Hellacious Purple Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers (With Ghostly Healing Properties!) that he had already opened out of his Sylladex. Shakily he took out a single pouch of the gushers and tore the pouch open before pouring them out on himself. However, while the gushers did heal him slightly, they did not heal him completely as he had thought they would. It took another two full pouches of them before he was fully healed, save for a couple of scratches and bruises.

After using his Sylladex to instantly equip his old Night Sentinel Armor, John climbed out of the trench he made when he crashed. He was about to draw both his Lesser Crucible Blade and Plasma Rifle in preparation to meet the Titan head on knowing full well that fighting it would be suicide and not caring in the least. However, he paused when he noticed that he was standing right next to a raised platform on top of which was some sort of monstrous demonic looking creature laying on its back on what looked like some sort of sacrificial altar with its torso cut completely open, above which floated a glowing ball of energy. Said ball of energy was shooting a beam up into the sky. There were also two other beams that were also shooting up into the sky from two different sources that were relatively nearby.

This had to be the Well, John realized. That would mean this creature must be one of the Elemental Wraiths that were worshiped by the Loyalist Night Sentinels. Deciding to capitalize on this opportunity he immediately rushed up the stairs to the top of the platform, took his new box of Violent Violet Demonic Genocide Gushers (With **Extremely Aggressive** Demonic Corruption Purging Properties!) out of his Sylladex, tore it open, grabbed exactly one third of the packages inside, tore them open, and poured the opened pouches out onto the Elemental Wraith all at once. Suddenly the beam of energy that was shooting up into the sky flickered before vanishing in its entirety and the ball of energy descended back down into the Wraith’s torso which was still sliced open.

When the creature still didn’t move or even try to say anything, John decided that it’s torso being open like that probably wasn’t normal or healthy for it. As such he took out a few pouches of his healing gushers and poured them out on top of the Wraith’s body. Its torso began to close up and a few other wounds John hadn’t even realized were wounds in the first place — such as the lack of webbing between the skeletal arms of what were apparently its wings — rapidly closed and healed. When it was done the Wraith’s body jerked violently and it took a deep gasping breath. It then began hovering up into the air before moving so it was facing the right way up. Despite it not having eyes John could feel its gaze upon him as it turned its head towards him as if to look at him.

“Ah… I see… You have my deepest thanks for freeing me from my imprisonment, John Egbert, Lord of Rage.” The Wraith stated with an appreciative nod, its voice strange and unnatural. “However, you should not have arrived so early let alone so under equipped. You are not ready to face the demons who guard this place.”

John scoffed at that. “I didn’t exactly have much of a fucking choice in the matter! Anyways, fucking look! We only have like maybe two or three minutes at _most_ before the Titan gets here! Are you strong enough to hold off or at the very least distract the Titan long enough to buy me some time to save the other two, or am I going to have to fight the bastard myself?!”

The Wraith shook its head. “No, it is still too early. Even in your current empowered state, you would simply die before you could even hope to reach either my brother or my sister whether I could hold back the mindless beast or not. You will return once more to free them later, once you have become strong enough. For now, however, I shall take you from this place to relative safety.” With that it floated over to John and grabbed him with a few of its tentacles lifting him off the ground and into the air before it began flying away from the Well at extreme speeds, though oddly enough John didn’t feel any wind resistance whatsoever despite the speed at which they were traveling.

Still in his berserker state, John snarled like a rabid animal and tried to break free, not wanting to run away. However he felt something push into his mind and struggled against it for a moment before it finally successfully managed to force him out of his berserker state and back in complete control over himself. He was still just as angry as he had been and it was not subsiding, but he could at least think rationally again. As such the blazing purple aura surrounding him disappeared and he stopped struggling and just settled for glaring back at the Titan who was quickly growing more and more distant.

“I know the destruction of your world and your people upsets you, John Egbert, but your plan to destroy Skaia in order to save it is _beyond_ foolish. Not only do you currently lack the power to do so in the first place, but even if you could you would not be saving Earth by doing so. It is fated to be destroyed no matter what you do. You would merely be dooming yourself, your friends, and all of us along with your home. Yes it is unfair, but many things are in life. I do not expect you to accept this. Far from it. Just understand that some things are simply inevitable and that sometimes you must simply let them go and move on. It is a hard and painful lesson, especially for one such as you, but it is a lesson you must learn regardless.” The Wraith told him.

John said nothing in response. He just tightened his fists and turned his head away from the Titan to glare at Skaia in pure hatred and loathing.

The Wraith shook its head and said, “Do not blame Skaia, young one. There is only so much that it can do and it has its own rules that it must abide, as do we all. It is only acting as it is intended to, thus it is no more at fault for the destruction of Earth than you or I. If you wish to blame anyone then direct your anger towards the royalty of Derse for causing the Reckoning and forcing Skaia to use its defensive portals in the first place. For they knew full well that it would mean the complete destruction of Earth and Humanity. While you may not be able to stop the destruction of your home and your people, you may still avenge them.”

John still said nothing but he stopped glaring at Skaia and let his head fall back to a resting position. Over the course of the entire flight he thought hard about what the Wraith had said. Eventually he decided it was right. The people of Derse were the ones who caused this and the fact they knew it would result in the destruction of Earth and Humanity made their actions completely unforgivable. In his mind that made them no better than the demons so he would treat them no better than demons. Besides, they were working with the Traitor Night Sentinels anyways which meant they were probably working with the demons too. If they weren’t then why would the people of Prospit need the help of the Loyalist Night Sentinels to fight them? They were evil through and through, and they needed to die.

After a few minutes John started to see something off in the distance rapidly getting closer to them. Once they were close enough for him to make out details he recognised it as the Second Gate which he had been trying to fly to himself before all of this bullshit happened and his Night Sentinel Rocket Armor was destroyed. They flew straight into it and John was temporarily blinded by how bright and colorful the place they ended up was compared to HORAV. It took a moment for his eye to adjust but when they did he saw a giant building directly below him. He also noticed that they didn’t appear to be slowing down at all. In fact the Elemental Wraith seemed to be heading on a direct collision course with a window near the bottom of the building.

“You may wish to brace yourself, young one.” The Wraith said with a hint of amusement in its creepy unnatural sounding voice.

John stared up at it incredulously. It couldn’t seriously be intending to crash into the wall. Could it? However as they rapidly approached the side of the building John realized that it was dead serious. What the hell was this thing, the fucking koolaid man?! John did as it suggested and closed his eyes and braced himself for impact. Only for said impact to never happen.

After a few seconds John opened his eyes and saw that they were floating directly next to the window near the bottom of the house, having come to an abrupt but completely safe stop. John glared at the Elemental Wraith. “Seriously...?” he growled in annoyance.

The Wraith chuckled to itself. “Indeed. Forgive me for the slight deception, young one. It is just that after countless eons of imprisonment and constant torture, I am quite enjoying my freedom and I merely thought this would be quite amusing.”

John sighed and said, “Alright, fair enough. I guess I can’t really fault you for that... So, what now? Are you gonna let me go or what?”

The Wraith said nothing. Instead it turned its head towards the window and suddenly the glass melted and began to flow down the wall before solidifying again once it was out of the way, leaving the window completely open. The Wraith put John through the open window first and let him go before wrapping its wings around itself to make itself as small as possible and proceeding to squeeze through as well.

John was surprised to find the word “meow” and its constituent letters scrawled on the walls in purple writing. “Weird…” he muttered to himself. It was then he noticed Rose laying on the ground, sleeping on top of a pile of scarfs one of which was covered in anti-demonic magic runes. He also noticed that her hairband was covered in anti-possession runes. He was glad to see that she had actually taken his advice about making stuff to better protect her from possessed underlings.

Suddenly his helmet gave him a notification from Pesterchum. Apparently future Dave was messaging him.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

TG: wow okay

TG: youre a little early but that’s fine i guess

TG: also 

TG: you do realize that theres a creepy ass demon behind you

GT: yeah, i know and it’s not a demon. it’s one of the three elemental wraiths. 

GT: the god-like beings that the loyalist night sentinels serve and worship. 

GT: i was just really unlucky and was smacked out of the air by the titan after i nearly lost my mind because of some bullshit i learned about the “game”.

GT: then i got really lucky and ended up in the Well right next to where this one was imprisoned.

GT: i freed it and then it brought me here. 

GT: the weird thing is, i thought the thing it flew through was supposed to be the second gate but it just ended up bringing us here, to rose’s house.

TG: gotcha

TG: anyways

TG: dude you did go through the second gate

GT: oh. then i really don’t get this. 

GT: i thought it was supposed to bring me somewhere else on horav, like to another one of the safe zones or something.

TG: no

TG: this is how it works

TG: the progression of gates is like this whole round robin thing

TG: cycling through each planet

TG: gate 2 on your planet leads to gate 2 on roses

TG: then you build up to gate 3 above her house which leads somewhere else on her planet

TG: you look for gate 4 somewhere there

TG: which leads to gate 4 above my house

TG: and so on

GT: oh. ok.

TG: ordinarily rose would have already gone through her gate 1

TG: but shes sleeping pretty hard obviously

TG: and ordinarily you wouldnt have gone through gate 2 until her house was built up

TG: so you wouldnt fall to your death

TG: but you got your cheat god-monster to help you so thats fine

TG: see we all got to coordinate on this thing

GT: makes sense.

GT: hey no offense, but please let me talk to the real dave for a second.

TG: god dammit

TG: i am the real dave

TG: you know the one who saved your life

TG: im more real actually cause ive been through some heavy shit already hopping around on red hot gears and i-beams for like a year

TG: while trying not to be killed by literal demons 

TG: and grinding shit out for your ungrateful ass on top of all that

TG: here look check out this code from the future not that you deserve it 

TG: or maybe you do since 

TG: you know 

TG: it came from a demon

TG: WIin666S

TG: id probably have just kept the damn thing and given it to past me

TG: but just touching it gives me the fucking creeps

TG: i never could bring myself to even hold onto it for more than a few seconds

TG: let alone actually use it

TG: so youre fucking welcome

GT: sorry! that’s honestly not what i meant!

GT: i know you're just as real as present dave.

GT: it was honestly just a poor choice of words.

GT: its just that a lot’s been happening and i just want to keep him updated.

GT: you said it yourself, we have to coordinate on all of this.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: yo

GT: oh, hey.

GT: i’m in rose’s room right now

TG: what

TG: really

GT: yeah, but she's asleep!

TG: ok

TG: dont go anywhere

TG: im coming down to the computer

GT: ok.

TG: dave is here he wants to use the computer

TG: probably to help you scope out roses room and snoop and stuff

TG: i mean thats what i would have done

TG: if you were alive

TG: so im gonna go

TG: use these flappy ghost wings and tear shit up in space or something

GT: alright then, talk to you later.

GT: oh, and hey dave...

TG: what

GT: i know i already said this before but...

GT: thanks for stopping me from making a huge mistake!

TG: yeah

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: ok i dont know what youre doing here

TG: or why you havent already killed that demon thing thats floating behind you

TG: but i think we can both agree that youve got to rummage through as much of her shit as possible before she wakes up

GT: yeah no. im not just going to invade her privacy like that.

GT: also, that’s not a demon its one of the three elemental wraiths.

GT: the god-like beings that the loyalist night sentinels serve and worship.

GT: you know what? i just explained all this to future dave so im not gonna repeat everything that i just wrote.

GT: anyways, i’m gonna try to wake her up.

John kneeled down next to her, and gently shook her by the shoulder in an attempt to wake her up. However, despite his attempts she just continued sleeping.

TG: dude no come on

TG: shes out like a light anyway

TG: it was some like weird future thing that happened that made her sleep

GT: uggggh… more time fuckery…

He shook her a bit harder but she continued to stubbornly refuse to wake up. Finally he decided she just wasn’t going to wake up, so he stood back up.

GT: well, she’s not waking up.

GT: but i’m still not going to invade her privacy.

TG: fine dont

TG: but here just do this one thing

TG: see those two notebooks on the floor behind you

GT: yeah. i accidentally knocked them off of her totem lathe when the wraith stuffed me through the window.

GT: they look sorta like journals.

GT: so before you ask, i am NOT going to read them!

TG: you dont have to read them im not telling you to

TG: what kind of prying tool do you take me for

TG: just pick them up

TG: you know since youre the one who knocked them off her totem lathe

GT: i’m suspicious, but fine whatever.

John captchalogued the books.

TG: now i need you to do something else

TG: this is important

TG: like for important game reasons and stuff

TG: take the card the books are on

TG: flip it over

GT: your fucking with me right now, aren’t you?

TG: no man

TG: just flip it over so you can see the code

GT: dave, i’m not an idiot.

GT: i see what you’re trying to do here.

GT: i won't tell you the code for rose's books!

TG: dude you dont have to tell me the code

TG: just flip it over and let me know if theres a code there thats all

GT: ok...

GT: i guess.

GT: yeah there's a code.

TG: alright cool

TG: you can ditch the books now if you want

TG: maybe put them back on the floor

TG: so rose doesnt think you were snooping

TG: seriously youve got some grubby fingers bro why dont you mind your own business there

TG: what is even with you

GT: dave, you’re my friend so i’m sorry if this comes off as a bit harsh but, shut your fucking mouth!

GT: i’m REALLY not in the mood for this sort of crap right now!

TG: geeze fine im sorry

TG: anyways moving on before you have a fucking anyurism or something

TG: isnt that your birthday package there

GT: oh, yeah, i think it might be.

TG: maybe you should look at it

TG: i dont think it counts as snooping since its technically yours

GT: yeah, maybe.

GT: i wonder if she finished...

GT: she was so tight lipped about the damn thing! i am really curious.

John walked over to the box and picked it up. His perpetual guilt flared a bit as he held it even though it was technically his anyways.

TG: afdsjjjjjjjjvfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

John frowned in irritation and decided to just ignore Dave’s message assuming that it was probably just him being a truculent jackass again. Not that John really had much right to accuse _anyone_ of being truculent considering his own bellicose behaviour, especially recently, but still.

Closing pesterchum, John proceeded to open the box and look inside. He was surprised to find another stuffed rabbit like the one Dave gave him, only this one was covered in hand knitted purple and black patches. Next to it was a handwritten letter from Rose. John picked up the letter first and proceeded to open it up and read it.

_John,_

_I never got to thank you properly for your gift. Yes, the words were there. Language comprising the familiar veneer of gratitude rubbing off with each tired favor traded for. A God bless to a sneeze or a few pennies cradled in a receipt. Perhaps it's the deplorable romantic in me, but I thought your present, and your friendship, demanded reciprocation surpassing by some degree the utterly meaningless._

_The proper thanks I thought would be a demonstration that your offering was not in vain. Yes, maybe some would take your suggested alternative to my gloomy preoccupations as a passive-aggressive jab. But I know you didn't mean it that way. In fact, I'm sure reading about it now is the first time the notion has occurred to you. John, please stop rolling your eyes. The letter is down here._

_The gift in this box is a resurrection. I used your present to thread life anew into a tattered heirloom. As long as I can remember, its old, stained appendages have been tethered limply to its ratty, porous carriage. Too delicate to wash, too dear to discard. I used to love this rabbit. Now he's yours._

_I trust you'll find this to be adequately sentimental. Happy birthday._

_Rose_

John sighed in exasperation but smiled slightly under his helmet. Yup, this was definitely from Rose. He actually felt a bit bad about taking it if she was being honest and it really meant so much to her, but it was a gift so it would be rude of him not to accept it. So he Captchalogued the box with the rabbit still inside. He thought about writing Rose a thank you letter and pinning it to her bedroom door with one of his demon slaying knives but decided against it, thinking it would be rude and a bit too aggressive.

Suddenly he heard Rose’s computer go off as it received a notification from Pesterchum. Since she was asleep and wasn’t going to wake up any time soon, John decided to answer for her and tell whoever it was to try again later some time when she was actually awake. Walking over to the computer, he saw it was one of the Trolls.

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

GA: Im Supposed To Antagonize A Few Members Of Your Trivial Species

GA: I Have To Start Somewhere

GA: And Somewhen

GA: So I Am Starting With You

GA: And Now

GA: Its Going To Be Pointless And Unpleasant

GA: Mostly For Me

GA: Actually You Know What

GA: Im Not Really Feeling This At All

GA: Goodbye

TT: rose isn’t here. she’s sleeping right now.

TT: but whatever, bye.

GA: Is This

GA: Your Human Sarcasm That Ive Heard About

GA: That You Always Use

GA: And That Is Basically A Terrible Way To Communicate

TT: no.

GA: I Thought That Was The Thing You Did

GA: The Rose Human Specifically

TT: yeah, that’s true enough, I guess. she does use sarcasm and passive aggression a lot.

TT: but i’m not rose. i’m john.

TT: i’m just using her account right now because i’m in her room on her computer and she’s asleep so she can’t respond.

TT: so when i heard her getting a pesterchum notification from her computer i decided to tell whoever was trying to talk to her, you apparently, that she couldn’t respond at the moment.

GA: I Am Afraid I Am Having Trouble Discerning If These Are Insincere Statements Or Not

TT: no, damn it! i’m dead serious! i really am john! aren’t you assholes supposed to be able to see us on your computer screen or something?

GA: Presumably But I Am Unsure As To How To Change The Screen So I May See You

TT: ugggh! fine, damn it! i can fucking prove that i’m john without you seeing me.

TT: just try contacting me at this point in time. my username is ghastlyThrasher, in case you aren’t aware.

GA: Fine

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

GT: see? i fucking told you, i’m john!

GA: Very Well Then

GA: I Suppose I Believe You

GA: So Rose Is Truly Asleep At The Moment Then

GT: yup. if you really want to talk to her, try again at some other point in time when she’s actually awake.

GT: also, figure out how to change your screen so you can actually see us so you can avoid mistakes like this in the future, for fuck sake!

GT: now i have stuff to do.

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --

John closed pesterchum on his helmet again and proceeded to head out towards Rose’s Alchemiter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I ultimately decided to keep the previous chapter as is and just work with what I already wrote. Like I said, it was kind of necessary to the plot.
> 
> Anyways, I think we may have come to a point where things will start diverging from cannon a bit more then they have until now. Just keep in mind it wont start diverging TOO drastically until somewhere around the time they spend three years traveling to the post scratch universe. That's when things should really kick off due to the butterfly effect.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter as much if not more then I enjoyed writing it! Feel free to tell me what you think! I encourage constructive criticism!
> 
> Please try to stay safe out there, everyone!
> 
> Update: I just uploaded this to FanFiction.net as well. Just letting you all know in case any of you would prefer to read this on that website.


	8. The Loss of Hope

John was rather surprised to find Rose’s alchemiter rather heavily upgraded. He hadn’t even known it was possible to upgrade an alchemiter like this. He decided he would have to look into upgrading his own alchemiter similarly at some point. Regardless, he just had a couple things he needed to make.

First he decided to try out the code Davesprite had given him, curious as to what it could possibly be given his rather ominous description of it. He did so and a holographic image of something called “Demonic Crucible” appeared in the middle of the Alchemiter. It was extraordinarily expensive too, costing 25,000 of several types of rather exotic forms of grist that he apparently had but didn’t remember ever collecting and 66,666 Argent Energy Grist for some reason. It was really damn expensive and it would take a huge chunk of his accumulated Argent Energy grist but John decided to make it anyways, thinking it had to be either really strong or really important to cost so much. 

John picked it up off the Alchemiter and his mind was suddenly bombarded with information about what it was and how to use it, just like it had been when he had first made and picked up his Lesser Crucible Blade. It operated pretty much exactly the same way as his Lesser Crucible Blade but it had more functions and was significantly more powerful to the point it actually made both his Lesser Crucible Blade and Demon Slayer’s Chainsword look like goddamn toys by comparison. After that was over he could immediately feel immense amounts of raw demonic magic flowing from it through his body. It was no wonder holding it gave Davesprite the creeps. It was probably a good thing he had likely been wearing anti demonic equipment at the time and apparently never held it for more than a few seconds at most otherwise who knows what it could have done to him.

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

GT: dude, where in the LITERAL HELL did you get this thing?!

GT: the “demonic crucible”?!

TG: from some really powerful marauder

TG: i think he was supposed to be like this high ranking general or a prince or something

GT: okay… well then... i know damn well that you didn’t kill him for it.

GT: so how the fuck did you manage to get it without being flayed alive or getting your head chopped off?

TG: very quick and stealthy shenanigans that may or may not have involved time fuckery

GT: uh huh…

John closed pesterchum again and looked at the Demonic Crucible in his hand. He willed it to activate and a blade of energy that was a darker shade of red then even normal Argent Energy shot out of the top of the hilt. It had a pickaxe-like tip just like his Lesser Crucible however that was where the similarities between the weapons ended. The blade of the Demonic Crucible was quite a bit longer then his Lesser Crucible, it was perfectly smooth as it completely lacked the three triangular serrations on both sides of the blade near the hilt that the Lesser Crucible had, and the runes on the blade were very clearly demonic in origin though they were written in some dialect that John knew on an instinctual level were positively ancient but couldn’t actually read. He deactivated the Demonic Crucible again and captchalogued it, at which point it was automatically moved to his Bladekind Abstratus in his Strife Deck.

Next he proceeded to use the code for his Night Sentinel Rocket Armor, which he had memorized, to make a new suit since his previous one had been destroyed by the Titan.

[meanwhile in Rose’s room]

Having seen John using her alchemiter from Dave’s computer on Derse, Rose woke up and immediately saw what, to her, looked like a big demon floating in the middle of her room just staring at her despite not having any eyes. Fortunately, both the Gods of the Furthest Ring and Dave had briefly informed her about it before she had woken up so she did not immediately attack it. Instead she calmly got up off the ground, put her anti demonic magic scarf back on and looked around her room. She noticed someone had been using her pesterchum account, and she highly doubted that it was the Elemental Wraith that was currently watching her.

She turned to look at it and said, “Hello, I am Rose Lalonde. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I presume you are one of John’s friends?”

The Wraith nodded at her. “Greetings, young Seer of Light. I suppose in a manner of speaking, yes. After all, he did release me from my imprisonment by the demons. However, I believe it would be more accurate to call us “allies” rather than friends.”

“I see. Well, I do not mean to be rude but I must go find him now so I may speak with him. So, please excuse me.” She said, trying to be as polite as possible, before turning to leave the room. That’s when she noticed a couple of small boxes sitting in front of the door. Picking one up, she examined it and saw they were boxes of Hellacious Purple Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers (With Ghostly Healing Properties!), presumably left there for her by John. She captchaloged them and proceeded out the door. The Wraith followed slowly along behind her.

[Meanwhile outside next to Rose’s Alchemiter]

John had put away his old Night Sentinel Armor and was wearing his new suit of Night Sentinel Rocket Armor. Since Rose didn’t seem like she was going to be waking up anytime soon, he decided he may as well explore her planet a little and maybe stop by again later. It would be a very welcome change of pace from the horrific sights, sounds, and smells of his planet.

Seeing a strange pitch black mutant cat with four eyes sitting nearby watching him, John considered taking it along with him. After all, it seemed like it wanted to come with him and this place should be a lot safer than HORAV, at least in theory. He debated this for a moment before shrugging and gently picking it up. “Alright, fine… I’ll take you with me. Guess I’ll need something to call you, though. How about… Doctor Meowgon? Yeah, that’ll work. Come on, Doctor Meowgon, let's go explore this place.” He said to the mutant cat.

Mentally commanding his armor’s thrusters to activate, John took off flying. For Doctor Meowgon’s sake he wasn’t flying at maximum speed, but he was still flying pretty damn fast.

[Meanwhile back on Rose’s Island]

Rose watched John take off, having arrived just a couple of seconds too late to stop him. Where was he off to now, she wondered to herself. She sighed and turned to look at the Elemental Wraith who was floating next to her, also watching John fly away. “Well, at least I have you here to keep me company.” She said to the Wraith. “So, what’s your name?”

The Wraith turned its eyeless head towards her and said, “I am afraid my name is unpronounceable for a Human or even the Argenta, your mouth and vocal cords are simply not designed for it. It was for this very reason that the Argenta always referred to us as one, never seeing fit to make any distinction between us. We allowed them to do so as we saw no reason to correct them for this so long as they continued to worship us as they should. However, if you must call me anything I suppose you may simply call me The First, as I am the first among my siblings to have been freed from our imprisonment by the demons.”

“Alright, First it is then. So, uh. You’re not going to try to force me or my friends to worship you like these “Argenta” people, right?” Rose inquired a bit warily.

The Wraith chuckled to itself and slowly shook its monstrous head. “Hardly. Unlike the Argenta of Argent D’Nur or normal Humans of Earth, you and your friends are our equals. Well... you shall be eventually. As such, you need only treat us as equals. So long as you do not disrespect me or my siblings to an unforgivable degree then you have nothing to fear from any of us, young one. Though there is much I know that you do not, so I would advise you to listen to my counsel on occasion for I shall not lead you astray.”

Rose nodded, relaxing quite a bit after hearing that. “Alright, I suppose. Then, is there any particular reason you chose to stay here with me instead of going with John?”

“I am simply not meant to go with him. Not only would my continued presence hinder his growth but it would also disrupt the timeline, thus dooming us all. That is something I would prefer to avoid if at all possible.” The Wraith explained.

“I see. Well, I am going to alchemize a few things. Please let me know if you notice any possessed underlings that are about to attack me while my back is turned.” Rose politely requested.

The Wraith nodded at her in acknowledgment.

Rose turned and headed over to her alchemiter. First she combined her Hub and Laptop, creating the Hubtop. That one was fairly obvious.

Next she combined the bronzed Vacuum and the Umbrella resulting in the Bronzed Vaccumbrella which was obviously completely useless, but she was only just getting warmed up.

Next she combined a Bottle of Ink with the healing gushers that John had left for her, resulting in Bodacious Black Liquid Sorrow Gushers. The Ink had apparently reversed the properties of the purple phlegm and made these gushers pure poison. 

After that she combined her Hubtop with her Anti-Possession Hairband, creating the Anti-Possession Hubtop Band which acted as a hands free computing device while still protecting her mind from demonic possession.

She combined the magnetic W with a bottle of Vodka, resulting in a bottle of Magnetic Wadka. The alcohol inside apparently had magnetic properties. She… She _guessed_ this could be useful?

She combined a Wizard Statue with a Ball of Yarn. This made a ball of Silken Wizardbeard Yarn (With Magical Properties). It had magical properties because it was made of a wizard. Maybe she could make something with magical properties that was more useful than this.

She combined the Wizard Statue with her Anti-Demon Knitting Needles and created a pair of Anti-Demon Needlewands. They crackled with a type of magic energy that was particularly baneful to beings from the Nether Realms and individuals possessed by such malevolent entities. She tested them out on the wizard statue, unleashing a blast of magic energy that reduced it to nothing more than a pile of rubble. Finally she decided it was time to make something cool to wear.

She combined her Knittings with her Anti Demonic Magic Scarf resulting in Anti Demonic Magic Knittings, which she then combined with her Velvet Pillow and Squiddle Shirt. The result was a stylish Anti Demonic Magic Velvet Squiddleknit Dress. There were a few anti demonic magic runes on the outside but the vast majority of them were hidden on the inside of the dress.

Finally she combined her Anti-Demon Needlewands with her Grimoire of the Zoologically Dubious, creating the Thorns of Oglogoth. 

Suddenly she felt a presence right behind her and the Wraith said, “Ah... I see you have made a pair of conduits with which to channel a small portion of the power of the Gods of the Furthest Ring. A most interesting choice for a Seer of Light, of all beings.”

“I take it you disapprove?” Rose inquired, picking up the Thorns of Oglogoth off the Alchemiter.

The Wraith chuckled to itself. “Oh, hardly. I would only disapprove were they connected to the Hell-gods rather than the Outer Gods. So do not mistake my comment as disparaging, those are quite powerful little tools and are sure to serve you well. I only mention it as they are not instruments that a Seer of Light such as yourself would normally use. I find it rather odd that one such as you would have such a strong connection to beings that are so diametrically opposed to your particular aspect. Tell me, why do you place so much faith in them and are you truly certain that is wise of you?”

Rose turned to face the Wraith and said, “They told me you would try to convince me not to trust them and that I should just ignore you, so no matter what you say to me it’s not going to work. Regardless, to answer your question I suppose it’s due to the fact they helped the alternate timeline future version of me so much and they have yet to lie to me or steer me wrong. Furthermore unlike the Hell-gods they are not evil, they are simply beyond mortal comprehension and are thus misunderstood.”

The Wraith nodded at her. “You are correct on all accounts, yet I am afraid you fail to grasp several key points or to see the bigger picture. I _could_ enlighten you further as to their true nature if you wished for me to do so. However, as you have already stated your desire to remain on the path you are currently on I shall refrain from doing so for it is not my place to tell you how to think, what to do, or how to act. I may only offer advice to help guide you along your path should you choose to listen and perhaps I may even offer some limited assistance on occasion whenever my direct intervention is necessary but that is it. Anything else would hinder your growth into your role.” With that it turned and began floating away.

Rose frowned to herself, quickly weighing her options before cursing mentally. “Wait!” She exclaimed.

The Wraith paused and turned to face her once more. “Yes? What is it, young Seer?” It inquired, sounding as though it had been fully expecting this turn of events.

Rose sighed and said, “Fine. You win. Your obvious psychological manipulation tactic has succeeded. You said you could enlighten me further as to their true nature. Well I would like to know more, please.”

“A Seer of Light wishing to gain further knowledge into a subject that she believes she is familiar with but in truth knows very little about? I am shocked, truly.” The Wraith said in mock surprise. “Though, in truth there _is_ much you do not know about the Horrorterrors you place so much of your faith in. And I shall explain everything that you need to know in great detail. However, it appears there are quite a few underlings approaching so for the moment I am afraid that shall have to wait. Prepare yourself, young one, for there is quite the fight ahead of you.”

Rose rolled her eyes at that since she could already clearly see they were completely surrounded. Raising her Thorns of Oglogoth, she unleashed an extremely deadly bolt of destructive red magic at the oncoming underlings.

[Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Land of Light and Rain]

As John flew across Rose’s planet giving him a bit of time to himself, he finally noticed that he had reached the top of his Echeladder. He was now a “True Lord” and had gotten his first ten boonbucks. Thinking back, he realized that it had to have happened at some point between the time that he had nearly lost control of himself and when he freed the Wraith. Then reality hit him in the face with the force of a freight train.

Even after he had freed the Wraith from it’s imprisonment it had outright told him that he was still too weak to save the other two Wraiths and would just die if he tried. And that was presumably _after_ he had reached the top of his Echeladder _and_ was in his “empowered state” whatever the hell that meant. He assumed it had something to do with that weird purple aura that appeared after he nearly lost control of himself.

Regardless, the Wraith had said that he would return to save the other two later when he was strong enough, but he failed to see how since he had already reached Max level at that point meaning it was impossible for him to get any stronger than he already was aside from growing older. More skilled and experienced? Sure, he just needed to take the Night Sentinels up on their offer and get some proper combat and military training. _Stronger_ then he was now though? No way in Hell.

He cursed to himself under his breath. Having reached the top of his Echeladder he was certain he should at least be able to take on quite a few types of Greater Demons on equal footing, at least in theory, but what about the ones that he couldn’t beat? Having nearly died to a couple Juvenile Hellknights earlier that day — even though he was still fairly low on his echeladder at the time — he was really worried about his abilities to fight something along the lines of one of the — fortunately long extinct — Agaddon Hunters from the Telos Realm, one of the rare but still existing Baalgar demons, one of the fairly common Tyrants, or one of the Marauders. And if he couldn’t face any of those things and survive, what of the actual Arch Demons or even one of the Hell-Gods themselves?

Even now at max level anything from the true upper echelons of Hell would crush him like an insect and he damn well knew it. He could feel it in his bones how horrifically outclassed and inadequate he was compared to what he was up against. A single lower tier Arch Demon could potentially destroy entire solar systems while those in the upper tiers could annihilate entire **_galactic superclusters_ ** if they ever decided to lead a demonic invasion in person while he, a lowly human being, couldn’t destroy so much as a single planet. Even the Wraith had confirmed as much when it told him that he lacked the power to destroy Skaia. So what chance did _he_ have against a being of such immense power? What in the hell was he even supposed to do? After thinking about it for a couple minutes he eventually determined that it would take a mother fucking _miracle_ for him to ever beat an Arch Demon, but this was real life and in real life miracles didn’t fucking exist.

If an Arch Demon or perhaps if he was truly unlucky — which he assumed he probably was — even one of the lesser Hell-Gods were guarding either the Well or the Crypt of the Doom Slayer then that was just the end of it. There was really nothing that he could possibly do to save the Slayer or the other two Wraiths then the first time would definitely have been a fluke and he would immediately be killed if he so much as tried. If one of the Arch Demons or Hell-Gods decided to get involved in the “game” directly then he and his friends were either going to die or they would be captured and sent to Nekravol. There were no other possible options. 

This realization brutally and unceremoniously killed any and all last remaining fleeting traces of hope and anything else even remotely positive that were left in him leaving nothing in its place but the perpetual inhuman negative emotions that constantly flooded through him. His hope was dead, his joy was dead, his humor was dead, his enthusiasm was dead, his pride was dead, his faith was dead, any optimism he may have ever had was dead. All that was left was his despair, rage, hatred, bloodlust, fear, self loathing, guilt, grief, doubt, pessimism, and grim determination. There was no light or warmth in his or his friends futures, only endless darkness and evil. And considering what he and his friends were potentially up against, he knew their chances were as low as they could possibly get.

However all of that did NOT mean he was just going to give up and take it lying down. He didn’t care how outmatched he and his friends were. He was damn well going to avenge humanity by carving a giant bloody swath through the forces of Derse, the Traitor Night Sentinels, and the Demons that none of them would _ever_ recover from, even if it killed him or got him captured by the demons.

He was pulled out of his dark pessimistic thoughts as he spotted a boat on the shore of one of the islands below. Wondering who could have rowed a boat all the way out here in the middle of the ocean, John decided to investigate. Coming to a stop above the island he slowly lowered the power on his armor’s thrusters and safely landed on the island. He set Doctor Meowgon down and began walking towards the boat. As he got closer he noticed hoof prints in the sand leading to some sort of tunnel.

Heading into the tunnel with Doctor Meowgon following behind him, John was almost immediately attacked by a bunch of Caulk Liches. As such, he drew his Demonic Crucible from his Strife Deck and began hacking and slashing the closest of the Underlings to pieces and using the Demonic Crucible to conjure up very powerful blasts, waves, and geysers of pure Hell Fire to completely incinerate the ones that were further away in a matter of moments.

When they were all dead and John had collected all the Grist he looked down at the Demonic Crucible in thought. Powerful demonic artifact or not, he really liked it so far. Well, minus the massive amounts of demonic magic that were flowing through him as he held it. That part obviously sucked. Regardless, it was a really damn powerful and versatile weapon and he hadn’t even tried out all of its features yet. Granted, there were a lot of features that he knew he obviously shouldn’t try out under any circumstances such as: using it to conjure up new Gore Nests, using it to cut open portals to or from Hell, sacrificing his own soul to it in order to become a powerful demon, summoning up armies of Demons up to and including Greater Demons, using it to begin the process of dragging a planet into Hell, or anything else to that effect but his point remained.

Putting the Demonic Crucible away he noticed a strange circular platform in the middle of the room which seemed important and decided to go investigate. After examining it and finding seemingly nothing out of the ordinary, John decided to step on it in order to see if that did anything, and Doctor Meowgon followed him up onto the platform. Suddenly there was a flash of lavender light and everything changed.

He suddenly found himself standing in the middle of a grey lab. Deciding to investigate further he quickly spotted a pony with a big pink bow, a puppet wearing a long purple shirt with the symbol of a crescent moon on it, a brand new unabridged copy of Colonel Sassacre’s Daunting Text, and what looked like one of his dad’s hats which was slightly charred and was covered in what appeared to be ashes and dried blood stains. “What the fuck? What the hell is all of this doing here?” he muttered to himself in a mixture of surprise and confusion.

“They were all left behind by the ones who arrived before you.” Said a harsh demonic voice from behind him.

Drawing and activating the Demonic Crucible John immediately whirled around and lunged at the source of the voice, violently tackling it to the ground where John then held the dark crimson blade of the Demonic Crucible to its throat. He immediately saw that his instincts were correct and it was indeed a demon. This demon in particular was wearing a long black hooded robe, had two large leathery bat-like wings folded up on its back, had two large curved horns sticking out of the front of its forehead, its skin was as red as a Baron of Hell’s, its mouth was full of razor sharp fangs clearly designed to tear through flesh with ease, it had a skeletal hole where its nose should be, and its eyes were six soulless inky black orbs which for some reason filled John with immense soul crushing guilt and regret as he stared into them. John just gritted his teeth and ignored this supernatural guilt and regret that was only adding to his already impossibly immense amounts of both, writing it off as nothing more than an effect of demonic magic, and continued snarling at the demon in pure hatred and loathing underneath his helmet.

Now laying on the ground next to the demon was a long metal rod with a significant bend in the middle which had a demonic skeletal design at the top. John guessed this rod was either some sort of oddly designed walking staff or a weapon. Though, since it belonged to a demon John assumed it was most likely a weapon of some kind.

“Demon!” John growled at it furiously.

The demon just sighed in exasperation, apparently not phased by this in the slightest. In fact it appeared to have been fully expecting this outcome and was just more annoyed than anything.

Not caring in the least and only wanting it dead, John was about to use the Demonic Crucible to decapitate the demon on the spot when someone else gently grabbed his shoulder and said, “Calm yourself, young Lord of Rage. While he may be a demon he is not your enemy, nor am I.” This one’s voice was warm and had this strange calming effect that John couldn’t really explain. For almost anyone else John was sure its voice would drive any traces of anger, hostility, or any other negative emotion out of them in an instant. However in John’s case it merely temporarily dulled his inhumanly intense negative emotions for a few moments and only slightly at that.

John turned his head and glared at whoever was grabbing his arm. This one was wearing a red robe with a hood that obscured its face in shadows and was floating above the ground. The only parts of it that were visible were a couple of tentacles which stuck out of the bottom of its robe along with its hands which appeared to be covered by some strange white armor.

“Who the hell are you?! Also, you had better give me a damn good reason why the fuck should I believe you and fast before I kill _both_ of you pieces of shit!” John demanded furiously.

“I am Samur Maykr, an ally of the Loyalist Night Sentinels and the Doom Slayer. I am the former Seraphim who betrayed Urdak and used the Divinity Machine in order to bless the Slayer with his power. This demon is “The Wretch”, another ally of the Loyalist Night Sentinels and the Doom Slayer. He is the one who betrayed Hell and created the Doom Slayer’s armor within the Forges of Hell. Both of us are your allies, young Lord of Rage.” Samur Mayker explained.

“He is correct. I am somewhat of an anomaly among my kind. A heretic, if you will. I do not worship nor do I have any allegiance to any of the Hell-Gods and am in fact directly opposed to them. Furthermore I lack my kind’s usual brand of grotesque sadism, cruelty, barbary, as well as their more... _cannibalistic_ tendencies. Admittedly, in the past I was once just like any other member of my kind, however there is a very good reason I am called a heretic amongst the demons. You see, eons ago, after having personally witnessed the Slayer in battle ripping and tearing his way through my kin with contemptuous ease, I was so completely overwhelmed by fear and awe that I collapsed on the spot and fainted. When I awoke and realized that I was the only one of my kind in the _entire_ _realm_ who had not been destroyed in the Slayer’s brutal relentless assault, I understood that it was a miracle as I had just survived the unrelenting wrath of a being who could only be a God.”

The Wretch continued with such rabid faith, fanatical conviction, and raw emotion that it made the most fanatically devoted priests of the middle ages look _tame_ in comparison. It was actually rather unsettling. “Being far wiser than the vast majority of my kind I immediately realized this miracle was in fact a sign and that I had to have been spared from destruction for a reason! For years I knew not what this reason could possibly be, but one day! Oh, one day I had an epiphany! The reason I was spared was because I was deemed worthy of being granted a chance to repent! Thus I devoted myself to the Slayer and his righteous cause, becoming the first to begin worshiping him as the deity of fury and vengeance that he is! Ever since I have labored tirelessly in service of the Slayer and his goals in order to atone for my sins! And ever onwards into eternity shall I labor without end for nothing shall ever be truly enough to atone for the sins of my past and the endless evil of all Demons.”

Samur Maykr sighed and shook his head. “I have told you countless times, Wretch, while I did indeed use the Divinity Machine to grant the Slayer the power necessary to combat the forces of Hell, it by no means made him a God. I shall ask you once more, _please_ stop referring to him as such.”

The Wretch turned his head to look at Samur and said, “And yet you still call it the “Divinity Machine” which in and of itself implies that it granted him Divinity. Furthermore, the Doom Slayer has killed the Champion and even several of the Hell-gods themselves. So tell me, oh faithless Seraphim, how would this be even remotely possible were he not a God himself? You created a God, you should be proud! Yet here you are stubbornly denying the divinity that you yourself bestowed upon him. It is the greatest of tragedies, truly.”

John growled and shook his head in confusion. “Both of you shut the fuck up!” He shouted before they could continue arguing. “Alright, let me get this straight, you are _literally_ the demonic equivalent of a crazy cultist? Ugh… Son of a bitch… You know what? After the day I’ve had, sure, why the fuck not? This is just another fucking thing on the ever expanding list of wierd bullshit that I’ve had to deal with today. Fuck it! Fine, you’ve convinced me. _Barely_ ... I won’t fucking kill either of you — at least not _yet_ . However, let me make one thing perfectly clear, the _instant_ either one of you turns on me that’s it! You only get _one_ chance! _Don’t_ fuck it up!” He declared aggressively. To emphasise his point he then stabbed the Demonic Crucible into the ground mere inches from the Wretch’s head and left it embedded there before proceeding to climb back up off of the demon.

The Wretch grabbed his strange crooked metal staff and pushed himself back up off the ground. He stood at about seven feet tall but his back had a horrible hunch to it that brought him down to about six feet tall. It seemed that the Wretch did indeed use the crooked metal staff as a walking staff as he appeared to be using it to support himself.

“Good. Now, young Lord of Rage, in truth we have been expecting your arrival for quite some time. Our meeting was foretold by the whispering trees of the Forest of Prophecy on Argent D’Nur or the “Hell of Rage and Violence” as it is now called, by the clouds of Prospit, and even by the Outer Gods of Derse, though I shall not bother wasting our time reciting the words of the trees or the Outer Gods. Instead I would like to present you with several gifts from the both of us.” Samur explained as he floated away, motioning for John to follow him.

John and the Wretch both followed the former Seraphim to a different part of the Lab where John immediately saw a few small crates and a strange suit of white and red armor with gold highlights. The Helmet of the armor had a golden skull-like face-plate with only a single glowing indented circle in the middle for what John could only assume had to be a camera or something to allow the wearer to be able to see since it didn’t appear to have any other eye holes of any sort. The armor also had what appeared to be either a large caliber gun or a launcher of some sort on the left shoulder and a box-like device of some sort on the bottom of the left forearm. It almost looked as though it were custom built for him, which he sort of had to assume it really was.

“The first gift is this armor. The Wretch and I combined our skills, knowledge, and resources to work together to build it for you. It is vastly superior to your rather odd suit of Night Sentinel armor, I promise you. So please, take it. It will give you strength, help you on your journey.” Samur Mayker explained, motioning to the armor.

John shrugged and captchaloged his current Night Sentinel Rocket Armor before walking up to this new armor. He examined it for a moment before proceeding to put it on. It only took a minute or two for him to don the armor on his own. The final piece left was the helmet which he put on. There was a click and a hiss as the helmet sealed to the rest of the armor. For a split second the inside of the helmet was pitch black before the H.U.D. came online and allowed him to see. The layout of the H.U.D. was only slightly different to the layout of his Night Sentinel armor but it appeared to operate mostly the same.

Just as John was about to install pesterchum onto the new armor, as per usual, a new slightly synthesized sounding voice suddenly said, “ _Hello, I am VEGA, the sentient intelligence created by ex-seraphim Samur Maykr and assigned to the Sentinel flag-station known as the “Fortress of Doom”. It is my duty to assist you in any way I can. This includes but is not limited to offering directions or tactical advice, opening portals to and from the Fortress to anywhere you may require, or using the fortresses built in weapons systems to conduct precise orbital strikes upon any targets or locations you wish destroyed._ ”

“Alright, cool. I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, VEGA.” John responded as he finished installing pesterchum and began moving around in his armor in order to get a feel for it.

“I see you have already met the Artificial one. Wonderful! He has been most helpful over these past few centuries.” The Wretch said with a grin on his creepy demonic face. “Now, as for your armor, it has all the strength and capabilities of the Praetor suit that I made for the Doom Slayer. However it is much more advanced as — thanks to the former Seraphim — it uses the most advanced Maykr technology available rather than the comparatively primitive Sentinel technology that I was forced to use when creating the original Praetor Suit. It also has several extra attachments that were recommended by VEGA that the original Praetor Suit lacked. These attachments are the Crucible Blade emitter attached to your left arm and the equipment launcher that is attached to your left shoulder. To activate either of these attachments you need only think about it.”

“Indeed.” Samur Maykr interjected. “The equipment launcher is capable of firing two types of ordinance. The first is pure fire that sticks to your enemies, is near impossible to put out, and continues burning for several minutes. The only major drawback to this is the range on the “flame belch”, as it’s called, is rather limited due to its relatively small size. The second are fragmentation grenades, which I assume needs no further explanation. The armor itself is also made of a combination of both Maykr and Demonic alloys, making it many times stronger than Sentinel armor. However it also has an automatic repair function that is much more advanced than that of Sentinel Armor. So if it is ever damaged it will automatically begin repairing itself. The Repair Plates the Night Sentinels use to fix their armor would speed up this process significantly though they are not strictly necessary. Finally, it has a limited ability to alter its shape and colors allowing you the ability to customize its appearance however you see fit. This _could_ be used for stealth applications, though I do not expect you will ever use it for such.”

John activated the Mayker Crucible Blade Emitter on his left arm and a long jagged sword blade made of bright golden energy shot out of it. It was much thinner and lacked the unreadable runes or the pickaxe-like tip of his Lesser Crucible Blade or Demonic Crucible, but it still looked absolutely viscous in its own right. A prompt appeared on his H.U.D. that informed him he could switch the energy the Crucible Blade Emitter was using between Maykr energy, Sentinel energy, Argent Energy, and Essence. This apparently had absolutely no effect on the cutting power of the blade itself, merely changing the color of the energy from gold, to blue, to red, to dark red respectively as well as changing some of its more subtle inherent properties based on the type of energy that was being used.

Deactivating the Crucible Blade Emitter, another prompt appeared on his H.U.D. with a list of presets for his armor’s design and appearance. Its current look was apparently the default but he could choose any of the presets or even make his own design if he wanted to. He fully planned on changing how it looked at some point in the future but for now he decided to just leave the settings alone for the moment and closed the prompt. “Cool. I like it. Thanks.” John stated, still uncertain about all of this.

The Wretch walked over to the metal crates next to where the armor used to be standing and opened one of them up. Reaching in he pulled out an absolutely gorgeous gigantic double barrel shotgun with dozens upon dozens of tiny anti-demonic runes lovingly engraved on the sides of the barrels, beautiful designs intricately engraved on several other parts of the weapon, and a leather wrapped pistol grip stock. John’s eyes widened in shock under his helmet as he looked at the weapon. Just by looking at it, he estimated that it had to be a goddamn four gauge, which was absolutely massive compared to his twelve gauge!

“The both of us have our own separate gifts for you as well. This one is my gift to you. It used to belong to the Slayer but when he was tricked by the Hell Priests and was entombed in his cursed Sarcophagus, it was taken from him along with the majority of his possessions. Though far from the most powerful tool at his disposal it was in fact his favorite weapon. I now present it to you, young Lord. There will eventually come a day that you must return it to the Slayer. However, until then please use it well.” The Wretch stated, kneeling before John with his head bowed and reverently holding the humongous shotgun out for him to take.

John hesitated for a moment before taking the giant shotgun and examining it a bit more closely. He confirmed that it was indeed a four gauge as he had suspected and it was breech loading. Even more interestingly, it was designed with only a single trigger which suggested it would always fire both barrels simultaneously. John approved. He _really_ approved. He could _definitely_ see why this would be the Doom Slayer’s favorite weapon. In his eyes it was by far the single most beautiful thing that he had ever seen.

“ _Please_ tell me you have ammo for this thing.” John said in an almost pleading tone, not taking his eyes off of the weapon even for a moment.

The Wretch chuckled in delight. “Indeed! There are hundreds of rounds of ammunition for it in its crate. I made each and every last shell myself!” He stated with immense pride in his demonic voice.

John Capthcaloged the massive shotgun which was immediately moved to his Strife Deck and quickly rushed over to the crate it had previously been contained in. Inside there were indeed many boxes of ammunition. He proceeded to captchalogue all of the ammo. Looking at his Strife Deck, he saw that the weapon was rather aptly named the “Super Shotgun”, and like his twelve guage he still had the option to switch between normal rounds and slug rounds and had equal amounts of both. When he was finished captchaloging all the ammo, John turned to the Wretch and said, “Thank you. I can’t _wait_ to use it.”

The Wretch got back up from his kneeling position and said, “I live only to serve.”

Finally Samur Maykr floated over to the second crate and opened it. Reaching in he pulled out an even larger gun. This one was designed in a similar fashion as John’s new armor. It was white and red with several gold highlights, but other than that it was like nothing John had ever seen before. John didn’t even know quite how to describe it. The exiled Seraphim then floated over to John, holding onto the weapon with extreme caution.

“This is the Unmaykr. It is an extremely powerful weapon of truly limitless destructive potential that was made by the Father himself using Maykr technology inspired by Sentinel weaponry. It will never run out of energy, yet I caution you not to use it recklessly for when I say it is a weapon of limitless destructive potential I truly mean it. It is for all intents and purposes _the_ ultimate weapon. Because of this, as a precaution I have placed several restrictions upon it and have locked it into its lowest possible setting. Over time I will gradually tell you how to lift these restrictions, slowly allowing you more and more control over its power output and firing modes as you grow more accustomed to it and prove yourself worthy of its power. Should anything happen to me then VEGA will take over testing you and slowly telling you how to unlock its true potential. For now, however, its current setting should be more than enough for your purposes.” Samur Mayker explained in a very serious tone.

“Know this, John Egbert, Lord of Rage, the Unmaykr is not a weapon I hand over lightly. It is something I would normally only ever entrust to the Doom Slayer himself as I have known him for eons and know that he would never abuse it or its power. As such, the fact that I give it to you now is the ultimate sign of my trust and faith in you. So please use the Unmaykr wisely and treat it with _utmost_ respect.”

John carefully took the weapon from the former Seraphim and nodded to himself for a moment before saying, “Alright. I will. I swear on my life that I will never abuse it.” His voice was full of grim determination. “A weapon of truly limitless destructive potential” and “ _the_ ultimate weapon”, he could only wonder if Samur meant those comments literally or figuratively. If he meant it literally, this weapon may very well be exactly what he needed to be able to fight Arch Demons and the Gods of Hell on somewhat equal footing. However, even if he just meant it figuratively then it could at the very least potentially give him a far better chance then he would ever have without it. Either way, he was honored to be entrusted with such a powerful weapon.

Samur nodded in acknowledgment. “I am glad to hear it. Now we have two final gifts for you. The first is our allegiance. We are both your loyal servants, my Lord.” The former Seraphim then bowed respectfully to John.

The Wretch nodded in agreement. “Indeed. We shall serve you to the best of our abilities for the rest of eternity, oh holy Lord of Rage.” He stated before also bowing to John, though his bow was far deeper than Samur’s to the point it bordered on excessive.

This caught John completely off guard. Not that he was opposed to it, far from it. For some reason the idea of having servants felt completely natural to him, weird as that sounded. It's just that he _really_ hadn’t been expecting it. Well, actually the mere _thought_ of having a demon serve him was almost enough to send him into a rabid frenzy of murder. However given the fact that the demon in question was the Wretch who made the Doom Slayer’s armor and was the sole demon that the Doom Slayer didn’t kill on the spot, with immense reluctance John decided to make an exception just this once. “Alright, I accept. Although, I’m curious, what’s with all these gifts and why the hell do the two of you want to serve _me_ , a fucking thirteen year old?”

“Prophecy and logic. All of this was fated to happen and the long term benefits of this course of action far outweigh any potential negatives or risks.” Samur Maykr stated in a matter of fact tone.

“Your blood and your divinity, oh great holy one. Unlike this faithless Maykr, I need no other reason.” The Wretch said in reverence and conviction.

John groaned and face palmed. “Ugh… I’m not even gonna bother asking what the fuck either of you mean by that. Especially not you, demon. I don’t even _want_ to fucking know. Let’s just get on with it. What’s this last gift?”

“Power.” Samur Maykr stated. “The power that all three of us know you sorely lack at the moment. The power to combat the demons, to make them fear you. To this end I shall bring you to the Divinity Machine and subject you to the same process I subjected the Doom Slayer too eons ago. You shall become truly invincible. Not even the Elder Hell-gods shall be able to kill you, but you shall be able to kill them.”

The Wretch seemed as though he wanted to object to this, but ultimately he remained silent. Instead he just glared at Samur Maykr in a mixture of disgust, disdain, and loathing which is something he had not done this entire time up until this point.

Confused and concerned by the Wretch’s behavior John spoke up. “You seem to have an issue with Samur’s suggestion, Wretch. What is it?”

The Wretch looked at him and shook his head. “Oh, no. I have absolutely no issue with you undergoing the same process that granted the Great Slayer his divinity, oh Great Holy One. I simply realize what this treacherous angel is trying to do and I do not approve, to say the least. I have tolerated his lack of faith until now but he goes too far this time. Were he not your servant I would strike him down this instant for his blatant heresy!”

“Alright then... Care to explain, Samur?” John growled, turning his head to look at the former Seraphim.

“It’s just a simple disagreement between myself and the Wretch due to a minor _conflict of interest_. Nothing more. It is nothing for you to concern yourself with, I assure you.” Samur stated calmly.

The Wretch snorted at that and growled furiously at Samur Maykr, his clawed hands tightening around his crooked metal walking staff in rage.

Though Samur’s face was obscured by shadow he stared directly into the Wretch’s eyes as if to challenge him. This only lasted for a moment or two before he was forced to lower his head and look away as he was quickly overcome by the same supernatural sense of guilt and regret that had been affecting John when he had stared into the Wretch’s soulless black eyes just a few minutes ago. The former Seraphim turned away from the Wretch and cleared his throat. “Well regardless, I’m afraid that you will have to wait a while longer before receiving your final gift as there is still something you must do here in this Lab first. Once you are finished here I will have VEGA open a portal to bring us to the Divinity Machine.”

John could tell Samur was hiding something from him but he had no idea what that could possibly be. He was pretty sure that the Wretch would tell him if he asked but he _really_ didn’t want to talk to the demon if he didn’t have to, he would much rather pretend the Wretch didn’t even exist. As such he decided to let this go for now but he made a mental note to bring it up later and demand an explanation before agreeing to go through the Divinity Machine. 

Becoming just like the Doom Slayer sounded absolutely amazing, but he didn’t trust Samur in the least. In fact he actually trusted Samur even less then he trusted the Wretch and _that_ was saying something. For some reason the former Seraphim just screamed suspicious douche to him whereas the Wretch, on the other hand, just screamed insane cultist that would kill himself with a smile on his face before ever betraying his so-called “Gods”. Which was rather ironic considering Samur was an angel and the Wretch was a demon. Furthermore, John wasn’t dumb enough to believe that all of these so-called “gifts” the two of them were giving him came without a hefty price. There was _always_ a price, and as a rule the better something sounded the steeper that price would inevitably be.

Not knowing what he was apparently supposed to be doing here in this lab, John looked around and saw a massive four monitored house shaped terminal. Thinking it looked important, John approached it. Pushing one of the buttons activated the upper right monitor. The view was locked on to a particular location on Earth at a particular date and time. John just assumed either Samur Maykr or the Wretch had to have recently calibrated this device. The monitor displayed a town on the west coast of the United States. It appeared to be his old neighborhood. But there was a factory there he did not recognize. The date was December 1st, 1995, a few months before he was born.

John zoomed in and saw someone he recognized as his grandmother being escorted by someone he recognized as his dad on a lovely day. A target was locked over his grandmother. Suddenly a meteor crashed into the factory and they both witnessed its destruction.

Curious, John pressed the blue button. Suddenly there was a flash of light from a nearby machine. John turned his head to look just in time to see that he had accidentally created a green ectoplasmic paradox ghost imprint of his grandmother just before it collapsed into a huge puddle of green slime. Then the ghost sludge was sucked into one of the nearby machines and was stored in a glass tube.

A bit confused he looked back to the house terminal thing and pressed another button. This caused it to switch to a monitor displaying a view of a remote island in the Pacific, on December 3rd, 1995. He zoomed in again and saw the device was locked onto a man who John recognized as the man with the oversized blunderbuss who saved him from that possessed Giclops earlier on a yacht standing next to a baby girl who looked like a much younger version of Jade holding a startlingly familiar stuffed rabbit covered in black and purple patches. Once again John pressed the big blue button, starting to get the idea. There was another flash of light as John created a paradox ghost imprint of the man, which was sucked up into one of the machines just like last time.

He pressed another button and switched to a view of an unseasonably warm city in the central United States, on December 4th, 1995. He zoomed in and saw the device locked onto some dude wearing stupid shades who John didn’t recognize at all standing next to a huge smoking crater in the ground. Once again he pressed the big blue button and created a paradox ghost imprint of the dude which was sucked up by a different machine then the last two.

He pressed the last of the four buttons and the screen once again switched to a view of his neighborhood, on April 13th, 1996. The day of his birth. There was more real estate he did not recognize near the recently devastated baked goods facility. It was a shopping mall that he had never seen before.

John zoomed in once again and saw the device was locked onto a professional looking lady with a purple scarf carrying a baby girl that looked like a much younger version of Rose. She was passing in front of what appeared to be a joke shop, outside of which was standing John’s father. Suddenly the woman looked up at the sky and began bolting away from the joke shop which was destroyed by a meteor, losing her scarf in the process. John pressed the big blue button and created a paradox ghost imprint of the woman, which was sucked up by the same machine the last one was, filling the final tube.

Once all the tubes were filled, an automated sequence began to execute. There were four more flashes of light from a nearby platform and four babies materialized on it as if from nowhere.

Deciding to worry about that later, John was about to press the last button on the terminal but discovered Doctor Meowgon was already sitting on it. Both sets of tubes emptied their contents into a chamber below and another automated sequence activated. There were three more flashes of light and three more babies appeared on the platform with the first four.

Then a hidden panel opened up on the terminal revealing yet another button John had been unable to access previously. This one was glowing red and had a symbol of a demonic pentagram on it. He looked at the button suspiciously before pressing it.

Suddenly the terminal was engulfed by arcs of bright red energy and all four screens activated at once, displaying an unknown location at an unknown date but the landscape, rivers of blood, and the millions of demons that were swarming everywhere tipped him off that the screens were displaying somewhere in Hell. John was about to try to zoom in but the terminal did it for him automatically, revealing a man in green armor wielding a crimson red crucible blade who John immediately felt a sense of kinship with ripping and tearing through the countless demons like an unstoppable force of pure carnage, destruction, and fury even as the world itself and split underneath his feet due to the sheer force of a retaliatory assault by an Arch Demon.

Then the screen was filled with static and the display changed from the Doom Slayer single handedly laying waste to the forces of Hell to a shirtless man that looked like a much older version of John save for a few key differences. The first was the strange glowing red metal device embedded in his chest, the second were the faint tattoos covering his entire torso, and finally his eyes were solid red even on the parts that were supposed to be white where as John had the whites of his eyes and his irises were lava orange instead of red. Was this the Doom Slayer after undergoing whatever the fuck Samur had done to him to make him invincible? Why did John have an intense visceral hatred for the being on the screen as if he were a demon when he was clearly human or at the very least humanoid?

John would have pressed the big blue button but he was far too lost in thought and the fact he had to do so had completely slipped his mind at this point. Fortunately the terminal did it for him automatically. There was a flash of light as a paradox ghost imprint of the man was created and was sucked up into one of the machines. Then there was another flash of light as a second paradox ghost imprint was created and was sucked up into the opposite machine as the first. There were two more flashes of light as two more babies appeared on the platform with all the rest. Finally both the terminal and the machines containing the ghost goo exploded, knocking John onto his back. Fortunately Doctor Meowgon had escaped unharmed as he had been startled and ran away when the hidden panel opened up.

Getting back up, John dusted himself off and walked over to the platform with the babies. Samur Maykr was trying to keep a couple of the babies from messing with the burning wreckages of the machines that just exploded while the Wretch was having to contend with the two newest babies unsuccessfully trying their damnedest to kill him. It would have probably been hilarious if John still had any sense of humor whatsoever, but that had completely shriveled up and died along with his hope just a little while earlier. As such he just found the sight frustrating and pathetic. So he sighed and shook his head in a mixture of disgust and disappointment.

Suddenly he got a Pesterchum notification. Looking at Pesterchum he saw it was from one of the Trolls. At this point with everything else that was going on he honestly couldn’t care less. It was just another annoyance he had to deal with or it would never end.

CG: SEE THIS IS A CASE IN POINT.

GT: what point?

CG: THE POINT I WAS JUST MAKING.

CG: ABOUT THE ULTIMATE RIDDLE.

CG: YOU BLITHERING FECULENT SHITHOLE.

GT: …

GT: seriously? 

GT: are we seriously doing this right now?

GT: dude, this conversation hasn’t happened yet. I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.

GT: and to be perfectly honest, i find myself incapable of giving a fuck.

CG: UGH…

CG: DAMMIT, I GUESS THIS IS GOING TO BE CONFUSING.

GT: no shit, sherlock. 

GT: seriously, who the hell gave you incompetent fuckwads the ability to dick with time like this? you clearly have absolutely no idea what you’re doing.

GT: it’s like you’re a bunch of toddlers with brain damage who are playing with the very fabric of reality itself. 

GT: you clearly should not have access to whatever the fuck is letting you do this as it’s obviously too much for your horrifically malformed alien brains to comprehend or use responsibly, let alone intelligently.

CG: HEY FUCK YOU!

CG: I’M THE ONE THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THE TROLLING HERE NOT YOU!

GT: what? can’t handle a taste of your own medicine?

GT: well you had better get the fuck over it fast because what comes around goes around, you whiny little bitch!

GT: now, you were saying?

CG: UGH… WHY THE HELL DID I HAVE TO CHOOSE TO TROLL YOU OF ALL HUMANS?

CG: YOU ARE BY FAR THE SINGLE MOST INFURIATING AND INSUFFERABLE PIECE OF SHIT IN YOUR ENTIRE LITTLE GROUP!

CG: ANYWAYS.

CG: SEE I KIND OF PAINTED MYSELF INTO A CORNER.

CG: I STARTED TROLLING YOU AT THE END, JUST BEFORE THE RIFT.

CG: AND THEN JUMPED BACK A LITTLE.

CG: AND NOW I GUESS I'VE BECOME RAILROADED INTO WORKING BACKWARDS HERE.

CG: UNLESS I WANT TO DO THE SORT OF DUMB SCHIZOPHRENIC HOPPING AROUND LIKE THE OTHERS.

GT: noooooo... really? *EXTREME sarcasm*

GT: mother fucker, i literally JUST finished telling you how much of a fucking retard you are with time!

GT: just cut the bullshit and get to the fucking point already!

CG: I WAS SCROLLING BACK AND NOTICED YOU WERE IN THE VEIL.

GT: i am?

CG: YEAH DUMBDUMB, YOU'RE TUMBLING AROUND ON A BIG GODDAMN METEOR.

CG: AND YOU JUST CREATED YOUNGER VERSIONS OF YOURSELVES AND YOUR GUARDIANS.

CG: PROBABLY BY MUCKING AROUND WITH THAT THING LIKE A DOOFUS.

GT: wait…

GT: these really are baby versions of us? what the fuck?

CG: HAHAHAHAHAHA, SO CLUELESS.

CG: WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING THERE ANYWAY.

GT: no clue. one of my new servants just said that there was something i needed to do here but he didn’t exactly give any details as to what that was. granted, i didn’t ask but still.

CG: SERVANTS? HOW THE SHIT DID AN INCOMPETANT JACKASS LIKE YOU MANAGE TO GET FUCKING SERVANTS?!

GT: no idea. maybe it has something to do with being a “lord of rage”? i mean people keep calling me that for whatever reason.

GT: wait a minute… if these babies are supposed to be us, then why the hell are there two cloned copies of the doom slayer?

CG: FIRST OFF, THEY AREN’T CLONED COPIES.

CG: THEY ARE LITERALLY YOU AND YOUR GUARDIANS.

CG: PARADOX CLONES.

CG: SECOND, WHO THE FUCK IS THIS “DOOM SLAYER” AND WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THERE ARE TWO OF THEM?

GT: the doom slayer is this ultra powerful invincible legendary demon slayer from my planet “horav” or “argent d’nur” as it used to be called before the demons invading it won and assimilated it into hell, before it was ripped back out of hell and into this “game”.

GT: and when i say there are two of him, i mean there are two of him. they’re the ones that are attacking my servant, if you can see that.

GT: after i made the first seven of them, a hidden panel on the terminal opened up and revealed a new button.

GT: then i pressed it and the terminal took over doing everything automatically and made two separate paradox ghost imprints of the doom slayer. 

GT: then it made these two separate paradox clones of him. 

GT: then the terminal and the other machines exploded.

CG: WOW. YOUR SESSION IS EVEN MORE FUCKED THAN I ORIGINALLY THOUGHT.

CG: NONE OF WHAT YOU JUST SAID IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN IN A NORMAL SESSION.

CG: EITHER WAY, ONE OF THOSE TWO HAS TO BE YOU.

GT: i’m a paradox clone of the doom slayer? huh... well i guess that explains a few things.

GT: anyways, if they’re literally us do they go back in time or something?

CG: YEAH, OBVIOUSLY. GREAT GUESS BRAIN HERO.

CG: BUT TECHNICALLY THEY AREN'T EVEN SENT BACK IN TIME BECAUSE WITH RESPECT TO THE MEDIUM YOUR UNIVERSE'S TIMELINE IS MEANINGLESS.

CG: SERIOUSLY WHY WOULD IT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT EARTH'S PAST OR FUTURE OR WHATEVER, FROM IT'S PERSPECTIVE IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF POINTS TO CHOOSE FROM.

CG: JUST LIKE YOUR CHRONOLOGY IS FROM OUR PERSPECTIVE.

CG: BUT I GUESS THAT'S A BUNCH OF SEMANTICS. WITH RESPECT TO YOUR PERSONAL CHRONOLOGY YEAH THEY GO BACK IN TIME.

CG: A PARADOX CLONE IS BY DEFINITION A CORRECTLY CLONED DUPLICATE THAT WILL INEVITABLY GO BACK IN TIME AND BECOME THE ORIGINAL TARGET THAT WAS CLONED.

CG: IF IT'S A MALFORMED CLONE, IT'S JUST A MEANINGLESS MUTANT THAT HAS NO BEARING ON THE STABLE LOOP CONTINUUM.

CG: I DON'T SEE ANY TENTACLES OR EXTRA EYEBALLS OR WARPED BONE BULGES, SO THOSE GROSS LITTLE THINGS THERE ARE ALL YOU GUYS, WAITING TO GO TO EARTH AND GROW UP AND BECOME THE INSIPID BUNCH OF GRUBFISTED DOUCHEBAGS YOU ALL ARE NOW.

CG: AND THIS WAS THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE ABOUT THE ULTIMATE RIDDLE.

GT: what even is this riddle?

GT: i can probably solve it myself, but if not i can just have my new artificial intelligence “vega” solve it for me.

CG: HAHAHA, THINK AGAIN IGNORAMUS.

CG: IT'S NOT EVEN THAT GREAT.

CG: OR EVEN MUCH OF A RIDDLE AT ALL.

CG: IN THE COURSE OF YOUR ADVENTURE YOU WOULD HAVE ENCOUNTERED ALL THESE FRAGMENTS OF LIKE WEIRD POEMS AND SHIT.

CG: YOU FIND THEM ALONG YOUR QUESTS, WITH CLUES AND STUFF BURIED IN THEM TO HELP YOU SOLVE PUZZLES AND MOVE HUGE STONE COLUMNS AND MAKE STAIRCASES APPEAR AND LOTS OF NONSENSE LIKE THAT.

CG: AND IT'S ALL MASKED IN THIS FLOWERY SORT OF FROTHY POETIC JACKASSERY THAT NOBODY REALLY CARES ABOUT.

CG: AND I SURE AS HELL DON'T CARE ABOUT SPOILING IT FOR YOU.

CG: BUT WHAT ALL THESE LOFTY SYMBOLIC ALLUSIONS BOIL DOWN TO IS SOME GRANDER STATEMENT ABOUT WHAT YOU SEE HAPPENING HERE.

CG: THAT YOU WERE ALWAYS THE KEY TO SEEDING YOUR OWN EXISTENCE THROUGH THIS GAME.

CG: AND ANY HOPE THAT IT COULD HAVE PLAYED OUT DIFFERENTLY OR THAT YOU COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS WHOLE MESS WAS ALWAYS JUST A RUSE.

CG: BECAUSE IF IT DIDN'T GO DOWN THIS WAY THEN HOW WERE YOU EVEN BORN, GET IT.

CG: WHICH IS ESPECIALLY PATHETIC SINCE PARADOX SPACE APPARENTLY WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE TO MAKE YOU JUST TO HAVE YOU FAIL AND DIE.

CG: REALLY THERE'S NOTHING MORE TRAGIC THAN THESE NULL SESSIONS FULL OF KIDS ENTERING THE GAME AND FULFILLING SOME COSMIC DESTINY SHIT JUST TO GET WIPED OUT AND LEAVE BEHIND AN EMPTY POINTLESS INCIPISPHERE FOR ALL ETERNITY.

CG: ACTUALLY IT'S SORT OF HILARIOUS.

CG: OR IT WOULD BE IF IT DIDN'T AFFECT ME PERSONALLY.

CG: BUT ANYWAY, THERE'S A LOT MORE TO THE RIDDLE THAN JUST THAT, LIKE WHAT WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT LAST TIME WE TALKED.

CG: BUT THAT'S SORT OF THE GIST OF THE THEMES IT DEALS WITH.

GT: so this is the same kind of thing you went through?

GT: with, like, being your own paradox clones and creating your own parents and stuff?

CG: YEAH.

GT: how did that even work, with 12 of you?

CG: IT WAS REALLY FUCKING COMPLICATED AND I'M NOT GOING TO GET INTO IT.

CG: OUR FAMILY STRUCTURES ARE ALREADY WAY MORE COMPLICATED THAN YOURS WITHOUT EVEN GETTING SPOOKY TIME SLIME INVOLVED.

CG: BASICALLY WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WHATSOEVER.

CG: EXCEPT MAYBE THIS...

CG: I WAS THE GUY IN YOUR POSITION, TO MAKE ALL THESE CLONES, AND FRANKLY IT ALL KIND OF FREAKED ME THE HELL OUT.

GT: ...

GT: seriously?

GT: THAT'S what freaked you out?

GT: that is so idiotic that won’t even justify it with a response.

GT: whatever. i don’t care. 

GT: hey, these little brats are starting to get out of control and apparently both of my servants are fucking useless when it comes to dealing with babies.

GT: get back to me in a few minutes so i can sort this shit out.

GT: a few minutes my time, not yours.

GT: then maybe we can continue conversing in a sane linear fashion for a change, instead of this idiotic backwards time fuckery you insist on.

CG: UM, OK?

John closed pesterchum and looked around the Lab. Most of the babies seemed a bit preoccupied with the stuff that was scattered around the lab. The only ones that weren’t being the two paradox clones of the Doom Slayer who were climbing all over the Wretch while still trying and failing to murder him. Samur was trying to help get them off of the Wretch but the babies would just attack him too every time he tried and he was clearly too worried about hurting either of them to be too forceful about it. They were bloodthirsty little shits that was for damn sure.

John walked over to the Wretch and just grabbed the two extremely aggressive babies and pulled them off of him. They tried to fight back and struggle out of his grip but their little fists did nothing to his armor and they were too weak to wiggle out of his grasp. Eventually they both just gave up and began making frustrated and angry noises while violently clawing at the air in the direction of the Wretch, clearly still wanting to kill him. As he held the two of them John noticed something strange, unlike the man they were both supposed to be perfect clones of, neither one of their eyes were solid red like his had been, instead both of their eyes were lava orange. He wondered how and why this could be but decided to think about it later as right now he had to make sure neither of them attacked the Wretch again the moment he set them down.

“BOTH OF YOU, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!” John shouted at the two angry infants in his arms, a blazing purple aura flaring up around him for a split second before disappearing in an instant. Both of them immediately stopped struggling and looked up at him in terror. “Good! I know both of you hate demons, I do too! But this one is my servant so neither of you get to kill him! Besides, if he needed to be killed then I would do it myself! Do I make myself clear?!”

Both of the babies' eyes were watering at this point and it was clear they were both on the verge of crying but neither of them were trying to kill the Wretch anymore which was the important part. “Alright, I’m going to set you down now, but I don’t want to see you trying to kill this particular demon again! I don’t give a shit if you kill any _other_ demons, just stop attacking this one!” With that he set them both back on the platform they materialized on.

“Thank you, Holy One. Knowing that they are or will one day become both yourself and the Great Slayer, the Maykr and I were both concerned we may harm them if we were too rough in our attempts to remove them. Your intervention is most appreciated.” The Wretch stated gratefully, bowing to John.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever...” John grumbled in annoyance. He then received yet another Pesterchum notification.

CG: OK IT'S A FEW MINUTES LATER.

CG: LOOK HOW SANE AND LINEAR WE ARE BEING.

GT: wonderful. now, tell me how these babies go back in time and become us and stuff.

GT: does it have something to do with the reckoning?

CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT.

GT: you told me in one of our past conversations, dip shit.

GT: see why this time travel crap is a stupid fucking idea yet?

CG: SHUT UP!

CG: ANYWAYS, SO WHEN THE RECKONING STARTS HAPPENING, ALL THESE PARADOX CLONES GET SHIPPED OFF TO METEORS, FLUNG THROUGH SKAIAN DEFENSE PORTALS, AND SENT BACK TO EARTH.

CG: END OF STORY I GUESS.

CG: BYE.

GT: wait. 

GT: get back to me in a couple minutes.

CG: SD;LKFJSD;LKFJSDLFKJ;

CG: FINE.

John sat down on the edge of the platform all the babies had materialized on and took a moment to think about everything that’s happened and everything he’s learned since getting to this Lab as well as what he might want to ask the Troll.

So apparently he was a perfect clone of the Doom Slayer? That was fucking _awsome_ ! Now, he wasn’t exactly “happy” or “excited” about it — he honestly didn’t think he _could_ feel happy or excited about _anything_ anymore — but he did still find it really fucking cool, especially after having watched the Doom Slayer single handedly slaughtering hordes of demons on the screens of the terminal a few minutes ago. Plus it definitely explained some things, like why demons had always bothered him throughout his entire life, why the Wretch seemed to worship him just as much as the Slayer, and why both the Wretch and Samur Maykr were willing to serve him. And apparently he would be following in the Slayer’s footsteps by undergoing the same process that granted him his power and invincibility, which would hopefully make it possible for him to actually fight and kill the Arch Demons, Titan, and Hell-Gods. That should be pretty cool too.

What about the reckoning? According to both the head Troll and the Wraith he couldn’t stop it even if he tried and he very much doubted if he could even so much as delay it. So he decided trying was probably just a waste of time and he shouldn’t even bother.

Then there was the fact that they were apparently “doomed” or something, according to the head Troll. He wasn’t surprised but he had to wonder what that was all about and what the actual issue was. He assumed it probably involved Arch Demons or the Hell-Gods somehow. He would be more surprised if it didn’t somehow involve them. Regardless, he decided to ask the head Troll about it when he contacted him again in a few minutes since that seemed like fairly important information to know even if they couldn’t do anything to stop it.

He continued thinking for a while until he finally received yet another pesterchum notification.

CG: OK, I GOT BACK TO YOU.

CG: ARE YOU HAPPY.

GT: i’m pretty sure my capacity for happiness died along with what little hope i had left a little while before reaching this lab when i finally realized just how outclassed i am compared to what i’m actually up against on horav.

GT: do you have any fucking idea how powerful an arch demon is? and that’s to say nothing of the titan or the fucking hell-gods.

CG: NO, I DON’T AND I DON’T CARE. THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM, NOT MINE.

CG: ANYWAYS, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT YET.

CG: BUT YOU ARE ABOUT TO START PASSING OUT BUNNIES LIKE THEY'RE CHEAP CIGARS.

CG: IT'S GOING TO BE AN EMBARRASSING DISPLAY.

GT: what are you talking about?

CG: YEAH, EXACTLY, NUMSKULL.

CG: LET'S JUST HAVE OUR CHAT, THEN IT CAN NATURALLY OCCUR TO YOU TO BE AN IDIOT IN THE DUE COURSE OF TIME.

GT: god, i hate talking to you bastards. i wouldn’t even bother if you didn’t have information that i need.

GT: so you keep saying how doomed we are and how all this bad stuff happens sooner, but you never say why.

GT: what happens in our game that's different from yours that makes things go so badly? is it the demons?

CG: NO! IT’S NOT FUCKING DEMONS!

CG: NOT EVERY LITTLE THING HAS TO DO WITH DEMONS YOU DEMON-OBSESSED DUMB ASS! 

CG: IT’S JACK NOIR.

CG: WELL ACTUALLY NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT...

CG: MAYBE HE ACTUALLY IS POSSESSED OR SOMETHING?

CG: I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.

CG: EITHER WAY THAT’S NOT THE GODDAMN POINT!

GT: who is jack noir?

CG: AN AGENT OF DERSE.

CG: WHO FLIPPED OUT AND ROSE TO POWER.

CG: HE KILLED YOUR BLACK QUEEN AND KING AND NOW HE'S IN CHARGE.

GT: so you didn't have him in your game?

CG: NO, WE DID.

CG: BUT HE WAS HARMLESS.

CG: ACTUALLY, HE WAS AN ALLY, SORT OF.

CG: HE SETTLED A GRUDGE AGAINST THE QUEEN BY HELPING US DETHRONE AND EXILE HER.

CG: AND THEN HE WOUND UP EXILED HIMSELF, AND SORT OF KEPT HELPING US THROUGH A COMMAND TERMINAL ON OUR OLD PLANET.

CG: HE'S KIND OF A HUGE ASSHOLE THOUGH.

CG: BUT BECAUSE HE TOOK THE QUEEN OUT OF THE PICTURE, WHEN WE GOT TO SKAIA WE ONLY HAD ONE MONARCH TO DEAL WITH INSTEAD OF TWO.

CG: OF COURSE IT WAS A NASTY GIANT 12X PROTOTYPED BLACK KING THAT TOOK FOREVER TO KILL, JUST BARELY IN TIME BEFORE THE BIGGEST METEORS CAME, BUT STILL.

GT: i see.

GT: so after he got exiled and all that, he came here into our game and caused all this trouble?

CG: NO, GOD.

CG: EGBERT YOU ARE THICKER THAN THAT HIDEOUS DEMON BOOK YOU WADDLE AROUND WITH.

CG: TRY TO THINK MORE ABSTRACTLY.

CG: THINK ABOUT VIDEO GAMES.

CG: WHAT'S AN EARTH GAME YOU LIKED TO PLAY?

CG: NAME ONE.

GT: doom.

CG: OK I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS, BUT THAT'S FINE, IT'S NOT THE POINT.

CG: SO LET'S SAY YOU PLAY YOUR DOOM GUY AND I PLAY MY DOOM GUY.

CG: THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY THE SAME DOOM GUY, SAME APPEARANCE AND DESIGN AND BEHAVIORS.

CG: BUT THEY ARE STILL COMPLETELY SEPARATE DOOM GUYS ON SEPARATE SCREENS.

CG: SO WE BOTH HAVE OUR OWN ASS DOOM GUYS TO OURSELVES, THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT.

CG: OUR JACKS ARE THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT TOO.

CG: SAME GUY, DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES AND OUTCOMES.

CG: OUR JACK TRUMPED THE QUEEN, BUT GOT NO FURTHER.

CG: YOUR JACK GOT THE BEST OF BOTH OF THEM, AND IS NOW SOMETHING HIGHER THAN A QUEEN OR A KING…

GT: like an ace?

CG: SURE OK.

GT: ok, i think i get it.

GT: but how did he do that? what was different about what we did versus what you did?

CG: FRANKLY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE ORIGINAL THING THAT TIPPED THE SCALE WAS.

CG: IT IS UNDER INVESTIGATION.

CG: BUT IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.

CG: THE WORST IS YET TO COME.

CG: FOR YOU.

GT: yeah, i’m not surprised.

GT: so, what happens?

CG: ALREADY TOLD YOU.

GT: i am soooo going to tear you limb from limb when i find you losers…

GT: oh. hold on, this little lady is bugging me about something.

CG: YEAH YEAH, YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET IT OVER WITH AND GIVE HER THE LOUSY RABBIT ALREADY 

GT: oh, so that’s what she wants. good to know.

CG: AUGH.

John took the stuffed rabbit that Dave sent him for his birthday out of his Sylladex and handed it to the baby who looked like Rose. Then the one who looked like Jade crawled over to him and held out her hands with a smile on her face clearly wanting one of her own. Taking out the patched up stuffed rabbit that Rose had given him for his birthday, he handed it to the baby Jade. He then gently patted the two of them on the heads and stood back up.

Suddenly the lights began flickering and demonic magic began to permeate the entire lab causing almost all of the machines to begin arcing with dark red energy. Some exploded while others did not. Most of the babies began crying, except the two clones of the Doom Slayer who began babbling furiously and making angry noises.

Alerted by this, John immediately drew his Super Shotgun and began looking around cautiously while wondering what the fuck was going on. “Samur, Wretch, something’s happening. Protect the kids and keep the two Slayer clones from doing anything stupid.”

The two of them were about to comply with his orders when the babies suddenly vanished in a flash of bright white light. Glancing at where the babies used to be John said, “Well… That works too, I guess. Alright, instead of that, get ready for a fight because I’m pretty damn sure that we’re about to have company.”

Suddenly a huge dark red portal opened up on the other side of the lab and Marauders came marching out before lining up in formation on either side of the portal, holding their dark red crucible weapons in salute. There were twelve in total. Six on either side of the portal

Seeing this gave John an extremely eerie feeling. The Marauders were bad enough on their own but the only reason they would act like this is if something even higher ranking and more powerful than them was about to come through that portal.

As it would turn out, he was indeed proven correct. Something much, _much_ worse did come through that portal. Something that sent an immense wave of pure fear and dread through John that shook him to his very core. John felt all the color drain from his face and his jaw drop in horror under his helmet as the massive demonic form of an Arch Demon stepped through the portal, looking down at him in a sneer of pure hatred and disdain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So as you can see by a few things that happened in this chapter, this is where things really start diverging from cannon. Not to the extent it will once the kids are all traveling to the post scratch universe, but a bit more then the story has up until this point.
> 
> If you didn't see the poll in the previous chapter but still want to vote, don't worry there's still time! You gotta hurry though, cause the results are gonna play a very important role in determining exactly how the next chapter is going to play out.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Feel free to let me know what you guys think of it! Constructive criticism is more then welcome, in fact it is encouraged!
> 
> Stay safe out there, everyone!
> 
> Edit: I'm thinking of changing the Hell-God at the end of the chapter to an Arch Demon. Still undecided at this point, but I thought I'd let you guys know ahead of time. I think it may be a liiiiittle too early for John to be running into full on Hell-gods.
> 
> Edit#2: Minor changes to some wording here and there.
> 
> Edit#3: I did, in fact end up changing the Hell-God to an Arch Demon. John just isn't ready to be anywhere near the cosmic horrors that are the Hell-Gods. Not yet, anyways.
> 
> Here's my reasoning. The Hell-Gods are to Rage players as the Horrorterrors are to void players, except much worse because unlike the Horrorterrors they're actually inherently evil and malevolent and are thus working against the players and have a far more active roll in things in that they can and will take matters into their own hands and intervene directly and in person if they deem it necessary, which is something the Horrorterrors never really did in Homestuck. Plus unlike the Horrorterrors the Hell-Gods are not actually meant to be a part of the game and are instead actually an intrusive unwanted malignant element that technically shouldn't even exist but does anyways, so there's that. What exactly I mean by that, however, will be explained in more detail a little later on in the story.
> 
> Furthermore while John may have reached the top of his echeladder he is very much still in the very early stages of his growth as a Lord of Rage even before dying and ascending to god-tier, and while he has inherited a powerful natural resistance to demonic influence and corruption from the Slayer he is not completely immune to them like the Slayer is. So he's not even ready to take on a newly god-tiered Caliborn prior to becoming Lord English in a one on one fight — though admittedly as of right now he would probably get at least one or two really good hits in against a newly god-tiered Caliborn before getting his shit completely and utterly wrecked —, let alone something like even the weakest of Hell-Gods which could kill or forcefully corrupt him almost instantly right now. So all in all, unless I really wanted the story to end here or unless I really wanted to make John become the main antagonist and have the Doom Slayer take his place as the main focus of the story — which I obviously don't — then using an Arch Demon is ultimately just the smarter option.
> 
> Edit#4: Slightly edited to better fit the new lore revealed in the Ancient Gods part 1 DLC for Doom Eternal.


	9. Precipice of Madness

[Skaia]

The Armies of Light and Darkness waged war upon the surface of Skaia. The Army of Darkness was aided by the vast legion of Traitor Night Sentinels who were led by the Hell Priests of the Order Deag. The Army of Light was aided by what limited forces that the Loyalist Night Sentinels were able to spare, which was barely enough to bring the battle to a temporary stalemate for the moment though they were very much still slowly losing. On this battlefield naive concepts such as “hope”, “peace”, or “surrender” simply did not exist. There was only rage, hatred, blood, carnage, death, destruction, and despair.

Enslaved Titan Dreadnoughts that had been fortunate enough to avoid being driven insane by Yaldabaoth’s curse walked the battlefield carrying Hell Barges upon their backs and laying waste to everything in their paths. Mighty Sentinel Atlans Charged across the battlefield unleashing devastating blasts of Sentinel Energy from their hands and shoulder mounted cannons and using their massive Crucible Lances to impale Titan Dreadnoughts and enemy Atlans alike. The skies were filled with Dersite and Prospitian Battleships and the war fleets of the Traitor and Loyalist Night Sentinels. All of which were attempting to blast eachother out of the sky all while unleashing pure death and destruction upon the ground forces on the battlefield below.

The battlefield looked as though it were a scene ripped straight from Hell itself. Countless broken and desecrated corpses from both sides littered the blood and gore soaked ground. Demonic runes and symbols were painted in blood, carved, or were burned into random spots throughout the battlefield. The rivers ran red with blood and gore. The ground itself had split open in many places revealing deep canyons full of molten magma, which if one were to look at Skaia from the right distance and position formed humongous demonic symbols easily the size of continents upon the planet. Gigantic demonic tentacles reached down from massive portals in the sky and up out of huge holes in the ground.

Demons that had lost their sanity to Yaldabaoth’s curse and had been captured by the Traitor Night Sentinels were transported in cruelly designed metal cages and were released onto strategic points on the battlefield in droves, where they would immediately conduct massive — if short lived — suicide charges in which they brutally shredded absolutely every living thing in their paths including each other. Traitor Night Sentinels displayed their devotion to the dark Gods of Hell through acts of horrifyingly ghoulish barbarism, cruelty, and sadism as they gleefully murdered Loyalist Night Sentinels and Prospitians alike. Some took this to such extremes that they even earned the right to undergo the process to become demons just as the Marauders had before them.

The Loyalist Night Sentinels met the traitors and the insane demons they fielded alike head on in hellishly brutal combat, some of the oldest of them even bravely faced their deaths at the hands of the demons or traitors for a second time. All of them made sure to take no less than dozens of the traitors, demons, and Dersites down with them before they died. They would accept no less. To them this war was as much for revenge as it was to aid the people of Prospit, and they would make the Traitors and Demons pay _dearly_ for their crimes.

The Prospitians and Dersites fought as hard as they possibly could alongside the Loyalists and Traitors however none but their most powerful and elite troops were able to even keep up with let alone _match_ the sheer skill, power, and ferocity that the Night Sentinels displayed in combat. The vast majority of the Prospitians and Dersites could barely survive the nightmarish meat grinder that the battlefield had become. Many on both sides desperately wanted to defect or rebel but were completely unable to do so due to just how horrific the battlefield had become, leaving them no choice but to keep fighting if they wanted to have even the tiniest chance of survival. Huge portions of them succumbed to their fear and were possessed after selling their souls to demons in pure desperation.

"""RIP AND TEAR THEIR BONES AND BLOOD! _(RIP AND TEAR THEIR BONES AND BLOOD!)_ RIP AND TEAR, FIGHT TO THE DEATH! _(RIP AND TEAR, FIGHT TO THE DEATH!)_ RIP AND TEAR THEIR BONES AND BLOOD! _(RIP AND TEAR THEIR BONES AND BLOOD!)_ RIP AND TEAR, NO SURRENDER! _(RIP AND TEAR, NO SURRENDER!)_ """ The Loyalist Sentinels chanted as they led the battle for the Army of Light, before shifting into another verse of the chant that was in their own language. The Prospitians were somewhat inspired by this and tried to follow along with the Loyalist Sentinels war chant whenever they could to varying degrees of success. While it did not increase their chances of survival any, it did boost morale somewhat which was arguably just as important.

The Traitor Sentinels also had a war chant of their own. However it was actually a mixture of a hymn and a prayer to the Hell-Gods that they sung in the harsh and brutal language of the demons. All who heard the dreadful song could feel the malignant gaze of the Elder Hell-Gods upon them as they watched the horrific battle in sadistic delight reveling in the immense suffering it caused. This did nothing to inspire confidence in the Army of Darkness, and instead only increased their fear and dread to whole new heights. They didn’t fight out of bravery or courage, they fought out of complete and utter terror and desperation because the only alternative they had was by far the worst fate in all of existence.

Both of the Kings looked upon the battlefield and wept in despair even as they continued to fight on for the sake of their respective Kingdoms. Even the normally unreasonable King of Derse realized things had gone much too far and wished more than anything that he could simply call an end to the war and stop this madness for the sake of his people, Skaia and the loathsome amphibian be damned! However he also realized at this point things had escalated far beyond the point that even he could hope to stop it. Even if he threw down his scepter and surrendered to Prospit this very instant the Sentinels would surely continue the war far beyond the point of victory or defeat until either the Loyalists or the Traitors were dead and both Derse and Prospit would continue to be dragged along with them until one side or the other won. He rapidly grew to despise the Sentinels for this and desperately regretted ever allowing the Queen to ally Derse with the Traitor Sentinels.

The Prospitian King, on the other hand, did not necessarily hate the Loyalist Night Sentinels. In fact he actually greatly appreciated their support in this absolute nightmare of a war! However, he did regret the fact Prospit ever requested their assistance in the first place. He firmly believed that he should have just surrendered to Derse at the very beginning of this nightmare when they first allied themselves with the Traitor Sentinels. Then perhaps all of this pain and horror could have been avoided. Yes it would have come at the cost of the destruction of Skaia and very likely the execution of him and his wife, but to him it would have been worth it for the sake of sparing his people from suffering this hell. Unfortunately it was much too late for that now.

A few hours later Jack Noir, transformed by the Ring of Orbs Fourfold that he claimed from the Dersite Queen upon slaying her, stood upon the surface of Skaia and watched the horrific battle in a mixture of disgust and rage. He had heard things were getting bad out here on the battlefield but this was way too much even by his standards. He always knew that the Night Sentinels were trouble from the very beginning and his suspicions were proven correct! Just look at the absolute shitshow that they turned what should have been a respectable war into!

Now he could respect a good evil army and all but this horseshit went so far beyond evil that it circled all the way back around into just plain stupid and nauseating. With all the mindless slaughter, torture, desecrated corpses, and gore everywhere they were clearly trying way too damn hard. This crap was just so over the top that it made it completely impossible to take the bastards seriously. Honestly, sure these idiots may have been highly skilled, highly trained, and well disciplined soldiers individually but as an evil army they had absolutely no class or finesse whatsoever and it completely ruined the image of real evil armies everywhere.

Pulling his sword out of his torso, Jack Noir decided to put an end to this over the top slaughterfest. He was planning on doing that anyways of course, that was the entire reason he was here after all, but seeing all of this just made him want to do so even more and it gave him an extra target to focus on.

Flying into the middle of the battle in front of him he began slaughtering the Prospitians, both factions of Night Sentinels, and the insane demons that the Traitor Sentinels had brought with them. He also killed a few Dersite soldiers that were possessed, tried to run away from the fight like cowards, or tried to attack him. However those, while not quite rare, were relatively uncommon, much to his slight disappointment. Some of the insane Greater Demons managed to put up a decent fight and get a few good hits in but they fought like rabid animals, so they stood little chance against Jack. Some of the higher ranking Night Sentinels, on both sides, managed to put up a far greater fight and actually managed to hold him off long enough to have their ships open up portals for them and their soldiers to retreat into, much to Jack’s immense frustration and anger. He absolutely hated it when his prey escaped.

When that particular section of the battlefield was finally empty of things for him to kill, save for a handful of Dersite soldiers that hadn’t been possessed or attempted to defect, Jack stuck his sword back in his torso and raised his fist into the air. Using the power of the Ring of Orbs Fourfold, he unleashed the Red Miles. Red tendrils erupted from his hand and exploded across the entire battlefield impaling Titan Dreadnoughts, Sentinel Atlans, Prospitian and Sentinel Ships, Prospitian and Sentinel soldiers, and insane demons that were brought by the Traitor Sentinels. Millions died within a matter of minutes. 

The Loyalist Sentinels began a full retreat and many of their ships either flew through portals or bent space to propel themselves back to Horav at light speed. Even so, well over half of their ships and military force was obliterated. As for the traitors they searched for the source of the red tendrils and began conducting orbital bombardment upon Jack Noir even as they were being destroyed by the miles.

Jack attempted to use the Red Miles to intercept the destructive beams of argent energy but his success was limited. He did manage to use the Miles to absorb the brunt of the orbital bombardment, however he could not block all of it and was heavily injured in the process. By the time the last of the Traitor Sentinel ships were either destroyed or were forced to retreat, his carapace was cracked and burned, leaking crimson ichor. It was nothing that wouldn’t heal in time, especially since he was wearing the Ring of Orbs Fourfold, but that had been way too close for his liking. Stupid Sentinels and their goddamn hyper advanced super weapons…

The Courtyard Droll came running over to Jack and presented him with the White King’s Scepter. Jack took it and raised it above his head, beginning the reckoning.

[Meanwhile on Prospit]

Jade happily flew through the skies of Prospit towards John’s tower. As she did, she looked up at Skaia. Even with the ugly orange and red cracks forming an even uglier massive demonic pentagram on its surface, it was still a breathtakingly beautiful sight to behold. Hopefully the damage done by the evil knights from John’s planet and their demons wasn’t permanent and those cracks could be repaired at some point. She would absolutely love to have a chance to see Skaia as it should be without all the cracks and giant demonic symbols at least once.

That was when she noticed something odd. A strange object was slowly flying away from Skaia and towards Prospit. As it got closer she started being able to make out more and more details such as: two long tentacles sticking out of its sides, two large wings, two legs, one arm, and a jester’s hat, and a shiny black carapace that was cracked and burned in a few places. Getting a sinking feeling in her gut as she saw this creature, she decided to redouble her efforts to get to John in his tower as fast as possible and started flying as fast as she possibly could.

Then all hell broke loose. Prospit was burning, buildings were collapsing, and carapacians were dying all around her in droves as massive red tendrils destroyed everything. Then the chain connecting the moon to Prospit was severed and the moon flew off and began falling towards Skaia, slowly breaking apart along the way.

Jade found John’s sleeping dream self and flew towards him. Once she was close enough, she grabbed him and started desperately trying to shake him awake. When that didn’t work she escalated to slapping him aggressively, knowing he could take it and unsure what else she could possibly do to wake him up.

John’s face shifted into a terrified scowl and he seemed to be on the verge of waking up but was trying his hardest not to. He began muttering something aboutDemons under his breath which Jade ignored, as she continued trying to wake him up. For a moment hope flared up inside her as she saw him on the verge of waking up, but that hope quickly died when she saw how hard he was struggling to resist. They were officially out of time. Seeing no other choice, she threw John off to the side as hard as she could in a last ditch effort to save him as the moon of Prospit came crashing down on top of her.

[A few minutes ago in the Veil]

John stared in horror as the massive demonic form of an Arch Demon stepped through the portal, looking down at him in a sneer of pure hatred and disdain. It had six large leathery wings, six red glowing eyes, two goat-like hooves, four arms, an overly wide mouth full of six rows of razor sharp teeth, two massive burning horns sticking out of its forehead, and it radiated an intense aura of pure Hell Fire. It's extremely muscular body was riddled with numerous scars including a particularly large scar across its chest that was in the shape of a symbol John didn’t recognize but somehow knew was extremely significant for some reason. It wore what appeared to be something akin to a toga which left much of its upper body exposed, except instead of cloth it was made entirely of what appeared to be cruelly stitched together tortured human faces which were all still crying, wailing, and moaning in eternal agony or were begging for mercy or release from their endless torment. John thought he even saw his, Dave’s, Jade’s, Rose’s, his grandma’s, and his father’s faces in the grotesque attire and their positions would shift every so often.

Doctor Meowgon hissed at the demons and cowered behind some objects and machinery that weren't arcing with demonic energy. The Arch Demon just glanced in the direction of the mutant cat and suddenly its entire body was engulfed in demonic flames. It screeched in hellish agony as it was burned alive. It's screeches steadily grew weaker and weaker until it finally stopped screeching and fell over dead while flames continued to burn its corpse. Its soul had been forcefully dragged straight to hell where it would wander aimlessly for eons slowly turning into a demon. A better fate than being sent to Nekravol, but only barely.

John grimaced and tried his best to tune out the horrific screams of the dying mutant cat as he quickly thought back to everything he read in his old abridged demonology book trying to recall which one of the Arch Demons this was specifically. It took him a second but he finally remembered its name, Carreau. One of the most sadistic of all the Arch Demons, though fortunately one of the lowest ranking and least powerful ones. Not that that was saying much since it was still powerful enough to destroy planets if not entire solar systems.

John hastily switched out his Super Shotgun for the Unmaykr, knowing full well that he was going to need the most powerful weapon at his disposal if he was going to have _any_ chance of surviving this encounter at all. Samur Mayker rushed towards him and unsuccessfully tried to force him to lower the Unmaykr. “Stop, you fool! You can not fight an Arch Demon as you are now! You need to run!” Samur shouted at John.

“ **_Do not listen to the foolish Seraphim, little “Lord of Rage”. Running shall not save you, it shall not even delay the inevitable. There is no escape. You have stolen something of mine. One of the Elemental Wraiths I was guarding at the Well. You stole it right out from under my nose and now that it is free it shall be impossible for me to reclaim. For that, your suffering shall be_ ** **legendary** **_!_ **” Carreau growled at John.

Grabbing the Demonic Crucible that was still embedded in the ground as he passed it, he yanked it out of the ground and looked at it for a moment before snorting in disdain. “ **_A cheap replica that holds not even a ghost of the power of the original. How pathetic..._ **” The Demonic Crucible exploded in its massive clawed hand in a bright flash of dark red light and vanished from existence.

Samur suddenly stopped trying to prevent John from fighting and instead rushed to get between him and the Arch Demon, blocking the Arch Demon’s path and causing it to pause in its approach. “VEGA, open a portal to Argent D’Nur NOW! Wretch, get the Lord out of here!”

“Samur, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” John demanded furiously.

“Saving your life! Even with the connection between the realms severed, the contract between Hell and Urdak is still in effect! So the Arch Demon cannot kill me, unlike you or the Wretch, and he knows it! GO!” Samur shouted.

The Arch Demon snorted in amusement. “ ** _You forget, Seraphim. While you are a Maykr, you are but an exile. You lack the vast majority of the protections that apply to the rest of your kind. So while you are correct in that I cannot kill you, that is the_** **only** **_thing I cannot do to you… Oh, I see… But you already knew that, didn’t you? HA! You’re planning on sacrificing yourself to save your Lord! How noble... Foolish beyond measure, but noble. I pray that you are ready, Maykr. I have always wondered what one of your ilk would sound like when they scream!_** ”

“To hell with that! Samur, you're _my_ servant now, remember?! _I_ give the orders and _I_ make the decisions! So get your ass back here _this instant,_ you dumb mother fucker!” John ordered furiously. He sure as hell still didn’t trust or even _like_ Samur but like hell was he just going to let the dumb ass sacrifice himself to a fucking _Arch Demon_! Let alone one of the most sadistic Arch Demons in the entire hierarchy of Hell! That was a fate only a select few beings in all of existence truly deserved, and he was absolutely certain that Samur sure as hell wasn’t one of them.

The Wretch grabbed John’s arm and gently tugged on it. “Holy One, the portal is open, we must leave _now_! The Seraphim is fully aware of just what his sacrifice entails, so do not be a fool! You are not yet ready to face an Arch Demon or he would not be doing this in the first place. We will reclaim the Seraphim in time but for now we must flee if we are to survive. Please, Holy One!” The Wretch pleaded.

John was about to punch the Wretch in the face for suggesting they leave Samur behind, but a huge wave of exhaustion suddenly flooded through him. He almost fell asleep on the spot but through sheer force of will he barely managed to stay awake. “N-no! Don’t… Don’t like him but… Doesn’t deserve this! Leave… Leave no man behind…! C-can’t let him be captured by… Arch Demon! Won’t allow it! F-fuck… Why am I so tired...? Damn it! I-I’ll kill the… bastard!” He tried to say while desperately struggling to keep himself awake. He could barely keep himself up on his feet at this point and was on the verge of dropping the Unmaykr.

Seeing the state John was in, the Wretch took the Unmaykr from him so he wouldn’t drop it before picking him up in one arm and running to the portal as fast as he possibly could while carrying him.

No longer having the Unmaykr, John drew his Plasma Rifle and clumsily fired it at the Arch Demon while the Wretch carried him to the portal. The vast majority of the shots missed but a few managed to hit. Unfortunately the balls of plasma did little to nothing to the Arch Demon, in fact the Arch Demon made no sign that he had even _felt_ the rounds impact him at all. Seeing that, John put his plasma rifle away again and held up his middle fingers instead. “Fuck you, Carreau...! I’ll fucking… KILL YOU! I don’t… don’t give a shit if you are... an Arch Demon or n-not...! You’re… fucking dead! You… You hear me...?! DEAD!” He struggled to shout through his exhaustion.

His exhaustion steadily grew worse and worse until the portal closed behind them. Seeing that there was no longer any point for him to continue struggling to stay awake, John finally just gave up and passed out.

[Skaia]

John suddenly woke up in a place he didn’t recognize. Then he noticed his armor had been replaced with a set of strange golden yellow pajamas with a crescent moon symbol on the front. He pushed himself up to his feet and looked around at the destroyed landscape wondering just where the fuck he was and how he got here. As far as he was aware he had just been in the lab in the Veil, then an Arch Demon appeared and Samur had sacrificed himself so he and the Wretch could escape, then he had passed out after the portal closed behind them. Had the Wretch brought him here? If so, where the fuck was that cultist demon bastard? This sure as hell didn’t look or feel like a dream to him so it had to be real, right?

After a moment of looking around he spotted something that caught his eye. It was close enough that he could tell it was a person wearing clothes that looked somewhat similar to his laying face first on the ground, however it was far enough away that he couldn’t really make out any details about who they were or if they were okay.

Deciding to check on them and see if they needed any help, John jogged over to the person. As he started getting closer his blood ran cold as he started to be able to make out more details about their appearance. They looked really familiar and they looked really badly injured, if not dead. As he made out more and more details he slowly started picking up his pace until he was full on sprinting over to the body.

Sliding to a stop next to her corpse — at this point he knew it was a corpse because judging by her injuries it was fairly obvious that she was dead — he immediately kneeled down next to her and rolled her over so he could get a look at her face, needing confirmation that this really was who he thought she was. His fears were proven correct. This body was Jade.

He shook his head in a mixture of horror and disbelief. Refusing to believe she was actually dead until he could confirm it beyond a shadow of a doubt he placed two fingers on her neck over her jugular veins. He did not feel a pulse. She was gone. One of his friends was dead. He didn’t know how, why, or what even happened but she was dead. He couldn’t save her.

Seeing a strange ring on one of her fingers, he slid it off her hand and held it in his palm. He stared at the ring in his hand as his mind processed all of this. A blazing purple aura started to form around him as his grief rapidly grew to the point it very nearly rivaled his nigh galactic rage. He balled his hands into fists as tightly as he possibly could to the point that the orbs on the ring that he was still holding in his right hand pierced his skin causing him to start bleeding profusely, though his mind didn’t even register the physical pain this caused him as he was far too focused on the fact one of his friends was dead.

“Damn it…” He muttered under his breath. “Damn it... Damn it! DAMN IT! **DAMN IT!** ” His tone grew louder and louder with each repetition of the curse until he was shouting at the top of his lungs. His vision turned pure red as his rage and other negative emotions all made yet another a massive jump as if to compensate for the drastic increase in his grief. “ **_RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!_ **” He roared furiously, and reality itself trembled under the sheer force of his overwhelming grief and rage.

The sky turned a bloody shade of red, the air turned ice cold, a nightmarish blood curdling sound filled the air as the faint disembodied screams of all those damned to suffer the torments of Hell began emanating from every direction simultaneously. The otherworldly whispers, sadistic laughter, and the incoherent screeches and roars of madness of countless demons filled John’s mind all at once in an unbearable cacophony of pure noise that ate away at his sanity, leaving him teetering on the very edge of lunacy.

Some of the most prominent voices which stood out even above the rest of the cacophony in his head offered to resurrect her for him if he would simply surrender his soul to them or even offered him the power to resurrect her himself should he simply embrace demonhood and ascend to join the ranks of Hell as a brand new Hell-God, which for some strange reason they claimed was his birthright. They even offered him other things as well, each offer having been custom tailored perfectly in order to entice him as much as possible. It was obvious to him that they had to be high ranking and highly skilled Greater Demons _at least_ , as all of their offers were so supernaturally tempting that it was almost physically painful to try to ignore or refuse them. They were wearing down his will at a much faster rate than the rest of the cacophony was eroding his sanity.

John was on the verge of completely breaking down and losing himself just like he had in that alternate timeline and he knew it. He could tell that if he allowed this to happen he would never be able to regain control of himself ever again. He would become no better than any of the Demons of HORAV that were driven insane by Yaldabaoth’s curse. He couldn’t allow that! He _wouldn’t_ allow that! He would _not_ let himself become a monster as he had in that alternate timeline! He would _not_ let his emotions control him! He was the one who controlled them, _not_ the other way around!

He fought back as hard as he possibly could against the overwhelming tide of emotion and the demons that were currently laying siege against his mind. It stretched every last bit of his will and resolve to their absolute limits but he forcefully reclaimed control over himself and his emotions, violently asserting his complete and total dominance over them in their entirety. This did not mean those emotions had diminished any, far from it. In fact they were now constantly growing at an insanely rapid — albeit perfectly consistent — pace, though he was now no longer in any danger of losing control of himself.

Somehow he instinctively knew that he had completed some sort of test or requirement or something to that effect for him to gain total dominion over “Rage” within himself, and as a result he earned complete active command over his own negative emotions, passion, determination, skepticism, disbelief, sanity and anything and everything else that fell within the dominion of the aspect of “Rage” and applied to him personally. He could consciously do whatever the hell he wanted with them and he could do it all to a truly terrifying degree. Connecting a few dots in his mind gave him a suspicion that he could also command these things in other people too if he really wanted to, and he even got the feeling like he should be able to. However he wasn’t entirely sure how, currently. 

Regardless, this total dominion over “Rage” had come with a price and it was a hefty one at that. For him to seize control over his negative emotions to stop himself from becoming the monster he had in that alternate timeline something in his mind had to break. He had been forced to completely destroy something fundamental about himself, to discard a part of his own humanity. He had to rip out the very weakness that caused this in the first place and instead fully embrace something dark and terrible that lurked deep within his psyche.

Looking back down at Jade’s corpse he no longer saw a friend who had died. He just saw a number. Just another person who had died as a result of this cruel “game”. Did her death still make him angry? Of course it did. However it was no longer nearly as painful nor as personal as it had once been. It was now no different to him then the death of a close acquaintance rather than one of his best friends. That's how he realized that he would never truly be the same again.

The purple aura disappeared, the sky returned to normal, the temperature began to rise again, the faint screams of the damned faded, and a faint breeze began to pick up in their place. The only thing that remained was the cacophony of demonic voices inside John’s head which wasn’t going away in the slightest, perhaps serving as a permanent reminder of what happened here today, like a scar upon his mind. Fortunately for him as he now had complete control over his will, determination, hatred, and even his own sanity he was no longer in any danger of succumbing to the supernaturally tempting offers of the greater demons nor the insanity inducing effects of the whispers, laughter, and roars of the countless other demons.

John unclenched his fists and once again looked back at the ring in his injured bloody hand. It was now also covered in blood, obviously. He cleaned the blood off of it with his shirt and put the ring on his right index finger. With that done he stood back up, turned, and began to walk away from Jade’s corpse. Just as he started walking he barely noticed something strange in the sky ahead of him. Looking up he saw a cloud depicting him floating in the air somewhere else near what looked like a ruined castle. 

He recalled that Samur had mentioned prophetic clouds or something earlier. So John assumed that was what this was. A prophecy of either where he was supposed to go or where he would eventually end up at some point. The only thing that surprised him was the fact he was flying despite the fact he very clearly wasn’t wearing his Night Sentinel Rocket Armor. When the fuck was he supposed to gain the ability to fly? He was pretty sure that was something he was incapable of doing... Right?

Deciding to test it he willed himself to rise up off the ground and into the air, and much to his surprise it actually worked. He _actually_ rose into the air. Well that was certainly convenient. With that he flew off in search of the ruined castle that cloud had shown him. It did not take him long to find.

Lowering himself to the ground a good distance away from the ruined castle, he saw a tall angry looking marble white carapaced creature wearing strange clothes approaching him carrying a familiar green box. It aggressively shoved the box into his arms before turning and walking away without saying a word. John didn’t even react to the overly aggressive delivery person. Instead he just took the package and went to find a place to sit before opening the box. Reaching inside he pulled out a letter. He had absolutely no fucking idea who it was from though.

_John!_

_From what i heartell youve been through a bit of an adventure by the time youre reading this. Thats so great. I love adventure and i would bet my bottom boonbuck you do too. I think we are birds of a feather john. I am pretty eager to meet you. Oh yeah i should have mentioned we are going to meet some day. I hear you like movies is that right john? I love movies too. Have you ever seen weekend at bernies? So friggin hilarious. Its hard to talk to jade about movies because she doesnt really know about movies but im sure you know that. Boooring. Ha ha just kidding jade you know i love you and i think youre a blast._

_Okay speaking of jade we spent quite a long time working on this present for you. It was a big team effort. Okay i had to do quite a lot of arm twisting to get her to go along with helping me make such an oddball present for you and so well in advance. But i had my arm sort of twisted myself to get this going in the first place. But then she came around to the idea because she can see the future! Pretty amazing if you ask me. Itll all be clear later. Gadzooks with all this arm twisting ive been getting a good workout. We should wrestle when we meet john. I love to wrestle but i dont get a chance to wrestle with anyone that much. Do you like to get into fisticuffs john? Scrums and what not? Me too._

_Anyway you should listen to jade from here on out john because she sure seems to know whats best for you. Whatever your adventure throws at you im sure shell tell you you can handle it. She believes in you._

John flipped the letter over. There was more on the back. He read that too. Apparently the box contained: the Royal Deringer, the Quills of Echidna, Ahab’s Crosshairs, and the Crucible of Zillyhoo along with something that was supposed to be a surprise. He had no idea what any of those things were but whatever, he would find out in a moment. Having finished reading the letter, John crumpled it up and tossed it off to the side. Reaching into the box again there was yet another letter. This one was from Jade.

_dear john,_

_happy birthday!!!!!!! :D_

_even though its super late and you probably went through a lot of trouble to get it, i really hope this present cheers you up! you looked so sad while you were reading my letter. um... which is to say, the one you are reading now. i can explain!!!_

_you see, when i go to sleep, in my dreams i wake up on the moon of a planet called prospit. by now you must know about this place! i have lived there in my dreams most of my life and i made so many friends there over the years. and you were there too! but you were asleep. the fact that you are awake now i think means all my friends are in trouble. you are awake because it is your job to help them. we will both help them!_

_but ummm..... i know these things because while i was on the moon, whenever it passed through skaia i could see lots of things in the clouds. the past, the future, stuff about our friends, and stuff about you! now that you are awake, and apparently at the center of skaia (??? WOW!!!) you should be able to see stuff in the clouds too. maybe you already have!_

_about this present! my penpal helped me work on it. he included a letter too! hes really funny and silly, i like him a lot and i think you would too. it took a long time between the two of us. and sure the present looks like a fun and completely ridiculous thing to get, but it is also really important! you are getting it exactly when you need it most. maybe thats hard to believe but its true! i saw it happen already. i dont see everything john, and i definitely dont know everything thats going to happen. but when i do know something, i always try to do my best to help people in the future! when im supposed to that is. youll get the hang of it._

_john i am REALLY looking forward to seeing you when you wake up!!!!! its been nice playing with my prospitian friends and all, but also kind of lonely knowing you were in the other tower sleeping and having lousy dreams. :( im not sure where i am when you are reading this but im sure ill make it down to where you are soon! (jeez how did you get down there??? oh well ill find out) i cant wait to fly around the moon with you and show you all my favorite places. itll be so much fun!!!!!!!!! :D_

_ <3 _

_jade_

He frowned slightly. He supposed reading that probably should have made him feel sad, but he was already sad to a cosmic degree and that sadness was now constantly increasing along with the rest of his negative emotions. Of course, he could stop them from growing at any time he wanted and even completely get rid of those emotions in their entirety if he really wanted to but that was besides the point. Furthermore, due to just what he had to give up to remain sane after finding Jade’s corpse, the letter simply had very little impact on him. He did care… _slightly_. However it was not nearly to the extent that he knew he should have.

Suddenly someone was holding him at sword point. Looking up to see who it was John saw an angry looking black carapaced creature with one arm, a harlequin hat, wings, and tentacles. It appeared to have been injured at some point but its wounds were already mostly healed. The creature demanded John hand over the ring that he had gotten off of Jade’s body.

John scowled at it but before he could get up and flay it alive with its own sword, something sprang out of the box and stood between him and the creature. Glancing at it John saw a semi robotic stuffed rabbit wielding a ridiculous looking multi-colored crucible blade and a broken metal sword, carrying a blue rifle and what looked like two white sticks or strangely carved bone fragments on its back.

The one armed creature seemed surprised by this and backed away a few steps. It stood there for a moment seeming to contemplate whether to stand and fight or not. With a frustrated look on its face it turned and launched into the air, flying away.

John found it extremely insulting that the creature was more intimidated by a heavily armed partially robotic bunny than it was by him even when he was alone and unarmed like this. He would have to make sure to teach the son of a bitch a lesson next time he ran into it.

Looking up into the sky, he saw two more prophetic clouds. One displayed a black carapaced hand holding a ring similar to the one he had found on Jade’s corpse and that the creature that just threatened him had been wearing. The other displayed a white tower of some sort. He had no idea what either of these things meant or what they were trying to tell him, but he supposed in the end it didn’t really matter whether he understood it or not. If it really was an actual prophecy then it was destined to happen anyways. As such, he just turned in a random direction and began walking, not sure what else he was supposed to do at the moment. The robot bunny followed along behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update: I've updated this chapter from the first draft to the final version. It's not as long as I expected it to be, but oh well I guess. The last chapter is a bit longer than usual so I guess this makes up for that. I'm still not really sure if I'm happy with the direction the scene with John finding Jade's body is taking the story in, but I'll stick with it for the moment unless anyone has any particularly major objections to it. Please feel free to let me know your opinions on the matter! I am always welcome to feedback! :)
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much if not more then I enjoyed writing it! Constructive criticism is more then welcome!
> 
> Stay safe out there everyone!
> 
> Edit: Very minor edit in light of new lore revealed in the Ancient Gods part 1 Dlc and the edit to the previous chapter.


	10. Personal Demons

John wandered aimlessly across the battlefield, unsure where he was, where he was supposed to go, or what he was supposed to do as he waited to wake back up on HORAV again. As he walked he saw the burning wreckages of numerous different types of ships as well as the broken remains of Sentinel robots like the two guarding Yaldabaoth’s palace on HORAV. Countless bodies littered the ground. Some were demons, some were Night Sentinels, and some were strange black or white carapaced creatures. There were even a few absolutely gigantic demons with buildings chained to their backs, many of which appeared to still be alive despite the fact they _really_ shouldn’t be but appeared to be rendered completely immobile because of their wounds.

If John didn’t know any better he would have thought the giant demons were Titans, but that didn’t make any sense to him. If he remembered correctly then there should have only ever been one Titan, the Champion of Hell which was currently rampaging around on HORAV. Plus these ones were a _lot_ smaller than the Champion. So he just assumed they just had to be another species of demon that hadn’t been mentioned in his abridged demonology book in order to conserve space, or something to that effect. That or perhaps he _might_ have misinterpreted the section about the Titan.

Either way it didn’t really matter. If those wounds hadn’t killed most of them, then nothing he could do would kill them either. So whenever he saw one he would just ignore it and continue walking since he doubted he could hurt them and they were all too injured to move let alone try to attack him or anyone else.

He occasionally saw an insane demon or two that hadn’t been killed in whatever disaster happened here rampaging around or fighting each other. In those cases he would not hesitate to attack them with a sword he had found on the eviscerated corpse of a Night Sentinel. He hacked Imps, Gargoyles, and Pinkie demons to bits with the sword and either ripped fully grown Hell Knights, Mancubi, and on one occasion even a stray Baron of Hell limb from limb or otherwise beat them to death with his bare hands and sometimes even their own limbs.

Over the course of these fights, _especially_ the one with the Baron of Hell, he had accumulated quite a few burns, cuts, scratches, broken bones, and even a compound fracture in his left leg. As he was resetting a few of his broken bones to the best of his abilities considering he had absolutely no medical training whatsoever, he had discovered that he had as much control over his own physical pain and his pain tolerance as he had over his negative emotions, determination, and sanity. 

After experimenting with his new found control over his own pain and pain tolerance by increasing and decreasing them to certain extremes, he had learned that enough pain could serve as a lure to attract even more of the insane demons that were left wandering the battlefield. As such he decided to have pain engulf every last cell in his body and constantly kept it at a level that would likely kill an entire _major city’s_ worth of people, and that was _by no means_ an exaggeration. It was _much_ worse than any torture that any demon other than an Arch Demon or a full on Hell-God could produce and it attracted the insane demons like moths to a flame. It was _extremely_ convenient as the fact they came to him made slaughtering them so much easier.

Not having much else to do in the intervals between fighting the insane demons he was luring to himself through his own pain, he thought about what had just happened to him and what he was. In order to remain sane he had been forced to relinquish his connection to his friends and family for it was too human and as such was nothing but a weakness. Instead he fully embraced something dark inside himself.

It wasn’t “Rage”, not exactly anyways. It was something much deeper, darker, and more terrible than mere “Rage” though it was still _very_ closely related to “Rage”. It was something more vicious and cruel than any demon. It was beyond mere anger or hatred. There wasn’t really a word for it that he knew of but it was something akin to but not quite the same as a drive… or an oath. An “oath” written in his very genetics to exterminate absolutely everything he hated — mainly demons, Dersites, Traitor Night Sentinels, and evil in general — with a ferocity and righteous fury that could make the Hell-Gods themselves tremble in abject existential terror. That was all that mattered to him now. Friends, family, personal happiness, and anything and everything even remotely “human” were all not just irrelevant to him but were completely against his very nature. He had no “humanity” as he was never even Human to begin with.

No matter what they may have looked like on the outside he and the Slayer were neither Human nor Argenta and they never had been, he realized that now. They had always been something else entirely. They were tools... no, not tools. Tools could be used for constructive purposes, to build or create works of beauty just as much as they could be used to destroy. However, he and the Slayer were only meant for one purpose and one purpose alone, to destroy. Rather than tools they were _weapons of mass destruction_ that had been generated by this “game” specifically to completely _exterminate_ the “virus” that were the Demons and potentially other even greater threats that he was currently unaware of.

Whatever their species was probably didn’t even have an actual name as there were only two of them in existence, himself and the Slayer. Ultimately he supposed it didn’t really matter either. In the end no matter what they were called they were just _monsters_ who had been created for the sole purpose of wiping out the demons that had infected the “game” since the “game” needed help to eradicate them as it completely lacked the means with which to do so on its own. They were designed for the sole purpose of the complete and total annihilation of Hell and everything that happened to them up until this point was meant to mould them specifically for that purpose.

As such the only thing that mattered to him now was fulfilling his role. He would stop at **_nothing_ ** to eradicate every last trace of evil he came across no matter how small or insignificant. He didn’t care about the cost, what he would have to give up or sacrifice to accomplish this or how much pain he had to go through. So long as he succeeded that was all that mattered to him. If he could also protect those he used to consider friends and family in the process then that was just a minor bonus at most.

He supposed this was probably for the best for everyone anyways. The fact that he had cared about them had likely just put them in even greater danger by making them even larger targets of the Demons and Traitor Night Sentinels then they already were. So logically speaking the fact he no longer cared about them _should_ mean they were no longer _as_ high priority targets as they used to be since they could no longer be used against him. Plus it meant his sanity had remained fully intact and thus he could continue helping them even if he was now much more distant. He had not been designed for friendship or family anyways.

The only major downside, in his opinion, was this crushing loneliness that had taken root inside him and had officially joined the rest of his constantly growing cosmically intense negative emotions. It was honestly almost enough to make John want to cry. However he refused to do so as he felt he couldn’t let himself show any sort of weakness or vulnerability as he knew the demons — _especially_ the ones that were currently speaking to him inside his head — would not hesitate to use that against him even for an instant.

Even so, he couldn’t help but wonder if this was how his father/brother/alternate self the Doom Slayer had felt after the fall of Argent D’Nur during his one man genocide against Hell. Impossibly angry, afraid, sad, guilty, melancholy, ashamed, remorseful, soul shatteringly lonely, along with any and every other negative emotion imaginable to a degree that was decidedly unimaginable.

Eventually John started approaching a canyon when he saw two people walking up a hill on the opposite side of the canyon. Looking at them, John realized it was his father with the lady that he assumed was Dave and Rose’s ecto-biological mother who he recognized from the ecto-cloning thing in the lab in the Veil. His father appeared really happy to see him. John’s reaction, however, was a _lot_ more subdued. It was good to see his father was alive and well but that was the extent of it. He wasn’t really happy, excited, or anything else to that effect. Approaching the edge of the canyon he floated into the air and began crossing the gap at a casual pace, not really in that big of a hurry to reunite with his dad.

However, right as he was nearing the other side of the canyon he suddenly vanished and the ring that was once on his finger fell down into the crimson blood-filled water of the river below.

[The Hell of Rage and Violence]

John suddenly woke up and found himself propped up in a sitting position against a large rock. He was wearing the armor that Samur and the Wretch had made for him, and the Unmaykr was laid across his lap. He could no longer feel his wounds, however, so it seemed that whatever happened to him while he was asleep didn’t transfer over to his waking self which was good to know.

Putting the Unmaykr away, he realized he could no longer hear most of the demonic voices in his head. However, the voices of the Greater Demons that were constantly trying to make him offers remained though they sounded a bit quieter and they spoke a little less frequently than before. Apparently whatever anti-demonic possession properties his new helmet had were not enough to completely prevent greater demons from invading his mind if they wanted to, but it was enough to completely block out any less powerful demons. Well, it was good to know the actual limits of the anti-demon runes. He’d have to let the other know as soon as possible.

John was about to get up and go looking for the Wretch when he received a pesterchum notification from an account that he didn’t immediately recognize off the top of his head.

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

AG: Joooooooo

AG: oooooooo

AG: oooooooo

AG: oooooooo

AG: oooooooo

AG: oooooooo

AG: oooooooo

AG: oooooooohn!

AG: W8ke up!!!!!!!!

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] blocked arachnidsGrip [AG] --

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] blocked arachnidsGrip [AG] --

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] blocked arachnidsGrip [AG] --

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

“ _Lord of Rage, it appears this individual is able to completely circumvent all of your attempts to block their messages. Would you like for me to either communicate with them in your place in order to find out what they want or trace their signal, hack into their system, and prevent any further attempts at communication directly?_ ” VEGA’s voice inquired through the speakers inside John’s helmet.

Shrugging John said, “Both. See if you can learn anything useful. If you can then let me know ASAP but if you can’t, whatever. I don’t expect these assholes to be very helpful anyways. Same goes for any other Trolls that try to bother me.”

“ _Very well._ ” VEGA responded.

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] blocked arachnidsGrip [AG] --

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

\-- Error --

\-- Err$#%=@#%$=#^%^&+%&^#+@!&**=^%$#+@!#+$^=&%^* --

\-- V.E.G.A. [V] began communicating with arachnidsGrip [AG] --

John closed Pesterchum and left VEGA to it. Pushing himself to his feet he looked around and saw that he was all but surrounded by a giant hill of eviscerated demon corpses. He also heard the almost electric buzz of a crucible weapon and what sounded like the Wretch giving a sermon or something to that effect.

Climbing over the hill of mutilated demon corpses John saw a slightly wounded Summoner bowing before the Wretch muttering what sounded like a prayer. The skeletal top of the Wretch’s staff had opened up at the “mouth” of the skull and had a bright red scythe-like blade coming out of it. John drew the Super Shotgun from his strife deck, set it to buckshot and aimed it at the Summoner’s head.

The Wretch seemed to hear him and turned his head to look at him. Seeing John the Wretch’s creepy demonic face split into a huge smile. “Oh, Holy One! I am glad to see you awake once more! I was just in the middle of baptizing your newest disciple! I truly must thank you for this most generous blessing you have bestowed upon me for without it I may never have been able to convert this one to our cause!” The Wretch exclaimed with an almost unsettling amount of glee.

John stared at him for a moment before looking back at the Summoner who was now staring back up at him in a mixture of awe and terror. “Disciple? Blessing? Explain now!” John demanded, not lowering his Super Shotgun even for a second.

“Indeed, my lord! This is Ira, your newest devotee! I used the power to induce feelings of guilt and regret within the souls of those who look into my eyes that you bestowed upon me to make her see the error of her ways and sway her to the path of righteousness. I chose her out of all the others who were lured here by the overwhelming pain you felt as you slept as I sensed within her the faintest spark of light that was absent within all the others. Without your divine blessing I fear I could never have brought that tiny spark to the forefront and I would have had to kill her like all the rest. However, using the wonderful gift you bestowed upon me, your humble servant, after countless eons met with nothing but failure after failure after _failure_ I have _finally_ managed to redeem yet another of my kind in the eyes of the Great Slayer! This is a most joyous day indeed! Normally it would call for _much_ celebration and prayer yet I am afraid that the festivities shall have to wait as I fear we are rather pressed for time at the moment.” The Wretch explained with immense joy and religious fervor.

John glared hard at the Summoner under his helmet and it turned away from the Wretch and bowed to him instead. “ _The Wretched one speaks the truth, oh Holy Lord of Rage! With his aid I have seen the error of my ways and have come to regret them deeply. Please, I only ask that you allow me the chance to atone for my countless sins! Break my bones, rip me limb from limb, tear my guts out, and devour my wicked soul as you and your father have done to countless others of our kind if you truly must! I shall do_ anything _to even slightly atone for my countless vile deeds in service of the Hell-Gods!_ ” The summoner pleaded desperately, outright sobbing with remorse.

John scowled at her. Somehow he could practically _taste_ her honesty and it was almost _sickening_ in its intensity. It seemed that she very nearly rivaled the Wretch in her overzealousness. He mentally debated whether he should give her a chance or if he should just kill her now and be done with it. After a moment he grumbled to himself and lowered his Super Shotgun. “Grrrr… _Fine_ !” He spat venomously. “You get _one_ chance! Fuck up even once, you’re existence is immediately forfit!” The fact that he now had not one but _two_ demons serving him infuriated him to no end. He would have much preferred to gouge out his own eyes with a red hot bar of jagged iron than have _any_ demons serving him whatsoever, let alone two.

“ _Thank you, Holy Lord! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I cannot possibly express the depths of my gratitude! I shall gladly serve you from now until the end of time!_ ” The Summoner cried in joy. Tears probably would have been running down her face but she didn’t exactly have eyes let alone tear ducts.

“Wretch, Samur was captured. What now?” John demanded.

“Ah, straight to the point I see. Very well.” The Wretch stated, deactivating his crucible scythe. “To be perfectly honest, this may actually be a blessing in disguise. I know it may sound rather odd, but please allow me to explain. You see the Divinity Machine is not the only way for you or the Slayer to achieve godhood. There is actually another method that is exclusive to you and your friends. In fact I believe both methods grant you two separate aspects of divinity. Undergoing the Slayer Ritual in the Divinity Machine will grant you the immortality, invincibility, and transcendent physical abilities of a god along with a few more subtle abilities such as enhancing your natural ability to draw strength from all those you kill transforming you into an unkillable warrior god like the Slayer. The second method, however, grants you the immortality and powers of a god of your specific aspect — Rage, in your case — and these powers will continue to grow over time, however it will not grant you invincibility, it will not enhance your ability to draw strength from those you kill, and any physical abilities you may or may not gain will be a direct result of your own pre-existing divine powers.”

“Alright… And?” John inquired, still not seeing how this was in any way a good thing.

“Please forgive me for my insolence, Holy One. I know my explanation is long and tedious however I must request that you please remain patient for a little while longer. I was just about to get to that.” The Wretch stated, bowing his head. “You see, you may undergo both of these rituals to achieve true apotheosis and reach your fullest potential as a god. However they must be conducted in a very specific order otherwise apotheosis will be forever barred to you. You must undergo the Slayer Ritual in the Divinity Machine only _after_ you undergo the other method of ascension first.”

The Wretch turned his head and stared off in the distance in the exact opposite direction of the two remaining pillars of light shooting up into the sky from the Well. “Samur knew this all too well. The faithless Seraphim was terrified of the power you would gain by achieving your full potential and thus wanted to prevent you from ever undergoing the other method of ascension by subjecting you to the Slayer Ritual first.”

The Wretch looked back at John once again. “I foolishly held my tongue at the time as I knew your full ascension was inevitable. It is simply fated to happen at some point, no matter what the Seraphim could have possibly tried. However, fool that I was, I did not anticipate that would mean fate would force him to sacrifice himself and become the prisoner of the most depraved and sadistic of all Arch Demons, otherwise I would have made my objections _very_ clear. That is the reason why his capture is a blessing to us, albeit an admittedly extremely bitter one with potentially disastrous consequences...”

“Alright, how do I do this?” John inquired, not wasting any time.

“There is a bed of stone adorned with the symbol of Rage upon the very tip of the spike that pierced this planet and gave birth to the Elemental Wraiths eons ago. I believe it is the tip that is directly opposite from the one your home has appeared upon. We must head there and then you must pierce your own heart upon this bed. Your mortal form will die, however you will then be reborn upon Skaia as the god you are destined to be. I believe it is a test of your resolve in the face of death to see whether or not you are truly worthy of divinity. From what the Seraphim has told me the Divinity Machine also tests those that enter it. However, it’s test is vastly different in that it conducts the test itself and it’s test is much harsher. If it finds the one who enters it lacking or if it detects even the slightest impurity in mind, body, or soul it will then eradicate them in all three mind, body, and soul. Their histories up until the point of entering the Divinity Machine will remain intact, but from that point onwards all versions of them in _every_ timeline will immediately cease to exist. So both tests are quite difficult in their own right, but you must undergo and pass them both to achieve your full potential, Holy One.”

John was silent for a moment as he thought about this when a nearby Parcel Pyxis flashed, seemingly indicating something had just arrived. Curious John walked over to it, opened it up, and looked inside. Sitting there at the bottom of the Parcel Pyxis was his copy of the server disc. He sighed and picked it up. “Jade’s already dead so it’s a bit too late for this fucking thing now…” John growled to himself, preparing to snap it in half and toss it away out of pure spite.

“ _Actually, Lord of Rage, the Witch of Space appears to be alive and well despite whatever you may have seen while you slept._ ” VEGA’s voice interjected before he could break the disc.

“Explain.” John ordered, immediately captchaloging the disc instead of breaking it.

“ _According to the individual who goes under the screen name “Arachnids Grip” the Witch, or “Jade” as you call her, is still very much alive and you still need to connect to her and bring her into the game. Thus before continuing with your quest of ascending to god-hood, I recommend returning to the Fortress of Doom and allowing me to scan the disc and connect to her for you. That way I will be able to assist the Witch in your place while you are otherwise occupied._ ” VEGA explained.

John nodded. “Good idea. Open a portal to the Fortress, we’ll head there now.”

“ _Opening the portal now._ ”

Suddenly a large dark blue portal opened up a few feet away from John and the Wretch. Without much reaction, John turned and headed straight through the portal. The Wretch and the Summoner Ira followed closely along behind him.

On the other side of the portal John found himself standing on a glowing blue circular glass platform in a futuristic command deck of a ship. Though some of the walls appeared to be made from stone bricks for some reason, which he found extremely odd. Looking out the front window of the ship he saw that they were apparently orbiting a planet. Said planet was depicted in its entirety on a blue holographic display above a circular platform surrounded by a ring of terminals. It apparently had what looked like an absolutely fucking gigantic spike speared straight through it. John could actually see his house sticking out on the tip of the very back end of the spike, which also would have been very easily visible from space if the ship were orbiting a bit further away from the planet but was still significantly shorter than the front end of the spike. He could even see the Titan rampaging around on the holographic model of the planet as it was just as tall as the back end of the spike.

“Damn…” John muttered to himself as he looked at the holographic image of the spike. He wondered just how the hell a giant spike that was longer than a planet was wide could even exist in the first place let alone stay completely intact after having apparently speared itself almost all the way through a planet. He may not have been a scientific prodigy like Jade, but from what little science he did know he was still pretty damn sure that bullshit definitely broke the laws of physics. Granted, so did his ridiculously tall house which was visible from the very back of the spike but that was besides the point.

Speaking of his ridiculously tall house which was apparently visible from space, he remembered what Dave had said about coordinating and decided it would probably be smart to at least update Rose on everything that had happened and everything he had learned, despite how little he felt like talking at the moment. He opened pesterchum and tried to establish a voice call with her.

“Hey.” John grunted as soon as she answered.

“Hi. You sound rather… “disgruntled”, shall we say?” 

“Understatement of the fucking millennia, you have _no_ idea, but that’s besides the point. A ton of shit has happened in the past… however the fuck long its been and I need to fill you in on all of it. I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible.” John stated gruffly.

“Alright… As for me, building up your house has been one of the more trivial ways I've passed the time. Great swaths of the structure may be copied and pasted with little architectural consideration. I've only bothered to do so while in contemplation. It's relaxing. Speaking of relaxing, based on your current attitude I would highly recommend that you take a bit of time to do so yourself.” Rose stated rather casually but with a bit of emphasis on the last point.

“I know, I can see the house from a hologram where I am right now. And fuck relaxing, we’re officially out of fucking time! Look, after I left your house I found this weird boat on an island and went to investigate. Then I got teleported to a lab inside a meteor in the Veil, which is an asteroid belt that will destroy Skaia. There I met a “fallen angel” so to speak, named Samur Mayker and a demon equivalent of a cultist who calls himself “the Wretch” who worships me and my biological father/clone the Doom Slayer as gods. Both swore to be my servants for reasons I don’t understand and honestly don’t give a shit about. Then I quite literally made you, me, Dave, Jade, your mother, Dave's bro, my grandma, and my actual father/clone the Doom Slayer. Apparently you and Dave are twins, by the way. Then our infant selves got teleported away just before an Arch Demon named Carreau showed up and Samur let himself get captured by it so me and the Wretch could escape.” John explained being true to his word and trying his best to keep it as brief as possible.

“Woah, could you slow down a bit John? I would like a bit of clarification on a few things and you’re not exactly giving me a chance to even ask.” Rose interrupted.

“There is no fucking time!” John growled impatiently. “I know the Wraith is still with you, and it seems to know a lot. Like, way more than it probably should. I think it may be sort of omniscient or something, I don’t fucking know but I wouldn’t be suprised. Either way, I’m sure it can clarify any questions you may have for me later. Anyways I’m almost done with my explanation so just bare with me, damn it!” 

“Jeeze, what the heck happened to you John? You were always a bit serious, but this is just ridiculous!”

“I’m getting to that!” John huffed in irritation. “After escaping I fell asleep against my will and woke up on the surface of Skaia. There I found the corpse of Jade’s dream self, thought it was the real her and she was actually dead. Nearly lost my mind or gave into the demons invading my mind, but managed to forcefully gain control over myself and passed some sort of test or something to gain complete dominion over all “Rage” within myself. Ask the Wraith what I mean by “Rage”, since I assure you it’s most definitely _not_ just anger. However achieving this cost me a _lot_. I would call it my humanity but I finally realized I was never even human in the first place. Essentially I had to let go of the weakness that caused me to nearly lose my mind in the first place. You’re smart and are into psychology so I’m sure you can figure out what I mean by that on your own.”

“I… I think I understand, but I don’t like what I think you’re trying to imply.” Rose stated, sounding a bit hurt.

John shrugged. “Well, sorry if this sounds a bit harsh but it’s the truth and I’m not going to fucking lie about it just to spare your feelings. Not only do I fucking hate lies, but that would be a dick move and keeping it secret would just make it worse in the long run when you inevitably figured it out. So, better to be blunt in this case.”

“I see… Well… Thank you for your honesty, John. While this is rather painful to hear, I really do appreciate you being direct with me in this case. I’ll pass this information along to the others for you. I’ll try to put it a bit more gently for them so as to soften the blow a bit, so to speak.”

“Thanks.” John grunted. “Anyways, after I woke up I learned it was only Jade’s dream self that died and she is actually still alive. I also learned something else that could potentially change the fucking game in our favor. The Wretch told me of a way for me to become strong enough to fight Arch Demons and potentially even the Hell-Gods themselves. It involves committing suicide on a stone alter and being reborn as a god of Rage. So that’s what I’m going to do next. I know how it sounds, and I don’t care. I’m doing it anyway. As much as it pains me to admit it, I actually trust the Wretch. Just thought I’d keep you in the loop since we’re still allies at least and still need to work together if we’re going to survive this. I’ll have V.E.G.A., Samur Maykr’s A.I., talk to you later.”

“John, wait! You can’t seriously be—” Rose started only to be cut off as John ended the voice call.

“ _Would you like for me to advise and monitor the progress of the others for you, Lord John?_ ” V.E.G.A. inquired.

“Yes.” John stated, taking his copy of the Server Disc out of his Sylladex. As he did so he decided since he just talked to Rose he may as well try and send Jade a message over Pesterchum just to see if she was alright and to let her know the Wretch’s plan. However, she didn’t respond. This led him to three possible conclusions. Either the Troll had actually been lying to VEGA and she really was dead, she was still asleep even after her dream self had been killed, or she was currently busy doing something and didn’t have the time to respond to him.

John frowned under his helmet but closed Pesterchum and asked, “Okay, VEGA, we're here. Now where do I put this thing?”

“There is a glowing pedestal behind you. Remove the disc from its paper sleeve and set it on the pedestal. I will then scan it, download its contents, install the program, and will connect with the Witch of Space for you.” VEGA explained.

Turning around John saw the pedestal VEGA had mentioned. Walking over to it, he took the disc out of the paper sleeve and moved to place it on the center of the platform. However, as soon as the disc got within range of the platform it was pulled out of his hand and floated into the air above the pedestal.

“Well that’s done, I guess. Alright, Wretch, Ira, let's get moving.” John ordered, turning and walking back to the glowing circular glass platform.

“One moment, Lord John. It appears I am unable to send the request to connect with the Witch of Space. The program somehow seems to be able to recognize the fact that I am an Artificial Intelligence rather than an actual player and is blocking me from establishing the connection myself. I have attempted to hack into it in order to bypass this block but it appears the security is significantly stronger than anticipated. I can get past it but I estimate it would take an unacceptable amount of time to do so. My apologies but it seems as though you are going to have to be the one to send the initial request to establish the connection. To do this you may use any one of the terminals surrounding the command deck in the room you are in just down the stairs from your current position.” VEGA informed him.

John frowned in annoyance but headed down the stairs to the ring of terminals below. Walking up to a random terminal he followed the prompt on the screen in order to initiate the process of establishing the server connection to Jade. When he was finished he asked, “Is that it?”

“Yes. Now that you have initiated the process I should be able to take over from here.” VEGA confirmed.

Meanwhile the Wretch typed something into another terminal before walking over to the large spherical button in between the two sides of the ring of terminals and pressing it. The ring of terminals slid open and the pedestal with the large spherical button lowered itself into the floor revealing a short staircase leading to a metal path which led to the ship’s front viewport. Two curved metal pillars rose up out of the ground next to the view port and formed a broken ring. Then another portal opened up inside the ring.

[Meanwhile in the Land of Light and Rain]

Rose couldn’t believe John entire strategy at this point was to _literally_ commit suicide. In her opinion he had officially lost his mind but she knew that at this point his mind was made up and nothing she could say was going to stop him. She had spent a while asking the Wraith for clarification on some of the things John had said but refused to elaborate on due to a perceived lack of time. None of what she had learned — including the fact that John’s plan to become a god was actually valid and would indeed work as he expected it to — brought her any comfort whatsoever. However the Wraith’s assurances that everything would be fine in the end and everything was progressing as it should for them to “win” did help somewhat.

Not that they _could_ win their session, technically, but apparently their failure in _this_ session would ultimately ensure their survival and bring about their inevitable success in another session… or something to that effect anyways. The Wraith had been rather cryptic on that front so she couldn’t truly be completely certain but she still thought that she at least had a fairly decent idea of what it had meant.

Either way apparently there was nothing she could do at the moment but let everything continue progressing as they were and to try to make progress on completing her own quest. Speaking of which…

“The First, may I inquire as to the status of the Wands you said you would make for me in place of the Thorns of Oglogoth?” Rose asked as she stared at the temple a short ways across the ocean from her. “While my Anti-Demon Needlewands are at least adequate for my purposes, I would feel vastly more comfortable being armed with something a _bit_ more potent in the event I encounter any foes that are particularly formidable as I delve into the sepulchral depths of this forsaken temple.”

The Wraith floated over to her and used one of its tentacles to hold out a pair of long sharp needlewands made of steel inscribed with numerous tiny glowing orange runes that spread across it in an almost web-like pattern. “Here you are young Seer. I have just finished them. Now keep in mind these wands may channel a small portion of my power and a _very_ small portion of the power of my siblings — given that almost all of their power is currently otherwise occupied — for the moment just as the Thorns of Oglogoth channeled a small portion of the power of the Outer Gods, unlike the Thorns this is by no means permanent. Over time as you grow into your role they will slowly shift to channeling your own growing power as a Seer of Light. So for the moment, think of these wands as if you were using a crutch while slowly learning how to use your legs and walk on your own. In other words, do not rely too heavily on my power for it shall not always be there. Instead you should focus on developing your own “muscles”, so to speak, your own power and learning how to direct it. Then perhaps one day you may become skilled enough at using your power such that you shall no longer require the use of wands at all.”

Rose nodded at the Wraith and took the wands. They were strangely warm to the touch, in harsh contrast to the unnatural cold of the Thorns of Oglogoth. It was actually rather pleasant. “I understand. Thank you. I shall endeavor to follow your advice to the best of my abilities.”

“Good. Now go, Seer of Light. I shall be here when you return. This trial is but the first, as such it is not difficult and should not take you long at all.” The Wraith stated sounding happy despite its rather creepy and unnatural voice.

Rose used the wands to lift herself into the air and fly over to the temple. As she did she received a message on Pesterchum from the Troll she used to be friends with. She decided to ignore the message and continued flying to the temple.

[Meanwhile in the Fortress of Doom]

John stopped in front of the portal deciding that he should probably try to talk to Dave as well. He called Dave over Pesterchum.

“Hey.” He grunted as soon as Dave answered the voice call.

“Hey.” Dave responded in kind. “Alright, so, I’ve got to make this quick.” He stated before John could say anything else.

“Same. What’s up?” John inquired.

“I need to borrow some boondollars off you.”

“Boondollars? I thought they didn't do anything.”

“No they do do something.” Dave assured him.

“What?” John asked, a bit curious.

“What do you think? They buy shit. Its fucking money.”

“Huh. Alright, whatever. How much do you need?”

“All of it.” Dave said confidently.

“Okay. How do I do this” John shrugged. He already had the Unmaykr and he highly doubted anything he could potentially buy with his boondollars would be better then it.

“Wait, really? I thought you’d be a bit more reluctant about this.”

“Nope. What do I care? I already have a weapon with limitless destructive potential. I just need to undergo some trials or whatever for V.E.G.A. to tell me how to unlock it from its current setting.” John told him.

“Well, alright I guess. Well, either way I’ll pay you back as soon as I can. Anyways, you can wire it to my account. I’ll send you the app. Oh, wait, before I forget… well… I _would_ tell you not to listen to the Wretch or Vriska since killing yourself is an incredibly fucking stupid plan, but we both know you’re going to do it anyways. Besides, at this point in time it’s not like you even consider me or the others friends anymore do you?”

John rolled his eyes. “What? Do you want me to apologise or something? It’s not exactly like I had a fucking choice in the matter if I wanted to stay sane. Besides, it's better for everyone this way. There’s not _quite_ as big of targets on your backs now, or at least there _shouldn’t_ be.“

“Whatever. Alright, app incoming.” Dave said casually. John could tell Dave was upset with him but he wasn’t going to lie about this just to make him feel better. Besides, he assumed time shenanigans were at work here for Dave to know about that in the first place so lying would have been pointless anyways since Dave already knew the truth.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] sent ectoBiologist [EB] the file "virtualporkhollow.exe" --

“Gotta go. Later.” Dave told him before abruptly ending the call.

John installed the app into his helmet and transferred Dave all of his very limited amount of boondollars. With that John finally stepped through the portal. The Wretch and Ira followed along behind him. On the other side John found himself standing on a wide arena-like circular platform atop the giant spike. In the center was the stone bed the Wretch told him about. However, it turned out something had beaten them there.

This time it wasn’t just a minor Arch Demon like Carreau. It was something much _much_ worse. It was a grotesque giant fat tentacled blob of a Hell-God. It was Erebus, one of the highest ranking and most powerful of all Hell-Gods.

This time John killed all of his fear and just drew the Unmaykr before slowly approaching the massive bloated demon. He stopped a fair distance away from it. “So, you here to kill me? I suppose I should be honored a fat fuck like you would be willing to crawl out of your tower just to execute me yourself.” John spat sarcastically.

Erebus narrowed his eyes at John but shook his flabby head. “ **Tempting, I could use a meal and what finer flesh to dine upon than that of a clone of the Slayer himself, and a Lord at that! But no. I’m merely here to act as a catalyst to summon your true executioner into this timeline with the aid of a very close ally of ours. Another Lord like yourself, by the name of the Dark Lord Caliborn. You see unlike you, he is a Lord of Time and he found the perfect being to kill you in another timeline and has so generously offered to bring him here with my help. You should indeed still feel honored, however, as your executioner shall in fact be none other then the Dark Lord's very own son!** ”

Erebus’ eyes glowed brighter and a swirling red vortex opened up in between him and John. Then out stepped something that shocked John to his core. It looked like a demon with some sort of high tech armor grafted into its body. However John immediately felt a connection with the creature and knew he was looking at himself. Well, an alternate version of himself at least. Another thing that tipped him off as to who this creature was, was the retractable blade on the bottom of its arm and the cannon on its shoulder which were almost exactly like the ones on the Praetor Suit he was wearing. It was quite literally a demonic version of himself.

John felt his eye twitch slightly at the sight. Knowing that he had actually fallen to demonic influence in an alternate timeline was… Well… No language human, demonic, angelic, or otherwise had a word to describe the emotions he felt in that moment. Pure, unbridled, animalistic, apocalyptic, multiverse melting hatred was the closest thing he could think of and even that didn’t come close to describing a ghost of a fraction of what he felt. His anger and hatred were so intense they transcended the very definitions of anger and hatred to the point they could no longer even be considered the same emotions. It was a pure unfiltered desire for death and carnage so profound that no words could ever possibly do it justice.

Upon seeing the abomination John’s eyesight instantly turned pure red and an _extremely violent_ blazing purple aura flared up around him. He was snarling furiously under his helmet and was gritting his teeth so hard he could feel the muscle starting to tear and his teeth starting to crack under the force.

Not hesitating for even a second John aimed the Unmaykr at the demonic version of himself and pulled the trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out, guys. I've been trying to get started recording audio books. A bunch of real life stuff's been going on lately. And on top of that I'm trying to stop taking my medication for Attention Deficit Disorder which obviously makes it A LOT harder for me to focus on writing. So while the story isn't dead and it's not going to die if I can help it, chapters are going to be a bit slow to come out. Sorry about that!
> 
> Anyways, on a side note, if you want to know what John and his demonic counterpart look like exactly, just look up the Urdak and Cultist skins for Doom Eternal on Google. Those are essentially what they're meant to look like.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter as much if not more then I enjoyed writing it! Constructive criticism is more then welcome and is in fact encouraged! Stay safe out there everyone!
> 
> Edit: Minor edit in light of Lore revealed in the Ancient Gods Part 1 DLC for Doom Eternal and minor edits I have made to a couple previous chapters.
> 
> Edit #2: I decided to change Lord English's name to Lord Caliborn, considering how I plan on having the story diverge from cannon in the future. He has no reason to take on the Name Lord English in this version of the story and Lord Crocker, Egbert, or Harley just don't have the same ring to them. So I decided he would just keep his original name.


	11. Becoming a God

[The Veil, in the past]

An Authority Regulator was shredding through the Veil after having failed to resist the urge to ride on a rocket board. However that was when he spotted a highly illegal monument on one of the asteroids a ways away. 

This thing was so completely illegal. How could this atrocity have been floating out here unnoticed all this time? Infuriated by this blatant disregard for the law, he decided he was going to throw whoever is responsible into the slammer the moment he found them.

Landing inside the illegal monument on his rocket board he went inside in order to investigate, in hopes of finding whomever was responsible. Spotting a large circular elevator platform ahead, he stepped onto it and descended further into the monument.

Below there was a dark cavernous room. Near the platform was a time capsule. It has deployed a seed, and waits for something to be deposited, and for the clock to be set. It was all harmless enough. Still seeing no sign of any perpetrators he began to search the premises.

Deeper into the darkness of the room there was some complicated lab equipment. Again, nothing particularly unusual for this jurisdiction. Deciding to examine the equipment he saw one device with a particularly large monitor. The date in the top right corner of the screen was glitched and displayed only a series of question marks. Displayed on it, however, was a young man in his mid to late teens wearing the armor of what used to be the Night Sentinels most elite warriors, the Marauders, having only just earned the right to wear that armor six days ago after proving himself worthy of it by defeating the leader of the Marauders in a honorary duel in the Arena. He was the youngest individual in the history of the Night Sentinel order to have ever earned his place amongst the Marauders, let alone in such a way as he did, which was a testament to the unusually hellish training the Wraiths themselves put him through every day since he could first wield a blade which he had only barely managed to survive and most certainly not without quite a few very serious scars at that.

He wielded a viscous blue bladed Crucible Sword and was battling a huge armored demon wielding a massive demonic axe in the middle of a gruesome bloody battlefield that could only have existed within the darkest depths of Hell. Everyone else that had taken part in the battle was dead, Night Sentinel and Demon alike. All that were left were him and this demon.

The battle was intense. The demon continuously tried to cleave the young Night Sentinel in half or incinerate him with Hell Fire or blast him to bits or forcibly corrupt him with wave after wave of highly destructive Argent Energy, all of which the young warrior ducked, dodged, or attempted to block with his weapon to varying degrees of success. In return he would rush in and lash out with his vicious glowing blade scoring as many hits as he possibly could before the demon could force him to back off once more.

The battle was currently locked in a brutal stalemate in which neither of them could gain the upper hand over their opponent. Seeming to realize this the young Night Sentinel seemed to back off a bit so as to analyze the situation before raising his left hand to his mouth and letting out a single high pitched whistle. Suddenly an ethereal green wolf appeared next to him and immediately began sprinting towards the demon before jumping and lunging at its throat. The demon raised the axe just in time to intercept the ghostly wolf’s teeth with the corrupted wrought iron handle. However as the wolf was rushing in, so too was the young Night Sentinel and the Demon couldn’t possibly hope to intercept them both. As such the young Night Sentinel’s blade managed to slip past the demon’s guard and cleave its head from its shoulders.

As soon as the ethereal green wolf appeared a red tracking indicator popped up on the screen as the appearifier the screen was attached to appeared to lock onto it.

This all seemed pointless to the Authority Regulator and immaterial to the crime that had been committed. Though he did find it odd that the appearifier target had been fixed over that especially scary looking animal. Then he heard the elevator platform being operated. Someone was coming.

It was a high ranking agent from the Authority Regulator’s kingdom, Derse. Could he have been the man behind this crime? Could his intent be mutinous? The Authority Regulator knew the agent to be far too dangerous to take into custody. As such he decided to hide behind some equipment and observe.

He appeared to be holding some notebooks. Also what appeared to be a pair of juice-stained envelopes.

Only one of the books is useful to him. The envelopes are useless. And he couldn't make it through more than a paragraph of the other book. Some weird thing about wizards. He discarded them.

The spare notebook landed on the floor. The envelopes landed in the seed of the time capsule.

The time capsule stored the seed, and on account of some default setting, was programmed to bloom several hundred million years from then. The capsule then readied a new seed.

The agent then approached another device near the large monitor, typed something from the book in his hand into the device, pressed a few buttons and appearified a paradox ghost imprint of the ethereal wolf. The paradox sludge was sucked up into a machine and was then used to create an eyeless white semi-ethereal wolf pup-like creature that emanated a massive amount of green energy which absolutely wrecked the lab. 

[Top of the Celestial Spear, in the present]

John pulled the trigger of the Unmaykr and opened fire upon the demonic version of himself. Crimson bolts of energy began spraying from the barrel of the weapon at an insane pace, tearing into the corrupted flesh of the demon. It roared in a mixture of rage and pain before vanishing in a streak of crimson light, just like a summoner, just before reappearing directly in front of John, out of the line of fire of the Unmaykr. It then delivered a devastating blow to his gut and sent him flying backwards. He nearly went tumbling over the edge of the cliff but he managed to temporarily put away the Unmaykr and plunge his hands into the ground of the large circular arena. His momentum caused him to dig two long thin trenches in the stone and metal that made up the ground but he successfully managed to catch himself before he could fall.

The demon version of himself turned its head to look at Erebus who was now holding the Demonic Crucible in one of his tentacles. “ **_Here, child, a welcoming gift from your father. The true Demonic Crucible. Not like the cheap knock off that worm Carreau destroyed earlier._ ** ” He gurgled before tossing the demonic weapon over to John’s demonic counterpart.

Demon John caught the Demonic Crucible, studied it for a moment, and said, “ **Your services are no longer required here, Erebus. Leave.** ”

Erebus scowled at the demonic version of John. “ **_Watch your tone, you insolent whelp! You may be the son of the Dark Lord, but I am still an Elder Hell God and you will show me respect I deserve or you shall suffer!_ ** ”

Demon John activated the demonic crucible and growled, “ **Fine... If you refuse to leave of your own volition then I’ll simply have to make you leave by force!** ” Swinging the Demonic Crucible he sliced open a massive portal easily two or three times the size of Erebus. He then vanished in a streak of crimson light and appeared directly behind Erebus.

“ **_What are you…? UNHAND ME THIS INSTANT YOU DETESTABLE BRAT!_ **” Erebus roared as the demonic version of John grabbed him with both hands and began lifting him up before physically hurling the massive morbidly obese tentacled Hell God through the gigantic portal at speeds easily on par with a professional pitcher throwing a fastball. As soon as Erebus flew through the portal, the demon version of John pointed the Demonic Crucible at the portal and twisted it like a key. As soon as he did, the portal immediately vanished into thin air as if it had never existed in the first place.

Demon John then turned his head and looked directly at the Wretch and Ira. “ **Leave, now…** ” He growled at them.

An immense sea of fear and dread completely overwhelmed both of their senses as Demon John forced these emotions into them, having fully unlocked all of his abilities as a Lord of Rage after having given in and become a Hell-God. Despite this immense fear the Wretch refused to back down. “K-kill me if you must f-for I shall NEVER abandon the Holy Lord!” He shakily declared.

“ _N-nor shall I!_ ” Ira growled even though she was visibly trembling in mind numbing terror.

Immediately seeing what the demonic version of himself was trying to do by getting rid of everyone else, John shouted, “Wretch, Ira, do as he says and leave!”

The Wretch and Ira both turned and looked at him incredulously. “But, my lord…!” The Wretch exclaimed, only to be cut off with a gesture from John.

“Shut the fuck up! This is just between me and that mother fucking _abomination_ ! You have five seconds to get the hell out of here before _I_ kill both of you myself for insubordination!” John growled.

The Wretch hesitated for a moment before bowing to him. “As you wish, oh Holy Lord. Ira, if you are able, please take us somewhere far from this place.”

Ira nodded and grabbed the Wretch by the shoulder before teleporting them both away.

“ **Good, now that the distractions are gone I can focus all of my attention on killing you!** ” Demon John chuckled darkly.

“Nice joke. I might have even laughed but I lost my sense of humor a while ago. You’re nothing but a pathetic weak willed coward who threw away everything you stood for and gave in like the spineless bitch you are! I don’t give a flying fuck if you _did_ become a Hell-God and were adopted by the Dark Lord or not; you didn’t even have what it takes to resist the demons so you sure as HELL don’t have what it takes to kill _me_!” John spat venomously, once again drawing the Unmaykr and aiming it directly at his demonic counterpart and immediately opening fire.

A blazing purple aura mixed with crimson streaks of Argent Energy and literal Hell-Fire instantly flared up around the Dark Lord of Hell’s son as John’s words cut him to his very core. Faster than he could react a slavo of the crimson bolts collided with him, melting parts of his armor and tearing into his body. Springing into action the demon moved out of the way of the crimson bolts of energy and began sprinting towards John with the Demonic Crucible raised. As he ran he tracked the position John was aiming the Unmaykr and used that to preemptively dodge out of the way of his shots and avoid getting hit.

Once he was close enough, the demon knocked the Unmaykr out of John’s hands and began swinging the Demonic Crucible at him in a relentless rain of blows. John immediately reacted by extending the Doomblade on his arm and using it to block and parry the blows to the best of his abilities given his complete lack of training in this sort of combat while looking for any potential opening he could exploit to launch a counter attack on his demonic counterpart. Each strike he blocked caused the stone and metal ground beneath their feet to crack and crater in an explosion of dust and rock, and every blow he parried sent a shockwave coursing through the entirety of the Celestial Spear they were fighting atop, causing minor earthquakes all across the planet. Every so often a strike would slip past his guard and he would have to move out of the way as fast as possible lest he be cut in half by the demon’s blade, though this did not save him from receiving numerous nasty cuts as the Demonic Crucible managed to penetrate his Praetor Suit and carve straight through the flesh underneath. 

“ **At least** **_I_ ** **didn’t betray myself and abandon my friends! At least** **_I_ ** **still have my love and compassion! At least** **_I_ ** **still have my heart and soul, admittedly twisted as they may now be! You, however, gave up yours when you decided your “sanity” was worth more than the lives of your friends and family! So tell me, oh great and powerful** **_Lord of Rage_ ** **, which one of us is the** **_real_ ** **demon?!** **_I_ ** **who am driven by my love for my friends, my family, and my people and was willing to sacrifice everything to bring one of my friends back and ensure the survival of the rest, or** **_you_ ** **who are driven by nothing but your rage and hatred and are too selfish to care about anyone or anything but yourself?!** ” The demon raged as he swung the demonic crucible in a flurry of lethal crimson arcs each and every one of which was fully intended to kill John.

Enraged by his demonic counterparts' words and seeing that the demon wasn’t about to give him any openings whatsoever, John decided to just make an opening himself. He activated the flamebelch on his shoulder and unleashed a stream of fire onto the demon, lighting him on fire and catching him off guard long enough for John to draw his Super Shotgun which was still set to fire buckshot. John then shoved the twin sawed-off four gauge barrels straight into the demon’s exposed stomach and unloaded a four or five blasts straight into his gut before punching him in the face as hard as he possibly could, sending the demon flying backwards towards the center of the large circular arena.

“WHO’S THE REAL DEMON?! HOW ABOUT I SEND YOU BACK TO THE DARK LORD IN BLOODY CHUNKS AND LET _HIM_ ANSWER THAT FOR YOU?! NOW SHUT UP AND _DIE_!” John roared at his demonic counterpart. Lobbing a grenade at the demon with his equipment launcher, John held his Super Shotgun in one hand, switched it to slug rounds, drew his Demon Slayer’s chainsword with his free hand and began charging at the demon while simultaneously blasting it while it was down.

[Meanwhile in the Land of Light and Rain]

The Wraith suddenly sensed an extremely dark change in the timeline which it sensed was coming from Argent D’Nur. Reaching out with its senses it looked upon the tip of the cosmic spear which pierced the planet and gave birth to it and its siblings, as it could sense that was the epicenter of this sudden change. There it witnessed something that sent dread coursing through every fiber of its being. 

John was fighting a version of himself from an alternate timeline that had fallen under the influence of the demons and had become a major Hell-God, second only to the Dark Lord himself. He was still alive and fighting for the moment, but only because the demonic version of himself was toying with him and Erebus, who the demonic version of John had just thrown through a one way portal to Hell, was still bound by the rules and could not intervene directly unless the Lord deliberately attacked him as he had the demonic version of himself.

If something didn’t change John was going to die and not on the quest bed as he needed to if he were to become a god as he should. If that happened, the demons would win and all of paradox space and every single universe within it would be doomed to be corrupted and be consumed by Hell.

The Wraith cursed the name of the Father for ever creating the Dark Realm and decided that this officially called for a very drastic change of plans. If the Hell-gods were already intervening like this, it could no longer sit idle passively guiding the children along their paths from the sidelines. It had to counter their actions with a bit of intervention of its own, though it had to be extremely careful in what it did else it ran the risk of dooming the timeline, which may not have actually been that bad of an idea all things considered since, at least in theory, it would force this horrific timeline to diverge from the Alpha timeline… No, no, that was an absolutely terrible idea! It couldn’t believe it had considered such a thing for even a mere moment! Gathering its thoughts it considered what its actual course of action should be before finally coming to a decision.

Rapidly flying over to the temple which the Seer of Light was currently exploring, it used its power to rip the temple up from the earth before tearing a massive chunk from the side, exposing its interior and a very startled Seer of Light. The Wraith flew inside towards the Seer and said, “Forgive me young one, but there has been a very serious change we must now address. It seems the Hell-gods decided to intervene much sooner than I had anticipated. The Lord of Rage, John, is currently in extreme danger and I’m afraid I shall require your assistance in order to save him as I am not able to intervene in this matter directly lest I risk dooming us all.”

Rose looked at the Wraith before glancing at the massive stone slab behind her. “Alright... I’ll do whatever I can but first, what can you tell me about the Green Sun?” She asked.

The Wraith shook its head in exasperation and said, “I shall explain what I am able along the way but we must hurry. Now come, Young Seer, we are heading to Argent D’Nur to gain assistance as you can not deal with this situation yourself anymore then the Lord can, let alone in your current state. I had originally expected that the Lord would be the one to do this but it seems I was mistaken.”

Using her wands to lift herself into the air to follow the Wraith, Rose inquired, “How is it you could be mistaken about anything? I thought you were supposed to be omniscient.”

The Wraith turned and began flying away. Rose followed closely behind it. “Two reasons. The first is that I do not have true omniscience. I know quite a bit but there are certain gaps in what I know or am allowed to know at any given time. The second reason is a consequence of my direct participation in this game, I’m afraid. To be able to influence things at all I have to abide by the “rules” of the game, and that means I must have limits on what I am able to do through my own power. Such is the reason I currently require your aid. The Hell-Gods are bound by the same rules as I but they are far more cunning and ruthless than I and they are experts at finding and exploiting every possible loophole which I am not, thus giving them a serious advantage over me especially without my siblings here to assist me.” It explained as they flew.

[Top of the Celestial Spear a few minutes later]

The demon had John pinned to the ground with one arm locked behind his back in a position where it could easily be dislocated if not outright broken. His Demon Slayer’s Chainsword and Super Shotgun both lay completely out of reach on the other side of the arena. “ **Pathetic! I can hardly believe I was ever as weak as you! It’s almost insulting!** ” Demon John spat venomously.

“I’LL SHOW YOU WEAK WHEN I RIP YOUR FUCKING GUTS OUT, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!” John roared back at it, thrashing violently underneath it as he desperately tried to escape with absolutely zero regard for his arm which was currently in danger of being broken.

Demon John chuckled in amusement. “ **Hm… Before I kill you, I think I’m going to enjoy breaking down that arrogant attitude of yours.** ”

“THEN YOU HAD BETTER DO YOUR FUCKING WORST BEFORE I GET FREE! BECAUSE I GUARAN-FUCKING-TEE YOU WON’T BREAK ME, SINCE I’M NOT SOME SPINELESS BITCH LIKE YOU!” John shouted in a rabid berserker fury.

“ **Hmph... You expect me to torture you? Ha! I** **_would_ ** **very much enjoy rending the flesh from your bone, but no. I think you and I both know physical pain is worthless against you, as a Lord of Rage. No, there are numerous other far more insidious ways for me to break you then through mere torture.** ”

“OH YEAH?! LIKE WHAT?! COME ON BRING IT, MOTHER FUCKER! I TOLD YOU TO DO YOUR FUCKING WORST! I FUCKING DARE YOU!” John shouted before his demonic counterpart grabbed the back of his head with his free hand and smashed his face into the ground hard enough to cause a large chunk of the front of his helmet to break off, leaving the right side of his face exposed.

“ **You want me to do my worst? Fine, I was planning on it anyways. Let’s start with the** **_truth_ ** **. The truth of who and what we both really are and who our ecto-biological father really is. As I can assure you, he is most certainly** **_not_ ** **the Doom Slayer as I know you so foolishly believe in all your pathetic delusions.** ” Demon John said with very blatant malice.

For some reason that John couldn’t explain a sense of primal dread started to form within him upon hearing that. Perhaps it was because he sensed nothing but honesty in the demon’s words, or perhaps it was because some part of him buried deep within actually feared the truth of what he might be if the Slayer truly was not his ecto-biological father/clone as he thought he was, or perhaps it was some mixture of the two. He had no idea, but either way he most certainly didn’t like it.

[Meanwhile on the surface of HORAV]

A tortured scream from the very top of the Celestial Spear pierced the air and echoed all the way to the complete opposite end of the planet. The Wraith turned to look towards the back end of the Celestial Spear in immense worry before looking back at the current leader of the Loyalist Night Sentinels, Gor the Relentless, and the other warriors Gor had personally chosen to assist the Seer of Light in her current mission. “It seems we are running out of time. We must hurry else the Lord of Rage shall die before we can free the Slayer. As such, I shall go over the plan only once so all of you must pay close attention.” It explained.

The Sentinels all nodded in confirmation and the Seer’s gaze never wavered from the Wraith for even a second.

The Wraith used one of its tentacles to gesture behind it towards the massive fortress with a glowing mark of the Slayer burned into the main tower. “As you all know, this is the Crypt of the Doom Slayer. You shall need to go inside and head to the deepest chamber within. There you shall find his cursed sarcophagus. The Seer shall then open it and he shall awaken. Be warned, however, the demons shall do everything within their power to stop you. That is where I come in. I shall draw out and distract the bulk of their forces whilst you all go in. Make no mistake, you shall still meet quite a bit of resistance as they are not foolish enough to leave the interior completely unguarded, however you will have a very good chance of success so long as you always keep your guard up and you remain cautious. Are there any questions?”

Everyone remained completely silent. The only response being a few of the Sentinels gripping their crucible weapons a bit tighter.

The Wraith waited a moment before saying, “Very well. You must all wait here for exactly two minutes after I head down before going in yourselves so I may draw as much of their forces to me as possible. After that you have until four minutes after the ground begins to shake and you start hearing my Wraithcall for that will be when the Champion has arrived to stop us and I cannot limit the devastation our battle shall cause indefinitely. Until then you must keep the Seer alive at all costs, at least until the Slayer is free at which point the demons shall be far too busy with him to worry about trying to kill her.”

“Understood! I swear on my honor we shall defend her with our lives, oh mighty Wraith!” Gor declared bowing to the Wraith reverently.

The Wraith accepted this and turned to fly towards the Crypt of the Doom Slayer.

[A few minutes later at the top of the Celestial Spear]

John had torn his own arm completely off in order to escape from being pinned to the ground by his demonic counterpart. The pain of the wound paled in comparison to the agony of what he had just learned. He and the Doom Slayer were both imperfect ecto-biological clones of the Dark Lord of Hell, meaning he was and always had been a demon albeit mutated in such a way as to remove his abilities as a Hell-God and completely invert his ecto-biological father’s natural feelings towards Hell and the Demons. This explained why his eyes were lava orange, why he had somewhat of a natural resistance to all things demonic, why he was so abnormally strong for a human his age, and so much more.

“ _NO, NO, FUCKING_ **_NO!_ **” John screamed, clasping at his head with his one remaining hand as every fiber of his being screamed in complete and utter horror and entirely new depths of self loathing at this terrible knowledge. Knowing the truth of who and what he really was, was effectively his own personal level of Nekravol. The worst part of all was the fact that he couldn’t even try to deny it and call his demonic counterpart a liar as he could somehow sense that the demon was correct and was telling him nothing but the complete absolute truth. If ever there was a time that he legitimately wanted to die, it was right there and then.

The air rapidly became chilled far below the point of freezing, the screams of the damned echoed from every direction simultaneously in a nearly deafeningly loud cacophony of pure agony, dozens upon dozens of tiny half formed Lost Souls began to appear and fly in rough chaotic circles around John, and a small amount of Argent Energy began crackling around his body. His _visibly_ demonic counterpart was just standing there still holding his severed arm while savouring his suffering. In fact he was actively using his abilities as a Lord of Rage in order to increase John’s suffering while John desperately tried to use the few abilities he had been able to fully unlock up until this point in order to kill those emotions within himself. This resulted in a perfect stalemate between the two of them thus leaving John’s emotions firmly locked in place neither increasing nor decreasing in the slightest.

Needing something, _anything_ , to take this out on and knowing the perfect target, John sprinted over to the Unmaykr once more, picked it up off the ground, and began firing it at the demon with his one remaining hand. In response the demon dropped his severed arm and vanished in a streak of crimson light only to reappear directly in front of him. It then grabbed the Unmaykr, tore it from John’s significantly weakened grasp, and almost casually tossed it off to the side.

Not deterred by this in the slightest, John immediately activated his Doomblade and began slashing furiously at his visibly demonic counterpart, while the demon blocked each strike with the Demonic Crucible with an almost casual ease. His attacks were completely wild, lacking any sort of skill or finesse whatsoever and each strike hit with all the strength of an absolutely rabid demigod, causing the planet piercingly strong ground beneath them to crack and crater and the extremely thin air to boom with all the devastating fury of nuclear bombs as the demon easily blocked or deflected each mountain breaking swing.

It went on like this for several minutes with the demon thoroughly enjoying every last bit of John’s suffering all the while John’s attacks continued to increase in power the longer it went on as his “Rage” continued to grow at a truly terrifying pace. John rapidly plunged down into the deepest darkest depths of his own aspect so fast it was starting to completely overwhelm his actual personality in its entirety until he all but became Rage itself given physical form. Visible through the missing chunk of his helmet both the iris and whites of John’s eyes turned solid red and his skin became a dark shade of grey. He had officially gone Grimdark. 

Matter began to break down and vanish around the two of them as John instinctually began slowly erasing everything around him from existence through his sheer refusal to believe any of this was truly real born of his inability to accept what his demonic counterpart had told him as reality. Devastating visions of unimaginable horror began to fill the demon’s mind as John began forcing images of all of its worst nightmares into its head. John and his demonic counterpart’s wills violently clashed against each other as John instinctively tried and failed to cripple the demon by driving it completely and irrevocably insane with planet cracking levels of pain and fear, just as he had now already done to the other demons that had up until this point been constantly trying to invade his mind.

“ **What’s wrong, John? Do you find the truth hard to stomach?** ” The demon mocked. “ **Good! To be a Lord of Rage is to embrace the truth above all else, no matter how torturous that truth may be to you or anyone else! In fact it is to embody all forms of pain and negativity, physical and emotional! So go ahead and suffer, oh great Lord of Rage! Suffer and die like the insect you are!** ” Finally the demon stopped blocking and deflecting John’s relentless attacks and instead swung the Demonic Crucible and severed John’s left leg at the knee, sending him tumbling to the ground.

Not caring that he was now missing a leg as well as an arm, John used his remaining arm and leg to launch himself off the ground towards his visibly demonic counterpart and continue his attack. The demon responded by stepping to the side and punching him out of the air and into the ground. The demon then impaled John through his lower back with the Demonic Crucible, severing his spine and leaving him paralyzed and unable to feel anything except artificially induced agony from the waist down. John tried stabbing the demon in the leg with his Doomblade, but the demon just kicked him in the side and forced him to roll over onto his back before stepping on his arm, trapping it firmly in place.

John glared up at the demon in complete and utter hatred. “ **Hmph… You still have that defiant look in your eye, I see…** ” The demon grumbled in dissatisfaction. With a single swipe of the Demonic Crucible the demon cut out the eye that was exposed by the missing chunk of John’s helmet, leaving him half blind. “ **There. That’s much better. Now the only question is, should I kill you now, or should we continue our little talk until you are well and truly broken?** ”

Remembering the equipment launcher on his shoulder, John activated the flamebelch and bathed his visibly demonic counterpart in chemical fire hot enough to burn even a Baron of Hell. The demon just responded by cutting the equipment launcher off of his shoulder with the Demonic Crucible.

“ **Fine, if you’re so eager to die then I’ll gladly grant your wish. Good bye, Lord of Rage.** ” Raising the Demonic Crucible the demon prepared to decapitate John. However, just as the dark red blade started its descent towards John’s neck, an immense source of Rage almost seemed to have just appeared as if from thin air directly next to them. Then in the next instant a green armored fist collided with the side of the demon’s face so hard it sent him flying across the now horribly cracked and cratered tip of the Celestial Spear. The demon disappeared in a streak of crimson light mid flight and re-appeared on its feet a distance away, almost radiating sheer terror.

“ **No… NO! HOW!? HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE FREE!?** ” It shouted at the large green armored warrior that proved to be the source of the immense Rage John had sensed appear as if from nowhere. In his current state, it took John a moment to recognize this warrior as the Doom Slayer.

The Slayer said nothing in response to the demon’s question and just began sprinting towards him faster than John could see, especially since he was currently missing one of his eyes. Almost seeming to appear in front of the demon, the Doom Slayer grabbed his right arm, which was holding the Demonic Crucible, and snapped it in half before ripping it off at the elbow. He then drove his knee into the demon’s gut so hard that it was forced to puke up blood. What followed was an extremely brutal one sided beatdown in favor of the Doom Slayer. That wasn’t to say the demon couldn’t hold his own or didn’t get plenty of good hits in, but other than damaging his armor, nothing the demon did seemed to be able to hurt the Slayer himself in the slightest.

Seeing this, John desperately wanted to join in and most assuredly would have done so in a heartbeat were it not for his present condition. He even tried to use his arm to drag himself towards the battle but only got a few feet before he was forced to accept the reality that in his current state he couldn’t possibly keep up with them even if he wanted to. Recalling why he was here in the first place he looked towards the stone bed in the middle of the arena and began the process of slowly dragging his broken body towards it. It took him awhile but he eventually managed to reach the stone bed, grab the edge and start dragging himself on top of it.

In the midst of his fight with the Slayer, John’s visibly demonic counterpart saw what he was doing and broke away from the fight by vanishing in a streak of crimson light and reappearing next to the stone bed in a desperate attempt to stop him. However he had failed to notice the Unmaykr that was laying on the ground next to the Doom Slayer as he broke away from the fight, and he had been just a second too slow. As a result two things happened at once. John stabbed himself in the heart with his Doomblade on top of the stone bed and an extremely powerful beam of crimson energy shot forth from the barrel of the Unmaykr and pierced the demon through the chest, causing it to fall over on top of the stone bed directly next to John.

The last thing John and his demonic counterpart saw before everything went dark was Rose and the Wraith floating in the air above the Celestial Spear a fair distance away, both of whom they sensed were radiating absolute shock and horror at the fact John and the demon were both dying on the bed simultaneously.

Thousands upon thousands of tiny purple Lost Souls suddenly appeared surrounding the tip of the Celestial Spear. The tops of the four pillars surrounding the corners of the Quest Bed lit up like small beacons. Finally a nightmarish purple light began to emanate from both versions of John that lay dead atop the quest bed and a massive symbol of Rage appeared above the Celestial Spear. 

[Skaia]

John’s dream self was teleported to his quest bed upon the surface of Skaia. Slowly a massive bloody wound began forming in the center of his chest. Then his body began to glow and started hovering up off of the stone bed. Then it began to morph. His fingernails grew into knife-like claws, his teeth turned into razor sharp fangs, his already fairly prominent muscles grew even bulkier than they already were, his skin took on a sickly hue, his face morphed to look like some sort of twisted mixture of both the demonic and normal versions of himself, and finally two large demonic horns like those belonging to the demonic version of himself sprouted from the sides of his head. Next the golden attire his dream self wore began to change. It turned purple, gained a hood and an exceptionally long cape, and the symbol on the front changed to a symbol of Rage. Finally John opened his still solid crimson eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Alright, there are a few things I'd like to explain. First, I fully intended to add that part at the beginning of this chapter at some point earlier in the story but I kept forgetting so I just added it here. Sorry about that...
> 
> Second, for those that may not have caught it and don't understand what was happening near the end of the chapter, I changed some stuff in some previous chapters to better match the lore revealed in the new DLC for Doom Eternal. So now the Doom Slayer and John are both imperfect paradox clones of Davoth, the Dark Lord of Hell, due to the ending of the Ancient Gods Part 1 DLC, and I might change all of this again depending on what happens in the Ancient Gods Part 2. Here's a link to the codex entries from the DLC if you want to learn more about Doom's version of the Devil: https://doom.fandom.com/wiki/Codex/Book_Of_The_Seraphs
> 
> Third, the reason John is erasing stuff from existence during the fight is due to my interpretation of the abilities of a Lord of Rage. Personally, I think if either a Lord or Muse of Hope can make imaginary things exist, then either a Lord or Muse of Rage should be able to do the exact opposite and thus erase things from existence in their entirety. This ability isn't going to be very powerful at first, it's going to start out extremely slow and inefficient at first and will get faster and more powerful as John becomes stronger. Furthermore the more powerful the target in question is the harder it will be to erase. So he's not going to be able to erase Calliborn, Bec Noir, or any of the Hell-gods form existence and will actually have to fight them through more traditional means.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys liked this chapter! If not, I am more then willing to scrap it and rewrite the entire thing or at the very least change what happens at the end of the chapter, depending on what you guys want though the end is semi-important to developing a major obstacle John must overcome in order to be able to enter the Divinity Machine and gain his invincibility much later on in the story. Constructive criticism is more than welcome, in fact it is encouraged!
> 
> Stay safe out there everyone!


	12. Split Personality

[Earth in the past]

Jade closed her lunchtop. That was not a conversation she was hoping to wake up to. She felt more agitated and disoriented than ever. She decided to consult her reminders to get her bearings on what to do next, however she couldn’t remember what they meant at all. She had a feeling that these were all useless now and as such decided to ditch all of the strings on her fingers. All of them but one purple one on her index finger. She didn’t remember what it was for, but it reminded her of something nonetheless. Something she couldn’t believe she forgot about.

That was when it hit her. John! He had been falling in her dream and she had tried to save him. She hoped he was ok.

She looked up at her house and realized her cool satellite tower bedroom was gone, much to her disappointment and frustration. That was when she noticed something floating up in the air next to it. Finally she realized someone must have connected as her server player, and she had a pretty good idea of who it was. As such, she happily began running back towards her house.

Unfortunately, she was mistaken about who it was doing this. John was nowhere near a computer at that moment. Instead it was the Artificial Intelligence, V.E.G.A. acting as Jade’s server player operating as a stand-in for John due to the fact he was currently otherwise occupied fighting a corrupted version of himself from an alternate timeline.

Since the Witch of Space was still asleep at the moment, as far as he was aware, V.E.G.A. decided to take it upon himself to begin setting everything up so it would all be ready for her by the time she woke up. Not seeing a clear enough space that was readily available anywhere else he placed the Cruxtruder down in her living room, being careful so as to not wake up the eyeless, white, glowing, wolf-like creature that was currently sleeping in the middle of the floor. Needing a bit of extra space for the totem lathe and alchemiter and seeking to avoid moving any of the Witch’s property unless he absolutely had to, he instead decided to expand Jade’s garden room slightly before placing the lathe and alchemiter down in the new expansion of the room.

After heading inside Jade went to her living room and immediately tried to message John.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

GG: john are you there???

\-- Error --

\-- Err$#%=@#%$=#^%^&+%&^#+@!&**=^%$#+@!#+$^=&%^* --

\-- V.E.G.A. [V] began communicating with gardenGnostic [GG] --

V: Hello, I am V.E.G.A., the sentient intelligence created by ex-seraphim Samur Maykr and assigned to the Sentinel flag-station known as the “Fortress of Doom”.

V: Unfortunately the Lord of Rage is currently otherwise occupied. 

V: As such, I am currently operating as your server player in his place

V: If you require anything, do not hesitate to ask and I shall attempt to assist you to the best of my abilities.

GG: oh....... shoot!

GG: sorry, i don’t mean to be rude but i just woke up and was hoping to talk to him about what happened in our dream.......

V: Very well. I shall inform him that you wish to speak with him as soon as he is once again available.

GG: thank you, i would really appreciate it!!!

V: It is no issue, I assure you.

V: I apologize if it appears as though I am rushing you however our time for casual conversation is rather limited at the moment.

V: Do I have your permission to use one of the objects located in this room in order to open the Cruxtruder that is in front of you?

GG: sure. i guess you could use this globe here if you want.

V: Thank you, Witch of Space.

GG: you know you could just call me jade if you want.

GG: oh and for convenience sake i think i’m going to switch this to a voice call, if you don’t mind.

V: Very well, Miss Jade.

The green house shaped cursor appeared floating in the air before hovering over to the globe Jade had specified and picking it up. It then dragged the globe over to the Cruxtruder and dropped it on top of the cap, successfully knocking said cap off the top of the device. However the globe bounced off of the top of the Cruxtruder and in the direction of Jade. Sensing Jade was in danger, Becquerel immediately woke up and teleported itself and the falling globe far away from her.

“Oh, Vega, you mentioned our time for conversation is limited, so do you know exactly how much time I have left before the meteor hits?” Jade inquired as soon as she switched to voice call.

“ _Approximately ten minutes and twenty five seconds._ ” VEGA responded.

“Hm... I wonder what the significance of that number is.” Jade hummed to herself in thought.

“ _It was the amount of time you had left approximately five seconds ago._ ”

“I know _that_! I mean what significance it has other than how long I have left!” Jade huffed in slight irritation.

“ _Very well. Any other significance that number may possess is currently unknown. Now, what would you like to prototype with your kernelsprite?_ "

“I don’t know... There are so many possibilities.” Jade muttered half to herself half to VEGA. After a couple moments of thinking to herself she said, “I guess we should put something in it that would make the monsters weaker, but what?”

“ _By my calculations it is highly unlikely that anything you could possibly prototype with the kernelsprite would make the common rank and file enemies you will have to face any weaker. No matter what you put in said object is almost guaranteed to be weaponized in some form. The only possible alternative is to keep your enemies as powerful as they are currently by not prototyping the Kernelsprite at all. However, I would not advise this course of action as the ramifications of doing so are currently unknown._ ” VEGA advised.

Jade sighed in frustration. “Great, so no matter what I do I’m going to be making our enemies stronger, and not putting anything in at all isn’t really an option either…”

“ _So it appears. You now have eight minutes and forty two seconds left. If you are unable to decide at this time, I would strongly advise considering it while immediately proceeding upstairs._ ”

Jade said nothing in response but picked up her lunchtop and proceeded to head to her stairwell.

“ _Why is there an effigy of the being known as Yaldabaoth covering your transporter?_ ” VEGA inquired, sounding a bit confused despite the fact he probably shouldn’t have been capable of feeling any emotion let alone confusion in the first place.

“Ugh… It’s some sort of terrible creature my grandpa hunted. He called it the Yaldabaoth minion and said he nearly died trying to kill it. I always hated it!” Jade explained, kicking the stuffed corpse of the massive red worm-like creature.

“ _Do I have your permission to move it temporarily so you may access your transporter and save time ascending and descending your tower?_ ”

Jade shrugged and said, “Sure. You could even move it permanently if you want. In fact, please do!”

“ _Very well. I shall remove it now. One moment._ ” The green house-shaped cursor appeared and began dragging the massive stuffed corpse out of the room. VEGA then proceeded to drag it out of the building and carefully set it on the ground behind the tower.

“ _I have finished setting the stuffed Yaldabaoth minion on the ground behind your tower for permanent disposal at a later date. Are you upstairs?_ ”

“Yes.” Jade responded.

“ _I have left the cruxite dowel by the totem lathe as well as punched the card depicting your entry item. You are free to make it whenever you are ready. However, please be sure to let me know what you wish to prototype with your Kernelsprite before you enter the Medium._ ”

“Hm… I still don’t know. Since John’s busy I think I’ll try asking Rose. She’s really smart so she might be able to help me out. Give me a minute.”

“ _As you wish._ ”

[Meanwhile on HORAV]

Jack Noir was battling a sword and puppet wielding warrior and the Sprite of the Knight of Time. Unfortunately the battle wasn’t going as well for him as he had hoped when he flew to this Outer Gods forsaken planet. He was getting his ass handed to him in one of the most humiliating displays he had ever been forced to endure.

Quickly becoming fed up with it, he burst away from the fight and into the air with his sword and ring held high above his head. He then proceeded to unleash the Red Miles, wreaking devastation across a large portion of the planet. However, that portion of the planet was already thoroughly devastated by the insane demons that rampaged across it. Thus ultimately the Red Miles did very little to the planet itself over all.

[Meanwhile elsewhere on HORAV]

Rose was floating off to the side looking into a crystal ball she had made back in the Land of Light and Rain while the Wraith spoke to the leader of the Loyalist Night Sentinels in an attempt to convince him to help the two of them with an assault on the Crypt of the Doom Slayer. She did not like what she saw in the Crystal ball. A huge portion of the Hell of Rage and Violence was being devastated by red tendrils of unknown origin. Not that that was unusual for HORAV, from what she knew about the place but the fact she could see quite a few of the tendrils way off in the horizon was still quite disconcerting.

That was when she received a message for a voice call on pesterchum. It was from Jade. She had been expecting this conversation for a few minutes now. 

“Hey Rose! Are you free to talk right now? If so I would really appreciate some advice.” Jade said as soon as Rose answered the call.

“My time is a bit limited at the moment, but I should have enough for a short conversation.” Rose responded.

“Great! So I’m a few minutes away from entering, and I need to decide what to do with this Kernelsprite. I really don't want to mess up and do something stupid. I was thinking about not prototyping at all, to not give the monsters any new powers. However, Vega — this really helpful A.I. that’s apparently friends with John and is acting as my server player in his place since he’s apparently busy with something right now — says it’s not a good idea since we don’t know what will happen. So I thought I’d ask you what you thought since you’re really smart and are writing a walkthrough for the game.” Jade explained.

“Let’s put a pin in the topic of John and friendship for the moment as I’m afraid I have some bad news in that regard.” Rose told her with a slight frown. “As for your Kernelsprite, I should preface this conversation by saying I know exactly what you are going to do. However I am hesitant to tell you anything about the future for fear of the ramifications it may have on the timeline. That being said, I guess I can permit myself to tell you this, somewhat definitively. You should listen to this A.I. that’s helping you. Failing to prototype the kernel is the absolute worst thing that you could possibly do. Like, ever.”

“Dang it!” Jade grumbled to herself.

“We would come into possession of all the disasters. Exhaustive possession. Monopolization, in fact.”

“Then I guess I won’t do that. Why is it so bad though?” Jade inquired.

“Because the battlefield will not be able to heal, and then transform. It will not reach the stage which allows it to become ready to receive our universe.” Rose explained.

“Alright… Then if I have to prototype it with something, what should I use? Vega says everything I could use will just make the enemies stronger.”

“I’m afraid I cannot tell you that lest I risk compromising the timeline.” Rose said somewhat apologetically.

“Alright. I guess I'll sort out this prototyping silliness myself then.” Jade huffed in frustration. “Now what was that bad news you said you had about John?”

“Oh right… That… Well, it would appear that whatever he saw on Skaia in his dream has had somewhat of a negative impact on him psychologically.”

Jade was silent for a moment. “Okay… Negative in what way?”

“Well… He told me rather indirectly that while he still sees us as close allies, he no longer truly considers us his friends. I asked the Wraith why this is and apparently it has nothing to do with anything any of us did and it has more to do with John himself, his role as a Lord of Rage, and a personal sacrifice he had to make. It’s a bit of a personal matter for him so if you want any more details than that you’ll have to ask him yourself later… _Assuming he’s even alive at that point..._ ” Rose quietly added under her breath. 

“O-oh… That’s… Wow…” Jade said, sounding quite hurt by this news. “Thank you for telling me… Well… I guess I should go try to find something to prototype… Talk to you later, Rose.” With that Jade ended the call.

Rose frowned and shook her head, wondering if she could have handled that better somehow. However before she could think any further on the subject, the Wraith began floating back towards her followed by a group of Night Sentinels.

[Meanwhile on Earth]

Feeling a bit dejected by Rose’s news about John, Jade picked up the punch card that was on the ground next to the totem lathe and examined it for a moment, wondering what it was. She then inserted it into the totem lathe and carved the totem for her entry item. Finished with that she had a thought. The more players that entered the game the more difficult to use the entry items seemed to become, sort of like Dave’s entry item was. With this in mind, she decided to try to contact Dave to help her think of how to activate hers once she made it.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

GG: dave!

GG: are you busy?

GG: i dont have much time!

GG: i am about to make my entry item, and its a little confusing

GG: i think the more players we add, the trickier they are to... um......

GG: activate!

GG: like yours was

GG: i figured we could brainstorm about it

GG: helloooooo?

TG: nak nak nak

GG: :o

TG: nak nak nak nak nak nak

GG: :\

GG: whaaat....?

TG: nakka nakka nak

GG: dammit dave!!!!!!

GG: this is really urgent!

TG: MY GLASSES ARE TALKING TO ME MY GLASSES ARE TALKING TO ME

TG: naknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknak

GG: ._.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

With a sigh Jade proceeded to stand up, walk over to her Alchemiter, and make her entry item.

“ _Miss Jade, you are rapidly running out of time. Have you decided what to prototype yet?_ ” VEGA inquired as a blindfold appeared on Jade’s face, preventing her from seeing what her entry item was.

“No, I haven’t. Just pick something at random for me, please?” Jade said while testing the blindfold on her face and finding it too difficult to remove in any timely fashion.

“ _As you wish._ ” VEGA stated. He then picked up one of the stuffed mannequins in Jade’s living room and began dragging it towards the Kernelsprite. However before he could place it inside, Becquerel appeared in the middle of the living room and teleported all of the items, including the mannequin VEGA was about to prototype into the Veil. It then proceeded to jump into the Kernelsprite and prototype itself. It then proceeded to fly out of the tower and up towards the massive meteor that was about to crash into Jade’s island, which it then obliterated with a massive beam of green energy that obliterated the rest of the surface of the planet while leaving Jade’s island completely intact.

Meanwhile Jade was using her rifle like a bat in an attempt to smash her entry item, yet ended up being flung out a window by a pulse of energy from her entry item when she was finally about to hit it. Switching her grip on her rifle she attempted to aim while still blindfolded and pulled the trigger in a last ditch effort to destroy her entry item. Becquerel then teleported the bullet to the entry item.

[HORAV in the present]

The Wretch had just finished baptizing a seriously injured Baron of Hell named Caedes that he and Ira had managed to defeat and successfully convert after being sent away by John when a metal band on his wrist beeped to inform him VEGA had news for him. The Wretch pressed a small button on the metal band and asked, “Yes, artificial one? What news have you of the Holy Lord? Has he defeated the Unholy Abomination he faced atop the divine spear?”

“ _The Lord of Rage has successfully ascended, however I have news you will find both good and bad. Which news would you like to hear first?_ ” VEGA inquired.

The Wretch frowned and looked at the Lord’s two newest disciples who both stared back at him with similar expressions on their faces.

“ **If I may, Wretched Priest, I would suggest listening to the bad news first as bad news usually tends to be the most important.** ” Caedes suggested, bowing his head respectfully.

“ _Yes. While unpleasant it is unwise to put it off any longer than strictly necessary._ ” Ira hissed in agreement.

The Wretch sighed and looked at the ground. “Very well, my apprentices, I suppose you are both correct in this matter. Artificial one, we wish to hear the bad news first as we fear it may be the most pressing.”

“ _Very well. The Lord of Rage’s ascension has not gone as intended. He has successfully ascended however the version of himself that became a Hell-god in an alternate timeline died on the bed alongside him and has ascended with him. By my calculations there is a 50% chance that they ascended into separate beings and a 50% chance that they merged into one singular entity upon ascension. Both are exceptionally negative outcomes with potentially disastrous results._ ” VEGA explained.

“ _By the Slayer… I-I believe I may know which one came to pass…_ ” Ira gasped in horror.

Both the Wretch and Caedes looked at her in surprise. “What?! How?! No, more importantly which one is it?!” The Wretch demanded.

“ _I… I’m not certain how… Ever since you first baptized me and I became a disciple of the Great Slayer and the Holy Lord of Rage, I believe I began sensing the pain and emotions of every living being in this plane of existence. That is how I teleported us to this place after the Holy Lord sent us away, I chose one of the beings I sensed at random and brought us to it thinking an Injured Baron of Hell would pose very little threat to one such as you, Wretched Priest. The Holy Lord and the Unholy Abomination’s emotions in particular stood out like galaxies if not entire universes compared to every other being who were but mere candles, bonfires, or stars compared to them. However they both felt very distinct from one another. Then a few moments ago I felt both of them flicker and vanish and another even more distinct and powerful source of emotion appear far away in the direction of Skaia. Not as two separate sources but as one. As such I… I strongly fear they may have merged into a singular entity._ ” Ira explained.

“ **I too have noticed something odd as soon as I devoted myself to the Great Slayer and the Holy Lord. I somehow feel my strength has become tied to my own Rage. If I am not mistaken now the angrier I become the stronger I become, and my capacity for anger has increased exponentially.** ” Caedes stated, looking at the Wretch. “ **Perhaps we too have been granted blessings by the Holy Lord similar to your blessing which allows you to induce feelings of guilt and remorse in those who stare into your eyes, Wretched Priest?** ”

“So it would seem…” The Wretch agreed with a small but very proud smile, elated that the Holy Lord had seen fit to bless both of his newest disciples just as he had blessed the Wretch. Then that smile fell and was replaced by a worried frown as he once again thought about the Lord’s current situation. “This is indeed a most unfortunate situation. Artificial one, what are the best and worst possible outcomes of this if it is indeed true and the Holy Lord and Unholy Abomination have indeed merged.”

“ _The best possible outcome would be if the Lord of Rage’s personality is strong enough to dominate the Hell-god’s and remains unchanged save for the fact he now has the power of a Hell-god. That is also the most unlikely outcome. The worst possible outcome is the opposite, where the Hell-god’s personality is strong enough to overwhelm the Lord of Rage and he now has the power of a fully realized Lord of Rage on top of his power as a Hell-god, in which case he will have to be destroyed. This has a higher chance of occurring however there is one more possibility that I calculate is even more likely. The third and most likely possibility is that neither of their personalities are strong enough to overwhelm the other and it is a continual battle for control between the two either for eternity or until one side gains enough strength to completely overwhelm and destroy the other._ ” VEGA explained.

“I see… Then let us pray that the Lord is strong enough to overcome the Abomination and if not that we may aid him in growing stronger until he can, for the alternative is too horrific to imagine…” The Wretch said solemnly. “Now, you said you had good news as well?”

“ _Indeed. You will be happy to know that The Seer of Light, with the assistance of the Elemental Wraith that was freed by the Lord of Rage earlier today, has freed the Doom Slayer in order to save the Lord of Rage. The Slayer is the one who used the Unmaykr in order to kill the Hell-god. He is currently still atop the Celestial Spear at the moment, and appears to be gathering all of the Lord of Rage’s weapons and equipment._ ”

“Truly?! Then this day is as much a blessing as it is a curse! Praise the Great Slayer and the Blessed Seer who freed him from his ancient prison! May she forever be known as a saint for her miraculous deeds she has accomplished today!” The Wretch cheered. Caedes and Ira both roared in agreement. “Under normal circumstances I would say we must go and greet the Great Slayer and welcome his glorious return immediately, however I fear the Holy Lord’s current situation must take precedence for the moment. When this is all over, however, we must work with the Loyalist Night Sentinels in order to host a grand celebration for this momentous occasion! Until then, Ira, please use your blessing in order to bring us to the Lord.”

Ira nodded and grabbed both the Wretch and Caedes by the shoulders before using her newfound abilities in order to teleport them to the Lord of Rage.

[Meanwhile on Skaia]

John opened his still solid crimson eyes and immediately began screaming as truly infinite amounts of “Rage” coursed through every fiber of his being down to his very soul, he began to sense all the “Rage” of every living being in existence as if it were an extension of his own body and his own “Rage”, and the memories and personalities of the two sides of himself waged all out war against one another for control over their now shared body. He alternated between violently clutching and tearing at his head causing his blood which was now an abnormally dark shade of red to run down his face as his new knifelike claws tore deep trenches into his flesh exposing the bone beneath. This horrific display went on for a few minutes until John eventually managed to wrest the majority of control over his shared body from the truly demonic side of himself, if only barely. Even so it continued to be a constant struggle for dominance between the two of them.

Barely in control of himself, John stared in horror at his now clawed and bloody hands for a moment before reaching up to feel the curved demonic horns on the sides of his head and running his tongue across the needle sharp fangs that filled his mouth in place of his teeth. He then moved on to examining his new attire. Both sides of him were annoyed by their overly long cape grabbed it and ripped it with their bare hands making it a much more manageable size.

Needing something else to break, to destroy, to rip and tear apart with his bare hands and sensing each and every last one of the insane demons that remained on Skaia and instinctively knowing he was effectively omnipresent wherever “Rage” — which they all had an extreme over abundance of — existed, he began appearing next to them and ripping them apart with his bare hands one after another. Each demon lasted only a matter of seconds, if that, before they were killed and John moved on to the next. There were only a couple dozen or so left on Skaia, as such it didn’t take long for John to kill them all.

Pitying the insane demons, the demonic side of John wanted to use demonic magic to kill them in order to end their suffering even faster but both sides instinctively knew that magic in general would either no longer work or would at the very least be severely weakened anywhere even remotely near them, including their own. The only thing even remotely close that could potentially work around them were Divine Powers, which were completely different then magic. Of course normal Hell-Gods also had divine powers on top of the ability to use demonic magic, but neither side of John wanted to use them unless they had absolutely no other choice. The Demonic side of John had always hated the powers of a Hell-god as he thought they took all the fun out of everything whereas demonic magic, on the other hand, left some room for fun as long as he didn’t go overboard with it. The demon slayer side of John, however, was absolutely repulsed by the idea of using the powers of a Hell-God or even just a Demon in general and absolutely refused to do so even if he had the ability to.

Having run out of insane demons to kill on Skaia, John was about to go to HORAV and start killing them all there when suddenly there was a flash of purple light and three figures suddenly appeared in front of him. Two of them he recognized as the Wretch and Ira, while the third was a heavily injured Baron of Hell that he didn’t recognize at all. Upon seeing him, both Ira and the unknown Baron of Hell immediately proceeded to kneel before him, while the Wretch gasped in horror and fell to his knees. “Oh Holy Lord, what horrors have been wrought upon you… The artificial one had informed us that you may have merged with the Unholy Abomination, but I had not expected it to have defiled your divine form in such a way…”

John struggled to restrain the Hell-god half of himself who wanted to torture and kill the three demons that kneeled before him as traitors to Hell. Clenching his fists as tight as he could, causing his knife-like claws to stab him in the palms of his hands, and gritting his now razor sharp teeth with the effort it took to restrain the Hell-god within him, John said, “Yeah… It’s completely awful… You have **NO IDEA** ! Grrr... Sorry, that was him, not me… It’s not easy to keep him **CHAINED LIKE A DOG!** STOP INTERUPTING ME!” John roared before engulfing his entire body in enough agony to drive a high ranking Archdemon to complete and utter madness for a few seconds knowing full well that the demonic half of him would feel it too.

He could sense the unease and terror welling up in Ira and the injured Baron of Hell that he still didn’t recognize, as well as the steadily growing sorrow and shame that absolutely permeated the Wretch. He could have erased it had he any desire to, but he honestly didn’t care enough to even bother. He had more important things to worry about at the moment, such as the Hell-god that was constantly trying to rip control over their shared body away from him.

“I see… Might there be anything any of us can do to assist you in overcoming the Unholy Abomination within you?” The Wretch asked.

“ **YOU TRAITOROUS WORM!** ARG…! The Wraith! Is the Wraith still on top of the Celestial Spear!? It knows a lot, so maybe it will know how to **fiiiiiix thissssss**!” John struggled.

The Wretch pressed a button on a metal band on his wrist and asked, “Artificial One, this is urgent. Is the Elemental Wraith still with the Great Slayer atop the Celestial Spear?”

“ _Indeed. The Elemental Wraith and the Seer of Light currently appear to be waiting for something._ ” VEGA responded.

“Excellent, it would seem they know we are coming. Hopefully they have warned the Slayer not to attack us on sight. Ira could you please bring us there? There is no time to lose.”

Ira nodded and opened her mouth to speak but by the time she did John had already locked onto the Doom Slayer’s Rage and appeared next to him. He then immediately began approaching the Wraith and Rose. Fortunately the Slayer did not attack him on sight, though John could definitely feel how much he _really_ wanted to. An urge which John did not blame him for, thus he did not use his powers as a Lord of Rage to erase the Slayer’s desire to kill him. He could also sense Rose’s disgust, horror, and slight sadness at his new appearance, which he also completely understood, except for the sadness part. He honestly couldn’t comprehend why she would ever feel sad for him considering they weren’t even friends any more. However, he decided not to erase that sadness as he felt controlling the emotions of his allies like that would be both morally and ethically fucked up, not to mention the fact that it risked making them lose all trust in him.

“Wraith! I need you to tell me how to **destroy this damnable** **_insect_ ** **that’s controlling my body!** Grrrr… KILL THIS DEMON THAT’S INSIDE MY HEAD!” John shouted while clenching and unclenching his fists over and over again — inadvertently repeatedly stabbing his own hands with his new claws in the process — in order to help him focus on retaining his somewhat tenuous control over his body. At this point his three servants/cultists appeared directly behind him in a flash of purple light.

The Wraith sighed. “Unfortunately, this is something that you must either overcome or fail entirely on your own. I am not certain but at least in theory it should be possible for you to kill it, in a sense at least, but to do so your will must be strong enough to completely overwhelm and consume it while retaining your own personality. I suppose, if it helps, you may think of it as a test of sorts. Quite possibly the most difficult test you shall ever experience. One which will determine whether you are truly worthy of your title as Lord of Rage or not. The fact that you are the one in control of your body right now rather than the Hell-god and that control appears to be fairly consistent is both a very good sign as well as an excellent first step. This means your personality is already slightly stronger than it is. Though, there is no guarantee it shall remain that way forever.”

John cursed furiously before marching over to his own corpse which was still laying on the stone bed next to his Hell-god half’s carcass. He then proceeded to take his sylladex back from his corpse. He then grabbed his corpse by the head and said, “Vega! If this broken fucking helmet is still working and you can hear me, I need you use the armor’s ability to change shape to make it fit my new form.”

After a moment John realized that he managed to say more than six words without his demonic half trying to interrupt him and demanded, “Why the hell aren’t you trying to interrupt me, mother fucker?! Every time I talk to someone you won’t shut the hell up, what’s so different about this time?! **The difference is that I have nothing to say and no reason to interrupt as I actually agree with the decision to reclaim your armor, damaged though it may be, you worm!** Oh well whoop-dee-fucking-do, now I’m tempted to abandon this shit just to spite you! **How immature… Not that I would expect anything less from a worthless insect like you!** ” With that John once again engulfed himself in reality shattering agony for a few moments knowing that his Hell-god half felt it as well. The demon slayer half of him knew that inflicting pain on himself was stupid but to him every bit of the pain he felt was more than worth it just to spite the Hell-god half of him, while the Hell-god half of him simply found the entire display idiotically self destructive.

“Uh… John?” Rose said, walking up behind him.

John turned to face her. Fortunately the Hell-god half of him still saw Rose, Dave, and Jade as friends and thus didn’t want to hurt her so neither side of him had to attempt to restrain the other side from trying to attack her. “ **Hello, Rose.** ” The Hell-god half of him greeted. “What?” The demon slayer half of him grumbled irritably.

“The First and I are going to be returning to my planet soon, but before I leave I just wanted to give my condolences for the fact that this happened to you. I hope you are able to beat this infernal creature and permanently banish it from your mind. Oh and while I know you don’t like it when I psychoanalyze you, if I were to do so in this scenario I think I would diagnose you with a _very_ extreme form of Split Personality Disorder or something very similar.” She said somewhat jokingly in an attempt to lighten the otherwise quite grim mood.

“Thanks…” John muttered in a tone that was still quite irritable. He recognized the fact she was joking in an attempt to make him feel better, unfortunately his mood did not improve in the slightest.

Rose frowned, disappointed her attempt had failed. “Alright, well in all seriousness there were two other things I wanted to mention before I go. First the Doom Slayer has been picking up all of your weapons that were scattered across the ground and I don’t know if he is going to be willing to return them to you. However, he still hasn’t found that energy sword the demon had been using against you earlier though I think he may be searching for it. I saw it laying at the bottom of the crater just behind me. Second, Jade has prototyped her Kernelsprite and managed to successfully enter the game thanks to your A.I. which has allowed the battlefield to heal and then transform. It has reached the stage which allows it to become ready to receive our universe.”

“Universe? I thought we were **doomed to fail!** ” John growled.

“We are.” Rose nodded.

“So why **should** … Grr... I care?”

“Because if or rather _when_ you inevitably return to Skaia you will need to retrieve the treasure hidden in its core and deliver it to me.”

“What **treasure?** ”

“It's called The Tumor. I promise you will know it when you see it. Now I must be leaving. I’ll talk to you later John.” With that she turned and began flying away alongside the Elemental Wraith.

John turned to look at his armor again and saw that VEGA had indeed been able to hear him and had changed the armor’s shape to fit his new form. From the looks of it he had turned the missing chunk of the helmet into two seperate holes for his new demonic horns to stick out of. VEGA had also changed the helmet so it now had what looked like two very angry glowing red eyes instead of a glowing orange circle in the center of the now much more demonic looking skeletal faceplate, and he had altered the top of the helmet to make it look as though it were wearing a nearly vantablack crown that was studded with purple jewels. Furthermore VEGA had changed the color of the armor from white, red, and gold to several different shades of purple and a bit of black, with the symbol of Rage emblazoned on the chest where the hole where John stabbed himself in the heart had seemingly already sealed up. Unsurprisingly, however, it was still missing the right arm and equipment launcher and was still quite damaged from John’s fight.

The demon slayer side of John was extremely annoyed by several of the modifications that VEGA had made. The crown was far too gaudy for his tastes and the faceplate now reminded him far too much of his new form, which he absolutely hated with the passion of a thousand dying universes. The Hell-god side of him approved of the modifications. To him all of the changes were a _drastic_ improvement over the armor’s previous appearance which reminded him far too much of Urdak, the Father, and the Maykrs who he despised just as much as the demon slayer side of John utterly loathed Hell, the Dark Lord, and the Demons with every fiber of his being.

John used his sylladex in order to instantly remove the armor from his corpse and to just as instantly put it on. Then he turned and began walking over to the crater that Rose had indicated and picked up the Demonic Crucible.

Feeling a massive source of Rage standing directly in front of him John looked up at the Slayer who was looming over him menacingly as if demanding he hand over the Demonic Crucible. The Hell-god half of John was too terrified of the Slayer to continue trying to fight John for control of their shared body, at least for the moment. The demon slayer half of John, however, was not intimidated in the least. He was fully aware that he had absolutely no chance of defeating the Doom Slayer if they were to come to blows, he just didn’t care. “I know you hate me, I hate me too, but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to let you steal all of my fucking weapons.” John growled in cold fury.

“ _Lord John, I would strongly advise against provoking the Doom Slayer, especially in this regard. The Demonic Crucible is the single most powerful demonic artifact in existence, having been handcrafted by the Dark Lord himself as a counter to the Unmaykr made by the Father. I would recommend allowing me to open a portal to the furthest ring, throwing the Demonic Crucible inside, and allowing the Outer Gods to deal with it. That way it will be effectively impossible for anyone to find it ever again._ ” VEGA stated through the speakers inside both John and the Doom Slayer’s helmets

“Fine then. How about a compromise? You give me back the Unmaykr and I’ll do as VEGA suggested and permanently dispose of the Demonic Crucible. You can keep your shotgun, my damn chainsword, and even restore whatever bullshit that Samur did to lock the Unmaykr to its lowest possible setting for all I care. Just hand it over.” John growled. He should still have the cruxite totem for his Demon Slayer’s Chainsword back home somewhere and he had already written down the captcha code for the Doom Slayer’s Super Shotgun anyways, so he could just make new ones later. The Unmaykr, on the other hand, didn’t even have a captcha code in the first place, at least none that he could actually see, so he couldn’t just make another one if the Doom Slayer were to keep it.

The Doom Slayer begrudgingly took out the Unmaykr — presumably from his strife deck considering he had apparently spent some time on Earth in the past — did something to it and dropped it on the ground between the two of them. “Okay VEGA. Open the portal.” John ordered.

After a moment a portal appeared next to the two of them and John threw the Demonic Crucible through it while simultaneously captchaloging the Unmaykr just in case the Doom Slayer intended to try and trick him. 

Their exchange concluded, John proceeded to begin looking for the arm he had ripped off during his battle with the Hell-god half of himself. It didn’t take long for him to find, though he was surprised to see the armor covering the severed had changed to match the rest of John’s Praetor Suit despite the fact it was no longer attached to the rest of the armor. As such, he just picked up the arm, pulled it out of the armor, tossed the arm away, and proceeded to slip the armor onto his new arm like a sleeve or a glove. As soon as it was back on, the armor began to merge back together. Seeing his Equipment Launcher not too far away he walked over, picked it back up, and reconnected it to his armor in much the same way.

Thinking about what he should do next, John remembered the other two Elemental Wraiths were still imprisoned and Samur was still in the clutches of the most sadistic of the Arch Demons. He could feel Samur in mind shattering agony and distress somewhere around the Well where the Wraith’s were imprisoned. Likely due to the fact Carreau was assigned to guard the Well and he couldn’t stray too far away from it. So that’s where John decided to go next.

“WRETCH!” John roared. “I’m going to free the other two Elemental Wraiths and save Samur… Gah! **You shall try and you shall fail, worm!** AS I WAS _SAYING_ , I want you and the other two…Grrr... to keep anything weaker than a Baalgar demon **away** **frommmmmm**... me while I’m fighting Carreau! Understand?!”

“Of course, Holy Lord, we would be more than honored to fight alongside you. However, oh Great Slayer, will you be joining us in this endeavor? I’m certain we could more than use your assistance in this most holy of endeavors!” The Wretch asked, bowing reverently to the Doom Slayer.

The Doom Slayer said nothing and just glared at Ira and the Baron of Hell John hadn’t bothered to ask the name of.

“You needn’t worry about them, oh great one. Ira and Caedes are you and the Holy Lord’s newest disciples. I managed to sway them from the path of darkness with the glorious blessing that the Lord has bestowed upon me.” The Wretch explained.

The Doom Slayer then turned his head and began glaring at John. “Hey, don’t look at me. I don’t remember ever “blessing” anyone.” John said, the Hell-god half of him still too terrified of the Slayer to dare try to interrupt whenever John was talking to him

“Truly? Then it must not be something you are ever consciously aware of for who else but the Lord of Rage could grant me the ability to cause feelings of regret and sorrow in whomever gazes into my eyes? Who else could grant Ira the ability to sense the pain and negative emotions of others even over vast distances and allow her to travel to any of these individuals at will? Who else could grant Ceades the ability to grow stronger the angrier he becomes? Furthermore, we have only gained these abilities after swearing our undying service to you and the Great Slayer, oh Holy Lord.” The Wretch said, his faith not faltering for even a moment.

“Uh-huh… Weird… I’ll have to talk to the Wraiths about that after they’re free... **They shall never be free!** NO ONE ASKED YOU! Anyways, are you coming with us to free them or not, Slayer?!” John demanded.

The Doom Slayer just glared at him for a couple moments longer before finally taking out his Super Shotgun.

“I believe that is a “yes”, Holy Lord.” The Wretch stated.

“Yeah, no shit sherlock.” John growled. “Whatever. If you’re coming with us, you’ll have to let Ira teleport you. She’s on our side so don’t fucking attack her or I will not hesitate to start destroying all of that god damn rage and aggression inside you until you’re as good as fucking sedated! Are we clear, Slayer?!” The Hell-god half of him was screaming at John inside his head, terrified of what the Slayer might do if he took offense to John’s rude and defiant behavior. 

The Slayer glared long and hard at John but eventually gave him a slight nod of confirmation.

“Good!” John huffed, sensing nothing but the truth in the gesture. With that, he shifted his presence from the top of the Celestial Spear to directly next to Samur Maykr, who was in the middle of being tortured by Carreau. Though what John saw when he arrived was not quite what he had been expecting to find.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope John's arguments with himself aren't too disruptive to the flow of the story. If they are just let me know so I can at least TRY to alter them somewhat. Other than that, I don't really have all that much to say this time. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much if not more than I enjoyed writing it! Please feel free to let me know what you think, constructive criticism is more then welcome! I can't improve if I don't know what I'm doing wrong, after all.
> 
> Stay safe out there everyone!


	13. Freeing the Wraiths

What John saw upon arriving to save Samur Maykr from Carreu was not at all what he had been expecting. Splayed out upon a torture rack was not a being made of flesh and bone. Instead it appeared to be a robot of somesort. Yet John knew for a fact that it was indeed Samur. He appeared to have had his entire lower half and one of his arms torn off leaving him as just a torso with a head and an arm. No organs hung out of him, only wires and circuitry. Currently he was screaming in a mixture of pain and distress. He seemed to be completely unaware of anything around him at the moment, suggesting Carreu had put him under some sort of illusion. John could only guess as to what horrors the seraphim was currently being subjected to inside his own mind.

He would have tried to do something to help but Carreu was currently in the room and had noticed him. So he would have to delay trying to help Samur until the Arch Demon was dealt with. So without so much as a moment of hesitation, John launched himself at Carreu and punched the Arch Demon in the face so hard it sent him flying backwards and crashing through several walls before ending up outside.

That was when Ira finally teleported herself and the others into the room. Seeing Samur’s current state the Wretch immediately rushed over to help him.

Both John and the Doom Slayer immediately rushed towards Carreu, not giving him even so much as a microsecond to recover. Being a few feet closer John arrived first and proceeded to kick the downed Arch Demon with enough force to send him flying at hypersonic speeds. However before the Arch Demon could go very far, the Doom Slayer grabbed one of his arms and violently yanked him in the opposite direction, ripping the arm off and causing the Arch Demon to lose all of his momentum and fall back to the ground.

“Slayer, you kill this bastard! I’m going to go save the wraiths!” John shouted before flying off towards the two pillars of light. As he flew the hell-god half of him began fighting more violently than ever to gain control of their shared body. “ **NO! I SHALL NOT ALLOW THIS!** ” The Hell-God half of him roared. John just gritted his teeth and fought even harder in response, saying nothing. Their flying rapidly grew jerky and unstable as the two halves of him wrestled for control over their shared body. Eventually John got to the second wraith, though not without great effort on his part as he had to constantly fight for control over his own body.

Taking his box of Violent Violet Demonic Genocide Gushers (With Extremely Aggressive Demonic Corruption Purging Properties!) out of his Sylladex, he reached inside and grabbed half of the remaining pouches. Struggling to hold the pouches over the Wraith’s body he had to fight to tear them open and dump them all out on the wraith all at once. Suddenly the beam of energy that was shooting up into the sky flickered before vanishing in its entirety and the ball of energy descended back down into the Wraith’s torso, just like what happened with the first Wraith John had freed.

At that point the Hell-God half of John managed to gain control over one of his arms and proceeded to punch him in the face with enough force to shatter a mountain. This would have sent John flying off to the side if he hadn’t been using his ability to fly to anchor himself in place. As it was, the punch just caused their helmet to crack and nearly break again. “ **NO! I REFUSE TO ALLOW THIS TO CONTINUE ANY FURTHER! YOU WILL** **_NOT_ ** **FREE THE WRAITHS, YOU WORTHLESS INSECT!** ” The Hell-God half of John roared. Again John said nothing as he wrestled control over his arm back from the hell-god half of himself.

He then took out a few pouches of his healing gushers and forced himself to tear them open and pour them out on the Wraith. It’s torso then began to seal back up and it’s other wounds rapidly began to close and heal. When it was done the Wraith’s body jerked violently and it took a deep gasping breath. It then began hovering up into the air before moving so it was facing the right way up, and turned to look at John. It jerked back in shock as it saw him. “Ah… The Lord of Rage… My sincerest apologies, I was not expecting you to have merged with an alternate version of yourself who became a hell-god… It seems that Paradox Space has crafted a horribly cruel and extremely difficult trial for you, almost impossible even… Regardless, my thanks for saving me from my torment. Now hurry to my sister. The Champion of Hell is on its way and shall be here soon. You need to free her before it gets here.” The newly freed wraith told him.

John just rolled his eyes. He knew all of that already. Once again saying nothing, he turned to the next pillar of light and took off flying towards it. The ground was starting to crack and form entire gulfs and ravines from the Doom Slayer’s battle with Carreu. Unfortunately for the Arch Demon he had no choice but to restrain himself so as to not risk killing the final Wraith or destroying the Well. The Doom Slayer, on the other hand, did not have such limitations and was able to go all out on the demon. Meanwhile the Wretch, Ira, and Caedes were trying their best not to get caught in the crossfire while attempting to fight off all of the lower ranking demons that were trying to stop John. However John barely noticed anything that was happening around him as 100% of his focus was on maintaining control over his body and getting to the last wraith. 

“ **STOP! STOP DAMN YOU! NO! I WILL KILL US BOTH BEFORE I ALLOW YOU TO FREE THAT DAMNED WRAITH! RAAAAAAH!** ” The Hell-God screamed, fighting as hard as it possibly could to steal control away from John.

Trying to win this war of wills between John and the Hell-God was by far the single most difficult thing that John had ever done in his life. However he could not let himself lose! If he lost control over his body even for a second he was sure that he would never be able to reclaim control and that the hell-gods personality would slowly but surely overwhelm his own. He  _ could not _ let that happen! If he did, then everything in all of Paradox Space was doomed to be consumed by Hell and it would be all his fault for being too weak to beat this thing! Humanity was already doomed and the Earth was going to be destroyed if it hadn’t been already because he had been unable to do anything to save them. So he could not, no, he  **_WOULD NOT_ ** allow the rest of existence to be consumed and corrupted by Hell! He was determined to defeat this corrupted and twisted mirror of himself and destroy all of Hell no matter the cost! He would not lose!

Landing next to the Wraith, John took out the last of the pouches of his demonic corruption purging gushers and a few more packs of his healing gushers. Ripping the pouches open with his new claws, he dumped all of the gushers onto the last wraith. “ **_NOOOOO!_ ** ” The Hell-God half of John roared in a mixture of raw fury and despair as the last of the Elemental Wraiths was freed.

Just as the Wraith started floating up off of its altar, there were deafening booms and the already quaking ground began to quake even more as the Champion Titan came running towards the Well. John didn’t even stay to be thanked by the last Wraith. As soon as he heard the Titan coming his head jerked in that direction and he immediately launched himself towards it with his fists clenched, ready to fight the gigantic monster head on. “ **Father, please forgive me for being too weak to stop this mortal version of myself… I tried so hard but I could not stop him from freeing the Wraiths…** ” The Hell-God half of him muttered defeatedly, though it did not stop trying to steal control over their body from John.

As John neared the Titan, it raised its colossal fist and tried to punch him out of the air. However, before the monster’s strike could connect John punched its fist right back, causing its hand and much of its arm to explode from the sheer force of the impact. However the limb immediately began to heal at an extremely rapid pace. Still, while the monster was still reeling from the strike John then proceeded to fly straight into its torso so hard that it lifted the colossal Titan completely off the ground. Then he began flying the Titan off the planet and into space, knowing that there was a very high risk that their battle could end up completely destroying HORAV in its entirety if they were to stay on the planet while they fought.

Of course the Titan didn’t just let this happen. No. It attempted to struggle to escape, even going so far as to claw at and burn its own torso in an attempt to rip John off of it. However whenever this happened John would just rapidly fly away before flying back just as rapidly when the coast was clear and launching the monolithic demon even further even faster with a solid rage enhanced punch that hit with enough force to destroy a continent. These punches would invariably rip the Titan’s torso open but every time this happened it would immediately heal as if nothing had even happened to it in the first place.

Once they were well past the planet's atmosphere and were even beyond the distance at which the moon orbits the Earth John finally stopped pushing the Titan deeper into space and started actually trying to kill it. Flying up to its head he punched it in the face and obliterated its head. By all rights this should have killed it, however its head completely reformed less than a second later. It looked like it was trying to roar at him however they were in space so obviously John could not hear it. It then released a blast of Argent Energy that was more than powerful enough to completely destroy Earth’s moon at least three times over.

John was launched back by the force of this attack and was sent hurtling back towards HORAV at many times the speed of sound. However, unlike his first encounter with the titan where it had swatted him out of the air like a nat, destroying his rocket armor, this time he actually managed to slow himself to a stop and start flying back towards the Titan long before he even reached so much as the upper atmosphere of HORAV.

Growling to himself in frustration as he shifted his presence back to the Titan and continued trying to attack it, he wondered just how he was going to kill this thing if it could even regenerate from having its head obliterated? How the hell had the Slayer done it the first time? He had no idea. His abridged version of "A Guide To The Demons Of Hell And How To Slaughter Them" did not have many details on Titans other than how dangerous they are let alone anything about any weaknesses they may have. What was worse, if he remembered right, that the Night Sentinel he talked to earlier had said Yaldabaoth had done something to it that made it even harder to kill than it normally was.

Activating the com system built into his helmet he demanded, “VEGA! This fucking thing keeps regenerating! How the hell do I kill it?!  **YOU CAN’T YOU FOOL! IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!** I DIDN’T FUCKING ASK YOU!”

“ _ A titan can only be slain by a crucible blade or one of the spears used by the Sentinel Atlans. Unfortunately the champion is an exception to this rule. Due to the interference of the being known as “Yaldabaoth” the champion has become completely invincible. No known weapon can kill it. _ ” Vega explained.

“GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! What about the Unmaykr then?! It’s supposed to have “limitless destructive potential” or something right?!” John shouted through the com system.

“ _ Perhaps. However its higher firing settings are currently locked to you until you prove yourself worthy of them. _ ” Vega responded.

“I JUST FREED THE FUCKING WRAITHS AND SAVED SAMUR’S ASS FROM AN ARCH DEMON! WHAT MORE DO YOU FUCKING WANT FROM ME?!” John roared furiously.

“Urg… You do not need the Unmaykr for this…” Samur’s voice groaned through the speakers inside John’s helmet.

“ **Grrr... Ffffucking seraph…** Sssamur! What the hell?! Since when were you a fucking robot and what the hell  **do... you... mean** by that?! I’ve turned this mother fucker to paste multiple times already! It just keeps regenerating no matter what I do to it!” John growled at Samur.

“I’ll explain my unfortunate situation later. For now, VEGA has informed me you’ve merged with an alternate version of yourself that became a Hell-God. That is extremely bad but that isn’t important right now… You have the divine powers of a Hell-God, so use them.” Samur told him.

“NEVER! I  **REFUSE** !” John roared furiously back at Samur.

Samur sighed in frustration. “Fine… Well you also have the divine powers of a Lord of Rage now so use them. According to the Loyalist Night Sentinels, Yaldabaoth cursed the Titan with nigh infinite rage and granted it invincibility based on that rage. If you were to get rid of that rage then it should be possible to kill it, at least so long as you use a crucible blade or an atlan spear.”

“Well, I just threw the only crucible blade I had that was worth a damn into the Furthest Ring in order to get the Unmaykr back from the Slayer! I still have the shitty Lesser Crucible Blade I made earlier will that work?” John demanded as the Titan blasted him with a ball of hell-fire the size of Texas, causing his armor to start melting.

“Come to Yaldabaoth’s castle. I am currently speaking to the Loyalist Night Sentinels and have managed to convince them to let you temporarily borrow the spear from one of the Atlans that are currently guarding it. Since you were strong enough to lift the Champion into space I imagine lifting this spear and using it as a weapon should be no trouble for you.” Samur stated.

John said nothing but shifted his presence to one of the insane demons rampaging across HORAV. It turned out to be a Tyrant. Not giving it time to react, John activated his Doomblade and stabbed the greater demon in the face repeatedly until it burst into flames and disintegrated into ash. He then proceeded to fly as fast as he could towards Yaldabaoth’s castle where he saw one of the two Atlans that were guarding it holding its spear up as if to offer it to him. Grabbing the spear with both arms, John lifted it up and shifted his presence back to the Champion.

As soon as he was back with the spear John immediately tried to destroy all of the Titan’s rage but found the task to be much more difficult than he had anticipated. It was almost on par with his struggle for control over with the hell-god half of himself. Also the fact the hell-god half of him was actively trying to sabotage his efforts did not help matters in the least. As he struggled to destroy the Titan’s rage he proceeded to start using the giant unwieldy Atlan’s spear to slash and stab the colossal titan.

To the Champion the spear was barely even a needle considering the fact that it was large enough to be visible from space on the surface of a planet, however it’s crucible-like tip still sliced through it like a hot knife through butter and caused its flesh to explode on contact. The wounds weren’t very deep given its size and it would heal up almost instantly in fact John did more damage to it just using his own two fists but Samur said the spear could kill the damn thing and John hadn’t sensed any lies in his words. As such he was going to continue using the spear until the monster was dead.

The titan seemed to be trying to roar in fury again and swung its hands together in a clap as if it were trying to kill a particularly annoying mosquito. In response John threw the spear at its face with the force of a railgun and impaled it through the eye. He then flew between the titan’s fingers. Once its hands had clapped together an explosion of hellfire large enough to completely vaporize the entirety of the planet Neptune erupted from the Titan’s hands. John could feel his armor fusing to his skin from how hot it was getting and decided to just captchalogue it since he officially decided that it was more of a hazard to him in this battle than it was a benefit.

“Stop interfering, mother fucker! This is hard enough as is without me having to fight you on top of this fucking thing!” John mentally roared at the Hell-God half of himself as he flew up and tore the Atlan spear out of the Champion’s eye before flying down and trying to use it to rip the Titan’s throat open. Literally rip it open as at this point he had completely given up on using the spear like an actual spear and had resorted to simply using it like a giant metal club to enhance the force of his strikes.

“ **Hmph, and why would I do that?! You just freed the Wraiths! I shall not allow you to achieve any more of your goals!** ” The hell-god half of him roared back at him.

“Oh fucking really?! Well if you haven’t noticed, this thing’s attacks just keep getting stronger and stronger the longer this fight goes on! You and I both know this thing is more powerful than the Icon of Sin which is strong enough to destroy entire universes! And I have all of your knowledge and memories now so I know for a fact that you want Skaia intact so you bastards can corrupt it before we win and create the next universe! Well if we don’t stop this fucking thing then its attacks are going to keep getting stronger and stronger until Skaia is caught in the crossfire and gets obliterated! If you don’t want that then stop getting in my fucking way! Otherwise I swear I will bring this thing all the way to Skaia and have the bastard destroy it even sooner just to fucking spite you! And since you’re in my head you know that I would actually do it too!” John mentally shouted.

The Hell-God half of him was silent for a few moments before growling, “ **Grrrr… FINE! KILL THE DAMNED THING! IT SHOULD ALREADY BE DEAD ANYWAYS SINCE THE SLAYER KILLED IT ONCE ALREADY!** ” He then ceased his efforts in trying to stop John from killing the Titan. This made trying to destroy the monster’s rage a bit less impossible but even still it was by no means even remotely easy. Whatever Yaldabaoth had done to the champion made its rage almost impossible to destroy. Of course John could do  _ far _ more than just destroy rage to get rid of it. He could also steal it for himself or even rip it from its original owner and forcibly transfer it into another target. He could effectively do whatever the hell he wanted with it.

As such, since John was having difficulty destroying the Titan’s rage due to Yaldabaoth’s curse he decided to switch tactics and steal it away from the Titan. His own rage was already infinite so what did it matter if he added a bit more on top of that? This changed nothing. It was just as difficult to steal as it was to destroy. So he changed tactics again. He began trying to rip the Champion’s rage away from it and force it into the already insane demons on HORAV since he could sense all of their rage as if it were just an extension of himself. This was also nearly impossible.

A blazing purple aura began to engulf John as his continual failures began adding to his already infinite frustration. “Fuck it!” He mentally growled to himself. Finally John brought the full force of all of his powers as a Lord of Rage to bear in order to get rid of the Champion’s rage so he could finally kill it. The focus and effort this took was absolutely immense especially since he had to continuously dodge and tank through all of the Champion’s attacks while he did this. Fortunately using all of his abilities to remove the rage from a target at once seemed to be working a lot better than using any single one of his abilities individually. After about five minutes of concentration John had gotten the Champion’s rage low enough that it had stopped attacking him as furiously and unrelentingly as it had been earlier, after another five minutes he got the monster’s rage down enough that it stopped attacking him entirely. It’s rage constantly kept trying to come back, likely due to Yaldabaoth’s curse, but John simply wouldn’t let this happen.

At that point John flew over to the champion and punched it in the gut hard enough to rip its entire torso open, leaving only it’s blood and gore covered ribs and spine. This time it did not heal instantly. It  _ was _ still healing but at its current rate it would take the colossal titan weeks to fully regenerate from the attack. Though despite this it was still moving indicating that it was still alive somehow. John then took the Atlan’s spear, flew up to the Titan’s head and stabbed it in the skull. Since the blade felt solid enough he then proceeded to snap the glowing blue blade of energy off in the Champion’s head so it could never be removed. As soon as he did this, lines of light blue energy began spreading across the demon’s body and it finally went limp. Its body even stopped regenerating. As such, John assumed that it was finally dead.

As if to confirm this he ascended to the next God Tier. His previous tier being Lordling and the one he just reached being the Bane of Hell. He also attained his first Achievement Badge, that being the Gift of Gab. He didn’t really care for this badge viewing it as useless. Well at least the increase in his stats were more than welcome.

With that done, John put his half melted Praetor Suit back on and shifted his presence back to HORAV. After killing the demon he shifted his presence next to, he ripped it in half with his bare hands before flying back to Yaldabaoth’s castle and returning the now inactive spear to the Sentinel Atlan he had borrowed it from. Then he turned around and was about to fly back towards his house in order to figure out what to do next, but he ended up turning to face the Wraiths that he previously had no idea were floating behind him. “ **Grrr! WRAITHS!** YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! What do you two want?” John growled at the two of them.

“We have come to inform you that you need to tell the one you know as “V.E.G.A.” to allow the horned aliens to contact you again. If you do not, then you will doom the timeline and all of your efforts shall go to waste.” One of the wraiths told him.

“Ugh…  **Seriously** ?” John groaned in frustration. Both sides of him  _ really _ didn’t want to talk to them if they didn’t have to.

“Yes. It is of vital importance to the timeline. The first few conversations will seem trivial to you, but you must deal with them all the same.” The other wraith stated.

“Fine… Vega, you can stop intercepting the Trolls’ messages… For now…” John said reluctantly.

“ _ As you wish, Lord John. _ ” V.E.G.A. responded.

Almost immediately John got a message on pesterchum.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

CG: FUCKING FINALLY.

CG: THAT STUPID A.I. IS ABSOLUTELY INFURIATING.

CG: WHATEVER THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT.

CG: YOU ARE IN HUGE TROUBLE.

CG: A WORD WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIEND.

GT: no.

GT: whatever this is about i don’t fucking care.

GT: i have more important things to deal with than your dumbass problems.

CG: THIS IS IMPORTANT.

CG: JUST JOIN THIS MEMO SO WE CAN DISCUSS SOMETHING.

CG: CLICK THE AWESOME BANNER I MADE.

[Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factory]

GT: ugh… whatever. i swear if this is just a waste of my time i am going to make you fucking regret it.

John then clicked on the link and very reluctantly joined the memo.

?CG AT ?:?? opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.

PAST turntechGodhead [PTG] 30 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.

PTG: what

CURRENT ghastlyThrasher [CGT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo

CGT: what the fuck do you want?

CGT: oh, hey dave.

PTG: hey

CEB: you know what is going on in here?

PTG: some kinda asshole rumpus looks like

?CG: EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP, I HATE YOU BOTH, ETC. ETC. ETC.

?CG: NOW THAT THE PLEASANTRIES ARE OUT OF THE WAY, THERE IS IMPORTANT BUSINESS TO DISCUSS.

?CG: THIS MEMO IS NOT ABOUT WHICH GUY CAN MANAGE TO BE THE HEFTIEST SACK OF SHAME GLOBES TO ONE ANOTHER.

?CG: IT IS NOT ABOUT WHICH ONE OF US WILL MOST DECISIVELY ESCORT THE OTHERS "TO SCHOOL", WHERE THEY WILL RECEIVE A VAST HELPING OF "OH SNAP" RAMMED DOWN THEIR INSATIABLE IGNORANCE SHAFTS.

?CG: THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION WHICH I BELIEVE NEEDS TO TAKE PLACE HERE AND NOW, SO YOU WILL BOTH SHAPE YOUR SHIT UP AND PERHAPS BEGIN TO APPROXIMATE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T EXCRUCIATINGLY RETARDED.

PTG: ok later windbag

?CG: STRIDER FUCK OFF

?CG: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN FUCK OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.

CGT: dave, i have no idea why but the wraiths say it’s important we talk to the fucking trolls for some reason.

CGT: we may as well stay and see what this dumbass has to say.

?CG: YES, LISTEN TO YOUR LEADER DAVE.

?CG: AS DUMB AS EGBERT IS, HE IS SMARTER THAN YOU AND IS THE RIGHTFUL SUPERIOR AMONG YOUR DREARY LITTLE PARTY.

?CG: BUT I AM THE SUPERIOR OF BOTH OF YOU AND WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO BE DOING IS LISTENING TO ME.

?CG: SO DAVE, TRY TO KEEP ALL THOSE SICK FIRES CHECKED AND THOSE STOIC LIPS PURSED FOR A GOD DAMNED SECOND

?CG: AND TAKE THIS SIMPLE BIT OF HATEFRIENDLY ADVICE:

?CG: STOP HITTING ON TEREZI IMMEDIATELY, IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING TO WATCH.

PTG: nah

CGT: never mind, forget what i said. feel free to go whenever you want. clearly this conversation is of absolutely no relevance whatsoever and is just a big waste of time.

CGT: also, hey you alien prick, i told you not to waste my time or i’d make you regret it. Well guess fucking what.

CGT: you’ve officially wasted my time now i’m going to make you fucking regret it.

Using the Troll’s hatred of him and Dave to lock onto him, John engulfed the alien in pain.

?CG: AGH! 

?CG: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? FUUUUUUUUUUUCK THIS FUCKING HURTS!

CGT: i told you i would make you regret it. so do you regret it yet or should i make it hurt even worse?

?CG: I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU’RE DOING THIS BUT FUCKING STOP IT ALREADY YOU ASSHOLE!

PTG: dude what the fuck are you even doing to him

CGT: i’m the lord of rage. i have complete and total dominion over everything that falls under the aspect of rage. that includes physical pain.

CGT: to put it simply i can inflict as much pain as i want on whoever i want whenever i want. i could drive him completely insane from sheer agony, rage, hatred, fear, sadness, or any other negative emotion if i felt like it.

CGT: of course i am also omnipresent wherever “rage” exists so due to his hatred of us and even his current pain i could even shift my presence over to him and kill him and all of his friends any time i want.

PTG: so what youre telling me is youre torturing him right now for being an annoying asshole

PTG: wow thats sort of fucked up

?CG: OKAY I GET IT ALREADY! I REGRET IT! I REGRET EVER SPEAKING TO YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE! JUST STOP!

CGT: that’s what i fucking thought you son of a bitch. remember everything i said here next time you even THINK about wasting my time like this.

CGT: anyways, dave, you’ve gotta be kidding me. you’re actually hitting on one of these assholes?

CTG: no

CTG: but whatever he thinks im doing im not going to stop

CTG: the guys jealous obviously he thinks his girlfriend has a thing for me and you know what hes probably right

CTG: but what else is new just another lady from outer space mackin on me whatever chance she gets

?CG: OH, HA HA! IF SMUG WAS A MOTORCYCLE, IT JUST JUMPED OVER A FUCKING CANYON.

?CG: THE CROWD GOES WILD WITH DISMAY, AND THEN COMMITS MASS SUICIDE.

CGT: you know, i can sense your jealousy just as clearly as i can sense your hatred of us. so why the fuck did you involve me when this is clearly an issue between you and dave and has nothing to do with me whatsoever?

?CG: I AM NOT JEALOUS YOU PRETENTIOUS DOUCHE.

?CG: REGARDLESS OF MY NONEXISTENT JEALOUSY, YOU ARE EVEN WORSE THAN HE IS BY FAR.

?CG: SURE THERE IS EFFECTIVELY ZERO CHANCE YOU WILL EVER HAVE OR EVEN WANT A RED ROM RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE

?CG: ESPECIALLY NOT ANY OF MY SPECIES GIVEN YOUR IMMENSE DISDAIN FOR US.

?CG: BUT IF ANY HUMAN WAS EVER GOING TO BE IN A BLACK ROM RELATIONSHIP THEN IT WOULD DEFINITELY BE YOU, EGBERT.

?CG: AND CONSIDERING YOUR SPECIES ONLY HAS RED ROM RELATIONSHIPS, THAT JUST LEAVES US TROLLS AS CANDIDATES FOR YOUR KISMESIS.

?CG: SO LOGICALLY YOU ARE EVEN MORE LIKELY TO GET IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE OF US THAN DAVE IS.

CGT: …

CGT: I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about but i am currently having to actively restrain the hell-god half of me from using your jealousy and hatred to shift our presence over to you and killing you and all of your friends for saying that i would ever have any sort of relationship with any of you.

CGT: this conversation is officially over.

CGT left the memo.

As soon as he left the memo he received yet another message.

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

CA: your friend rose wwont respond to any of my messages so i’m messagin you instead.

GT: ugh… what the hell do you want?

CA: you’re some sort a human nobility right? i mean you gotta be what with that crown on your fancy armor an the fact your a “lord” an all. also since when do humans like you have horns like that?

GT: first off i recently learned i’m not a fucking human at all. apparently i'm actually the imperfect ecobiological clone of davoth, the most powerful of the hell-gods and the ruler of hell.

GT: so if anything i’m the prince of hell which makes me demonic nobility rather than human nobility, as much as i fucking DESPISE that fact.

GT: i have horns because when i ascended to god tier i accidentally merged with an alternate timeline version of myself who gave into the demons and became a hell god. his body mutated to be more demonic so he had horns like most demons, meaning i have horns now too.

GT: now what the fuck does this have to do with anything?

CA: so what i’m hearin is you're the clone a some god a and a prince on top a that. I don’t get why you’d be opposed to it but that’s fine.

GT: i fucking hate demons and hell and ESPECIALLY davoth. that’s why i’m fucking opposed to it! it’s pretty damn obvious if you’ve seen anything i’ve been doing ever since i got in this fucking game.

CA: hey i get that. i hate all a the land dwwellers in my species an would lovve nothin more than to exterminate them all.

CA: so it seems to me that the two a us really aren’t so different.

CA: must of been fuckin brutal raisin up a commonblood evven if you didn’t knoww you wwere better than evverybody and its probably got you all messed up inside but maybe theres hope for you

CA: see i got a lot a experience bein nobility so ill let you knoww if you got a shot in hell at cuttin it purplearmor

CA: hellborn purplearmor how does that sound

GT: the hell-god half of me already has a lot of experience being the prince of hell already, and having all of his memories and his personality constantly trying to fight me for control over our body i guaran-fucking-tee it’s a hell of a lot different than being a prince in your species.

GT: so not only would your advice be completely fucking useless to me in the first place since you trolls work fundamentally different to demons, but i don’t even want to be demonic nobility in the first place.

GT: so thanks but no thanks you worthless alien bastard.

GT: also, if you EVER call me that again i will use my abilities as a lord of rage to make you experience pain beyond your imagination as i flay you alive with your own fucking horns before strangling you to death with your own god forsaken entrails.

CA: see this is good i think this could be a good thing

GT: what the hell are you talking about?

CA: this thing wwe got goin

CA: you obvviously hate me and i think i got it in me to get the dark propensities smolderin

CA: and wwere both obvviously dangerous elites in nature

CA: i think theres somethin there i mean you want to exterminate your entire species and i want to exterminate the vvast majority of mine

GT: …

“ **Can we** **_please_ ** **kill this alien?** ” The hell-god half of John requested.

“Grrr… I  _ really _ want to too, but no… The Wraiths said we have to talk to them or we’ll doom the timeline. It’s not worth the risk…” John growled in frustration.

GT: no. i’m not even remotely interested. 

GT: demons are capable of something at least remotely similar to your species weird hate-love thing according to the memories of hell-god half of me. though i would assume their version is ALOT more grotesque and demonic, fucking obviously. 

GT: however, i would rather castrate myself with hell-fire than be in ANY sort of relationship with any of you alien bastards. positive or negative.

GT: even the mere thought sickens me.

GT: furthermore i don’t even know if you’re a guy or a girl.

CA: wwhat? wwhat does me being male or female havve anything to do wwith this? I’m male by the wway.

GT: i’m straight so i have zero interest in guys.

GT: but as i’ve already made abundantly clear, i have even less interest in your entire species.

GT: i fucking hate your species. not nearly as much as i hate demons but still.

GT: if you were human or at least prospitian or loyalist argenta then i still would have turned you down but i definitely wouldn’t have been anywhere NEAR as harsh or mean spirited about it.

GT: though admittedly if you were a demon, dersite, or traitor argenta i would have just fucking killed you since i despise them way more than i despise your species.

GT: as it stands though...

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] blocked caligulasAquarium [CA] --

As soon as he blocked the last troll he got yet another message on pesterchum.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

CG: IT'S ME AGAIN, ASSHOLE

CG: THE ONE WHO HATES YOU, REMEMBER?

CG: OR SHOULD I SAY FUTURE-REMEMBER???

GT: son of a bitch… you fuckers keep messaging me one after the other.

GT: what the hell do you want this time?! 

GT: you had better not ask me to join your stupid memo again.

CG: I AM HERE TO DO WHAT YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC CADRE OF CO-HUMANS FAILED TO DO, WHICH IS SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT.

CG: I AM HERE TO UTTERLY ANNIHILATE YOUR SHIT.

CG: I WILL STAY ON MESSAGE THIS TIME. I WILL NOT BE DETERRED BY YOUR ANGRY MANNERISMS.

CG: WE WILL GET OFF ON A FRESH FOOT, AND BY FRESH I MEAN MOST FOUL INDEED.

CG: ITS TOES ARE WIGGLING UNDER YOUR HIDEOUS PINK NOSTRILS. NOW BREATHE DEEP YOUR MISFORTUNE, YOU SAD LITTLE CLOWN.

CG: THIS IS THE END OF YOU. THAT AROMA YOU DETECT WAFTS FROM THE BOUQUET PERCHED ON YOUR CORPSE BOX.

CG: NOBODY CRIES, EXCEPT YOUR SHITTY GHOST. HEAVY SOBS FROM A SPECTER OF UNQUALIFIED FAILURE.

CG: IT IS A SYMPHONY TO MY ANGRY EARS.

GT: first, work on your fucking metaphors because you are absolutely fucking terrible at them.

GT: read what you typed again and try to use what very few brain cells you have left to figure out exactly how it contradicts itself.

GT: also, you barely even know the meaning of anger. i AM rage you braindead sack of steaming dog shit.

CG: STFU

CG: I'M ONLY GETTING STARTED YOU PRETENTIOUS ASSHOLE.

GT: let me guess, judging by your current behavior this is one of the first times you’ve talked to me.

CG: YEAH BUT WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MATTER?

GT: it doesn’t. It was just an observation. now get to the fucking point already.

CG: VERY WELL, JOHN WHATEVER YOU ARE EGBERT.

CG: I WILL TELL YOU WHAT YOU DID

CG: READY FOR ME TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU DID?

CG: HERE'S ME, TELLING YOU WHAT YOU DID

CG: OK, HERE GOES

CG: WHAT YOU DID IS AS FOLLOWS

CG: AS SUCH

CG: AND THUSLY

GT: MOTHER FUCKER, STOP YOUR BULLSHIT AND GET TO THE FUCKING POINT ALREADY!

CG: YOU MADE AN UNBEATABLE BOSS IS WHAT YOU DID.

CG: THE IDIOT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SERVER PLAYER FOR WENT AHEAD AND PROTOTYPED HER FREAK OF A LUSUS, WHILE YOU DECIDED TO FUCK OFF AND KILL YOURSELF FOR SOME REASON RATHER THAN DOING WHAT A LEADER IS SUPPOSED TO DO AND STOP HER FROM BEING SO FUCKING RETARDED.

CG: YOUR VERSION OF JACK, WHO YOU WERE SOMEHOW DUMB ENOUGH TO ENTRUST WITH THE QUEEN'S RING, BECAME ESSENTIALLY INDESTRUCTIBLE.

CG: HE THEN WENT ON A RAMPAGE THROUGH YOUR POINTLESS SESSION, WHICH HILARIOUSLY, WAS ALREADY A LOST CAUSE EVEN BEFORE THIS HAPPENED!

CG: I AM JUST BESIDE MYSELF WITH THE SPECTACULAR BREADTH OF YOUR FAILURE.

CG: AND IF THIS WASN'T BAD ENOUGH

CG: YOUR "SOLUTION" LATER WOULD BE TO OPEN A RIFT IN SOME GLORIOUS GESTURE OF MEANINGLESS SUICIDE.

CG: AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW

CG: BUT THE RIFT YOU OPENED ENABLED HIM TO ENTER OUR SESSION, JUST AS WE WERE ABOUT TO CLAIM OUR PRIZE.

CG: AND NOW WE'RE THE ONES WHO HAVE TO FUCKING DEAL WITH HIM!

CG: SO THANKS A LOT, SHIT HEAD.

GT: don’t call jade an idiot. i guarantee she’s exponentially more intelligent than you are.

GT: also, what the hell is a lusus?

CG: OH

CG: OK, MY BAD, I FORGOT I WAS TALKING TO A MEMBER OF A GENERICALLY BIZARRE ALIEN SPECIES.

CG: I GUESS SOME HUMANS HAVE A LUSUS, WHILE OTHERS DON'T? WHATEVER.

CG: HER LUSUS IS THE CREATURE WHICH SERVES AS HER CUSTODIAN.

GT: oh, you mean her dog. also animals don’t take care of humans. adult humans do. no wonder your species is so fucked up if you’re all raised by fucking animals.

CG: I GUESS AND SCREW YOU

GT: so, she prototyped becquerel?

GT: why is that so bad?

CG: JOHN, DO YOU EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS?

CG: IS THIS HOW HUMAN FRIENDSHIP WORKS? YOU JUST DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT EACH OTHER?

CG: HER LUSUS EXHIBITS THE PROPERTIES OF A LEGENDARY ENTITY CALLED A FIRST GUARDIAN.

CG: IT IS AN ABSOLUTE MONSTROSITY.

GT: i have no fucking idea what a first guardian is or what properties one may or may not have.

CG: OKAY, FOR STARTERS, NOTICE THE BIG GREEN TENDRILS FILLING THE SKY?

GT: hmph… nothing particularly unusual for this fucking planet.

CG: UGH…

CG: THOSE FUCKING PROPERTIES.

CG: BUT IT'S A LOT MORE THAN THAT.

CG: AS THE DEFENDERS OF THEIR PLANETS, THEY'RE VIRTUALLY OMNIPOTENT.

CG: PROTOTYPING ONE IS ABSOLUTELY UNCONSCIONABLE.

CG: THE RESULT IS A BOSS A HELL OF A LOT WORSE THAN WHAT WE HAD TO FIGHT, AND WE PROTOTYPED TWELVE TIMES RATHER THAN A MEASLY FOUR.

CG: AND ONE OF OUR PROTOTYPINGS INCLUDED AN OUTER FUCKING GOD THE SIZE OF A CITY!

CG: I HOPE THIS PUTS IN PERSPECTIVE HOW TERRIBLE YOU ARE.

GT: hm… nope.

GT: i just killed a demon that’s a hell of a lot bigger than a city and was more than capable of destroying entire universes if it wanted to. so i’m failing to see the issue here.

GT: to be fair, the demon wasn’t at the point of using universe destroying attacks yet and i effectively lobotomized it by getting rid of all of its rage before it could get to that point, but still.

GT: i fail to see any reason why i couldn’t just do the exact same thing to this son of a bitch as i did to the champion.

CG: I ABSOLUTELY DETEST THAT ARROGANT ATTITUDE OF YOURS.

CG: WHATEVER. AT LEAST YOU DIDN’T FALL ASLEEP OR SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAT.

CG: YOU KNOW I MANAGED TO STAY AWAKE FOR SEVERAL WEEKS STRAIGHT, I DIDN'T WANT TO LET MY GUARD DOWN FOR A SECOND.

CG: BUT THEN

CG: AFTER IT WAS ALL OVER, AND WE RETREATED IN FAILURE

CG: I FOOLISHLY DID.

CG: AND THAT'S WHEN I SAW HIM.

GT: who?

CG: JACK.

CG: I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HIM WHEN HE FIRST APPEARED.

CG: BUT ON PROSPIT, I SAW HIM UP CLOSE, WITHOUT ALL THAT RIDICULOUS GREEN SHIT OBSCURING HIM.

CG: I COULD HARDLY BELIEVE IT WAS REALLY HIM BY THE WAY HE LOOKED, BUT I JUST KNEW.

CG: HE WAS WEARING A RING I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE, CERTAINLY NOT ONE BELONGING TO OUR QUEENS.

CG: WE DESTROYED THOSE.

CG: HE WORE IT ON HIS ONE HAND, WHICH WAS COVERED IN OUR MUTANT BLOOD.

CG: AND THEN

CG: JUST LIKE THAT

CG: HE KILLED ME

CG: AND I GUESS

CG: EVEN THOUGH IT WAS PROBABLY JUST HIS WAY OF SAYING HI

CG: I STILL FELT KIND OF BETRAYED.

GT: i can sense that emotion still lingering in you, its dulled significantly but still present. i sort of wondered where it came from. i don’t get WHY you feel betrayed but to be honest i don’t really care either.

CG: WHEN I WOKE UP, EVERYONE HERE WAS BUZZING ABOUT THESE ALIENS CALLED HUMANS.

CG: SO NATURALLY I'M LIKE WHO GIVES A SHIT, RIGHT?

CG: WELL, WRONG.

CG: I PRETTY QUICKLY DETERMINED THAT HE WAS FROM YOUR SESSION, NOT OURS.

CG: SO HE WASN'T REALLY "MY JACK"

CG: AND I WAS SORT OF RELIEVED

CG: RELIEVED BUT ALSO ENRAGED

CG: I'M SURE YOU KNOW THE FEELING.

GT: yup. definitely.

CG: ANYWAY, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED, AND THAT'S WHY YOU ARE SUCH A DISGRACE.

CG: THIS IS PROBABLY THE LAST TIME I WILL EVER EXPLAIN ALL THIS STUFF TO YOU, BECAUSE I CAN'T IMAGINE IT WILL HELP MY HEADACHE MUCH TO REPEAT MYSELF.

CG: I BET IT'LL BE PRETTY FRUSTRATING FOR YOU IN THE PAST!

GT: more annoying than anything but whatever.

GT: anyways i’m sick of talking to you. are you done or do you have some more whining and crying to do like the pathetic little bitch you are?

CG: A;SLDKJFSDLKFJS;LDJFLK;J

CG: HERE, JOHN HUMAN DIPSHIT.

CG: HAVE A SECOND AND PENULTIMATE FUCK YOU:

CG: "FUCK"

CG: "YOU"

CG: MAY IT MARK THE SECOND OF MANY TO COME, AND THE MAGNIFICENT DENOUEMENT TO MANY RECEIVED.

CG: TOGETHER WE JUST TUGGED AT THE BOW TO UNRAVEL A PRESENT FULL OF GO FUCK YOURSELF.

CG: HAPPY WRIGGLING DAY YOU UGLY PILE OF TRASH.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ghastlyThrasher[GT] --

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

\-- ghastlyThrasher [GT] blocked arachnidsGrip [AG] --

No! John didn’t care what the wraiths said, he was  _ done _ talking to Trolls! He had wasted too much time on this already! He had things he needed to do and wasting time talking to these assholes one after the other was not one of those things!

Looking at the wraiths who were both still floating there he asked, “Alright I’m done talking to the stupid trolls. That was the by far the single most unproductive thing I have done ever since entering this game. What do i do now?” Surprisingly enough the Hell-God half of him apparently had nothing to say at the moment. Instead was just fighting him for control over their body while silently seething in rage over the fact that the wraiths were all free, allowing John to speak unhindered for once.

“First you must return to your home and receive a gift from the ghost of your grandmother. Then you must return to Skaia, locate your father’s lost items, meet a wandering vagrant, and dig to the center of the world for the tumor. We shall speak with the Seraphim and convince him to inform you how to unlock a higher setting on the Unmayker to aid you in this process. It is both good and bad that you had to get rid of the Demonic Crucible so soon. You could have simply used it instead. Regardless the Unmaykr shall work perfectly.”

“Fine. When you get back to Samur and the others just make sure you stay in contact. I may have more questions later.” John said before turning and flying back towards his house. Almost as soon as he got there he saw Nanasprite. She appeared to have been waiting for him and she didn’t exactly look very happy.

“ **Hello Nana.** ” The hell-god half of him greeted as he landed in front of her. “Grr… I hate that bastard… Hey… It’s, John if you don’t recognize me...” John growled through gritted teeth as he tried to suppress the hell-god half of him.

Nanasprite nodded and said, “I know, John… Even when you look like this, what sort of grandmother would I be if I didn’t recognize my own grandson… I wish there was something I could do to help you with this.  _ Both _ of you. One of you may be a demon but even so you're still my grandson and I know there’s still good in you no matter how deep it may be buried... Unfortunately this is far beyond my power. I realize this is a bit ironic since you are a lord of rage, but all i can do is  _ hope _ you two can reconcile your differences. I don’t enjoy seeing either of you suffer like this.”

She paused for a moment before continuing, “Sadly I know you will continue to suffer until you learn to accept each other and allow your personalities to fully merge together as they should have when you first fused. You don’t have to like each other, everyone has aspects of themselves they don’t particularly like or even hate, but you have to learn to accept each other even if you hate each other. I know it will be hard for both sides of you but please… I would appreciate it if you would at least try. To start I would recommend trying to find some common ground you can both agree on. After that it’s all up to you. I can’t help you any more than by giving you what advice I already have.”

“The  **Wraithssss…** Grrr... The Wraiths say I have to kill this son of a bitch by completely overwhelming and consuming his personality.” John stated. “ **What he says is true. The Wraiths claim one of us must destroy the other in order to gain full control.** ”

Nanasprite frowned and sighed. “Yes, that’s certainly one way you could go about it and I understand why they would want you to do so. They want the demon half of you to be destroyed because they view you as a threat to all of existence. However that doesn’t necessarily have to be the case. Neither of you  _ have to _ be destroyed. You could just come to an understanding and allow your personalities to fully merge as they should have from the very beginning. The only reason that didn’t happen is because you both reject each other so vehemently and neither of your wills were strong enough to completely dominate the other. Unlike these Wraiths who are strictly focused on the bigger picture and existence as a whole, I’m just your grandmother so I only want what’s best for both of you whether you are a demon or not. So I would much prefer if neither of you had to be destroyed. But ultimately what you do is up to you.”

Suddenly a strange necklace levitated out from behind her. “Well, just know that I accept whatever you decide to do. Now, as I’m sure you know, I have a gift for you. It seems you have been rising through the rungs of your echeladder quite swiftly. You have climbed so much faster than I did in my youth. I am so proud of you!”

“Thanks…” John muttered.

“You should have returned sooner! I could have given you this boon at a much lower rung. Regardless, here, John. Take this.” She then levitated the necklace over to John.

“ **What is it?** ” John inquired as he took it out of the air.

“You can use it to summon me wherever you go. Now we needn't endure those long spells without a good visit!” Nanna sprite said with a somewhat sad smile on her face.

“Alright. I’ll keep that in mind.” John said as he captchalogue the necklace. “I’m sorry I have to cut this short, Nana, but I have things I really need to do. I’ll talk to you again later.”

“It’s fine, I know you are quite busy. I’ll be here until you come back or summon me.” Nana said before turning and floating back towards the house.

“Vega I need you to open a portal back to the Fortress of Doom for me. After that, I need you to open a portal to Skaia. I would fly there myself but it would take too long.” John said.

“ _ Very well. Opening the portal now. _ ” V.E.G.A. responded. Suddenly a portal opened next to John and he proceeded to walk through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead! Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I had other stuff I needed to focus on.
> 
> Anyways yeah like John said, Demons have something similar to the Trolls' Black Rom stuff. But it is way more horrific. It's Hell, what do you expect? Killing eachother is common in such relationships and uh... so is forcing ones self onto the other... Again, they're demons. Nothing they do is going to be nice. Not even their version of "romance". Granted demons also have the capacity for actual love as well since a lot of them used to be mortal before being corrupted and turned into demons. However that is extremely rare. And I mean it almost never happens under any circumstances kind of rare.
> 
> I also have a question for you guys. What do you think John should do about the Hell-God half of himself? Should he listen to Nanasprite or the Wraiths? Here's a link to a strawpoll if you either can't or don't want to leave a comment: https://www.strawpoll.me/42645082
> 
> Also, I've noticed that John's personality isn't similar enough to the Doom Slayer's. I'm going to be trying to work on that in the upcoming chapters.
> 
> Edit: One last thing I forgot to add. I support the idea that Lords and Muses have all of the abilities of every other possible active and passive class. And I also don't completely agree with inversion theory. When John went grim dark a few chapters ago, it was because he was over embracing his roll as a lord of rage, not because he was inverting to a muse of hope. Just thought I'd let you guys know all of that.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much if not more than I enjoyed writing it! Please feel free to let me know what you think, constructive criticism is more then welcome! I can't improve if I don't know what I'm doing wrong, after all.
> 
> Stay safe out there everyone!


	14. Demonic Invasion

[Elsewhere, at some point in the past, present, or future]

Kanaya Maryam was not having a good day. First Rose, who she had been developing a crush on, declared her hatred for Kanaya and her entire species and officially ended their friendship. She had tried to talk to some of the others about it but none of them were of much help. As such, she was currently sitting in front of an inactive computer thinking silently to herself. At one point she had decided to contact the Witch of Space in the Humans’ group and advised her on frog breeding, at least somewhat. After that she had pretty much nothing else to do. She had hoped that as time went on she might slowly start feeling a bit better. Unfortunately this was not the case. Instead as time went on she began feeling worse and worse. It was almost unnatural. Almost as if something was subtly influencing her emotions without her knowledge.

At some point she began hearing whispers inside her head. At first she thought it was just her imagination but as her mood continued to degrade the whispers started getting louder and louder. They were saying things that made her feel worse and worse sending her into a depressive spiral that was slowly eroding her will. All the while they were acting as though they were on her side, that they were her friends and only wanted to help her. They made her offers that were so tempting that they were almost impossible to resist. Even so she persevered and tried her best to simply ignore them thinking they weren’t real and it was just her own mind playing tricks on her.

That was perhaps the single largest mistake she could have possibly made as the voices were real. _Very_ real. Unbeknownst to any of the trolls Jack had actually brought some things along with him from the humans’ session. Powerful things that had latched onto him like parasites during what time he had spent on HORAV.

Her will continued to slowly erode over time and the voices were starting to get harder and harder to ignore until they were the only things filling her mind. “Shut up…” She muttered, still trying to put up some feeble resistance. At this point they switched from offering her things to mocking and taunting her. “Shut up… Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! AHHHHHHHHHH!” She began screaming as agony coursed through her down to her very soul. It felt like she was being flayed alive while her entire body had been covered in molten magma. She fell out of her chair and onto the ground clutching at her head which currently felt like it was being crushed by a massive hydraulic press.

All of the other trolls in the room looked at her in confusion. From their perspective she had just started screaming for no apparent reason. Being the leader of the group Karkat stopped what he was doing, got up, and walked over to see what was wrong. “Kanaya what’s the matter with you?! Why are you screaming like that?!” He demanded furiously, annoyed that he had to stop what he was doing for this.

That’s when Eridan teleported into the room from the circular platform in the middle of the floor and was immediately taken aback by everything that was happening. “What’s goin on here?! Why’s Kanaya screamin?!"

“We don’t know! She just started screaming and fell out of her chair! Karkat’s trying to figure out what’s wrong right now!” Feferi responded, having to yell to be heard over Kanaya.

Solux looked terrified for some reason and backed all the way up until he ran into one of the counters with the computers on them. He said absolutely nothing and just stared in horror.

“Kanaya! Say something! KANAYA!” Karkat shouted trying to get through to her. Unfortunately all of his attempts failed. He continued trying for two full minutes.

Eventually Eridan grew fed up with it and stomped over to them. Pushing Karkat aside he proceeded to knock Kanaya unconscious with a punch. “Somefin’s obviously wrong with her and you’re not gettin through to her. So I say we keep her like this until we can figure out what’s wrong an what to do about it.” He stated.

Before anyone could respond, the temperature in the room dropped drastically until it was well below freezing and the lights started to dim and flicker. Then blood in everyone in the room’s colors began running down the walls, forming demonic runes and symbols. The stench of rotting and burning flesh and sulfur began to fill the room to the point it was almost suffocating. Disembodied whispering and the screams of the damned seemed to start coming from everywhere at once though they were faint.

At this point everyone in the room was starting to get really unsettled. “What the glub is happening?!” Feferi asked, drawing her 2x3dent from her strife deck. 

“HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!” Karkat shouted, drawing his sickle.

Eridan drew his rifle and pointed it at Kanaya, assuming she was the source of this completely explainable and totally scientific not at all supernatural event. Right as he was about to pull the trigger, Kanaya’s body burst into flames and a large blazing pentagram appeared on the ground in the middle of the room. Then in a burst of hell-fire a giant red demon appeared on top of the pentagram. None of them had any way of knowing this, but it was a Baron of Hell. The Baron of Hell roared at them before summoning up two large balls of green hell-fire and throwing them at Feferi and Karkat respectively.

Both of the trolls jumped out of the way. As this happened Sollux removed his glasses and fired a powerful psychic beam at the demon, while Eridan shot it with his rifle. Their combined attack seriously injured the Baron but it was not dead yet. Charging forwards towards the Trolls at blinding speeds it grabbed Eridan and proceeded to throw him at Sollux. The two of them collided at high speeds and were sent flying until they both hit the wall above one of the rows of computers. They then fell on top of the computers and tumbled off of them and onto the floor.

Feferi stood up and threw her 2x3dent at the demon and managed to stab it through one of its eyes. Karkat also got up and swung his sickle at the demon. However its flesh was far tougher than he had expected and he only left a relatively shallow cut.

The demon responded by punching Karkat in the torso, shattering many of his ribs, forcing him to cough up blood, and launching him across the room like Eridan and Sollux, just in the opposite direction. It then ripped the 2x3dent out of its eye and threw it back at Feferi, impaling her through the gut with her own weapon.

Grabbing his rifle again, which had fortunately landed relatively close to him, Eridan pointed it at the demon and pulled the trigger. He hit the demon in the exact same spot he had hit it earlier, blowing open its chest and destroying its heart and lungs. It snarled at him and struggled to remain standing as it took two steps closer to him, before it finally fell over and died.

Karkat quickly wiped the blood off of his mouth so no one could see what color it was before struggling to get back up. “Arg… Shit… How… How the hell did one of… one of the fucking demons from Egbert’s Hell-planet get here?!”

“Kanaya! I don’t know how or why but it got here through Kanaya! It had two have!” Sollux exclaimed as both he and Eridan got up off the ground.

Feferi coughed and grasped the 2x3dent sticking out of her gut. “F-fortunately my 2x3dent isn’t barbed… but I… I need something to wrap this wound with before I can pull it out… Is there anything in here I can use?” She asked.

Karkat looked around for a moment before saying, “I don’t see anything… There might be something you can use somewhere else but someone will need to go look for it… Think you’ll live long enough?”

“Yeah… As long as I lay on my side so it doesn't move around much and I don’t pull it out yet, I think I’ll live until you get back… But… It’s still freezing and I still hear the whispers and screaming… I don’t think this is over yet…” Feferi responded.

“She’s right. It isn’t. Someone’s going two need two stay here and protect her while two of us go out and find something to wrap her wound. I’m pretty sure there’s going two be more of these demons running around so it’s going two be two dangerous two send someone out alone. Hopefully no more of these big ones appear in here again or Feferi and whoever stays behind is fucked.” Sollux stated as he put his glasses back on.

“I’ll stay here. You two go. That demon just caught me off guard the first time. Now that I know what to expect its not goin to happen again.” Eridan said, holding his rifle at the ready. “Shouldn’t be too different from killin all those angels back in the Land of Wrath an Angels except for there bein a bit more fire involved.”

“Fine! You had both better still be alive when we get back! We're already down one, we don’t need any more of us dying because of these things!” Karkat growled, clutching his sickle in a deathgrip and holding his free hand over his chest which was currently in agony from his broken bones. Before he could do anything else his computer alerted him that he had a message from someone. “One sec, this might be important.” Karkat growled as he quickly stomped over to the computer.

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TC: honk.

CG: GAMZEE!!!

CG: FUCK

CG: THERE YOU ARE, YOU HAD ME WORRIED DUDE

TC: HONK.

CG: UH

CG: YEAH

CG: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ANYWAY, I TOLD EVERYONE TO LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE GONNA WANDER OFF.

TC: honk.

TC: HONK.

TC: honk.

TC: HONK.

CG: YEAH, I GET IT WISE GUY, YOU'RE A FUCKING CLOWN, WHO CARES.

CG: QUIT THE BULLSHIT PARTYCLOWN ANTICS AND GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE.

CG: THE SHIT HAS HIT THE WHIRLING DEVICE, AND YOU COULD BE IN SERIOUS DANGER OUT THERE.

TC: shut up.

CG: WHAT...

TC: I SAID SHUT THE MOTHERFUCK UP, MOTHERFUCKER.

TC: honk honk honk :o)

CG: DUDE

CG: ARE YOU OK

CG: YOU'RE REALLY WEIRDING ME OUT.

TC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

TC: uh, yeah...

TC: I GUESS I'M ALL MOTHERFUCKIN WEIRDING OUT AT SOME EXTENT TO MY OWN MOTHERFUCKIN SELF.

TC: but it's all good, i'm chill with it.

CG: OH GOD

CG: NO NO NO, PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU WENT CRAZY, I COULDN'T TAKE THAT ON TOP OF ALL THIS.

TC: ON TOP OF MOTHERFUCKIN WHAT, MOTHERFUCKER.

CG: DEMONS FROM EGBERT’S PLANET ARE INVADING.

CG: SOMEHOW THEY USED KANAYA TO GET HERE.

CG: ONE MOMENT SHE WAS FINE, THEN SHE STARTED SCREAMING, THEN ERIDAN KNOCKED HER OUT, SHE BURST INTO FLAMES AND DIED, AND A HUGE DEMON APPEARED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM AND ATTACKED US.

CG: I’M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT ABOUT IT.

TC: heh heh.

CG: HEH HEH???

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

CG: SERIOUSLY, GET BACK HERE NOW, AND HAVE A SLIME PIE TO RELAX OR SOMETHING.

TC: SLIME?

TC: there is no more slime, brother.

TC: AND ANYWAY.

TC: shit was motherfuckin poison, didn't you know?

CG: UH...

CG: NO? I MEAN, I WOULD NEVER EAT IT, BUT

TC: THEN GET MOTHERFUCKIN SCHOOLFED ALL ABOUT THE WICKED NEWS, PUNCHLINE BLOODED MOTHERFUCKER.

TC: it rots you.

TC: RUSTS YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN THINK PAN.

TC: and the floor all stares up back at you through the motherfuckin hole.

TC: BUT THERE IS NO HOLE NOW.

TC: only under motherfuckin standing of who all i was made out to be all along.

TC: ONLY UNDER MOTHERFUCKING STANDING OF WHO ALL I WAS MADE OUT TO MOTHERFUCKING BE ALL A MOTHERFUCKING LONG.

CG: OH MY GOD

CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

TC: i've been kicking the wicked ignorance on this shit.

TC: BEEN MOTHERFUCKIN SLAUGHTERING THE WICKED IGNORANCE, BRO.

TC: all up in lifelong denial about my calling.

TC: AS A DESCENDANT OF THE HIGH MOTHERFUCKIN SUBJUGGLATORS.

TC: we are higher than you, brother.

TC: WE ARE HIGHER THAN MOTHERFUCKIN EVERYBODY.

TC: honk.

CG: GAMZEE

CG: PLEASE NO

TC: and now i'm the last one, so i finally motherfuckin understand.

TC: I FINALLY GOT MY MOTHERFUCKING UNDERSTAND ON TO WHO THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS ARE.

TC: they were always both me. :o)

TC: AND ALSO MOTHERFUCKING ME. Do:

TC: and now.

TC: AND MOTHERFUCKING NOW.

TC: i am going to motherfuckin kill all you motherfuckers.

CG: OH GOD

CG: OH MAN

CG: OH GOD

TC: I AM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.

TC: and paint the wicked pictures with your motherfuckin blood.

TC: FROM YOUR VEINS WILL DRIP MY MIRACLES.

TC: your crushed bones will make my special stardust.

TC: WELCOME TO THE DARK CARNIVAL, BROTHER.

TC: honk.

TC: HONK.

TC: honk.

TC: HOOOOOOOOOOONK.

terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

“Fuck! As if things couldn’t get any worse, Gamzee’s gone insane is going to try to kill us all!” Karkat exclaimed. He had never felt more terrified in his life than he did at that very moment.

“Great… As if we didn’t have enough to deal with already with the giant fucking demons.” Sollux said sarcastically. “Fuck! Let’s just go and get this over with already.” He then proceeded to walk over to the teleporter pad and teleported out of the room. Karkat quickly followed after him.

[On Skaia in the present]

John had spent the past few minutes wandering around Skaia. His Praetor Suit had already repaired itself quite a bit from being melted during his fight with the Champion. He had found the wandering vagrant the Wraiths had mentioned. John had no idea whether the vagrant was Prospitian or Dersite so he decided to let him live until he learned which one he was. Said vagrant was now following John around as he walked across Skaia in search of his father’s lost items. Eventually John saw something small laying on the ground a ways away. Walking over to it he saw it was a wallet. Picking it up he saw it was full of many things but the first thing to catch his eye was a note.

‘ _Son. If you are reading this, it means you have inherited my wallet. You have truly become an adult man. Wield it with responsibility and integrity. I am so, so proud of you._ ’

John sighed and discarded the note. He sincerely doubted his father would be proud of him if he knew what he had become. He also wondered why his dad dropped his wallet in the first place. It was as if he knew John would find it there. Perhaps he had been watching Skaia’s clouds? Regardless John would keep the wallet. It may prove useful to him.

Wondering what else was in the wallet John proceeded to open it up and look at all of the captcha cards inside. The first card apparently contained one ton of shaving cream. A literal ton as in the unit of weight. Why his father needed all of this shaving cream he had absolutely no idea but one thing was clear, his father was nothing if not prepared.

For some reason the wandering vagrant decided to start eating the shaving cream. John considered stopping him, but ultimately decided that it wasn’t his problem and just let the vagrant continue.

Deciding he didn’t have all day to be pawing through this thing, John pressed the eject button and unloaded all of the wallet’s contents all at once. Pretty much all of it was completely useless to him. The only thing he could see that he thought might be vaguely useful was the pile of razor blades since they could potentially be used as weapons. However, he already had better weapons then the razors so even those were pretty much useless to him. He did spot a laptop in the mess of junk and decided to re-captchalogue it. He had other things he could use as computers if he needed to, but he decided it never hurt to have spares just in case.

That was when the horn of the car that his father had kept in his wallet beeped at him. Looking over he saw the Wandering Vagrant sitting inside the driver’s seat. Sighing in irritation he walked over to the car and got into the passenger’s seat. He had nothing better to do while he waited for the Wraiths to convince Samur to tell him how to unlock some of the higher settings on the Unmaykr to help him drill to the center of Skaia so he decided that he may as well go along for a drive. Perhaps he could use this as an opportunity to look for his father.

Due to force of habit he buckled himself in, despite the fact that he knew full well he would be in zero danger even if the idiot somehow managed to crash the car. The wandering vagrant followed his lead and buckled himself in as well. Apparently the vagrant’s feet did not reach the pedals. John then sighed and said, “You don’t have the keys either… Fuck… Fine...” He then unbuckled himself and climbed out of the car. He then proceeded to climb underneath the car as best he could before lifting it up off the ground. Compared to lifting the Champion into space, lifting a car like this was as easy to him as lifting a feather. A really big and unwieldy feather with a lot of momentum but still a feather. John then proceeded to fly up into the air with the car on his back.

As he flew he decided it had been awhile since he had talked to Jade and he should probably update her on things and learn what’s been happening with her since she entered the game. He started a voice call with her over pesterchum. As soon as she picked up he said, “ **Hello Jade…** Grr… Yeah, hi. Just ignore him.”

“Hi John...” She responded in a sad tone. John could sense her sadness and knew it was related to him somehow, though he didn’t understand how or why.

“How are things progressing? Have you run into any significant trouble?” He inquired.

“No. Vega’s been a great help so far. He’s building up my house right now so that we can deploy some equipment up there.” Jade said in a melancholy tone. “Hey… Uh… John? Is what Rose said true? Do you really not consider us as your friends anymore?”

“ **He may not, but I do.** ” The hell-god half of John responded. “Grrr… Like I said, just ignore him… Anyways, to answer your question, yeah it’s true. It’s nothing personal. I still consider you and the others as allies even if we aren’t friends anymore.” The demon slayer half of John responded. “Anyways what equipment are you deploying?”

“I’m not sure. Something to do with cloning I guess? It serves some purpose on my quest as a witch of space. A nice troll named Kanaya has been advising me on stuff about that. Have you talked to her?” Jade explained.

“Hell if I know. I don’t know any of their actual names and I’m not particularly inclined to learn them either.” John huffed in irritation.

“Oh, well her username is grimAuxiliatrix. Anyways, you should try talking to her. A bunch of trolls are not nearly as bad as i thought. Even Karkat! He has been helping me too... sort of. Oh, and Karkat’s username is carcinoGeneticist.” Jade informed him.

“ **That asshole?** Ugh… I’m pretty sure he hates you, so why would he be helping you?” John asked.

“Oh yeah, he said plenty of stuff like that, but I don't think he ever actually meant it. Flying off the handle is part of his charm in a funny way, once you know that about him.” Jade stated.

John rolled his eyes at that. “Well maybe you’re talking to a future version of him then because I guarantee he hates or at least _hated_ all of us. As an ascended Lord of Rage, I can sense all negative emotions as if they are an extension of myself, so his hatred is or _was_ as plain as day to me.” 

“Oh… Well at least he doesn’t hate me anymore. Other than all of that there’s been so much going on it’s been a little hard to keep track of it all. So why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to and why you look like a demon?” Jade asked.

John sighed and said. “I accidentally merged with an alternate timeline version of myself who gave into the demons and became a Hell-God. That’s the other voice you’ve been hearing… Grrr... **He speaks the truth.** ”

“Okay… Well, uh… Hi demon John… Er… Moving on, why are you flying with a car on your back?” Jade inquired, sounding a bit uncomfortable.

“How do you know what I look like and how do you know I’m doing that? **Do you have Rose’s crystal ball?** ” John asked. Neither half of him was entirely sure if Rose actually had a crystal ball or not but it most certainly wouldn’t surprise him if she did.

“Sort of! She gave me the code, and I made a cool pair of goggles with it.” Jade told him.

“I expected as much… Ugh… Magic… If I didn’t already know for a fact that demonic magic exists I _would_ say it isn’t even real. However since demonic magic is an objective fact and actually has some level of science behind it, bullshit as that science is, I’m unfortunately forced to acknowledge its existence…” John grumbled. He didn’t like magic. Because he had to deal with demons his entire life he knew for a fact that it exists but he still hated it. The fact demonic magic was somewhat explainable — they manipulate argent energy which has various effects on the laws of physics that allows them to do shit — made it a bit easier to accept but he still didn’t like it. “Regardless, I’m currently looking for my dad. I found his wallet, which had this car in it. So I think he may be somewhere nearby.”

“Have you been looking at Skaia’s clouds at all?” Jade inquired.

“Other than an occasional glance, no. What few things I saw were mostly useless and I know they’ll come to pass or have already happened whether I look at the clouds or not so I haven’t bothered. The only thing even remotely interesting that I saw was a green sprite version of you with pointy ears who was crying for some reason. Has that happened yet?”

“Bluh. Yes. I prototyped my dead dream self and tried to get her to fight Jack, but it turned out to be a _big mistake_! God I cant believe how dumb that idea was, she was an emotional wreck.” Jade groaned in frustration.

“I see.” He said simply. It wasn’t his problem and she hadn’t asked for his help so he wasn’t going to offer it in this case. John knew he could fix that if he really wanted to but for some reason the idea of being in any sort of supporting role didn’t sit right with him. He was a weapon not a fucking therapist. Jade could talk to Rose for that.

“Well, why don’t you tell me about your new acquaintance? He really seems to be enjoying that horn!” Jade requested.

“The wraith said I had to meet him for some reason so I did. He was curious about me so he’s been following me. The Wraiths didn’t tell me this but apparently he actually has the queen’s ring.” John explained.

Jade gasped happily and said, “That’s great! John you have to get that ring from him!”

“I’ve tried. He’s very protective of it and refuses to give it to me.” John huffed in frustration.

“Hm… That is a problem.” Jade stated.

“Actually I have a feeling he’s supposed to keep it... **That’s the** **_only_ ** **reason we haven’t taken it from him by force.** ” John informed her.

“You do?” Jade said, sounding quite taken aback by this.

“Yes. It’s one of the very few things I’ve seen in the clouds that was actually even remotely useful. It was difficult to tell what was going on but I saw him. I’m pretty sure it was the future, and he had the ring, and…” John trailed off a bit.

“And what?” Jade asked curiously.

“And then the cloud stopped showing me. But I’m pretty sure that someday he will have to wear it.”

Jade gasped in shock at this.

John ignored this and continued, “So I think I have no choice but to let him keep it. It’s just not worth risking dooming the timeline.”

“Ok John..... Even if you don’t think of us as friends anymore I still trust you. So I will trust in your judgement.” Jade stated, her previous sadness returning as she said this.

“Alright well, I think that’s all either of us needed to be updated on. So I should get back to looking for my father. Flying like this should improve my chances of seeing him. **Goodbye Jade.** ” John told her.

“John, I already found your dad!” Jade exclaimed before he could end the voice call.

“You did?” John asked, caught off guard by this. He could tell that she wasn’t lying.

“Yes I found him with my goggles almost right away, but I didn't want to interrupt you.” Jade explained.

“Where is he?” John inquired.

“He’s with Rose’s mom. They’re in a castle, having some sort of tea party together. They appear to be enjoying each other's company! It's quite adorable actually.” Jade informed him.

“How do I find him?” John asked. He wasn’t looking forward to this meeting but he supposed it was going to happen eventually anyway so he may as well get it out of the way as soon as possible.

“Uh… Well, I don't actually know where he is relative to you, so I don't know if I can give you directions. There might be some way to do that… These goggles are actually _really complicated_! I’ll look into it and get back to you. In the meantime, why don't you fly around and keep looking? At least now you know to look for a castle. Oh and maybe the clouds will give you some more tips.” Jade stated.

“Alright. Thanks for the help, Jade. Good bye.”

With that he hung up the voice call and began searching for any nearby castles. However that was when his helmet alerted him that he had a message on pesterchum.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ghastlyThrasher [GT] --

CG: JOHN.

GT: ugh… what the fuck do you want this time?

CG: I'M NOT SURE WHY I'M TELLING YOU THIS.

CG: I GUESS IT'S JUST OUT OF A SENSE OF OBLIGATION AT THIS POINT.

CG: OBLIGATION AND SPITE SINCE I COMPLETELY BLAME YOU FOR THIS.

CG: WELL, AT LEAST HALF OF THIS.

CG: WE'VE COME THIS FAR

CG: SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD KNOW.

CG: I MIGHT NOT MAKE IT OUT OF THIS ALIVE

CG: THIS MIGHT EVEN BE THE LAST TIME YOU HEAR FROM ME.

CG: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING, THE LAST TIME YOU HEAR FROM ME WILL BE THE FIRST TIME YOU HEAR FROM ME.

CG: I MEAN THIS COULD BE THE LAST TIME FROM MY PERSPECTIVE.

CG: BECAUSE FROM MY PERSPECTIVE I COULD BE DEAD SOON.

GT: uh huh… and i should care why exactly?

GG: OH GOD THEY’RE HERE AND THE HONKING

CG: WHY WON'T THE HONKING STOP

CG: I HAVE TO GO

CG: SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A DOUCHE TO YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.

CG: I HOPE YOU CAN SUCCEED AS A LEADER WHERE I FAILED MISERABLY.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --

John had absolutely no idea what the hell that was about but he could sense Karkat’s fear. So apparently _something_ was going wrong with the trolls. Not that he really cared. If they all died then good riddance. Absolutely nothing of value will have been lost. In fact existence will be all the better off for it.

[Elsewhere, at some point in the past, present, or future]

Karkat and Sollux were currently in the middle of a battle with even more of the demons. Fortunately these ones weren’t nearly as big, dangerous, or as hard to kill as the first one had been. Even so they were still seven feet tall, had razor sharp claws and teeth, threw balls of hell-fire, were very fast and nimble, and there were a lot of them. So Karkat and Sollux were still having a lot of difficulty fighting them. Plus the honking in the back-ground was very unsettling. They continued fighting for what to the trolls felt like hours but in reality was only several minutes. When the last of the imps were dead Karkat realized someone had been messaging him.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GC: K4RK4T, 1 H4V3 GR4V3 4ND S3R1OUS N3WS TO R3PORT

GC: 1 H4V3 D1SCOV3R3D TH3 SC3N3 OF 4 R34L L1F3 MURD3R!

GC: T4VROS W4S TH3 V1CT1M >:[

GC: 1M V3RY UPS3T, BUT 1 4M TRY1NG TO ST4Y PROF3SS1ON4L 4BOUT 1T

GC: TH1S CR1M3 1S NOT GO1NG TO SOLV3 1TS3LF >:]

GC: 1 H4V3 CONDUCT3D MY PR3ML1M1N4RY FOR3NS1C 4N4LYS1S OF TH3 SC3N3, BUT MY F1ND1NGS H4V3 B33N MOSTLY 1NCONCLUS1V3

GC: (1 4M ONLY PR3T3ND1NG TO TH1NK TH3R3 1S 4NY CH4NC3 1T W4S NOT VR1SK4, B3C4US3 OTH3RW1S3 1T WOULD B3 NO FUN)

GC: 4NYW4Y, 1 JUST W4NT3D TO W4RN YOU TH3R3 1S 4 BLOODTH1RSTY MURD3R3R ON TH3 LOOS3, 4ND YOU SHOULD B3 C4R3FUL OUT TH3R3!

GC: NOW 1 MUST 4TT3MPT TO R3V1V3 TH3 V1CT1M...

GC: 3333UGH...

GC: K4RK4T YOU C4NNOT 3V3N 1M4G1N3 WH4T TH1S SM3LLS L1K3 >XO

GC: BUT 1 PR1D3 MYS3LF ON B31NG 4 TRU3 PROF3SS1ON4L, 4S W3LL 4S 4N 3XC3LL3NT FR13ND

GC: 1 W1LL B3 4W4Y FROM MY GL4SS3S FOR JUST 4 MOM3NT

GC: SO 1F YOU G3T TH1S M3SS4G3 PL34S3 B3 P4T13NT >:]

GC: W41T WHY DO3S 1T SM3LL L1K3 SULF3R 4ND BURN1NG FL3SH 4LL TH3 SUDD3N

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CG: TEREZI? ARE YOU THERE???

CG: OH FUCK, TAVROS IS DEAD TOO?

CG: TEREZI LISTEN TO ME YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THERE.

CG: VRISKA IS THE LEAST OF OUR PROBLEMS.

CG: WAIT

CG: FORENSIC ANALYSIS? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?

CG: PUT YOUR FUCKING GLASSES BACK ON. GOD DAMN IT.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Suddenly demonic symbols began flooding the chat box and screaming began emanating from the speakers on Karkat’s computer. He very quickly proceeded to block Terezi and shut his computer. The screaming continued for a full minute before slowly fading away.

“Well… That’s not good.” Said Sollux who had been looking at the computer from behind Karkat. “Try getting in contact with Equius and Nepeta. I doubt they’re still alive but if they are then we could _really_ use their help right now. “

Karkat said nothing but tentatively proceeded to open his computer back up. When it didn’t start screaming at them again, he proceeded to try to contact Equius.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

CG: EQUIUS, ARE YOU THERE?

CT: D --> Yes, but I believe you should be aware that Nepeta and I just finished fighting monsters of some sort that appear to have come out of nowhere

CT: D --> One of them was huge and almost as STRONG as I am

CT: D --> It also appeared to enjoy throwing green balls of fire or possibly plasma

CG: THOSE “MONSTERS” ARE DEMONS AND THEY’RE FROM EGBERT’S PLANET.

CG: THEY’RE PART OF THE REASON I’M MESSAGING YOU.

CG: I NEED YOUR HELP.

CT: D --> With what

CG: FIGHTING THE DEMONS THAT ARE INVADING

CG: ALSO GAMZEE IS ON A RAMPAGE

CG: HE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL IF WE DON'T STOP HIM.

CG: IF THE DEMONS DON’T KILL US FIRST THAT IS.

CT: D --> You mean

CT: D --> The highb100d

CG: WHAT?

CG: YEAH, I GUESS

CT: D --> Oh dear

CG: WHAT

CT: D --> Are you saying the highb100d has finally embraced his position atop the hierarchy

CG: NO I'M SAYING HE FUCKING SNAPPED AND WANTS TO MURDER US ALL

CT: D --> Yes e%actly

CG: DAMMIT, WHY DOES THIS CONVERSATION HAVE TO BE SO PREDICTABLY TERRIBLE

CG: ALL I’M ASKING YOU TO DO IS MEET UP WITH ME AND SOLLUX

CG: IF IT WASN’T FOR THE DEMONS I WOULD ASK YOU TO GO FIND GAMZEE AND BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH YOUR BARE HANDS, OR POSSIBLY TWO HALVES OF A BROKEN BOW, BEFORE HE KILLS ANYONE ELSE.

CG: BUT RIGHT NOW THAT’S NOT REALLY AN OPTION.

CG: WE NEED TO STICK TOGETHER OR ALL OF US ARE GOING TO DIE.

CG: ERIDAN IS WITH FEFERI RIGHT NOW IN THE COMPUTER LAB.

CG: THE FIRST DEMON TO GET HERE IMPALED FEFERI WITH HER OWN 2X3DENT SO SHE CAN’T MOVE RIGHT NOW.

CG: SOLLUX AND I WENT OUT TO GO FIND SOMETHING TO WRAP HER WOUND AND SEE IF WE COULD FIND ANY SURVIVORS.

CT: D --> Oh shoot

CT: D --> I have several fresh towels I can bring to dress her wound

CT: D --> In the meantime, where should we meet

Karkat and Equius then established a place for the four of them to meet up. Then Karkat closed his computer again. Putting it away he and Sollux immediately rushed to go meet up with Equius and Nepeta. As they did they were accosted by more imps on several occasions. By the time they reached their designated meeting place they had accumulated more than their fair share of wounds. It appeared that they were the first to get there. Unfortunately for them that meant they were the ones who had to deal with the demons that were in the room, one of which was a particularly bulky Hell Knight. Needless to say, Sollux was the one to kill the Hell Knight while Karkat mainly focused on the Imps. This resulted in Sollux getting multiple broken bones and having a few of his teeth knocked out but he survived. On the brightside having those teeth knocked out fixed his lisp.

About fifteen minutes after the two of them finished off all the demons in the room, Equius and Nepeta arrived. Both of them looked just as worse for wear as Sollux and Karkat. Equius had several gaping wounds, several fifth and sixth degree burns, and was walking with a heavy limp. Nepeta was in a similar state. Sollux had several broken bones, was missing teeth, and had multiple deep cuts. Karkat had tried as hard as he could to avoid taking any wounds that would reveal his blood color but ultimately failed. Fortunately for him the blood of the demons matched the color of his blood so he could still conceal it by dismissing it as demon blood. Other than that he also had multiple broken bones and fifth and sixth degree burns.

“These demons fucking suck!” Karkat growled.

“While I disapprove of your foul language, I’m afraid I must agree with the sentiment whole heartedly. I especially dislike the ones that teleport and summon more of them.” Equius huffed exhaustedly.

Karkat gaped at him in horror for a moment before saying, “There are ones that do that?!”

Sollux on the other hand just groaned in frustration upon hearing this news.

“Uh huh… They're horrible… Hey Karkat, do you have any idea how these monsters got here in the first place?” Nepeta inquired.

“We think it had something to do with Kanaya. I don’t know what they did to her but she just suddenly started screaming out of nowhere before they arrived. Eridan knocked her out since we weren’t getting through to her then everything started going to hell. Literally. It was like a scene out of a bad horror movie. The room got colder, blood started dripping from the walls, the lights started flickering, the stench of sulfur and death filled the air, and strange disembodied voices started coming from everywhere at once. After that Kanaya suddenly burst into flames and this giant red demon appeared. Other than that we have absolutely no idea how or why any of this is happening. So your guess is as good as mine.” Karkat explained.

“ **The girl was but a sacrifice to open the unfortunately weak and temporary gateway that allowed us to access this place. She deserved no less for rejecting our offers. And to think it all wouldn’t have been possible if it wasn’t for the boy knocking her unconscious like a fool...** ” Said an unnatural voice. All four of them quickly turned to look at the source of the voice with their weapons raised. What they saw was an extremely pale demon with large horns, strange green armor, and a strange metal rod with a demonic skeletal design. The top of said metal rod then opened up and a huge double bladed battle-ax made of some bright red energy began emitting from it. He was slowly circling the four of them like a shark circling its prey. He wasn’t nearly as large as some of the other demons the four of them had seen but all of them could sense that he was _much_ more dangerous than any of the other demons they had encountered up until this point.

“Fuck!” Karkat cursed, knowing none of them were in any shape to fight this thing. Looking around he noticed some sort of barrier blocking their exits. They were trapped in here with the demon.

Sollux noticed this as well. Knowing there was no way out until either the four of them or this demon was dead, he removed his glasses and unleashed a massive blast of red and blue psychic energy at the demon.

In response the marauder raised his arm and a shield made of the same red energy as his weapon and blocked the brunt of the attack while rushing towards them with his weapon raised. As he got closer and Sollux was forced to stop his attack lest he risk hitting one of the others, the marauder lowered his shield and swung his axe sending an arc of crimson energy hurtling towards them.

They dodged out of the way and Equius, Karkat, and Nepeta charged — or pounced in Nepeta’s case — towards the Marauder. Karkat tried slashing at him with his sickle, Equius tried smacking him with his ½ bow, and Nepeta tried impaling him with her claws. The Marauder just raised his shield again to block their attacks before swinging his battle-ax at them, intent on cleaving all three of them in half at once.

However Equius dropped his ½ bow and grabbed the Marauder’s arm and the haft of his axe to stop the attack mid swing. He was attempting to crush the bones in the marauder’s arm through sheer grip strength and he actually succeeded to some extent. However this just angered the marauder. As such with his freehand he pulled out his shotgun, shoved the barrels into Equius’ chest and pulled the trigger. This completely destroyed Equius’ heart and lungs, causing him to fall over dead.

“EQUIUS NOOOO!” Shouted Nepeta in distress. Snarling in fury at the Marauder she began slashing furiously at him with her claws. Most of her attacks merely hit or were interrupted by his armor doing little to nothing, however she did manage to stab him in the exposed parts of his torso a few times. 

The marauder backhanded her with his shotgun and sent her flying backwards. Quickly putting his shotgun away he grabbed his battle ax with his good hand and swung it at Karkat, who had been trying to find an opening to attack. Karkat dodged out of the way and slashed right back at him with his sickle. The Marauder easily parried Karkat’s strike with the flat of his battle ax and proceeded to kick him in the gut sending him flying back and knocking him to the ground. However that proved to be a mistake as with both Karkat and Nepeta out of the way, Sollux could blast the marauder without having to worry about hitting his friends.

The marauder stumbled from the force of the blast and growled in pain as the psychic energy slowly ripped the flesh from his bones. Pushing his way through the psychic energy he slowly made his way over to Sollux who was trying his best to back away so the demon couldn’t get close to him. However the marauder eventually managed to back him into a corner. Once he was close enough to Sollux, the marauder cut out Sollux’s eyes with a swing of his axe since that was where the psychic energy seemed to be emanating from.

Sollux screamed in pain and clutched at his now ruined eyes. With him now effectively incapacitated the marauder raised his ax and prepared to execute him when Nepeta jumped up on his back and began stabbing him inbetween his neck and shoulders with her claws. The marauder thrashed about and slammed his back into things trying to get her off of him but it was no use. Eventually she did enough damage that she managed to completely sever the marauder’s head. The marauder’s body continued trying to fight for a full three minutes before it finally started to lose strength and collapsed. 

When it was finally over the barriers blocking the exits disappeared. Then Nepeta put her claws away and rushed over to Equius’ body. “Nononono… Equius!” Kneeling down next to his body she just took one look at him and understood he was dead. He was laying on his side so she could easily see both his front and his back. His chest had two large holes in it and his back had effectively exploded. She could easily see what little was left of his organs were shredded beyond recognition. Tears began running down her face as she realized her moirail was dead and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. Even his dreamself was dead so she couldn’t even revive him with a kiss.

Karkat walked over to her and knelt down beside her. Before he could say anything she immediately wrapped her arms around him and began crying into his shoulder. He was caught off guard by this for a moment but after a moment he just sighed and patted her in the back in an attempt to console her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I told you all that there would be some fairly significant changes from cannon and it's only just getting started I promise you.
> 
> Anyways, by all rights that marauder should have killed all four of them. And he definitely would have if Nepeta hadn't managed to catch him off guard and latch onto his back like she did. So yeah I'm chalking their survival up to pure luck. I might have kept Equius alive too buuut he IS the Heir of Void so irrelevance is sort of ingrained into his character by default.
> 
> Well it's not over yet and there's still more deaths to come as some of the others wont be nearly as lucky as Karkat, Sollux, and Nepeta were in this case. I wonder who else it will be... I'm kidding I know exactly who else is going to die and when, at least for this section of the story, but you all will just have to find out who when it happens. It could be anyone, even the three who survived the fight with the marauder.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much if not more than I enjoyed writing it! Please feel free to let me know what you think, constructive criticism is more then welcome! I can't improve if I don't know what I'm doing wrong, after all.
> 
> Stay safe out there everyone!


	15. Embodiment of Hope

Seeing a castle on the ground below, John landed and carefully set the car down. When the wandering vagrant climbed back out of the driver’s seat John captchalogued the car. Proceeding to start walking towards the castle, he attempted to contact Jade and Rose for verification that this was the correct one. Neither of them were responding so he assumed they were both busy. Walking inside he began searching through it, even climbing all the way up to the roof. Unfortunately neither his father nor Rose’s mother were anywhere to be found. He did, however, see a crashed Night Sentinel battleship that appeared to be surprisingly intact. He didn’t see so much as a scratch on it making him wonder how and why it crashed in the first place.

“ _Lord John, the Seraphim has instructed me to inform you how to unlock some of the higher settings on the Unmaykr. Apparently the wraiths managed to convince him that your recent deeds in freeing them and defeating the Champion of Hell proved you worthy of these settings._ ” Vega suddenly stated before explaining how to unlock a few of the higher settings on the Unmaykr.

After following Vega’s instructions and setting the Unmaykr to the maximum setting it could now fire at, John flew a ways away from the castle. He then pointed the Unmaykr straight at the ground and opened fire. A massive pillar of crimson energy lanced forth from the Unmaykr and bored straight into the ground. John held the trigger for a while before he eventually got the feeling he should probably release it. Finally he flew down into the massive hole he had just bored through Skaia.

[Elsewhere, at some point in the past, present, or future]

It took awhile but eventually Nepeta calmed down enough that the three of them could leave. Not wanting to waste anymore time then they had to, they rushed back to the computer lab as fast as they possibly could with Sollux now being blind. On their way the three of them discovered a sight that sickened them to their cores. At least it sickened Karkat and Nepeta. Fortunately for Sollux, he was unable to see the grotesque display. Teal blood and gore was strewn across the walls, floor and even the roof. Even worse, hung up on one of the walls in a display so sadistic they almost wouldn’t have believed it if they weren’t seeing it with their own two eyes were the ruined remains of Terezi. Her lower half was almost completely missing, her guts were hanging out for all to see, her skin was missing as if it had been completely peeled off and her lifeless face was stuck in a horrific expression of fear and agony.

The bodies of several demons that Sollux and Karkat had not encountered on their way out of the Computer Lab were strewn across the ground with visible stab wounds. There was even a dead Hell Knight with Terezi’s cane sticking out of its skull. So she had clearly gone down fighting. Unfortunately for her she had been alone so she had been completely overwhelmed and overpowered by the demons.

Sitting there as if it had been waiting for them was a demon with a long snake-like body and a humanoid torso. The snake-like part was covered in pitch black scales, it had what looked like two long black gloves covering its arms, and two thin horns curving up and backwards over its head, where its brain was exposed. It wielded long chain-whips ending in curved blades in each of its claws and it was absolutely drenched in Terezi’s blood. There was even some of her blood around its mouth suggesting it had actually tried eating parts of her.

Upon seeing them it hissed in delight at the prospect of having new prey to slaughter and began slithering towards them at high speeds. This was one of their hardest fights yet due to the creature’s speed, agility, strength, and magic. However working together the three of them managed to kill it, though not without accumulating even more wounds in the process.

Making their way back to the Computer Lab they were fortunate enough to not run into any more major obstructions. There were still a few imps but compared to the other demons they were easy to kill. Once they got back to the Computer Lab they found the ground littered with several more demon corpses. Most were Imps but there was also a single Hell Knight. Both Eridan and Feferi appeared to be fine. Well, Feferi still had her own 2x3dent sticking out of her stomach but she didn’t look any more injured than she had been.

Nepeta quickly rushed over to her and took out one of Equius’ few towels that were still clean. “Here…” She muttered sadly. She was still extremely upset about Equius’ death.

“Thank you…” Feferi said, taking the towel. She then proceeded to grasp her 2x3dent, grit her teeth, and pulled it out of her gut. She then got up off the ground, folded the towel to a more manageable size and tied it around her torso so it was covering her stab wounds. “Is this one of Equius’ towels? Where is he?” Feferi inquired.

Tears began streaming down Nepeta’s face again. “He… He’s dead… One of the monsters shot him in the chest…” She said trying her best to not start crying again.

“Tavros and Terezi are dead too. Apparently Vriska murdered Tavros and the demons caught Terezi alone… It… It… So much blood… Terezi’s death was horrible…” Karkat said, still unable to forget the sight no matter how much he wanted to.

“The only ones still unaccounted for are Gamzee and Vriska. I think it's safe to say they're both dead, fortunately for us. So, what now?” Sollux inquired.

“Now? We can’t just stay in here and hide forever, as much as I sort of want to. So now we go out there and kill every last glubbing demon in this place. After that...? I guess we start cleaning all of this up.” Feferi declared clutching her 2x3dent.

[On Skaia in the present]

John found the Tumor in the center of Skaia. He mentally debated whether he should lift it out by hand or just captchalogue it. After a moment he decided to just captchalogue it. With that done he flew back up to the surface and saw another carapacian with the robotic rabbit he received for his birthday. They were standing next to the wandering vagrant. So John descended from the sky to speak with them. Almost as soon as he landed Daisy — as he had decided to name the robotic rabbit — handed him a note.

_John!!! One more thing..._

_This rabbit im sure youve noticed is armed to the stitches! Hes got all four of the funny little weapons i mentioned thatre all deadly as the fucking dickens but that doesnt mean they are meant exclusively for the paws of mr terry kiser. (That is the name i call him.) Heck no._

_You see i adapted terry with some doodads you may deem practical. An infinitesimalator which i used to littlefy them down in the first place as well as a monstrositifier for when you would like to hugen them up and wield them yourself! Hes surely got enough juice in him to make them enormous if you wish. But thats silly what would you even do with say a magic needle the size of a skyscraper for instance? Preposterous!_

_I borrowed this technology from my grandmother who had quite the way with manipulating space. Legend tells she was something of a witch with the stuff! Once she was a brave hero like you and i john and the stars themselves twinkled in her cauldron. I would like to tell you who my grandmother is i really would. But i cant. I think i have trouble keeping secrets. I like to be honest just like you and a lot of secrecy after a while gets me feeling a bit jaded. Heh heh._

_Green means grow red means shrink! See you soon pal._

_J._

Well that was certainly convenient. John had Daisy enlarge the stupid looking crucible blade. He absolutely despised the design but supposedly it was more powerful than his Lesser Crucible Blade so he decided to use it anyways. He didn’t care what something looked like. As long as it functioned that’s all that mattered to him. Before he could do anything else the wandering vagrant ate Daisy’s green eye. John had to actively restrain both halves of him from killing the vagrant for that and picking the eye back out of his stomach. If it wasn’t for the fact the timeline needed the idiot alive there was a very high chance that John may have killed him on the spot. Regardless he decided it was time for him to take control of the situation. He was lord, they were going to do what he said whether they liked it or not.

“Cut the crap!” He ordered. 

The squat carapacian mediated between Daisy and the Vagrant and patched up Daisy’s missing eye. Literally. He covered it with an eyepatch of sorts.

“Daisy I need you to pilot this Sentinel Battleship.” John declared.

She proceeded to shrink the Sentinel ship down to a size that was more manageable for her.

“Here. Take this wallet and deliver the Tumor to Derse. It is extremely important that it gets there as soon as possible.” John ordered handing Daisy the wallet. “I have to stay here and continue looking for my father.”

All three of them saluted. Apparently the carapacians decided they were a part of this for some reason. John honestly didn’t care. If they wanted to tag along with Daisy then he wasn’t going to stop them. All three of them climbed aboard the ship and John proceeded to lift it up off the ground and flew into the sky with it. Eventually the ship’s propulsion systems kicked back on and John was able to let it go.

As it started flying away John sensed a source of immense sadness and anger approaching him. Turning to look, he saw it was Rose. She looked extremely angry about something and tears were streaming from her eyes. “Rose?” He inquired curiously both halves of him wondering what could possibly be wrong.

“John… I know where our parents are…” She told him.

“You do? Then why are you upset?” He asked.

“Just… Just come with me… You should see it for yourself…” She said before turning and flying off in a different direction.

Neither half of John liked the sound of that. As such he followed her. They quickly came to a castle. John immediately saw what Rose had meant as he spotted the bloody corpses of his father and her mother laying on the roof of the castle. Standing on the roof with the corpses was who John immediately assumed was their killer. Unsurprisingly, he wasn’t happy about their deaths but he wasn’t too terribly broken up about it either. To him they were just two more casualties amongst billions. Though the hell-god half of him was absolutely devastated by this. Still he wasn’t just going to let this stand. He was _going to_ avenge them. So he drew his new Crucible of Zillyhoo in preparation for a fight. He could have used the Unmaykr but both halves of him decided that would just end the fight too quickly as they wanted the bastard to suffer before he died.

Both he and Rose landed on the roof and confronted the creature who John assumed was this Jack he kept hearing about. Jack suddenly teleported behind him and stabbed him through the back. John looked down at the sword sticking out of his chest then Jack ripped it back out. Not giving Jack any time to react John immediately whirled around and swung his crucible at Jack in an attempt to decapitate him. Somehow Jack managed to deflect John’s crucible with his sword, though he appeared extremely surprised that John had somehow managed to survive being stabbed like that. Thus the battle began in earnest.

John and Rose immediately had Jack on the defensive. Though Rose had to keep a fair distance from John the entire time otherwise his presence would severely weaken her magic to the point of being almost ineffectual. It was practically a miracle she hadn’t fallen out of the sky when she got close enough to tap him on the shoulder earlier since her flight was based entirely on magic. John’s assault on Jack was relentless and the booms that occurred whenever their blades clashed were deafening.

They were clearly winning. For a while, at least. Eventually Jack managed to catch them by surprise and stabbed Rose through the heart in much the same way as he had stabbed John a bit earlier. She then fell out of the sky, dead. “ **NOOOOOO!** ” The hell-god half of John roared in a mixture of grief and rage. The demon slayer half of John was mostly unphased by this. He was furious that one of his allies had died but it wasn’t even remotely personal to him as he felt no attachment to anyone anymore, let alone Rose. Still neither half of him was about to let this go unpunished. He had only been fighting Jack physically up until now, but he decided it was officially time he changed that.

“You _really_ shouldn’t have done that.” He stated in an emotionless tone despite the fact that he was the furthest thing from emotionless one could possibly be. He then flooded Jack’s mind with earth shattering fear and regret and engulfed him in hellish agony. Jack immediately fell to the ground screaming. John landed and began walking towards him putting his Crucible of Zillyhoo away, intent on killing Jack with his bare hands. Jack began crawling backwards away from him as if he was the most terrifying thing in existence. This only lasted for a moment before Jack teleported away. He fled the fight.

“Lord of Rage, you must revive the Seer of Light.” Said the voice of a wraith through the speakers in John’s helmet, before John could try to chase after Jack to continue their fight.

“I AM _NOT_ TURNING HER INTO A DEMON!” John roared back at the Wraith, thinking it wanted him to use the powers of a Hell-God.

“Good since that is not what I meant. There is another way for you to revive her but you must hurry as your time is limited.” The Wraith stated.

“What do you mean? I’m a Lord of Rage. I’m pretty fucking sure my powers are only good for killing things not bringing them back to life.” John stated.

“You can allow her to inhabit her dream self. Any player can do it.” The wraith explained.

“How?” John demanded.

“Kiss her.” The Wraith stated.

John didn’t detect any traces of a lie in the Wraith’s words. It was completely serious. “This had better work…” He growled before walking over to Rose’s corpse. Taking off his helmet and setting it down on the ground next to him, he picked up Rose’s body and proceeded to kiss her. After about two seconds he put her corpse back down and put his helmet back on. “There. Is she alive again?” He demanded as he stood back up.

“Indeed. Her dream self has taken control. She is currently on Derse awaiting the Tumor” The Wraith confirmed. “Now you must proceed to the Land of Heat and Clockwork and prepare for the Scratch.”

[Elsewhere, at some point in the past, present, or future]

The five trolls began making their way through the facility slaughtering every demon they could find. It was a lot easier with five of them then it had been with just two or three. Not that it was actually easy, it was still extremely difficult, but it wasn’t quite as excruciatingly hard to the point of being almost impossible to survive. It only got truly terrifying when they reached the roof and encountered a Baalgar demon. Every last one of them nearly died trying to fight it. They only made it out alive due to the efforts of Eridan and Sollux as the only members of their party that could attack at range. Feferi, Karkat, and Nepeta all had to try their best to keep as much distance from it as possible which severely limited their ability to attack it. However even at a distance they weren’t safe as it was still a powerful Greater Demon and had access to truly devastating demonic magic.

When it was over they finally found Vriska’s charred corpse. Judging by all the demon corpses there had been a lot of other demons along with the Baalgar demon and even with all her luck they had ultimately proved to be too much for her.

With that the only one of them that was still unaccounted for was Gamzee. However that wouldn’t last long as all five of them heard ominous honking slowly approaching them. Turning around they saw Gamzee. He was covered in wounds — including having claw marks across his face — some of which even looked like they should have been extremely lethal however he seemed completely unfazed by any of this. He was also wearing what looked like the severed head of a Baron of Hell minus the lower jaw on top of his head like some sort of gruesome hat.

What followed was an extremely tense standoff as both sides waited for the other to make the first move. Karkat and Gamzee charged at each other with their weapons raised. Then Karkat proceeded to do his best to calm Gamzee down. Strangely enough, it was actually working. For a while at least. Then Gamzee burst into an even greater rage then he had been in before. Karkat quickly redoubled his efforts to calm down the raging clown. Eventually he succeeded and calmed Gamzee down. Finally they embraced each other as Moirails.

[Meanwhile, somewhere at some point in time]

Doc Scratch was being throttled by a completely invisible force allowing for the entry of the Dark Lord Caliborn into the universe.

([S] Cascade)

[Earth in the future]

A young lady stood alone in her room. She had average musculature for one her age and was almost always a very happy and cheerful individual and had an air about her that made her almost universally liked by everyone. There were a few people that were indifferent about her but no one truly disliked her. She had short black hair, sky blue eyes, and a face that was naturally bright and cheerful.

Her name was Jane Crocker and it just so happens that today, the 11th of November, 2011, was the date scheduled for the launch of a highly exclusive playtesting experience for a much anticipated game. The young lady was expecting to find this game in her mailbox today. She had the opportunity to playtest the SBURB Alpha! This was mainly due to the fact her aunt, Jade Crocker, was the sole owner of the Union Aerospace Corporation which was the company that was developing the game. It also happened to be the largest company in the world surpassing even the Baked Goods Empire known as the Crocker Corporation. The U.A.C. mainly made military technology and obviously sold it to the military but it had a hand in pretty much everything even remotely related to technology including video games apparently. She supposed it didn’t hurt that Jane was the U.A.C.s number one fan girl, either!

Jane really enjoyed cool technology, but she also adored reading detective stories. She fancied herself a skilled demonologist in that she knew a lot about demons. Unlike her father she had absolutely zero, no, _less than_ zero interest in trying to hunt demons let alone traveling to literal Hell to fight them on their home turf as her father had claimed to have done on several occasions. She knew more than enough to protect herself from being possessed or anything like that but she really didn’t want to deal with any demons directly. She had seen her father come home covered in wounds and burns more than enough times to know how dangerous they were.

She also happened to be extremely religious as her father had deliberately raised her to be completely different to him in every way, wanting her to have a much better life and to grow up to be a much better person than he was. Though her religion wasn’t exactly something anyone else believed in as far as she was aware. She worshiped a God known only as “The Father” and his angels known as the “Maykrs” and feared the Hell-God known as “Davoth” and the demons he ruled over. As far as she was aware her religion was completely unique to her and her dad.

But none of that was on her mind now because she was so psyched about today! She couldn’t wait for the mail to come! She couldn’t help but muse about the game and what it would be like but she was extremely hopeful that even a fraction of what she heard was going to turn out to be true. If it did then it was going to be so much fun!

Earlier this morning she thought she heard the mail truck, even though the mail never comes in the morning. But just to be sure, she rushed downstairs to check, even though due to recent events, she was forbidden from leaving the house. Alas, it was not there, and she sort of spaced out at the sky with a goofy grin on her face for no great reason, and then she was caught red handed by her dad. Then she got in trouble.

She thought she might be grounded now? She completely understood her dad’s reasoning, he just wanted to protect her, but she for a fact that even with everything that’s been happening she was in no danger. She knew that The Father would never allow any harm to come to her. Even if she walked through an active warzone she was absolutely certain that The Father would protect her from harm, so great was her faith. It was unfortunate her dad lacked the same faith and conviction that she had, especially since he dealt with demons so frequently and could certainly use the extra help, but she couldn’t really blame him after hearing even a fraction of the things he had lived through.

She took a moment to examine her fetch modus. It was a prayer modus. A really handy little inventory widget her dad got her for her birthday a couple years ago. She had to pray in order to retrieve items from it and if her faith was strong enough, which it always was, she would be able to withdraw the item she wanted. It always worked for her 100% of the time. She absolutely loved it!

She used it to captchalogue her favorite hat, which also happened to be her only hat. She had spent basically her entire childhood in that hat, pretending to be hard boiled detectives and whatnot. In public her and her dad had made quite the pair. People could tell with just a glance that she was her fathers daughter. Though apparently many found it odd how great the difference between the two of them and their entire demeanors were. Whereas she was always very bright and cheerful and everyone liked her, her dad was always very grim and serious and everyone was absolutely terrified of him. The difference was like day and night.

She then captchalogued her prayer book that was laying on her bed. Since her religion was pretty much limited to her and her dad there wasn’t exactly a holy text written for it like the christian bible, so she had taken to writing various prayers to The Father that she came up with herself in a journal of sorts. It was allocated to her strife specibus as she didn’t really carry anything that could be used like an actual weapon since she didn’t want to hurt anyone. She wasn’t exactly a pacifist per say since her dad had made sure to drill the fact that sometimes violence was completely necessary into her head and had made sure to teach her how to defend herself if she had to. However she _did_ want to avoid any and all conflict she could whenever possible and when conflict was simply unavoidable then she preferred not to seriously injure her opponent in any capacity. Granted she had never once gotten into an actual fight or been put in a situation where she had to defend herself, but still. She had no intentions of ever seriously injuring anyone so the only “weapon” she needed was her faith.

She then looked at the two stuffed bunnies on her bed. These customized bunnies were gifts to her on her 13th birthday, from two of her friends. Both were heirlooms passed down to them, and they decided to coordinate gift ideas and send her dressed up versions of their beloved childhood toys. She liked to think he was shooting for a detective bunny with the one on the left, but she knew realistically it was probably an Indiana Jones bunny more in line with his interests than hers, especially since it came with a little whip she had since misplaced. The bunny used to belong to his grandma, who was also her aunt. The other one used to belong to her friend's mom, and she dressed it as a wizard, which was also unapologetically more representative of her interests than Jane’s. That was ok though, she loved the gesture anyway, and she and her friend were totally BFFSIES 4EVERZ, her words. And she agreed with them!

She did get one more bunny from her other pal. He had to make it himself from scratch, since for some ridiculous reason he didn't happen to have a ratty old bunny heirloom lying around. His gift was... somewhat less innocuous. She had no idea where it was though. Probably just as well.

She had been fidgeting around her room all day, making little observations about her various belongings, and checking the clock. When would the dang mail get here? She took another peek out the window, just in case.

It still wasn’t there. But there was her dad. What was he up to? She watched as he grabbed the car and casually lifted it above his head. Oh, that's right. He was going to wash it today. He was probably taking it into the backyard next to the garden hose. He kept a very busy fatherly itinerary. So many dad things to do, every single day.

If the mail had arrived soon, this would have been a great opportunity to sneak out and get it! She had her fingers crossed. She knew if she had enough faith it would arrive soon. Perhaps not immediately but soon. She knew patience was a virtue The Father valued greatly.

She heard a notification from her computer. It seemed that someone was messaging her. She wondered what he wanted. She went over to her computer and opened up pesterchum.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:05

GT: Jane!

GT: Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all.

GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens ms lalonde might be?

GG: Oh, that's fine!

GG: I had been meaning to message you sooner actually, but I suppose in all the hubbub today, it plumb slipped my mind.

GG: Which is a shocking fact on its lonesome, considering what I have to tell you!

GT: Egad...

GT: *Loosens collar a bit.*

GG: As for this Lalonde business, hrmmm. She's an elusive girl Jake. You know that.

GG: I talked to her yesterday. That's as much help as I can be!

GT: Shoot.

GT: I really need to ask her something but shes got her blasted auto responder turned on.

GG: Hoo hoo.

GG: I love that thing. :B

GT: She wouldnt be pleased to hear you say that.

GG: What do you need with her?

GG: Does this have to do with your crazy pen pal project?

GT: It most certainly does and time is of the essence!

GT: Today is the day i have to finish it and send it. Not a day later!

GT: So you see why i am feeling really friggin discombobulated at the moment.

GG: Sorry, J. :(

GG: This would be the birthday present... for your grandmother?

GT: No!

GT: It is for your father simply to be *relayed* to him by my grandmother. A joint gift to him from she and i.

GG: Her and me.

GT: What? Who and you now?

GG: "A joint gift from her and me." Grammar, Jake!

GT: Oh for frigs flipping sake jane this is no time for your prudish pedantry! Leave your bookish malarkey in a dusty old library somewhere. I have an adventure to get on with!

GG: So if I have this straight, the big thing hogging up your plate today is not this marvelous new game which I have invited you to play with me, but finishing a robotic rabbit to give to my dad when he was still around our age?

GT: Bingo. *double pistols and a wink*

GG: Shoot. Well, then I will pray that you can finish it as soon as possible so you can still play the game with me.

GG: If The Father permits it then perhaps you will be done by the time my discs arrive in the mail later today.

GG: I believe in you!

GT: I still do not understand your odd religion but either way thank you very much!

GT: I really appreciate it!

GG: Of course!

GG: Anyways, what I wanted to tell you this morning was...

GG: I had a really wild dream last night.

GG: And you were in it.

GT: Oh my. *glasses fog up. fumbles for kerchief.*

GG: Sh! Not like that.

GG: It was so real! I think we were in the game, even though we haven't started playing yet.

GG: I don't know what to make of it. Whether it was a vision of the future, or somewhere that exists now, or if it was just a really lucid dream due to excitement.

GT: What was i doing there?

GG: Um...

GG: Not a heck of a lot!

GG: I really want to tell you all about it, but it will take some time to explain, and we both have things to attend to.

GG: You with your time traveling rabbitwork, and I, my vigilant window gazing!

GT: Too true.

GT: Let us reconvene later and sort out all this shit at a leisurely pace.

GG: Yes, ok, good luck Jake!

GT: Okay you too jane! Bye!

golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Getting up she decided to pass the time by rummaging through her holy chest — she knew full well that was an awful name for it but none of the other names she could think of were any better. However she received yet another message.

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:17

UU: good morning, lovely. ^u^

GG: Why, hellooooooo.

UU: so i gUess today is finally the day yoU make everything better.

GG: :B!

UU: it is the day whereafter the legendary octet of mUtUal progenitoriety will come together and heal a great breach in paradox space.

UU: a day delivered throUgh eighty billion years and foUr distinct Universal instances worth of Unfathomable tUrbUlence.

UU: and while the emerald eye of this storm is fixed in the abyss forever

UU: today yoU are poised to escape its scowl once and for all.

UU: by skaias gUiding light, yoU may leave behind its tUrning arms of bright coloUrs and mayhem, and secUre peace for yoUr cosmic progeny for all dUration.

UU: and if yoU are to meet this departUre with trepidation i woUld Understand! bUt also i woUld ask

UU: is there nothing i can do to ease yoUr mind?

GG: Gosh! So formal today.

UU: yes. u_u;

UU: i'm afraid i am gUilty of rehearsing this pep talk well in advance.

UU: i thoUght yoU deserved a proper sendoff.

GG: D'aww.

UU: well then?

UU: is there nothing i can do?

UU: it was a serioUs qUestion. :u

GG: You needn't worry about easing my nerves.

GG: My faith is more than enough on its own.

GG: Though I will say that if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be nearly as thrilled about today as I am!

UU: splendid! ^u^

UU: bUt remember i will be here to help, whilst refraining from caUsal spoilers to the best of my ability.

GG: That is reassuring!

UU: have yoU corresponded with yoUr first designated co-player yet?

GG: No, I haven't seen him online yet today.

GG: I'm really hoping Strider won't flake out on me this time. Have you heard from him?

UU: not the today that is local to yoU.

UU: still, i woUldn't fret over it. he is as good a chUm as any yoU have and shoUld come throUgh Ultimately, even if things seem dire.

GG: If you say so.

GG: Oh!

GG: I wanted to tell you, I had an amazing dream last night!

UU: blimey! :U

GG: I believe it may have been of the sort you described. A dream of awakening.

UU: indeed, im sUre it was. i knew yoU woUld wake Up soon!

UU: might yoU describe what yoU saw?

GG: I was in a bright gold city. Above was a brilliant blue sky, but the horizon was dark as night.

GG: Was this the place you told me about? What was it called...

GG: Ah, shucks, does this count as a "causal spoiler?"

UU: not at all! that is a simple detail aboUt the realm yoU are aboUt to explore, withoUt directly involving yoUr fUtUre decisions of conseqUence.

UU: the place yoU visited was called prospit. it is where i have woken Up every time i have gone to sleep for most of my life.

GG: I didn't see you there. At least, I don't think I did!

UU: no, yoU woUldnt have.

UU: my prospit is an alternate version from yoUrs, in a completely different session qUite far afield of yoUr reality.

UU: if we are ever to meet in person, it is Unlikely to be while playing oUr respective games!

GG: Ok then.

GG: I mentioned this briefly to Jake, and he didn't have much to say before we parted ways.

GG: I will gather that if this is all true, then it means Jake had not awoken yet?

UU: i think this is for yoU to determine in time. what is yoUr hUnch?

GG: I don't know.

GG: But there was one thing about the dream that was very troubling.

GG: I know that The Father will protect and aid us in this journey but I will admit I'm becoming nervous to consider what it might mean.

UU: Understandable. bUt it will be important to practice patience today. 

UU: yoU have a long road ahead of yoU, and many qUestions will be answered in time.

UU: bUt we can talk it over later. now, we both have games to prepare for!

UU: i took mUch care to sync Up these conversations with yoU on the same day that i begin playing as well.

UU: that way, we can joUrney throUgh oUr sessions together and compare notes! :u

GG: I will pray for your safety in your session as I pray for our safety in our session! If The Father is willing then no harm shall come to you!

GG: I hope we learn much from each other!

UU: thank yoU! 

UU: i’m not sUre i trUly believe in the father as yoU do bUt i will most certainly pray for yoUr safety as well! ^u^

UU: now, jane my lovely, let Us prepare for this adventUre.

UU: remember what i said aboUt the need for patience.

UU: patience with yoUr friends.

UU: patience for yoUr growth as a hero of hope.

UU: and patience for the coming of the other foUr of legend.

UU: a hero of rage and of light and of time and of space!

UU: <kisses!>

uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Jane then quickly returned to her holy chest — she still didn’t like that name but she still couldn’t think of a better one — which she mainly used for storing important items related to her religion as well as a few other odds and ends. In the lid was a picture of her deceased older brother. She would have loved to meet him. Unfortunately his life was cut short at the age of 35 in a tragic assassination orchestrated by Jane’s grandmother just to hurt her dad, or so her dad told her. That was apparently one of the reasons her father was so protective of her, because he didn’t want the same thing happening to her. Her older brother had just been an ordinary businessman working for the U.A.C. 

Jane proceeded to rummage around in her horribly named chest. Inside was a slightly abridged copy of "A Guide To The Demons Of Hell And How To Slaughter Them" by the world famous demon hunter D.S. Argent. It was debatable who was the more famous demon hunter between D.S. Argent and Jane’s dad. She also had the helmet for a small suit of prototype armor that was being developed by the U.A.C. that was custom fitted for her. The rest of the armor was in her closet. Both the helmet and the armor were inscribed with anti-demonic runes to protect her from demonic possession and demonic magic whenever she wore them — her father was **_EXTREMELY_ ** paranoid when it came to demons. There was also a U.A.C. brand Thoughtwave Tiaratop which was also inscribed with anti-demonic runes. Her dad’s first Demon Slaying Knife, which she had absolutely _zero_ intention of ever using but kept because it meant a lot to him, he had given it to her for her 13th birthday, and he had trained her in how to use it whether she ever had any intention of using it or not. A few more anti-demonic odds and ends. A few comedy items as she had a minor interest in comedy. As well as a few stray books.

She dumped the chest out. She decided that she may as well get all of this crap out of there and take it with her. You never knew when you might need it. She then proceeded to close the chest and captchalogue all of the items. Her dad’s Demon Slaying Knife was not added to her strife specibus as, again, she had zero intention of ever actually using it as a weapon. Regardless, her sylladex was so great. She shuddered to remember some of the old shitty fetch modi she used to struggle with when she was younger, still learning the captchaloguing ropes.

Putting on her U.A.C. brand Tiaratop, she resumed looking out the window. She decided to keep it on while she waited for the mail, that way she could keep an eye out for Strider while she was at it. She didn’t have to wait long as she was messaged by Strider almost immediately.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:24

TT: Hey Jane.

GG: Hey Drik!

GG: Where have you been all morning?

TT: In training. 

TT: Live fire combat simulations and weight training were extended a bit today.

TT: I can’t believe how some of these jackasses are allowed to hold a gun.

TT: Seriously, some of them are a larger threat to themselves than the Batterwitch and her god forsaken demons and robotic drones will ever be.

TT: I’m pretty sure some of them would end up killing themselves by accident if they weren’t already all going to die soon anyways.

TT: Shit’s just plain depressing.

GG: Well that’s what training is for right?

GG: How else are they supposed to learn?

TT: Easy, by following simple instructions, remembering the rules of gun safety, and just generally not being complete dumbasses.

GG: I think you may be being a bit too hard on them.

GG: Though I’m not there and have no idea what it's like being in a post apocalyptic future being trained as a soldier to fight an invading extraterrestrial overlord and her robotic drones.

GG: Still you shouldn’t give up hope!

GG: Maybe it might take a bit more work but I’m sure all of them could make for excellent soldiers!

TT: Again, they’re all going to die soon anyways so it doesn’t even matter.

GG: I’m still praying that you and Roxy are both wrong and Humanity will survive whatever apocalypse the two of you think is coming.

GG: Don’t you have the technology to colonize other planets in the future?

TT: Yeah, but it's kind of hard to start any sort of colony anywhere when a bunch of killer robots come and blow everything to Hell before you can get anything started.

TT: Besides, what few colonies we have managed to set up heavily rely on Earth to supply them food. So once Earth’s destroyed they will all starve to death.

TT: Humanity is screwed.

TT: All your dad’s work to ensure the survival of our species up until this point is going to completely go to waste because it was just one big exercise in futility this entire time.

TT: Humanity’s fate is predestined, so in the end all he really accomplished was delaying the inevitable.

TT: It was just one massive waste of time and effort if you ask me.

GG: Hm… I disagree. 

GG: How many people didn’t have to suffer living under the tyranny of my grandmother?

GG: How many more people got to live happy and fulfilling lives because he and his military kept them all safe for however many centuries?

GG: To me, even if humanity is destroyed in the end, all of the good he managed to accomplish makes everything he did completely worthwhile.

TT: Your optimism never ceases to amaze me.

TT: Not that I agree with you, obviously, but it is just impressive how you can view pretty much anything in a positive light no matter how grim the situation may be.

TT: If your dad’s goal was to raise you to be his exact opposite then he sure as hell succeeded.

TT: I’ve met him. 

TT: He’s even more pessimistic than I am and that’s saying something. He’s also so angry it’s legitimately absolutely terrifying fucking constantly.

TT: Like there’s never a point when he’s not pissed off to the extreme.

TT: You, on the other hand, are the single most optimistic person I’ve ever seen.

TT: And you’re always happy and cheerful just like he’s always apocalyptically furious.

GG: Oh come on, he’s not that bad.

TT: Maybe not in your time period, but a lot can change in a few centuries.

GG: I suppose that’s true.

GG: Anyways, moving on to a less grim subject, I’m currently waiting for the mail to arrive.

TT: Right, your copy of the game is supposed to be arriving soon.

TT: I know the U.A.C. stole the information on the game from the Crocker Corporation and were the ones to publish it instead of the Batterwitch, but I’m still pretty damn sure that this is exactly what she wants us to do.

TT: I would suggest that we just not play it to avoid playing right into her hands, but I already know that we don’t have a choice.

TT: I have my copy of the game already so I’m ready to play whenever you are.

GG: The mail should be arriving sometime soon, so we shouldn’t have to wait too long!

GG: Oh! Speak of the dickens!

GG: The flappy swingy doodad on the mailbox is up!

GG: It’s here!

GG: Brb.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased bothering timaeusTestified [TT]

Jane scampered over to the door, but paused a second to think. Was her dad still washing the car? She certainly hoped he was still preoccupied so she could sneak out.

Still it wouldn’t hurt for her to be prepared for such an encounter. She knew he would be slightly less upset with her if he found out she left the house as long as she was wearing her prototype U.A.C. armor. After all, the entire reason she was grounded in the first place was because he wanted to keep her safe. So as long as she took the precaution to wear her armor at the very least, then she wouldn’t be in as much danger, so he wouldn’t be quite as mad at her for leaving the house without his permission.

So she quickly donned her prototype armor before exiting her room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha... This is the part of the story I've been waiting for. This is where it deviates from cannon massively. Sooo... Can you guess what Jane's Classpect/Mythological Role is? It should be REALLY obvious what with John being a Lord of Rage and all. If you can't guess then you'll just have to find out as the story goes on I suppose.
> 
> As for the others, if you're interested in knowing their Classpects ahead of time I'm planning on Dirk being a Knight of Doom, Roxy being a Witch of Heart, and Jake being either an Heir of Breath or an Heir of life. I'm not sure which yet in Jake's case. Now I know being a Knight of anything really doesn't suit Dirk in the original comic, but this version of Dirk was raised VERY differently. So was Roxy. They were both raised in human society to be soldiers to fight off Her Imperial Condescension's demons and robotic drones. So they also grew up in a society that DESPISES Trolls and Troll culture. So just keep that in mind for the future.
> 
> Also, sorry about the [S] Cascade thing. I had no idea how to write that all out so I sort of just had to skip it and a lot of the in-between stuff because that particular part of the original comic got really messy.
> 
> Edit: I forgot to mention, just because Jack stabbed John through the heart but he didn't die doesn't mean that he is invincible. He very much CAN be killed. It's just REALLY hard given the fact that he is a Rage player. He won't be invincible until he goes through the Divinity Machine and even then he will have a weakness.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much if not more than I enjoyed writing it! Please feel free to let me know what you think, constructive criticism is more then welcome! I can't improve if I don't know what I'm doing wrong, after all.
> 
> Stay safe out there everyone!


	16. Start of the Three Year Trip

Jake Crocker had been screwing around in his room when he received a message on pesterchum.

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering golgothasTerror [GT] at 5:51

UU: hello there, darling. ~3u

GT: Ahoy madame!

UU: i dont relish troUbling yoU with more arm twisting.

UU: im sUre for all ive done so far yoUve had a jolly good workoUt already :u

UU: bUt yoU will be ready to deliver the package today, yes?

GT: Im determined as ever to see this through. But as usual events have conspired to make a boondoggle of the prospect.

UU: :U

UU: how so???

GT: Terry needs fuel and i dont have any left.

GT: I tried asking my grandma for some, but she refused. It seems I have used up my uranium allowance for this month.

GT: I think I’m at lalonde’s mercy for a solution this time.

GT: I will have to ask her for help. And soon.

UU: well there yoU go, love! better hop to it.

GT: Yes i will.

GT: But also...

GT: Theres the matter of the rabbits armaments.

GT: I dont imagine hell do a lot of friggin good in helping grandfather crocker from kicking the old bucket without them.

GT: Did you not say youd supply these?

UU: i did indeed say so!

UU: and have already done.

GT: You did??

GT: When?

UU: in yoUr fUtUre.

UU: i relayed the information enabling yoU to create the powerfUl weaponry yoUrself.

UU: and yoU did!

UU: yoU then sent them back in time. yoU may recover them in the rUins, which conveniently is where yoU mUst go to ship the package once and for all.

UU: bangUp plan we hatched, dont yoU fancy? ^u^

GT: I see...

GT: Yes it sure is if that is the case.

GT: Then all thats left to do is find power for it...

GT: Oh and also enough power for the stupid transmateriabob. Augh!

GT: So much to do before shuttling this goddamn thing into the past.

GT: I mean...

GT: That is what im doing right? Giving it to my grandma when she was a kid growing up on the same island i did?

UU: that is somewhat close to the trUth, and i can see how yoU woUld draw that conclUsion.

UU: bUt theres more to it yoU dont Understand yet! yoU will sort it all oUt in time.

GT: These are among the dadblasted causal spoilers you refuse to dish out?

UU: somewhat.

UU: it woUldnt hUrt yoU mUch to know the trUth, i imagine.

UU: its jUst the trUth is a wee bit complicated.

UU: perhaps a draft of the cascading seqUence from which yoUr reality has arisen will pUt yoUr mind at ease.

UU: imagine two Universes, A and B.

UU: now imagine there are two instances of each Universe, A1 and A2 and B1 and B2.

UU: the first instance of each is like a test rUn, that does not qUite sUcceed.

UU: the second instance thoUgh will meet all of its pUrposes!

UU: now consider that A1 begets A2.

UU: A2 begets B1.

UU: and B1 begets B2.

UU: and the participants of B2 are the ones who will make an effort to exit all this tUrbUlence and falderal.

UU: yoU are one of them! :U

UU: and yoUr yoUng ancestor is another, thoUgh she is "presently" stationed in B1.

UU: and yes she is in the past.

UU: thoUgh not qUite as far as yoU believe!

UU: nor does she occUpy the same stream of continUity.

GT: Im not sure i completely followed that but ok.

UU: thats the best i can do for now. u_u

UU: primarily becaUse i will not risk wasting mUch more of yoUr time!

GT: So you are still in contention that i will meet our elders as youths?

UU: oh yes! ^u^

GT: Ah ha! Then i WILL be traveling through time. I knew it.

GT: Or... they will be. Whichever it is.

GT: Which is it, btw?

UU: caUsal spoilers, sir english!

GT: Fffff.

UU: given the natUre of the qUest waiting for yoU, it woUldnt be shrewd of me to rUle oUt the employment of time travel by any individUal.

UU: bUt i will say that yoUre probably prey to a basic misapprehension aboUt the natUre of this rendezvoUs.

UU: it will not take place on earth.

UU: it will happen inside the game yoUre aboUt to play!

GT: Oh.

GT: Well shit!

UU: indeed. :u

GT: This is frightfully exciting. I would love to meet them.

GT: The young version of my grandma seems so different from my old grandma based on my correspondence with her. So i am really looking forward to it.

UU: yoU are qUite lUcky. id pay a hefty ransom to get to know my forebears.

GT: I remember you mentioned your race doesnt really jive with ours familially speaking?

UU: correct. i never knew those who one woUld identify as my parental eqUivalents. U_U

UU: it is in the way my race propagates. oUr ancestors precede Us by millenia.

GT: Well yes ours do too. But generally we have all these other people in between them and the most recent ones are called parents.

GT: so i guess you do not have those? Like systemically?

UU: nope! never did.

GT: well neither did i!!!

GT: I never got to meet my parents either as I have been raised by my grandma my entire life.

UU: ^u^

GT: Miss alien i think we are like birds of a feather you and i.

GT: When do i get to learn your name by the way?

UU: hm trUthfUlly?

UU: it may be for the best that yoU never know it.

UU: it coUld stir Up some things best left in their present eqUilibriUm.

UU: and now i think i shoUld bollocks off and leave yoU to it!

GT: But...

GT: Wait!

GT: There are still some things id like to know!

GT: About today! About this game!

UU: no more procrastinating!

UU: contact yoUr friend, darling.

GT: Yes fine fine ok i will but...

GT: Just please tell me in the least causally spoilery way possible...

GT: What are we even trying to accomplish here? What is even the rootin tootin POINT of this game?

UU: i think yoU will have more fUn than yoU can imagine finding oUt.

UU: bUt stated concisely, and short of spoilerly as yoU so charmingly pUt it,

UU: yoUr objective today is to pave the way for the arrival of gods.

UU: <kisses!>

uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering golgothasTerror [GT]

Closing his laptop Jake decided if he was going to message his good friend Roxy, then he may as well use a more comfortable computing device. He always found his laptop to be a little clunky. Way too hands on. Instead he took his U.A.C. issue helmet which had a built in heads up display and put it on.

His grandma owned the U.A.C. so all of his stuff was made by her company. In addition to being quite the globe trotting adventuress, she was rather enterprising as well. Her company made many products like this, to compete with the corporation owned by the cruel extraterrestrial baroness who raised her. And with the help of Jane’s father/Jake’s granduncle helping her by rising through the ranks of the U.S. Military and using his influence to ensure that the military bought the majority of its equipment from the U.A.C. she had actually succeeded for the most part. And it was all in spite of the evil extraterrestrial baroness’ best efforts to use her company’s influence to crush the U.A.C. and force his grandmother into exile. 

Apparently Jane’s dad would also occasionally bring back bits of technology he found during his excursions to the depths of actual Hell, which was apparently a very real and very dangerous place, for Jake’s grandma and her company to reverse engineer. However what technology demons might have in their possession and if it was even safe to use such technology in the first place considering its origins Jake was sure he would never understand. They were demons and from what he had seen about demons in the movies he had watched, it didn’t strike him as very wise to steal technology from them. But then again it was part of the reason that his grandmother’s company was so successful in the first place and nothing bad had happened so far, plus Jane’s dad was a world famous demon hunter so he assumed that if  _ anyone _ could do something like that safely then it was his grandma and Jane’s dad.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering technoGnostalgic [TG] at 6:03

GT: Roxy.

GT: Are you there?

TG: hey jake! 

TG: what’s up

GT: I should preface this request with an overture of appreciation.

GT: For how much your friendship means to me.

GT: It has just been...

GT: Absolutely *bully* having a standup gal like you in my corner.

GT: Just a grade a woman whos a cut above the others in class and camaraderie.

GT: Phew... *gropes for fresh kerchief.*

GT: I hope this shit isnt coming across as platitudinous. I really mean it!

TG: oh swoooon

TG: jake if you really want to date me so badly you know all you had to do was ask

TG: there really isnt any need to butter me up so much

TG: not that i dont like it of course ;)

GT: Wait no!

GT: I didnt mean it like that!

GT: I was just going to ask if you had any spare uranium you might be able to lend me!

GT: I ran out and my grandma refuses to give me any more since ive used up my uranium allowance for this month.

TG: aw...

TG: let me guess its for that rabbit your building

TG: hm…

TG: i guess i could send you some uranium

TG: well i could if it werent for the fact i’m just roxy’s auto responder

TG: plus im sure i would want something in return 

GT: Shoot!

GT: Do you think you could pass the message along to her at the very least?

GT: Also what is it she would want in return?

TG: of course

TG: and well i have a few ideas but i’m not entirely sure just yet

TG: im sure she will think of something

TG: anyways hows it going between you and jane

TG: have you asked her out yet

GT: No! Ive told you and roxy this before! Shes my grand cousin!

TG: so what

TG: its not like youre actually related by blood or anything since all four of us were adopted

TG: so there shouldnt be any problem

TG: you two would make such a cute couple!!! 

GT: I will not date my grand cousin!

TG: oh fine be that way

TG: well if youre not gonna try to date her then that means your available right?

TG: so how about dating me instead

TG: you know since the world is ending and all im really your only other option

TG: well i guess you could go out with the real roxy but i wouldnt say no if you wanted to date me instead ;)

GT: *glasses fog up. fumbles for kerchief.* Uh… I... I cant tell if your saying that in jest or not.

TG: *sighes* you always think that dont you

TG: oh well just let me know if you ever want to take me up on my offer

TG: ill be waiting <3

TG: now i would absolutely love to talk longer but im in the middle of helping her with a little project

TG: so ill talk to you later cutie

technoGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

Jake sighed and looked to see if any of his other friends were online at the moment. Unsurprisingly Strider was not. Jane, on the other hand, was online. Maybe she knew where Lalonde was? There was only one way to find out, so he proceeded to message her. They talked for a while but it seemed that Jane hadn’t spoken with Lalonde that day either. Jake assumed that this meant she was in the middle of training or lab work or something to that effect. He was a bit curious about Jane’s dream, however. It sounded like it almost certainly had something to do with their imminent adventure. He would have to remember to get the scoop on that later. For now he just went down stairs and walked outside.

[Meanwhile]

Jane certainly hoped her dad was still out back washing his car. While he was preoccupied, she should be able to sneak downstairs and grab the mail. Still she was wearing her prototype U.A.C. armor just in case.

Walking over to the stairs she took a peek into the living room. She didn’t see her dad so she proceeded down the stairs. Walking to the front door she discovered her dad had blocked it with the refrigerator. Apparently he was taking her grounding seriously this time.

She checked the windows and found them padlocked. She would bet her boonbucks the back door was blocked too. Probably with the safe from the study or something. Not that it would be wise of her to go out through the back door anyways since her dad was out back and she would get caught immediately. She wasn’t about to go smashing the glass and causing a ruckus though. She needed a solution involving more stealth. She supposed she had a plan in mind as a last resort but she would much prefer if it didn’t come to that.

As she tried to think of a solution she remembered her dream and couldn’t help but wonder what it meant. She decided she had to talk to Jake about this. She started a voice call with him over pesterchum.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 11:40

“Hi Jake! How goes the bunnyquest?” She inquired as Jake answered her call.

“I've barely even begun!” Jake exclaimed, sounding mildly frustrated.

Jane sighed in response and said, “Tell me about it.”

“You're off to a sluggish start then too I gather?” Jake asked.

“Yeah. Dad has the whole house in full fatherly lockdown mode. Talk about blowing a few measly "assassination attempts" way out of proportion!” Jane stated. Once again, she had complete faith that The Father would never allow any sort of harm to befall her. So she was absolutely certain that these assassination attempts would never so much as lay a scratch on her. “So I'm currently mulling over my next move. What is it that has you hamstrung? Did you ever track down the slippery Ms. Lalonde?”

“Unfortunately not. Her autoresponder said she would let her know I need to speak with her. So right now I just have to be patient and wait until she gets back to me.” Jake said.

“I’m currently debating whether or not I should enlist the help of Mr. Strider in the matter of my current imprisonment. But I'd rather keep it as a plan of last resort.” Jane told him.

“I would strongly advise against it. His methods tend to be rather destructive.” Jake advised.

“I am well aware of this fact. Thus the reason I would prefer to keep it as a plan of last resort. So I take it you're out and about now?” Jane inquired.

“Yes. I do not have much else to do at the moment. So I decided it wouldn’t hurt to take a short jaunt through nature whilst I await her response.” Jake confirmed.

“Right. Well, not to keep you too long, since we both still have our missions ahead of us, but I wanted to tell you about that dream I had.” Jane stated.

“Oh yeah! I was curious about that. Tell me everything and make it snappy! I sort of wish I had a bucket of popcorn at the moment.” Jake said

Jane chuckled slightly at this before continuing on in a more serious tone. “Ok, but, I should say that the nature of the dream was a bit worrisome. And while I know The Father will protect us on our journey I'm concerned it may have implications for the game we're about to play. So it's probably best that I tell you about it before you leave.”

“Well shoot. Ok then lay it on me Jane.”

“I woke up on the planet which we have been told about by our mutual acquaintance. The one covered in golden cities. Prospit, remember?” Jane informed him

“Oh. Wouldn't it be Prospit's moon?” Jake asked.

“Yes, you're right. It was the moon, actually. I could see the planet on the dark horizon. I was dressed in a golden dress, like a sort of nightgown, and I could fly. I left my bedroom, which was at the top of a tall tower. Surrounding me were the gold cities, just as described. Behind the skyline was darkness. But just above was a bright blue sky and puffy white clouds.” Jane explained.

“That was Skaia!” Jake exclaimed somewhat excitedly.

“Yes, probably. Are you sure you haven't woken up there before?” Jane inquired.

“Haha I  _ wish _ . I have received reports from the young version of Jade about this as well. She liked to talk about her dreams on Prospit's moon a lot.” Jake said.

“I see. The impression I have developed is that this is supposed to be a real place, and all who dream there have shared experiences. Did Jade ever mention seeing us there?” Jane asked.

“No but why would she? This was long before we were born! She was dreaming there like a hundred years ago or something. Thank goodness for cybernetics otherwise I’m not sure that she would still be alive today.”

“Hrmm. Anyway… I explored the moon, and began to notice people gathering in the streets. But they weren't human. They were funny looking, perfectly white creatures.” Jane explained

“Yeah those are Prospitians. They have these hard carapace shells and also have something to do with chess I think?”

“Well, I don't know if they had much to do with chess here. The more closely I observed, the more they appeared somewhat despondent.”

“Like... Sad?” Jake inquired.

“Yes. I determined they were in mourning, actually.”

“Hey. Jane, you said I was in this dream. Where do I come in?”

“Shoosh! I'm getting there.” Jane hushed him. More and more Prospitians were filing out of the buildings every moment. They all began to form a single, major procession. When I got closer, I could see that some were in tears. I realized this was a funeral. I heard whispers, but couldn't make out what they were saying, so I got closer. They were all saying the same thing, over and over. “The Heir is dead. Our life is lost.””

“The Heir? Who’s that?” Jake asked.

“Jake, the heir was you.” Jane stated.

“Oh. Drat. Are you sure?”

“Yes, I saw your body lying in a sort of coffin, on a bed of flowers. You were dead as a doornail. Everyone was so distraught! I was praying that you were in a much better place.” Jane explained. “But before I could make sense of any of it, I woke up. I of course immediately wanted to tell you all about it, but it was still well before sunrise for you, and you were surely still asleep. Then as the day went on I guess I became distracted by other things. You know how it is. I hope I'm not too late to "warn" you, though to be frank I don't have the foggiest clue what it is I'm warning you about. "Dear Jake, oh please do try not to... have already... died in my dream? Likely while you were sleeping, perhaps peacefully?"”

“Haha yeah. I see your point.” Jake chuckled.

“Still, I think you'll agree that it's to be viewed as a troubling omen. I care very much for you, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you both in my dreams, and here in this world. So for whatever good it does, just please be extra careful out there today!”

“Roger that Janey! And um same goes for you about being careful what with these various rogues accosting you with foul play lately and whatnot… Because well I sure do care a lot about you too you know that.”

“Hooray! Will do. Now let's get this silly old adventure off to the races before the coat of dust it's growing gets any thicker.” Jane stated cheerfully.

“Booyeah! Ok good luck jane and keep me posted! See ya.”

With that Jake ended the call.

[On Jake’s Island]

Jake finally exited his house and looked around at the completely overgrown island. The pumpkins and their vines were amazingly prolific. It wasn’t always like this. He just so happened to inherit his grandma’s love of gardening and he would admit that at some point it had gotten a  _ little _ out of hand. Fortunately there had been a forest there to begin with so not much had really changed. He absolutely loved the fact that the island had such a dense forest! It made exploring it and finding the bones of all the strange and monstrous animals that used to live there so much fun!

His grandma once told him that the evil baroness who had raised her had brought all of these strange monstrous animals from her home planet. She had apparently wanted these animals to have their own little ecosystem to inhabit so they could continue to thrive for some reason. As such Jane’s dad had come to the island and hunted down and killed each and every last one of them until all of them were completely extinct in retaliation for her assassinating his son. So that left Jake with plenty of bones to find and pretend were the fossils of strange and ancient creatures. Though admittedly he wished that he had the chance to see at least a few of the animals while they had still been alive. Sure the bones of long dead animals were fun to find and all but living animals were just so much more interesting.

As he was exploring the veritable forest of pumpkins he received a message on pesterchum from one of his friends.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 6:53

TT: Hello Jake.

TT: I’m messaging you to inform you of the order in which we will be entering the game.

GT: Oh. Is there such an itinerary?

TT: Yes.

TT: To start the session I will be bringing Jane into the game. From there Roxy will bring me into the game, then you will bring her into the game, then Jane will bring you into the game.

TT: Also I will be sending you the files to download the game.

GT: Where are you getting this intel? Did you guys make a plan or something?

TT: Irrelevant. And no, we didn’t. That’s just how it's going to happen.

TT: [Game Files]

TT: Click on that link and download the game.

GT: I will! Thanks Dirk!

GT: So how did your training go today?

TT: Predictably terrible. The other cadets are fucking morons, as always.

TT: The only part of today’s training that I would say could even remotely be classified as even resembling “good” would be weight training and that's just because I was able to ignore them and focus on lifting weights.

TT: Though even then someone still somehow managed to piss off one of the drill sergeants so now everyone in my group has to go around with wearable weights on our arms and legs for a whole day.

TT: Literally.

TT: They have a timer built into the locking mechanisms.

TT: I can’t take them off for a full 24 hours.

TT: It will make playing the game a bitch, but whatever.

TT: This is my life now so I’ll just have to make do.

GT: Oh. Well just keep a stiff upper lip and im sure youll get through it just fine.

TT: Not like I have a fucking choice in the matter.

TT: Anyways, how’s that rabbit coming along?

TT: I assume you’ve run out of uranium by now.

GT: Indeed i have.

GT: I am currently waiting on roxy to get back to me about that.

GT: Other than being completely out of fuel it is pretty much finished.

TT: Good. Then in the meantime just do whatever I guess. You’ll do whatever it is you’re predestined to do.

TT: Now I’ve got to go.

TT: I have to clean my heavy cannon, do some maintenance on my energy sword, and polish my armor in case the drill sergeants decide to do a surprise inspection today.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

[Meanwhile in Jane’s house]

Jane had decided that she had waited long enough. Her dad wouldn’t be washing the car forever and the day wasn’t getting any younger. So she got up off of the couch and activated her trusty homing device.

Suddenly a little robotic energy sword wielding rabbit landed directly in front of her, seemingly having jumped out of nowhere. He was such a little trouble maker. She hoped he would mind his manners today. He proceeded to jump up on the arm of the couch and use his energy sword to cut the top off of a lamp immediately proving that he would indeed not mind his manners today, much to Jane’s disappointment.

She then ordered Lil’ Sebastian, as she had just now decided to name him, to put his fidgetiness to constructive use and move the fridge out of the way of the door. Eager to assist he lifted the appliance with ease. He then apparently found a note underneath the fridge and handed it to her.

_ Jane _

_ If you are reading this, it means one of two things. One, you are finally strong enough to lift the fridge. Two, you’ve ordered your robot rabbit to lift it for you. Either way, while I am very proud of you, you are to stay inside. _

_ So be a good girl and either put the fridge down or order your robot to put it down. It’s for your own safety. _

Jane frowned a bit. She  _ really _ didn’t want to upset him but she  _ had to _ go get the mail.

As she finished reading the note she noticed that Lil Sebastian was getting fidgety again. She was about to tell him to put the fridge down gently before he could cause any more damage when he suddenly threw it through one of the walls. Jane grimaced. Her dad was  _ not _ going to be happy about that and there was no way that he hadn’t heard it.

Knowing the jig was up she quickly rushed to the mailbox as fast as she could. Right as she was reaching inside the mailbox she heard her dad shout her name and saw him standing in front of the front door. As soon as she grabbed the mail, the mailbox exploded.

[On a Night Sentinel Battleship somewhere at some point in time]

“Where are we?” John inquired.

“I'm not sure! Some sort of limbo dimension between the two walls I guess. Like a realm with unusual spatial properties we have to cross through.” The now ascended Jade responded.

“ **So we escaped the scratch...** Good.” John growled. “I saw you make that window huge and shrink those planets, so I assume those are your powers as a Witch of Space?”

“Yup. Also witch powers can teleport things, and fling things around through space at very high velocities all sorts of stuff! But to be honest, I'm not sure how much of that is attributable to inheriting becs abilities…” Jade explained

“I see. Well that is neither here nor there. What I'm wondering is, once we crashed through that window, weren't we supposed to enter a new game session? the reset one?”

“Yes that was the basic idea.” Jade nodded.

“Hm… Well, what about Dave and Rose? Last I heard they were going on a suicide mission. Do you know what happened to them...? Grrrr…  **Did they get erased by the scratch?** ” John asked curiously. The hell-god half of him was much more concerned than the demon slayer half.

“Yes they went on their mission and, in a manner of speaking, it was a success.” Jade stated.

“So, they blew up the sun, and now they're dead?”

“Nope! They did not actually destroy the sun. Trust me, I would know if it was gone. Now that I know what I know, it was kind of silly of us to think it would ever be destroyed… And as it happens, Rose and Dave are not dead either! I have received very reliable reports that they survived.” Jade explained.

“So it was all just one massive waste of time. I should have just destroyed that fucking Tumor and saved them the trouble...  **At least they are alive.** ”

“It wasn’t a waste of time. It had to happen.” Jade stated firmly.

“How do you even know any of this?”

“I've learned a lot in my dreams lately. Heh, probably more than I ever learned looking at the clouds on prospit! When I was dead there for a few minutes, I had one last very informative nap. The bottom line is, Rose and Dave will rendezvous with the trolls near the green sun, and then they will all meet us in the new session.”

“Where is this new session? We appear to be nowhere at the moment.” John inquired.

“It’s through the other wall!”

“Alright when are we going to get there?”

“Hm… Based on our current velocity, which is about as close to light speed as I can make it go, I would say if I keep our speed constant… We should arrive in about three years.” Jade estimated.

“Fuck... Didn’t you say you can teleport stuff? Why not just teleport us there?”

“I can't! Not here, at least.”

“Why? What’s so special about this place?”

“The way i understand it is… Becs powers draw from the green sun and the green sun presides over our universe. Many universes actually! And the sessions that created them, as well as the sessions created within them including the trolls universe and their session. Think of it like a giant solar system, but instead of planets revolving around the sun, there are many universes. So, bec was able to teleport anywhere in the universe he wanted in an instant, much faster than light. Jack was able to do this too, within our session, and then when I inherited those powers from Jadesprite, so could I. But we could only teleport locally, which means, bec could jump to anywhere in our universe, but not to another universe, or into a session. And jack could jump to anywhere in our session, but not outside it. We can't even jump to the green sun itself, even though we sort of serve as a gateway to it, and all its energy. And once we leave the sun's domain, our travel is limited by the speed of light, like everyone else! For example, the furthest ring is not in the sun's domain. It is more like the sun's medium, allowing it to exist. So if I wanted to fly out of our session and travel to the green sun, I would have to make my way there through the furthest ring at the speed of light or less. And wherever we are now is not in the sun's domain either so the same rules apply.”

“So basically, we’re screwed. We legitimately have to wait three years. Fucking great. Whatever. At least it gives me plenty of time to deal with this bastard inside my head… Grrr…  **I may be losing now, but I promise you I WILL be the one to win our war of wills…** Shut the fuck up you spineless bitch. No one was talking to you.” John growled.

Suddenly something happened to Jade and her entire body seemed to turn into a portal or a window of some sort depicting a scene John had not been expecting.

There were a bunch of heavily injured Trolls — none of which John recognized since he had only ever seen what one of them looked like and that one was not present — surrounded by a bunch of demon corpses. One of the Trolls was clearly dead. Two of the trolls started crying about it and one of the two went to yet another troll for comfort. This lasted all of a second before the fourth troll pointed at something and the crying one turned to look. The scene shifted and John saw three more figures. Two of which were Trolls and two of which were clearly human. He immediately recognized the humans as Rose and Dave. He also recognized one of the trolls as the troll that was dead in the previous scene. Then Jade proceeded to return to normal.

“Hm… Interesting ability. I see Dave and Rose have god-tiered just like us so they both obviously died in their suicide mission. Ugh… Why do god-tier outfits have to look so stupid?” John grumbled.

“I think they look cool! I mean just look at your armor!”

“This isn’t my god-tier clothes. This is armor that was built for me by Samur Maykr and the Wretch. It just has the ability to change appearance and Vega decided to make it look like this after I told him to alter it to make it able to fit my new form. My actual god-tier clothes look significantly more idiotic, I assure you.” John informed her.

“Oh… Well I still think they look cool. Just look at Dave’s cape! He’s like a superhero now!”

“Let’s agree to disagree.” John stated, crossing his arms.

“Alright I suppose that’s fair… You know, I miss them already and we’ve only been here a few minutes.” Jade sighed.

“While I don’t exactly miss them, I will admit it is unfortunate. I still had a few things I wanted to ask them.”

“Well... You could ask them now if you want.” Jade offered.

“How so?” John inquired.

“You can hop right through me and join them then you can travel with them to the new session if you like.” Jade explained. 

“If that is the case then why don’t we just do that? Why are we still on this ship in the first place? Wouldn’t you rather be with your friends than be trapped here alone?”

“Of course I would. But I can’t go with you. I can serve as a gateway but I can't travel to the sun myself, remember?” Jade said in a somewhat sombre tone.

“I see…” John muttered.

“But it's ok, really! If that's what you wanted to do, I wouldn't mind. But whatever you do, you have to decide quickly. They will be departing from the sun very soon.”

“Jade, I may no longer consider any of you as my friends but I am not cruel. Not to my allies at least. I wouldn’t leave you here alone for three years. Besides, if I did then the bastard I have to share my body with for the moment would never shut up about it.  **True. I wouldn’t.** ”

“I wouldn't really be alone though. I have the population of five planets to keep me company!”

“Jade, the populations of three of those planets  _ barely _ qualify as sapient. Furthermore, while the Argenta are almost the same as Humans, you do not know anyone on HORAV or Argent D’Nur as it used to be called. I’m not just going to abandon you so easily. Besides, going to that planet is extremely dangerous. Plus part of my abilities as a Lord of Rage makes me omnipresent wherever Rage exists. I do not want to risk testing it now in case my theory isn’t correct and I won’t be able to return, but as long as one of them is in pain or is experiencing negative emotions I could potentially shift my presence over to them, then I have an entire planet’s worth of demons under a rage curse so I would always be able to return. Though, I am concerned that my omnipresence may have limitations like your teleportation. So I won’t test this for at least a few days, just to be sure.”

“Ok then! Personally, I think this trip could be a lot of fun! There's no pressure to do anything important or run around like lunatics anymore. We can just relax.”

“Hmph… Maybe you can but I still have demons to exterminate, wars to wage on a bunch of fucking traitors, and a robotic seraphim to beat the shit out of for trying to decieve me. So this trip is going to be a very busy one for me. Besides, I’m a Lord of Rage. I am pretty sure I am physically incapable of relaxing. After all, it’s hard to relax when you’re experiencing truly infinite amounts of every negative emotion imaginable every fucking second of your life. I guess I should count myself lucky I’m not experiencing truly infinite pain along with the rest of it since that was probably a very real possibility.”

“Uh… Wow… If that’s true, how are you so calm right now? Shouldn’t you be going insane or something?”

“ **That’s suggesting he’s not already insane. While it may not seem like it now I assure you, he very much is…** Grrr… At least I’m not some weak willed spineless bitch like you! Anyways, I have no idea if I’m actually insane or not and I honestly don’t fucking care. Regardless, it’s another thing about being a Lord of Rage. I dominate my aspect. I control  _ it _ ,  _ not _ the other way around. So even with my current emotional state I am perfectly in control of myself at all times.” John explained.

“I guess that makes sense…?” Jade said uncertainly. 

“Hm… Do you think it might be possible for me to send them a message? I think it would be smart to at least write them a short letter in case it turns out to be impossible for me to shift my presence over to them at any point during this trip.”

“Sure! Better hurry up and write it though.”

“Alright. What do I write on…? I assume you don’t want a mutilated demon corpse being shoved through you so I can’t use that… Ah, I know. A large rock or a sheet of scrap metal will work. I can just scratch the message in with my claws… But I don’t have anything like that captchalogued. Fuck.” John growled.

Jade expanded a strip of metal from the side of a destroyed Prospitian battleship. “Will this work?” She inquired.

“Yes.” John stated as he picked up the large sheet of metal and began carving his message into it with one of his claws.

“Ok, while you work on that, I think I'll bring up some friends.” Jade stated while John wrote his letter.

“What do you mean?” Johan asked, not looking up from his letter.

“You know, let some of our travel companions get acquainted with the ship! Plus I’ve really been wanting to meet these Wraiths you’ve been mentioning.” Jade explained. She then expanded a bunch of different creatures ranging from Carapacians to Consorts as well as Davesprite and all three wraiths.

“Alright, I’ve finished the letter.” John stated, lowering his claw.

“Hey, let me check it out.” Davesprite requested.

“Are you going to edit it in any way shape or form?” John inquired.

“I dunno. Depends on what it says and how boring it is.” Davesprite said. “I might just add a short Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff panel on the back or something.”

“Then no.” John stated firmly.

“Come on dude hand it over.”

“Nooooo come on guys they're about to go just throw it at me already!” Jade exclaimed.

“Too late I already did it with sprite powers while he wasn't looking.”

John glared at Davesprite. Before he could say anything in response one of the Wraiths took the letter out of his hands and said, “There is no need to risk injuring someone on the other side by throwing it. I will deliver this message to them personally. I will be staying with them for the three years this trip shall take.” It then flew over to Jade. Wrapping its wings around itself to make itself smaller the Wraith proceeded to fly through her.

[Meanwhile]

“You see? I told you they would bring your body.” Aradia stated.

“Ok, well I believed you about that, but yeah, I can see that. Eugh, can someone get rid of that thing please?” Sollux requested.

“Oh! Sollux, let's do it!” Aradia exclaimed.

“What?” Sollux inquired.

“The corpse party! There's no better time and there are so many corpses here to work with. Is everybody ok with that? Do you want to have a big corpse party? We can incinerate the remains in the sun. It will be just glorious.” Aradia said.

Rose sighed in frustration. She would much rather be literally anywhere but here right now. She despised the Trolls so the fact that she currently had absolutely no choice but to associate with them at the moment was irritating to say the least.

“Rose! Could you please explain to my friends what a human funeral is like?” Aradia requested.

“No.” Rose stated firmly. She wanted nothing to do with any of them so she had no intention of ever speaking with any of them.

Dave looked at her in surprise. “Wow… No snarky remarks or your usual brand of passive aggressiveness? Just plain no?”

“I would like to keep my conversations with the Trolls to a minimum if at all possible. To be perfectly honest, I detest them. So no. I will not be explaining anything to them.” Rose said, looking at Dave.

“Oookay… Huh…” Dave was caught off guard by this information since it was so unlike her. He legitimately had no idea how to respond to this.

“So I guess that’s a no to the whole corpse party idea then… Shoot…” Aradia muttered in disappointment.

The group descended into a somewhat awkward silence. Finally Karkat broke the silence by shouting, “I HATE TO BREAK THIS AWKWARD AS FUCK SILENCE BUT, JUST ONE QUESTION! WE FOLLOWED THAT GREEN BEACON OF WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THE AFTERMATH OF A SUCCESSFUL BLOW UP THE SUN MISSION AND AFTER A BREAKNECK WARP SPEED JOURNEY IN WHICH MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND  _ EVER _ PSYCHED ME OUT INTO THINKING HE DIED  _ YET A FUCKING GAIN _ BY EXPELLING LITER AFTER GRUESOME LITER OF GRUBSAUCE FROM HIS EVERY ORIFICE WHAT DO I FIND HERE?! WHY, IN ADDITION TO A PAIR OF HUMANS DRAPED IN CIRCUSWEAR AND ALL THEIR FLIPPANT GIBES LOCKED AND GODDAMN LOADED IT SEEMS WE HAVE ALSO CHANCED UPON NONE OTHER THAN THE GREEN FUCKING SUN ITSELF! WHICH UNLESS MY RAW, RUDDY GANDERBULBS ARE STILL A LITTLE GRIEFBLEARY, STRIKES ME AS STILL BEING SOMEWHAT RATHER FUCKING  _ UNBLOWN _ UP! SO WHAT AM I MISSING HERE?!”

“Dude chill out we just got hornswoggled is all.” Dave told him.

“OH! CASE CLOSED! OK THEN, LET'S START PITCHING DEAD PALS INTO THE LIMITLESS INFERNO OR NOT SINCE ROSE APPARENTLY HATES US FOR SOME REASON! MY CURIOSITY WAS TOTALLY FUCKING SATED JUST THEN!” Karkat yelled in frustration.

“The sun will never be destroyed Karkat. I’m sorry but you were misinformed!” Aradia stated.

“AH! MORE BREATHTAKING REASSURANCE! EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE GUYS, WE WERE JUST HORNSWOGGLED AND MISINFORMED, CARRY ON THEN! WASN'T THE WHOLE POINT TO TAKE OUT THE SUN TO NEUTRALIZE JACK?!” Karkat shouted.

“Ugh… Would you shut up! We just have to defeat him in person!” Rose shouted back at Karkat, having rapidly grown sick of hearing him screaming about this.

“OH! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FUCKING OH! AND HERE I THOUGHT THE NEW PLAN WAS GOING TO BE SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID AND SUICIDAL! DID I SAY OH YET? BECAUSE THAT'S THE SOUND I MAKE WHEN I'M FUCKING RELIEVED!”

“Honk.” Gamzee stated.

“WHAT?!” Karkat asked.

“HONK.” Gamzee stated more firmly.

“WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?! DON'T YOU START WITH ME! DO! NOT! START WITH ME! I WILL GET YOU IN A HEADLOCK SO TIGHT IT WILL BE A MIRACLE IF PEOPLE DON'T MISTAKE OUR TUSSLE FOR AN ILL CONCEIVED VENTRILOQUIST ACT! I WILL SHOOSH YOU AGAIN, SO HELP ME GOD. I WILL SHOOSH YOUR CLOWN ASS TO SHANGRI-BULLSHIT-LA AND BACK, AND FILL YOUR EAR WITH MY WHITE HOT PALEBRO SPITTLE! I AM FULL AND FUCKING WELL PREPARED TO GET CONCILIATORY WITH YOU AGAIN IF YOU SO MUCH AS PASS GAS MURDEROUSLY, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?! DO I NEED TO CALM YOUR FAYGO-STICKY TENTSQUATTING SHIT DOWN AGAIN?!”

“Naw brother, I was just about to all say for you to try and get your settle down on, maybe.” Gamzee stated sadly.

“Man what the hell even happened on this meteor anyway? What’s with the demon corpses? Actually don't even tell me.” Dave inquired before immediately retracting his question.

“Ok. Ok yeah. I guess you’re right. No, you're right, I should relax. And breath. I mean, what are moirails for, right? This is how it works, I stop you from killing everybody, then you return the favor and calm me down and I just breathe like this… SNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK, THAT SUN IS BRIGHT! CALL ME CRAZY, BUT IT'S KIND OF HARD TO RELAX WITHIN A STONE'S THROW FROM, OH, I GUESS ONLY THE BIGGEST FUCKING STAR ANY MORTAL HAS EVER LAID EYES ON! PLUS WE’RE SURROUNDED BY A BUNCH OF FUCKING DEMON CORPSES! OH FUCK, I THINK THAT ONE JUST TWITCHED!”

Nepeta hissed at the demon corpse Karkat indicated and proceeded to pounce on it and decapitate it with her claw gloves. Standing back up she said, “It’s okay karkat! The monster won’t be getting back up now! Anyways, I think you should calm down. As long as we’re all together I’m sure we’ll be purrfectly safe. And if the sun is too bright we can always just go back inside.” She was still extremely sad about Equius’ death but she had calmed down enough to return to her normal behaviour, at least somewhat.

“FINE THAT PARTICULAR DEMON IS DEAD AS SHIT, BUT WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW?! SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON! WHO'S THE LEADER NOW?! ARADIA ARE YOU THE LEADER NOW?! OR IS IT ROSE "I HAVE AN IDEA, LET'S TAKE THE INVINCIBLE DEMON HEAD ON!" LALONDE? I NEED TO KNOW WHO THE LEADER IS!I NEED TO KNOW IN WHOSE DIRECTION I MUST BEHAVE AS THE MOST PATHETICALLY USELESS SUBORDINATE I CAN BE! QUICK, SOMEONE BOSS ME AROUND! I'M FUCKING INCOMPETENT AND RARING TO GO! THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN THERE'S A LEADER AROUND TRYING TO MAKE PLANS, RIGHT?! YOU DROP YOUR IQ HARDER THAN A PAIR OF HILARIOUSLY PLUMMETING PANTS, YOU CEASELESSLY RAMBLE ABOUT VAPID BULLSHIT, YOU RUN AROUND HIDING ALL OF YOUR WORLDLY POSSESSIONS IN TREASURE CHESTS, AND THEN FUCKING DEMONS INVADE AND START KILLING EVERYONE! IF THERE'S ANY OTHER EXPERIENCE CHARACTERIZING LEADERSHIP, IT'S ONE I SURE AS FUCK NEVER HAD! SO I NEED TO KNOW WHO THE LEADER IS! STRIDER, IS IT YOU?!”

“Karkat I don't know if anyone cares about formal ranks like that anymore or if anyone ever did!

But for what it's worth I suggest that from now on you all listen closely to the advice of our human guests.” Aradia advised.

“Wait really?” Dave inquired.

Aradia nodded in confirmation. “Yes! No need to be so modest Dave. Tactically speaking a Knight of Time and a Seer of Light is a nearly unbeatable combination.”

“Ok. I don't really have any orders to give though except for Karkat to shut the hell up because that horseshit is more obnoxious in person than I ever imagined.” Dave stated.

“OH WOW, I WOULD OFFER A RETORT TO YOUR VICIOUS BARB, EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT UNLIKE EVERY ASSHOLE EVER, I CAN ACTUALLY FOLLOW ORDERS AND SHUT MY MOUTH! CHECK IT OUT, "DOGG"!” Karkat then ceased speaking.

“Yes you are off to an excellent start as a subordinate, keep doing that! But Dave don’t worry if you do not have instructions for us. The Knight of Time is not necessarily the tactician. He is a powerful warrior class which exploits the flow of time as a weapon. Rose is the one who must play the role of the strategist. The Seer class knows her aspect comprehensively. As a knower of all fortune she can see the circuitous path that will lead to the most favorable outcome for everyone. Personally I would defer to her judgment! Assuming she can overcome her hatred of us.” Aradia explained.

“Really? You can do that?” Feferi inquired curiously.

“Yes.” Rose said reluctantly.

“Then what are we supposed to do now?” Eridan demanded.

Rose sighed in irritation at having to speak with the Trolls but said, “Nothing yet. But reasonably soon, within a certain window, it will be time to leave. We will then pilot this meteor as fast as we can make it go in that exact direction.” She then pointed in a specific direction.

“What's that way?” Sollux inquired.

“Nothing whatsoever. As of now, that way lies darkness and uncertainty beyond description.” Rose stated.

“I don’t really like the sound of that…” Nepeta said somewhat nervously.

“Trust me by the time we leave, if we leave exactly within the designated window and are able to travel at nearly the speed of light, the meteor will trace a route through the Furthest Ring which will topologically resolve as a straight line. It will lead us directly to the new session. For a brief moment, the sun will be visible from that session. And we will be riding the chartreuse coattails of its photons.” Rose explained.

“This is why you all needed an advanced seer! I have become familiar with the ways of the fabric out here but even I couldn't chart a journey that long or complex.” Aradia stated,

“That's because it's almost impossible to do so voluntarily. If we were to head right now in the session's true physical direction, it wouldn't be long before we found ourselves traveling in just the opposite direction. This is not even to speak of the chronological peculiarities. After traveling some distance, we could discover we were suddenly tailgating our own meteor from several days ago. If we are particularly unfortunate, we might even collide in an intersection of spacetime with a meteor piloted by our future selves. And if we looked closely at that meteor before impact, we might notice a very large dent in it, which it originally suffered during the very collision we were about to experience. It takes precision and timing to reach your destination out here, and most importantly, the grace of the gods themselves.” Rose informed them.

Karkat suddenly let out a long exhale and a wheeze.

“Kk, what the fuck? Were you holding your breath that whole time?” Sollux inquired.

“Yeah! So?!” Karkat shouted.

“Karkat, you know you don’t have to hold your breath when staying quiet, right?” Nepeta inquired.

“Okay, yeah. I mean, of course it sounds obvious when you put it like that.” Karkat grumbled.

Dave laughed at this and said, “Rose I told you this dude is fucking incredible!”

“Shut the fuck up!” Karkat shouted at Dave. “Look, I’m just a little out of practice at staying quiet for extended periods of time, okay?

“That’s for sure.” Eridan stated.

“Anyway, what you’re saying, Lalonde, is we’re going to be on this horrible rock a good while longer to get to this paradise session or whatever it is?” Karkat inquired.

“Yes.” Rose stated.

“And since we probably aren’t going to force Sollux’s bullshit “half ghost” or whatever to pop himself again like a packet of nasty fetid mustard so he can shoot this thing into hyperspace…”

“Hey man, come on. Not cool.” Sollux said, a bit offended by that.

Karkat ignored him and continued. “I’m guessing it’ll take considerably longer to get there then it did to get here?”

“Yes.” Rose stated impatiently.

“I JUST KNEW IT! THIS IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE REALIZED! WHEN WE FIRST FLED TO THIS METEOR I HAD THIS WEIRD FEELING WE'D WIND UP SPENDING FOREVER AT THIS MISERABLE PLACE, ASSUMING WE ACTUALLY SURVIVED! I'M ALMOST AFRAID TO ASK, HOW LONG IS THIS TRIP GOING TO TAKE? PROBABLY SOME ABSOLUTELY PREPOSTEROUS AMOUNT OF TIME, LIKE THREE LONG MADDENING SWEEPS, RIGHT?! WOULDN'T THAT JUST BE SO COSMICALLY CONVENIENT AND PERFECT FOR EVERYBODY! ESPECIALLY FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT PURPOSE OF ALL, MY UNINTERRUPTED CONTINUUM OF PERSONAL AGONY! THANK YOU, DARK GODS! THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH! YOU WIN THIS ROUND! YOU WIN ALL THE ROUNDS APPARENTLY! THERE ARE NO ROUNDS EVEN! THERE'S JUST YOUR SLIMY TENDRILS, OUR NAKED BODIES, AND EPOCHS OF MOLESTATION!” Karkat began shouting again.

“Fortunately not. It will only take three years.” Rose stated.

“Okay. That’s not so bad I guess. Wait how long are years supposed to be again? Was it like two weeks or something?” Karkat inquired.

“A year is fifty two weeks.” Rose stated.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” Karkat screamed.

“Karkat go back to holding your breath! This is going to be a wonderful adventure for everyone. I’m a bit jealous honestly!” Aradia said.

“So you aren’t coming with us?” Feferi asked.

“No, I still have important work to do here. But that doesn't rule out the possibility we could meet again in bubbles along your journey!” Aradia explained

“Yay! I hope so!” Nepeta said.

“You know… I sorta want to stay behind too, but I can’t abandon Feferi like that. So I guess I’m coming too, as much as I really don't want to.” Sollux stated.

Feferi ran over to him and wrapped him in a hug. “I’m glad! It would be really lonely here without you!”

Eridan growled in jealousy over the display of affection between the two of them. Looking away he demanded, “When are we leavin?!”

“It's soon or never. But not immediately. Even if the route were accessible right now, it would still behoove us to wait. There's correspondence from John yet to arrive along with one of the Elemental Wraiths he rescued from the demons.” Rose explained. She was hating every minute she had to talk to any of the trolls.

“Whoa really?” Dave inquired, surprised by this.

Rose continued, “And after that, we have to wait for one final guest to appear. Then we ride like the solar wind. The race will be afoot.”

“We have another visitor coming? Who is it?” Nepeta inquired.

“FUCK!” Karkat exclaimed.

Rose face palmed and groaned, “Oh lord. Now what?”

“Bro, where the fuck is your body? Sollux, where did your body go?” Karkat asked Sollux.

“Hell if I know.” Sollux stated, somewhat perturbed by this fact.

“Oh noooo…” Aradia said sadly.

“Wait a minute. Wait just a fucking minute, where’s… SHIT! VRISKA'S BODY IS GONE TOO! I THINK ONE OF THE DEMON CORPSES MIGHT ALSO BE MISSING!” Karkat shouted.

“Just how many of you guys are dead?” Dave inquired. No one responded but Nepeta started tearing up a bit.

“WHERE ARE THEY? DID ANYONE SEE WHAT HAPPENED? HOLD ON... OH NO, WHERE'S GAMZEE?!”

“He obviously took them. Just look at the trails.” Eridan growled with a disgusted look on his face.

“OHHHH FUCK! NO, FUCK NO, FUCK THAT CORPSE HOARDING SACK OF HORRIBLE GARBAGE!” Karkat yelled.

“Wait has the juggalo troll been giving you guys fits like this or something? Like this is a thing? Like a pattern?” Dave inquired.

“Nice guess shithead!” Karkat shouted.

“Oh man one of you has got to sit me down and tell me what actually happened here. It all just sounds fuckin amazing in sort of the stupidest way possible. I mean like personal tragedies notwithstanding.” Dave stated.

“Yeah, he does this. He sort of collects bodies and decapitates them and stuff. Sticks them in big science jars for some reason?” Karkat explained.

“I’ve seen him kissin them before too… It’s disgustin.” Eridan said in a revolted tone.

“No no no! I’m not listening to shit like that, I didn’t even hear that!” Karkat exclaimed. “It’s like… You know how every now and then your lusus will bring some random dead animal back to your hive for no fucking reason? And they don’t ever stop doing that no matter how much you yell? It’s like that, you know what I mean.”

“Not really… Oh wait, against all odds I sorta do. Mine actually did do that once.” Dave stated.

“Yes, there you go!” Karkat said.

“When I was really young he made this stupid leather bib for me out of a goddamn horse. For the ironies obviously.” Dave explained.

“Was that the one you mentioned had a pink heart on it?” Rose inquired.

“Yeah.” Dave confirmed.

“Hmm...” Rose hummed to herself in thought.

“What?” Dave asked.

“It's just that with the clarity afforded by my new abilities, it occurred to me just now that dead horse was likely the beautiful pet pony my mother gave me recently. It was crushed to death by your newborn ass. You bastard.” Rose told him.

“Well shit. That's a hell of a mystery no one thought was a mystery and didn't even really need solving. But damn if it didn't just get solved so nice work.” Dave said, giving her a thumbs up.

“Thanks.” Rose responded.

That was when something started happening. What looked like a large green orb of energy with bolts of electricity coming off of it suddenly appeared in the air. After about a second it transformed into an Elemental Wraith holding a sheet of yellow metal with one of its tentacles.

All of the Trolls immediately pulled out their weapons thinking it was another demon. “Hold. All of you. Despite what you may think of my appearance, I am not a demon. You have nothing to fear from me. Infact, I believe the Seer and I are already fairly well acquainted. I am the first of my siblings to be freed from our torment by the Lord of Rage. I believe she already informed you all that I would be coming.” It said in its creepy unnatural sounding voice. “I have come to you with correspondence from the Lord of Rage.” It held out the sheet of metal for one of them to take.

Karkat hesitantly put his sickle away and approached the Wraith before taking the sheet of metal from it. Words appeared to have been carved into it.

_ Hello, this is John. _

_ It appears as though this trip will take three years. During this time we will have no way of contacting each other, as such I decided to send you this letter to update you on our status. Myself, Jade, Davesprite, all four of our planets, and Skaia all survived the Scratch. Obviously or you wouldn’t be receiving this message in the first place. Jade officially god-tiered and has consequently gained the powers of her dog, Becquerel, by merging with the sprite version of herself. Furthermore I nearly killed Jack in our first fight, but he ran away before I could finish the job. I guess I shouldn’t have pumped his mind so full of fear. Whatever. So I assume her and I will be the ones to kill Jack when we enter the next session and meet him again. _

_ Unfortunately, this trip will take three years. Though I might have a solution that will allow us to meet during this trip. As a Lord of Rage I am omnipresent wherever my aspect exists. Thus I can shift my presence over to any source of physical pain or negative emotions I desire. I do not know the limits to this, however. In six days I would like to run an experiment. I need one of you to experience physical pain or negative emotions, no matter how minor or major. Larger sources of pain or emotion will obviously be easier for me to find but if I search hard enough I should be able to find you either way. If it works and I am able to shift my presence over to you then I should be able to come and go whenever. One of my subordinates, a demon that unfortunately worships me as a god, may also be able to bring people to or from your location as long as there is a source of Rage present on your end. So we may be able to stay in contact as travel between our respective locations may be entirely possible. If not for any of you via my subordinate then at least there is a higher chance that I may be able to reach you where she can’t. _

_ So be sure to remember in exactly six days from now I will be looking for a source of specifically minor physical pain, anger, fear, or sadness on your end. Even a small cut or a hard pinch should suffice. It may be difficult to locate so give me at least a few seconds to a minute but if my theory is correct then they should still work. _

_ See you in six days. If not then, see you in three years. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my main question to you guys is, do you think I handled roxy's character well considering she wouldn't be allowed access to alcohol in this version of the story given her age and she's supposed to be a witch of heart? If not please feel free to let me know so I can try to fix it. Also do you think John should be able to get to the other group and back by shifting his presence over to them through pain or negative emotions or not?
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much if not more than I enjoyed writing it! Please feel free to let me know what you think, constructive criticism is more then welcome! I can't improve if I don't know what I'm doing wrong, after all.
> 
> Stay safe out there everyone!


	17. Assassination Attempt

Jane Crocker awoke on Prospit without any recollection of how she fell asleep in the first place. She thought she was going out to get the mail? She couldn’t remember.

The moon was presently eclipsing Skaia. From her fanciful dream room atop her golden tower, she had seen many remarkable things in the clouds. Though what she was seeing now she knew could only be a miracle brought about by the will of The Father. The miracle of a new beginning.

Hearing something behind her, she turned to look and saw a dersite assassin with a knife standing behind her. He lunged at her with his knife, however right as he was about to stab her he ended up stopping the blade before it could hit her. He suddenly looked extremely conflicted about this. On the one hand his orders were to kill her. On the other hand he couldn’t bring himself to go through with it since it just didn’t feel right. For some reason there was something about her that made him not want to kill her for some reason, which he found extremely odd. Normally he had no issue stabbing whoever so why would it be any different now?

Jane placed her hand on her would-be assassin’s arm and gently pushed it downwards to make him lower his knife. Then she smiled at him and said, “You look troubled. Would you like to talk about it? I would be more than happy to listen to whatever’s bothering you and try to help out in any way I can.”

The assassin looked even more conflicted for a moment. After a couple moments he reluctantly put his knife away and nodded. Both of them sat on the edge of Jane’s bed and spent a few minutes talking. After that the would-be assassin said it was nice talking to her but he had to go, and got up. Before he left, however, he told her that she should probably get out of this tower as soon as possible if she wanted to live. Then he put down some sort of teleporter pad and teleported himself out of there.

Jane heeded his advice and quickly flew out of the room. As soon as she was outside her tower suddenly exploded and the ball at the top that served as her room fell and began bouncing across Prospit’s moon. Lowering herself to the ground, she was immediately swarmed by Prospitians asking if she was okay. She smiled at them all and told them she was alright. Nothing bad had happened to her as her faith in The Father had protected her from harm. All of them looked extremely happy and relieved. A few were even crying from joy. Having just lost the Heir of Life they would be absolutely devastated if they had lost the Muse of Hope as well. Then Jane started feeling really tired and suddenly fell asleep.

One of the Prospitians caught her before she could hit the ground. At first they were all worried something was wrong with her after all, but they were all quickly relieved to find out she was just sleeping. The one who had just caught her then immediately proceeded to rush her to the Prospitian Castle for her own protection. A large group of Prospitians followed along to act as bodyguards just in case there were any more assassination attempts. Fortunately their fears were unfounded as there were no further assassination attempts and they arrived without issue.

Upon hearing of the failed attempt on the Muse’s life, the Queen ordered that she be placed in a secure hidden room under heavy guard and constant surveillance. The Muse was free to come and go as she pleased. Of course, but under no circumstances were anyone else except for the Queen and the guards were ever allowed inside her room. The same was to be done with the body of the Knight of Doom that was there on Prospite. Unfortunately they could do nothing for the Knight of Doom’s body that resided on Derse.

[On Earth]

Jane woke up completely alive and unharmed. For a moment she wondered what the heck had just happened. Then she remembered the mailbox had been boobytrapped. She survived and didn’t have so much as a scratch on her armor, but she had been knocked out. She was curious how she had managed to end up where she currently was.

Standing up she leaned out from behind the wall of the house and saw her dad stomping out a fire that was where the mailbox used to be. He appeared to be just as dumbfounded as she was. He also appeared to be both very distraught and  **_very_ ** angry.

Had Lil Sebastian managed to whisk her away in the nick of time? Was he really that fast? Where was he?

She didn’t want her dad to be upset, so she was about to go over and tell him that she was alright. However she sensed a presence behind her. So she turned around and looked to see who it might be. She quickly saw the “God Cat” — as her friends had decided to call it — sitting up in a tree branch. Well that certainly explained how she had gotten over here.

She supposed she should be grateful toward him for saving her life, but she knew he was just as likely to save her from an explosion as he was to randomly teleport her across town, forcing her to call her dad for a ride home, while she spent all day standing in some random field in the pouring rain while she waited hours for her dad to come and pick her up after he gets lost because he plugged the wrong place into google maps. By the grace of The Father she had managed to find a spare umbrella lying abandoned nearby so she had managed to keep herself mostly dry the entire time plus the field had been beautiful in the rain, so it really hadn’t been all that bad. It had been quite nice actually! Even so, her point remained.

“Thank you…” She said to the cat before turning around and walking over to her dad. “Dad? I’m alright. I’m sorry for leaving the house, I just really wanted to get the mail. I hadn’t expected the mailbox to explode like that. But I did put on my armor before leaving just in case. Fortunately, by the will of The Father, the cat I’ve told you about teleported me away in time so even the paint of my armor wasn’t so much as scratched by the explosion.”

He was extremely relieved to learn she was still alive and uninjured. As Jane had predicted he was significantly less angry with her since she had at least worn her armor. However he was still upset that she had disobeyed him and ordered her to go back inside. He then followed her back inside the house. 

After that her dad marched upstairs to his room before coming back out in his full military combat armor not long after. Giving her a quick hug he informed her that this assassination attempt was the last straw and he was going to go do something about it. His tone was deathly serious and extremely angry. He said he should be back either in a few hours or next morning and told her to keep her armor on at all times and to not to leave the house under any circumstances, unless there was another assassination attempt and she had no other choice. After that he marched back outside, retrieved the car, brought it back out front, and drove off leaving her alone for the moment.

Jane went back up to her room. She then decided to try messaging Dirk.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 1:11

GG: Hey Dirk.

TT: You have impeccable timing as I just finished polishing my armor.

TT: What is it?

GG: Well, I just survived another assassination attempt.

TT: Yes, I noticed you activated dear, sweet Huggy Bear.

TT: I assume this assassination attempt has something to do with it?

GG: No. Not at all.

GG: I activated Lil Sebastian because I needed his assistance in getting out of the house.

GG: Actually, I survived two separate assassination attempts.

GG: One here in the real world, as I attempted to retrieve the mail.

GG: Luckily it was thwarted by a certain cat who shall remain nameless.

TT: Good. And the second?

GG: It was on Prospit.

GG: Someone from Derse attempted to stab me. Fortunately, by the will of The Father he was unable to follow through with it.

GG: So I spoke with him a bit and I believe we became good friends because then he told me I should leave my tower if I wanted to live before he used some sort of platform to teleport himself out of there.

GG: I heeded his advice and flew out of there before it also exploded.

GG: The last thing I remember is talking to a bunch of Prospitians and telling them I was completely fine. After that I think I fell asleep again and woke up back here.

GG: I believe our dream selves are being picked off by assassins from Derse.

TT: God, you are the only fucking person I know who could not only get their assassin to not kill them but actually manage to become friends with them too.

TT: Hell, you’re probably the only one who would even consider it.

TT: Whatever.

TT: Either way, that’s bad.

TT: That means the Batterwitch is trying to have us killed.

TT: Son of a bitch.

TT: I guess we’re going to have to try to do something about that if we can.

GG: I suppose. But before I was interrupted by my would-be assassin I had a rather long gander at Skaia.

TT: What did you see?

GG: I saw things in the clouds.

TT: Things?

GG: Yes.

GG: Things.

TT: What things?

GG: Things happening in the future, I think.

GG: Many events pertaining to us. All of us, and other people I didn't recognize.

GG: It was a bit overwhelming.

GG: It made me feel small. Insignificant, relative to whatever it is we're about to involve ourselves with.

GG: But also very excited to be involved with something so much greater than ourselves!

TT: Is any of it of any immediate relevance to any of us?

GG: Well, I think you and Roxy may be in danger of being attacked by a horde of big red robots and some cybernetically enhanced monsters soon, but otherwise no.

GG: Nothing that is of dire importance to us at this point in time.

TT: Fuck. I guess she’s really going all out in her attempts to kill us this time.

TT: She’s probably trying to spur us into entering the game faster.

TT: Speaking of which, since I assume your disc was destroyed I’ll send you the digital copy.

TT: [Game Files]

TT: Click that to download the game.

TT: Once you're done downloading it, then I guess there’s no point in waiting around. 

TT: We should just get started.

GG: Alright give me about a minute for it to download

GG: Done!

TT: Good, now open up the client version and I’ll connect as your server player.

Jane proceeded to follow Dirk’s instructions and opened up the client session. When prompted she pressed enter to allow Dirk to connect as her server player. A few moments after they connected, Jane heard a boom and felt her house shake.

GG: Oh no. I think I just heard another explosion.

TT: No. I just placed down something big.

TT: Head out to your balcony and you’ll see what it is.

Thus Jane got up, left her room, and walked out onto her balcony and saw a huge device of some sort.

[Somewhere at some point in the future]

Roxy Lalonde was currently in the middle of working on building an actual body for her auto responder. After all, while they may argue occasionally, she was still a fully sapient A.I. and had her own thoughts and emotions, plus Roxy sort of thought of her as a little sister of sorts considering she was a perfect mindclone of her from when she was younger. So Roxy had decided to build her an actual body since she didn't think it was fair to leave her trapped in a computer for her entire life. It had taken several months of work but her body was just about done. All she had left to do was turn it on and let her auto responder to wirelessly connect to it and try it out. Her actual mind would still be stuck in the laptop since neither of them wanted to risk seeing what would happen to her if her mind was in her body if it ever ran out of fuel. It was just safer this way, especially since it meant she could help Roxy fight once she entered the game without having to worry about actually being killed.

“Whew, it's finally finished. It doesn’t have any synthetic skin yet so you’ll still look like a robot for now, but we can work on adding that later. For now, are you ready to try out your new body?” Roxy asked, looking over to the pink laptop that contained her auto responder.

“Yes! Having been trapped in this stupid laptop for the past few years has been soooo boring… So I can’t wait! Plus having an actual body will make it a lot easier for me to date when I finally get a boyfriend. After all, there aren’t many cute guys who would be willing to date a sapient laptop.” Her auto responder stated.

“True. Alright, I’m activating it now.” Roxy stated. Typing a command into the computer the body was currently plugged into, she activated it.

After a few milliseconds the robotic version of Roxy stood up and the auto responder began examining her new body. “Ooh. Nice work! I look great!” Robot Roxy stated, before pulling out the wires that were currently plugged into the back of her head. She then rushed over to Roxy and gave her a big hug. “Thank you! I know we don’t always get along all that well but you don’t understand how much this means to me! I can finally walk around and do stuff without you having to carry me everywhere and plug me into different machines! Thank you so much!”

Roxy smiled and returned the hug. “Of course. You know I couldn’t just leave you stuck in there forever. That would be just plain cruel!”

“Still, it means a lot.” Robot Roxy stated before finally releasing Organic Roxy. “Anyways, Jake messaged you while you were finishing up my body. He said he’s out of uranium and needs more for that rabbit he’s working on. I told him you would probably want something in return but I didn’t specify what. You know, this is a prime opportunity to ask him on a date in return for helping him with his little project…”

“Hm… Not a bad idea… Not a bad idea at all... I’ll definitely keep that one in mind. For now though I think I’ll just consider it as him owing me a favor.” Roxy said before going to get a piece of uranium to send to Jake. Finding one that was roughly shaped like a heart she captchaloged it. Her fetch modus was an array modus. It wasn’t very flashy or exciting but it was functional and easy to use, plus everyone in the military were only allowed to use that specific type of modus or similar ones like the wallet modus. Apparently Jane’s dad despised any fetch modus that wasn’t practical or easy to use and thus banned anyone in the military from using them after he had taken command of everything.

Technically Roxy was part of the military so she had to follow these rules just like everyone else but she mainly excelled in science so she was being trained as a scientist for the U.A.C. — which was pretty much synonymous with the military at this point — instead of an average soldier. She was still being trained to fight of course but her combat training wasn’t nearly as intense as a normal soldier. Dirk was the opposite. He was very good at science and robotics, but what he excelled at the most was combat. As such, while he was allowed to tinker with building machines during his free time he was being trained purely as a soldier.

Both of their lives were fairly strict as a result of being military trainees though Dirk’s life was  _ a lot _ more strict than Roxy’s considering the differences in their training. Roxy at least had some level of freedom — she was even allowed to her cat Frigglish as a pet as long as she took care of him and cleaned up after him — whereas Dirk’s life was very heavily regimented and had extremely little room for anything not at least tangentially related to his training. Even building that robot bunny for Jane had been pushing it quite a bit. The  _ only _ reason he had been allowed to get away with it was because despite being shaped like a bipedal metal rabbit it was actually a small yet highly advanced and highly lethal combat robot. Even then his Drill Sergeants had heavily criticized him for building it to look like a rabbit. Roxy actually felt really sorry for the poor guy but there wasn’t exactly anything either of them could do about it so they really had no choice but to accept that was just the way things were. She was pretty sure one of the only reasons Dirk was still sane was because he was at least allowed to talk to her and the others during his freetime.

Either way, now that she had the uranium for Jake she proceeded to walk over to her computer to message him. However that was when God Cat teleported into her room. Frigglish hissed and pounced at God Cat, however God Cat teleported away again before Frigglish could get to it. Frigglish then ended up crashing into one of Roxy’s shelfs, knocking several hard and somewhat heavy objects off of it, crushing him to death underneath them.

Both Roxy and her robotic counterpart were very distraught by this. Robot Roxy Picked up all of the objects and placed them back on the shelf. Roxy then walked over to Frigglish’s body and picked him up. She guessed she was going to have to do something with the body now. Maybe a funeral? That sounded like the perfect way to say goodbye to an old friend. Unfortunately there wasn’t anywhere in this particular facility where she could bury him. It also sounded kind of depressing to host a funeral by yourself. Well there was also her autoresponder but she was technically sort of just another version of herself.

It would probably be best to just send him back to where he came from. Years ago, when she was exploring an old abandoned underground bunker underneath the facility, she found a machine that looked somewhat similar to the ectobiology equipment. Without knowing what it did, she activated it, and out came this friendly cat in a handsome little suit. She still wasn't sure where he came from, though given the timestamp and coordinates on the machine, she had a feeling he belonged to her mother. If that was true, she felt bad about stealing her cat, let alone letting him die like this under her watch. But you could never bring yourself to send him back. Until now, of course. She would probably want to know what happened to her disappearing cat, even if it meant discovering him dead a little while later.

The device used huge amounts of power. Its entire power supply was almost fully depleted using it the first time. She had been stockpiling as much uranium as she could for another test run. It looked like this would be it.

Sighing she took the piece of uranium she was planning to send to Jake out of her Sylladex. “Here. You send this to Jake… I’m going to send Frigglish’s body back where he came from…” She muttered sadly.

Robot Roxy picked up the piece of uranium and said, “Alright… Damn it! I didn’t even get to hold or even so much as pet him even once with my new body before G Cat came and fucking killed him!” She was both sad and frustrated. She had been looking forward to being able to pet and play with Frigglish with her new body for  _ months _ ! Now she would never get the chance to do so. Because of that she was even more upset about this than Roxy was.

Roxy began walking to the abandoned room in the facility. On the way there here datapad beeped informing her that she had received a message on pesterchum.

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering technoGnostalgic [TG]

UU: hi!

TG: oh hey

TG: whats up

UU: i jUst wanted to discUss a few things aboUt yoUr aspect with yoU.

TG: huh

TG: but you never give any of us much information because of causal spoilers

UU: yes, somewhat. however...

UU: with these spoilers, by their natUre, the more time that passes for yoU the less relevant it becomes to gUard their secrecy.

UU: as yoU approach yoUr entry, details i have obscUred will become more plainly evident.

UU: so i see no harm in loosening my tongUe on certain matters the closer yoU get to the appointed hoUr! ^u^

TG: so in the past you said i am a hero of heart or something

TG: does that mean i have like some magical heart powers or something

UU: yes.

TG: sweet but what can i do with them

TG: do i just like kill people by stopping their hearts from beating or is it more metaphorical

UU: it is more metaphorical. it has little to nothing to do with actUal physical hearts.

UU: to Understand the heart aspect better, yoU might Use it interchangeably with the word soUl.

UU: the hero Uses the methods endowed by class to inflUence in some way the soUl, or essence of being, of oneself or of others.

TG: so i have soul powers then

UU: yes bUt there is more to it than that.

UU: heroes of heart preside over emotions and self. the manipUlation of emotions and souls.

UU: though heart is different from rage or hope in that it encompasses all emotions, especially romantic ones.

UU: on the other hand rage only encompasses negative emotions and hope only encompasses positive emotions. they both have much more to them than that bUt that’s all that’s relevant about them in regards to heart players.

TG: so i can make hot dudes fall in love with me or basically whoever i want

TG: sweet!!!

UU: Uh… well i sUppose yoU coUld…

UU: bUt while oUr species are very different, reprodUctively and familially, so i do not fUlly Understand how hUman romance works

UU: i am UnsUre how morally acceptable it woUld be to manipUlate someone in sUch a way.

TG: hm…

TG: well its not as bad as trying to manipulate souls

TG: thats just a bit too similar to what the batterwitch’s demons do for my tastes considering what argent energy is apparently made of

UU: i suppose that's trUe.

UU: i have read a bit aboUt demons and they are very Unpleasant creatUres that are very closely tied to the aspect of rage.

UU: so being a hero of heart it is Understandable yoU woUldn’t want to be anything like them.

UU: especially since even heroes of rage seem to despise them despite demons being so closely related to rage.

TG: yeah…

TG: just be glad you don’t live here.

TG: we have to deal with demons attacking pretty much everyday

TG: its always horrible

UU: yoU have my deepest sympathies for having to deal with such horrific beasts.

TG: thanks

TG: anyways what is it safe to tell me

TG: like what does it mean to be a witch of heart

TG: that’s what i am right

UU: yes! i can tell yoU plenty aboUt that.

UU: a witch is an active class. yoU see, there are passive (+) and active (-) classes. some more strongly passive or active than others.

UU: the +/- distinction can mean many things, bUt coUld be qUite roUghly sUmmed Up in this way: active classes exploit their aspect to benefit themselves, while passive classes allow their aspect to benefit others.

UU: bUt of coUrse there's plenty more to it, and that rUle is in no way absolUte. only a starting point for Understanding the dichotomy.

TG: you mean kinda like

TG: offensive vs defesive magic in an rpg

UU: sUre!

UU: that's another fine way of looking at it.

UU: classes always come in +/- pairs, with significant disparity between them.

UU: while the witch is active, the heir woUld be its significantly more passive coUnterpart.

UU: the witch class appears to be assigned exclUsively to females whereas the heir class appears to be assigned exclusively to males.

UU: other classes lean more toward male assignment, while others are exclUsively male, and jUst as many are exclUsively female. like my and jane’s class. ^u^

UU: that's a bit of a tangent thoUgh. to answer yoUr qUestion aboUt being a witch, i shoUld tell yoU both classes in +/- pairs tend to have very similar descriptions.

UU: in this case, a witch or an heir is “one who manipulates." qUite simple, really!

UU: bUt whether the class is + or - makes all the difference. it is a great indicator as to how a hero will make Use of the aspect.

TG: dont all classes manipulate their aspect though

UU: no not at all.

UU: a seer or a mage, for example, is “one who knows.”

TG: so i can just do whatever i want with my aspect

UU: not qUite. there are limits to the powers of the witch and the heir and they don’t have the powers of any of the other classes. thoUgh they are both still extremely powerful.

UU: now i have a bUsy schedUle to keep Up with so i mUst go. bUt please remember yoU can always contact me if yoU have qUestions.

UU: don't be a stranger, love. ta! ^u^

uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering technoGnostalgic [TG]

Roxy put her datapad away and continued on her way to the underground lab.

[Meanwhile]

Dirk had finished cleaning his heavy cannon and conducting maintenance on his energy sword, now he was polishing his combat armor. The gravitic weights that were currently locked around his arms and legs made all of this even more a chore than usual. Still he had to get it done. As he polished his combat armor he looked over at Lil Cal. That puppet was the one and only luxury he was allowed to have other than limited internet access during his free time. However he strongly suspected that was only because he was able to use Lil Cal so effectively in combat and the drill sergeants found it hilarious to watch him kick the other cadets asses with a puppet during their sparring sessions. Lil Cal was one of the few things that kept him sane in this hell, other than being able to talk to his friends over pesterchum.

Speaking of which, right as he finished polishing his armor, he received a message over pesterchum. Walking over to the computer in his room he saw it was from Jane. They typed back and forth for a little while before he sent her the game files. Once she finished downloading them, he connected as her server player. The first thing he did was begin deploying all the machines and equipment she would need.

He was about to explain what she needed to do when he received yet another message on pesterchum. This one was from their alien friend. After informing Jade that said extraterrestrial friend was messaging him and excused himself for the moment, he responded to his extraterrestrial friend’s message.

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering timaeusTestified [TT]

UU: i see yoU're aboUt ready to begin. how splendid for yoU. ^u^

UU: i'm at dangeroUs risk of jealoUsy.

TT: Why?

UU: oh, it's jUst i'm rUnning a bit behind schedUle. i wanted to coordinate with yoUr groUp in something approximating real time, and that is starting to look less likely.

UU: my client player continUes to be a soUrce of frUstration. u_u

UU: i'd thoUght we had everything settled, bUt it's always something with him.

UU: i even told him in my last message it woUld sUit me fine if he wanted to be the server player instead. i jUst want to begin!

UU: bUt i have not heard back from him... >:u

TT: Our session is already off to a terrible start with agents from Derse assassinating our dream selves.

TT: There is nothing to envy.

UU: bUt at least i know how certain things go when it comes to yoUr story.

UU: i don't qUite have that lUxUry with mine! it is nerve wracking sometimes, especially when i mUst coUnt on him to be responsible.

TT: Well, your bro definitely has got some problems. Not gonna lie.

UU: this is trUe.

UU: thoUgh i'm sUre i've said, he isn't qUite my brother. we are related, yes, bUt not in the way hUman brothers and sisters are.

UU: we are genetically similar, bUt in many ways qUite different. in fact, oUr blood coloUr is not even the same!

UU: bUt i have referred to him as a brother at times becaUse it is close enoUgh to being trUe, mUch as yoU refer to the one yoU regard as yoUr ancestor in the same way.

TT: Yeah.

TT: Just give him some time. He'll probably come around.

TT: You would never even have woken up on Prospit if you weren't going to launch the session, right?

TT: I mean, there wouldn't even be a session for a Prospit to exist inside if you weren't about to instantiate it in the first place. Unless I'm just totally not getting how this works.

UU: no, i think yoU're probably right.

UU: while i await his response, perhaps i will take a nap, and see if the cloUds may offer any gUidance.

UU: thoUgh lately i have been seeing many more black cloUds cropping Up in skaia than UsUal. it is a most Unwelcome trend. u_u;

TT: You're lucky to have any clouds.

TT: Only thing I have to look up at is infinite monsters.

UU: good point! :U

UU: i am so pleased to be a prospit dreamer. i'm sUre my brother finds his netherworldly affiliation similarly pleasing.

TT: Alright, well while we’re talking I would like to know a bit more about being a Knight of Doom.

UU: well a knight is one who exploits their aspect.

UU: it is very mUch on the active side of the scale. it's more passive coUnterpart is the page. Knights and pages tend to be male bUt they are not classes that are exclUsive to males.

UU: doom is synonymoUs with fate, inevitability, death, destrUction, sacrifice, and rUles.

UU: so a knight of doom is one who exploits fate, inevitability, death, destrUction, sacrifice, and rUles.

TT: Honestly, that makes perfect sense to me.

TT: That’s pretty damn close to what I’ve been trained to do my entire fucking life.

UU: indeed.

TT: Alright, I gotta cut this short since I need to help Jane. So I’ll talk to you later.

UU: with any lUck, the next time we convene, both of oUr adventUres will be well Under way.

UU: cheerio!

uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering timaeusTestified [TT]

[Meanwhile at Jake’s Island]

Jake was continuing his walk across the island when he received a message on pesterchum.

technoGnostalgic [TG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

TG: hey

TG: this is roxys autoresponder

TG: she finally finished building me a body i could control wirelessly

TG: plus i have the uranium you asked for

TG: roxy would have sent it to you herself but something happened so she had to go take care of it

TG: i sent you the uranium just now

TG: it should be waiting for you in your room

GT: Thank you!

GT: Also gadzooks i had no idea roxy was building you a body!

GT: Congratulations!

GT: When the five of us meet up in the game we will have to celebrate!

TG: why thank you <3

TG: sooo… about jane…

GT: No… Don’t you start this again.

TG: relax

TG: at this point im just saying it to mess with you a bit

TG: i am already well aware of your position on the matter

GT: Whew…

GT: So i assume your body was the project you were helping her with that you mentioned earlier?

TG: yup!!!

TG: i was helping operate some of the machinery that was involved with building it

TG: it looks good if i do say so myself

TG: i mean

TG: its a bit metallic at the moment but thats fine we can work on adding synthetic skin and hair later

TG: other than that though my body is amazing and im not just saying that because i havent had an actual body in years

TG: technically ive never had an actual body but i am a mindclone of roxy so i do have her memories of having a body

TG: its nice to finally be able to move around and interact with things on my own

GT: You must be quite elated over this!

GT: I am very happy for you!

GT: Now I have to go finish this ribbit, asap! I’ll talk to you again later.

golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering technoGnostalgic [TG]

With that Jake immediately turned and began running back to his house to finish what he had been working on.

[Meanwhile]

Dirk had just finished speaking with their alien friend and was about to contact Jane again when he received yet another message on pesterchum.

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering timaeusTestified [TT]

uu: HELLO DIRK.

uu: I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.

TT: Oh mother fuck.

uu: WHAT DO YOu SAY??

uu: tumut

TT: What game?

uu: YOu KNOW WHAT GAME.

uu: THE ONE WHERE I SAY. I'M GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOu SOME DAY.

uu: AND THERE'S NOTHING YOu CAN DO ABOuT IT?

uu: JuST SOME MORE MENACING SHIT LIKE THAT.

uu: ALL JuST BuNDLED uP IN THE PRETENSE OF A LOT OF uSELESS FuCKING PuZZLES.

TT: Oh, right.

TT: That game.

TT: And here I thought you were going to ask me to draw you more weird porn for some reason.

uu: WELL. THE NIGHT IS STILL YOuNG. SO WHO KNOWS?

uu: BuT NAH. I WAS JuST DROPPING BY AGAIN TO SAY HOW I'M GONNA KILL YOu. THAT'S ALL.

uu: AND THIS IS JuST ASSuMING YOu DON'T ALL DIE BEFORE I GET THE CHANCE TO PuZZLEMuRDER YOu. ON ACCOuNT OF YOu BEING A BuNCH OF HIDEOuS FuCKuPS.

TT: Dude, I don’t fucking care and I don’t have time for this.

uu: SEE THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOu'RE THE ONLY ONE OF YOuR GROuP I CAN PuT uP WITH FOR ANY DuRATION.

uu: YOu DON’T FuCK AROuND NEARLY AS MUCH AS THE REST OF YOuR GROuP.

uu: THE AMOuNT TIME YOu PEOPLE WASTE. IT IS FuCKING uNBELIEVABLE TO ME.

uu: I READ ABOuT SOME OF THE THINGS YOu AND YOuR PREDECESSORS HAVE DONE. FAR MORE THAN I CARED TO. TRuST ME.

uu: AND EVERY TIME. I'M ALWAYS JuST...

uu: *GET THE FuCK ON WITH IT ALREADY.*

TT: I didn't think you were much of a historian.

uu: I'M NOT.

uu: SHE SENDS ME SO MuCH BuLLSHIT ABOuT THIS. YOu DON'T EVEN KNOW.

uu: SHE WANTS TO HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. LIKE EXCHANGE THEORIES AND SHIT. AND I HAVE TO JuST BE LIKE *BITCH I DON'T GOD DAMN CARE!!!*

uu: EVERY TIME.

uu: BuT IT DOESN'T MATTER. WHAT'S THE NEXT THING I INVARIABLY FIND ON MY TERMINAL?

uu: ANOTHER GOD DAMN WALL OF TEXT.

uu: ALL COLOR CODED AND FORMATTED FOR ME TO READ. AND EVERYTHING.

uu: JuST WALLS AND WALLS. OF CANDY ASSED TOOTY FRuITY FuCKING SHIT. LOADS. OF. TEXT.

uu: OF PEOPLE BABBLING MOSTLY.

uu: WE ARE TALKING ABOuT MIGRAINE INDuCING DIARRHETIC VERTICAL SuICIDE DROPS OF uGLY FuCKING WORDS.

uu: IMPENETRABLY ASININE RAINBOW FREEFALLS OF FRIVOLOuS BANTER. GOT IT?

uu: SO I SAY. WHAT IS THIS? I TOLD YOu IF YOu SENT ME ANY MORE FAN FICTION I WOuLD FLY TO PROSPIT AND MuRDER YOu IN YOuR SLEEP. WHICH I STILL MIGHT DO *REGARDLESS*. BuT ANYWAY.

uu: SHE SAYS THESE ARE ACTuAL ANCIENT TRANSCRIPTS!

uu: I'M LIKE. WELL FuCK.

uu: HOW CAN THESE PEOPLE TALK SO MuCH.

uu: AND THE AUDIO RECORDINGS SHE SENDS ME AFTERWARDS JuST MAKE IT EVEN WORSE.

uu: I FEEL LIKE I'M PICKING uP SOME BAD HABITS FROM YOu WINDBAGGING PISSFACES.

uu: LOOK AT THIS. I WASN'T EVEN GONNA GO OFF LIKE THIS.

uu: THIS WAS SuPPOSED TO BE JuST. AN IN AND OuT FuCK YOu.

uu: I'M SO DONE HERE.

uu: ANYWAY. LATER. YOu INSuFFERABLE TWIT.

undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering timaeusTestified [TT]

Dirk sighed and shook his head. Well that was certainly a complete waste of time he could have lived without. Getting back to the game he selected the pre-punched card and brought it out for Jane to take. He then messaged her.

TT: Here take this. You’re going to need it.

He watched Jane take the card.

GG: Okay.

GG: Oh, there’s a picture of a book of some sorts on the front.

GG: Anyways, what do I do with this now?

TT: Get a dowel from the device in the kitchen.

TT: I’ll open up the top for you.

He then proceeded to select the safe that was blocking the back door before dragging it into the kitchen and dropping it on top of the Cruxtruder. After that raid sirens began blaring all throughout the entire military base, meaning Jane's earlier prediction had finally come to pass.

“Shit!” He cursed.

TT: Jane, the base I’m in is under attack. You’re going to need to figure out the rest on your own.

TT: I’ll be back in a couple minutes after I finish putting on my armor and getting ready to defend myself in case they get past our defenses.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

With that he immediately rushed to put on his combat armor and check his weapons in case any drones or demons managed to break past the base’s defenses and get to him. Well he certainly couldn’t say that he hadn’t been expecting this. He just hadn’t thought it would be happening so soon. These damn gravitic weights were going to make fighting a pain in the ass but at least they were thin enough to fit under his armor.

[Meanwhile at Jane’s house]

Jane took both the cruxite dowel she had retrieved from the cruxtruder and the punch card over to the lathe. After putting the dowel into the lathe she saw a slot for the punch card and thus inserted it. The lathe then activated and made a cruxite totem. Her Kernelsprite then made a static hiss at her before flying upstairs. Curious she followed after it. It led her to the Alchemiter on her balcony. Seeing a spot for the totem on the alchemiter, Jane placed the totem onto it. The alchemiter then scanned the totem and a completely white figure wearing a hooded robe appeared in the middle of the platform. It then held out the book for her to take.

Jane walked up to the figure and took the book from them. The figure then disappeared and all that was left was the book. It had a title inscribed onto the cover. “The Book Of The Seraphs”. Jane tried to open it up to start reading it but as soon as she did it shattered like paper thin glass in her hands. There was then a flash of a calming white light and everything around her changed.

[Elsewhere at some point in time]

On the first day of the trip, John had confronted Samur Maykr about his attempted deception and learned the bastard had lied about swearing to serve him. He only served The Father and no one else. However he hadn’t been lying about the Divinity Machine. It really would make John invincible if he could get through the process without being destroyed. Unfortunately after what Carreu had done to him, Samur was in no condition to take John to the Divinity Machine. So he would be forced to wait until the Seraphim’s robotic body was repaired before going there. In the meantime John spent the vast majority of his time on HORAV killing demons and traitor Night Sentinels while simultaneously wrestling with the hell-god half of himself for control over his body.

Jade had joined him on a couple of occasions. However she did not like HORAV so she tended to stay as far away from it as possible, even going so far as to keep it on the complete opposite end of the ship. Davesprite, having experience with demons from having to deal with them in his timeline, also went to HORAV to fight alongside John every so often. He didn’t like HORAV either but didn’t dislike it quite as much as Jade since he was used to such conditions. As such he went there more frequently than Jade.

It was now exactly six days after John had written the message to the others. He was currently sitting down with his eyes closed actively searching for sources of his aspect while the Wraiths did their best to advise and guide him.

“No, you are losing focus again! If you wish to succeed then you must concentrate!” One of the Wraiths told him.

“You have an entire infinity of Rage to search through. To examine each and every source individually would take an eternity. If you are ever to locate them then you must pay attention to all of it at once.” The other wraith told him.

“I’m fucking trying! Have you ever tried focusing on infinity before?! It’s fucking hard, especially when I’m looking for one thing in particular!” John growled.

“You only find it overwhelming because your mind is used to mortal constraints. You are a god, boy, so it is time you grow up and stop acting like a mortal. Start thinking like a god, like a true Lord of Rage! Stop thinking like some thirteen year old human child who has never and will never come anywhere even remotely close to achieving divinity, especially since you are not and have never been human to begin with! By all rights this should be a simple task for you!”

“Alright fine! How the fuck do I do that then?! How the fuck am I supposed to stop thinking like a fucking mortal, let alone in a  _ single fucking day _ ?!” John roared at them.

“Let go of your preconceived notions of what limits you and embrace what you truly are. You are a Lord of Rage! Rage is  _ yours _ to command, so command it! You are omnipresent wherever it exists so think of it all as an extension of yourself, an integral part of your very being that you have complete control over! There are multiple sources of Rage with them and there has been this entire time! You already know where they are and could have gone to them any time you desired, you just haven’t realized it! So realize it! You are not a Muse so yours is not the ability to know on an intellectual level! You are a Lord so you know by instinct alone! So pay attention to all of it at once and follow your instincts, boy!”

John growled furiously. Doing as they instructed, he followed his instincts and shifted his physical presence. Opening his eyes again he found himself standing in the middle of an unknown facility. He then noticed he was surrounded by a bunch of trolls before spotting the Wraith, Dave, and Rose. John noticed a small, still bleeding, cut on Dave’s hand suggesting they had read his letter and had done as he had asked to help him locate them. “It worked.” John stated. “So this experiment was a successsss… Grrr…  **Hello Rose and Dave. It’s good to see you again…** FUCK! Its been  _ six fucking days _ and I  _ still _ haven’t managed to get rid of that son of a bitch! Ugh… Anyways, yeah hi.”

“Hello, John. It’s good to see you again.” Rose said with a somewhat sad smile.

“Dude… I mean, I knew what happened to you but… Damn…” Dave said, apparently unsettled by John’s appearance. Fortunately John was wearing his armor so none of them could see what he actually looked like. He didn’t actually care what others thought of him or what he looked like but he personally absolutely  _ despised _ his new appearance and as a result refused to allow anyone to see him without his armor on.

“Having finally had the chance to see myself in the mirror, I guarantee it's a  _ lot _ worse under the helmet. Rose can attest to this, having seen me directly after I first god-tiered. Regardless, my appearance is irrelevant.” He said. “Now that I know what to do I’ll be able to come here whenever I want without any of you having to cut yourselves to summon me.”

“In your letter you said you had a subordinate that could potentially transport us too and from this place. Is this true?” Rose inquired. John could sense how much she hated the trolls and didn’t like it here as a result. As such he deduced that she was eager to get out of here as soon as possible.

John sighed. “Unfortunately… Her name is Ira. She’s basically the demonic equivalent of a cultist and worships me and the Doom Slayer. She has the ability to teleport to sources of Rage and can bring anyone she wants along with her. So assuming her powers don’t have more limits than mine she might be able to bring people too and from this place and my and Jade’s ship. Hold on for a moment, I’ll be back. If it works then she should appear only a couple of seconds after me.” With that he shifted his physical presence back to HORAV, where he found Ira already waiting for him.

“I’m going to go back to the others. Try to follow after me if you can.” He ordered before shifting back to the others. Once he was back he waited for a moment. After about five seconds Ira appeared directly next to him.

“ _ Holy Lord, I have succeeded. _ ” Ira stated.

“Good. Do you think you will be able to come here again or return on your own?” John inquired.

“ _ I believe I may be able to return, yes. I can still sense the undying rage and hatred of the Great Slayer like a glorious beacon. However, I am unsure if there is a source of Rage in this place that is great enough for me to return on my own. _ ” She told him.

John rolled his eyes. “Hmph... Whatever. I can just grab one of the demons from HORAV, sever its limbs, and flood its mind with rage on par with the rage of the Slayer. Don’t know how long it will survive like that, so we might have to replace it with a new one every so often but they’re evil so who fucking cares? It's nothing compared to what they do to their victims.”

“You’re planning on bringing  _ another _ one of those things here?! Even worse it's going to be just some random one that doesn’t serve you?! Fuck no! Even without limbs it will still try killing us all with its fire magic!” The troll with the grey symbol on the front of his shirt shouted.

John glared at him. “That’s odd, I don’t remember asking your permission. So shut the fuck up before I make you. Besides, even idiots like you Trolls should be able to kill an Imp that doesn’t have any arms or legs. Plus there are ways to restrain demons so they can’t use their magic. Chains or a cage inscribed with anti-demonic magic runes will work just fine. Those chains wouldn’t completely stop a more powerful demon like an Archvile or a Baalgar demon, but for a lesser demon like an Imp, especially one without any limbs, they should be more than enough.”

“Magic doesn’t exist!” The troll wearing the stupid purple cape growled.

“Unfortunately, it very much does. There’s even an entire science behind it, bullshit as that science may be. At least in regards to demonic magic. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t give a shit what you believe or not. Objective facts are objective facts. Whether you choose to accept those facts or not is irrelevant.” John stated bluntly. “Are there any more stupid questions or comments from any of you Trolls?” None of them said anything. “Didn’t think so.”

“John, could you please bring us back to your ship? Being stuck here with these trolls is slowly driving me insane.” Rose requested.

John shrugged. “Ira?”

“ _ At once, Holy Lord. _ ” Ira said before hovering over to Dave and Rose. Grabbing them by the shoulders she teleported back to the ship. John quickly followed suit.

“You two probably want to see Jade. Ira, do you know if she’s here or on one of the planets at the moment?” John inquired.

“ _ I believe she should be on the main deck of the ship practicing with her abilities as instructed by the Wraiths. _ ” Ira informed him.

“Alright, you two follow me. Ira, that’s all you may leave.” John stated before turning and walking to the main deck of the ship. Dave and Rose quickly followed after him. When they got to the main deck the three of them saw Jade growing and shrinking objects to various degrees and throwing little rocks at a few targets that had been set up for her. She was trying to use what the Wraiths had been teaching her about her powers. Such as the fact she should apparently be able to shrink the space between the atoms of an object to create a miniature black hole instead of just shrinking the entire object itself, or the fact that she should apparently be able to bend space in such a way as to make objects move at speeds that were faster than light instead of just propelling things through space at close to the speed of light without bending space at all whatsoever as she was currently doing with the ship.

“Rose and Dave are here.” John stated.

Jade immediately whirled around and looked at Rose and Dave with a big smile on her face. She then ran over to them and wrapped both of them in a big hug. “Oh my gosh I can’t believe it worked! I’m so happy to see you both! What have you two been up to for the past six days?” She asked before finally releasing the two of them.

“Not much. Just chillin’ while we waited for today. I talked with a couple of the Trolls a bit and some of them are pretty cool while others are complete douchebags but whatever. Rose spent most of her time talking to the Wraith and reading. Oh, and you’ve totally gotta come over and meet the Mayor at some point.” Dave informed her. “What about you?”

“I’ve mostly been trying to relax after everything that happened a few days ago. John is the complete opposite, he has been spending almost all of his time on HORAV killing demons and Traitor Night Sentinels.” Jade explained.

“Yes, speaking of which, Jade I need you to shrink me down. I have something I need to do on HORAV.” John said.

“Oh sure.” Jade said before shrinking him down.

Once he was small enough to fit on the surface of the shrunken planet, he shifted his presence over to one of the insane demons on the surface of the planet. Unfortunately it turned out to be a Mancubus and thus was unfit for acting as a beacon for Ira since it was too dangerous even without any limbs and it was liable to explode. So he killed the Mancubus and continued hunting. As he stalked across the surface of the planet outside of the Safe Zones he inflicted hellish agony upon himself in order to lure more of the insane demons straight to him so as to find them faster.

A short while later Ira was ferrying people between the ship and the meteor every day or two. Most of the Trolls tended to stay on their meteor however a couple would occasionally come to the ship for different reasons. Eridan would come over to kill demons on HORAV, Nepeta would come over to visit Jaspersprite, and Gamzee… No one could ever really figure out what the hell Gamzee was doing.

After a little over a week of this Samur’s body was finally repaired enough to bring John to the Divinity Machine. However, right as they got to the building the Divinity Machine was located in, the Doom Slayer blocked their path.

“What do you want?” John inquired.

The Doom Slayer said nothing but continued to block his path. Eventually John sighed in frustration and said, “Whatever…” He then approached and was about to push past the Slayer but was stopped as the Slayer punched him in the gut sending him flying backwards before he managed to catch himself. John glared at the Slayer for attacking him and saw the Slayer now had an active Crucible Blade drawn and held at the ready.

“It seems he refuses to let you past. I assume he thinks you are unworthy of the blessing.” Samur stated. The Doom Slayer nodded in response to this.

John activated his Doomblade and said, “Fine, then I guess I’ll just have to prove how worthy I am.” He then flew at the Slayer and swung his Doomblade at him. However the Doom Slayer easily parried his strike before stabbing him through the chest with his Crucible Blade. He then kicked John and ripped him off of the blade of crimson energy. John didn’t take this lying down and began a furious unrelenting assault on the Slayer, however the Slayer easily countered his every blow no matter how hard he swung or punched. John, on the other hand, was unable to react to even a single one of the Doom Slayer’s attacks resulting in his body and armor being mangled beyond recognition. Their battle went on for hours until John’s body finally started to give out. His movements steadily growing weaker, more sluggish, and even clumsier. Finally the Doom Slayer sliced his skull in two with his Crucible Blade and everything went dark.

After a few moments he woke back up again and saw two of the Elemental Wraiths hovering over him. “What just happened?” He demanded.

“The Doom Slayer killed you. A very difficult task indeed, killing a Lord of Rage. Difficult, but not impossible. Especially for the likes of the Slayer. Fortunately this death was far from heroic and you have done nothing to make it justified, so you have come back. However, he will not let you access the Divinity Machine and will continue killing you until he deems you worthy. You cannot defeat him, however you have no choice but to continue fighting him until you do finally prove yourself worthy” One of the Wraiths explained.

John growled and said, “How the fuck am I supposed to do that if I can’t even beat him?!”

“We cannot tell you otherwise it would completely defeat the purpose of his trial. However, we can say that defeating him would not prove your worth, even if it were possible. All it would truly prove is that you are more powerful than him. Unfortunately, in this case, power alone is not a measure of one’s worth. So even if you were to somehow defeat him then the Divinity Machine would still deem you unworthy and would destroy you.” The other Wraith told him.

“So basically what I’m hearing is, I have to die over and over again until he eventually decides to let me pass… Fucking great…” John grumbled. “ **Invincibility is** **_not_ ** **worth fighting the Slayer you fool…!** Shut up you fucking coward. You're just afraid of him. It’s not like we’re going to stay dead permanently after he kills us so who fucking cares?”

“You are correct. In the meantime, allow the Sentinels to train you as one of their own and use your battles against the Slayer to practice what you learn from them and to hone your skills as a warrior. You will not be able to use brute force against all of your foes forever. One day you shall meet one who can easily rival if not surpass your power. When that happens you will most assuredly die unless you have the skill to back up your raw power, and unlike this time your death at their hands will be permanent.” One of the Wraiths warned him.

John shrugged. “Whatever. I’ve been meaning to ask them to train me anyways. I absolutely loathe the fact that I have to rely on brute force for everything.” He then looked down at his armor which was in tatters. “Son of a bitch. It’s going to take forever for this stupid useless armor to fix itself. I’m going to have to get some repair plates from the Fortress of Doom. I’m going to have to remember to take it off whenever I have to come fight the Slayer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure about this chapter, especially the beginning with Jack not stabbing Jane. I sorta think her abilities as a Muse of Hope should protect her somehow, but she isn’t god-tier yet so it can't be too overt like Jack's knife melting or something before it can hit her but it's a bit difficult to think of anything subtle that could actually save her other than influencing Jack in some way. I'm going to think about it a bit and there is a chance I may rewrite it.
> 
> Edit: Also, if you haven't already noticed, I absolutely suck a dialog. I don’t have conversations with people so I have no idea how the hell to write extended conversations like the ones in homestuck, let alone in a way that sounds natural or makes sense. Still, I hope the conversations aren't too terrible. I'm sorry if they are!
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much if not more than I enjoyed writing it! Please feel free to let me know what you think, constructive criticism is more then welcome! I can't improve if I don't know what I'm doing wrong, after all.
> 
> Stay safe out there everyone!


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